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Bitches, Man: Women, Your Female Brains are Why You Aren't as Successful as Men

By Courtney Enlow | Videos | November 19, 2013 | Comments ()


77ae452633e0bc9e361c80527fd39fa4_vice_670.jpg

Sorry, let me put that into words your tiny girl brains can fathom. Derp derp cry ice cream Nicholas Sparks derp tampon.

Hark! Puny females! Listen up! You are no doubt super successful. You know, for a girl or whatever. But the reason you’re not more successful in the technology field has nothing to do with sexism, a myth invented by feminists on their periods to destroy Jesus’s America, but because the tiny female brain simply cannot work in the tech industry like man-brains, which are made of camouflage, cigars, bourbon and success. YOUR VAGINA IS WHY YOU FAIL. The other reasons you fail? ALL THE GODDAMN LIBERALS AND FOREIGN PEOPLE! Thanks, Obama!

Thank god we have the Republican Party to tell us to follow our dreams of doing whatever we want as long as it’s not reproduction-related.







Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Every time you do, Bill Murray crashes a wedding.


Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Salad_Is_Murder

    "Derp derp cry ice cream Nicholas Sparks derp tampon."

    True 'dat, Enlow. This speaks to me not just as a woman, but as a mother, a wife and a human.

  • Dominic

    A nod to the art of sarcasm here
    Made more biting by the fact that SOMEBODY out there believes everything
    Enlow wrote ( the Republican hate of Obama nicely juxtaposes with bias against women , to make his point )

  • stella

    I was going to comment, but I keep hitting my face with my keyboard...

  • What I loved most about this interview is the way it started: should women be affirmative-actioned into tech boards? Well, let's ask one. That ought to settle it.

    Also, I'm not sure I buy that the tech industry is "liberal" as a whole. Besides some recent media coverage that implied tech might be MORE of a boys' club than we thought, it's been my experience that most industries - no matter how youthful, modern or sexy their images are - are, at the end of the day, industries.. Idealism of any flavor takes a distant second to protecting their gold and raking in more, which is an inherently conservative, work-the-system-that-is position. Just because they're in microchips instead of golf balls doesn't make them progressive.

    Liberal is as liberal does, not as liberal markets.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I work for a very senior female executive in the tech industry. She's amazing.

    And that is the most I will say about my employer ever on Pajiba.

  • I'm honestly so baffled by the whole 'tech is a man thing' attitude. Women have been there from the beginning. Women helped build the first computers. Women were among the first programmers. Women have always been there and continue to be there.

  • Finance_Nerd

    Did anyone else notice she keeps calling it Silcone Valley (listen at the :58 and 1:58 mark) not Silicon. Silicone Valley is San Fernando & plenty of women are on top there. Am I right? High five... Anyone? Anybody? (slinks away).

  • sanity fair

    I will give you a high five, sir!

  • gutpunchprod
  • Elfrieda

    Tea Party Pundit: “We live in a whole different era, where unfortunately
    families cannot survive with just the man working and the woman staying home
    barefoot and pregnant by the oven”

    If you ask this woman about racism, does she wax nostalgic about the "good ol' days" when "problems" were "solved" by lynching?

    Also, I'm preeeetty sure it's Silicon Valley, not Silicone Valley.

  • Ben

    Why is barefoot such an important distinction I've always wondered? I'm barefoot at every chance I get and I'm just a bit fat not even pregnant.

  • Dominic

    you don't walk far outside , with no shoes .
    Thus you're basically a kept woman/mistress , waiting for your man to come home with the "catch of the day "

  • Ben

    Man, I guess Barefoot has an entirely other connotation in Australia. That you're like a super bogan.

  • Dominic

    lol so now u have to define "bogan" for us . The
    Australian Big Foot ??
    this prob comes from late 1700's - early 1800's America . cause if u didn't have slaves you had to do the work . and a pregnant woman is staying inside , with no need for shoes ..

  • Ben

    Uh I guess the closest equivalent you'd have is like Trailer Trash?

  • Dominic

    ahh barefoot cause they don't have money ..
    So it's close but not quite
    " Trailer PARK Trash ' is the phrase

  • Ben

    Not so much lack of money as lack of class/dignity.

  • Dominic

    ahh gotcha . tho plenty of hippies who became respected community members , went barefoot at times . And more money allows you to Fake class and .dignity easier . when you're already hungry yo u care little about dignity , if u can eat

  • Finance_Nerd

    I was writing my post about the Silicone thing & didn't see your comment - not trying to steal your thunder.

  • Elfrieda

    Not to worry - I've got plenty of thunder to go around.

  • Nat

    ... Tea Party... But... She sounds... Sensible... My brain... It can't...

  • idgiepug

    When did xenophobia and liberal-blaming become sensible?

  • GDI

    Claiming that was said was xenophobic is a hyperbolic. Inaccurate, yes. Maybe even hypocritical. The US isn't exactly a shining beacon for women's rights in all fields.

    The tech industry is still motivated by money, regardless of political affiliation. The problem could be split into 2 pathways; that there aren't enough marketable females applying, or sexist hiring practices even in the face of marketable female applicants. The latter goes against progressive ideals. Seems pretty cut and dry.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    I wonder how many viewers they lost with that segment.

  • BWeaves

    I've been a computer programmer since the days of punch cards. I programmed rings around my nerdy male co-irkers who were busy collecting dolls, I mean action figures, of superheroes who wear leotards and capes.

  • L.O.V.E.

    That is so sexist. yah, all men do is play with their dolls while women do all the hard work. see, this is why we need International Male day. and Comic-Con. and lightsabers.

  • bastich

    DAMMIT, ENLOW! IT'S INTERNATIONAL MEN'S DAY!!!

    WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO OPPRESS US?!?!?

  • stella

    Wait. Is International Mens Day an actual thing?

  • bastich

    Yep. Joanna linked the Wikipedia article in yesterday's Pajiba Love.

    Frankly, I think it's high time that the most important day of the year is finally being recognized by the femifascists of Pajiba!

  • Guest

    .

  • emmalita

    Because we are humorless feminist bitches, bastich. It's what we do.

  • Uriah_Creep

    Bitches, man.

  • GDI

    Bitches ain't shit but good people.

  • emmalita

    I am contractually obligated to be unamused.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Exactly. Its the special day of the year when we get to walk around in speedos from the International Male catalog! and its goes so well with Movember! Stop trying to oppress us!

  • Jim

    Sadly mine come from International Whale.

  • NateMan

    HEY. Men's minds are also made of boobs. Lots and lots of boobs. Parades of boobs. Some are big and some are little and some are pierced and some are a little lopsided, but there's lots of boobs in there.

  • GDI

    Consider the following:
    A) Most of the internet is boobs.
    B) Majority of tech industry employees are male.

    Therefore, the internet is an accurate representation of the male mind. You've cracked the code!

  • BlackRabbit

    "The Internet Is For Porn" is an annoyingly catchy tune that is now stuck in my head. Thanks!

  • Yocean

    Dammit. Never thought I would admire anyone from Tea Party but she is so right. Also, the sexism still prevalent in Asian country often makes me ashamed to be an Asian male myself, albeit only half.

  • GDI

    Half Asian? Half male? Or rather, have you gone through a dissociative fugue/schizophrenia?

    I must know these things!

  • Yocean

    Half Asian, Japanese. The other half is white, like 14 nationality Great White Mutt. Not quite the better half in this context :P

  • AudioSuede

    I the hate omg wow fuck dumb so um stupid shit dumb this guy fire face rage dumb spit idiot gall

  • Mrs. Julien

    This gave me a flashback to an episode of Geraldo Rivera's talk show 20 years ago or more. A woman was being interviewed about her abusive spouse's behaviour and then he was brought on stage seething with barely repressed rage, like this guy at the beginning of the gif. You could see that if she was not in public, there was a good chance he would kill her. Seriously, he looked like he would kill her. And she was looking up at him tenuously defiant because she knew she was safely in public. The audience members were asking things like, "Are you going protect her when she leaves?". That two minutes of TV is seared into my brain. I hope they kept her safe.

  • bastich

    Run! AudioSuede is Hulking out!

  • Maguita NYC

    It's all good man! We know not to listen to old white farts anymore.

  • stella

    Oh my gosh.

  • NateMan

    I prefer not to listen to farts regardless of ethnicity.

    Actually, that's a lie. I remain juvenile enough that it's still funny.

  • Maguita NYC

    I made a farting joke not long ago that I believe got some uncomfortable reaction. But hey, fart jokes may be immature, they're still funny as shit!

    This guy goes, "my gum made a farting noise, in my mouth!"

    And of course, I went there: "So you had a masticating queef?" And added the image below.

    Got embarrassing crickets, while I laughed hysterically for the rest of the day. Yeah, immature.

  • Let's see... *cracks knuckles*

    - Marie Curie: physicist/chemist, discovered radium and polonium (used in cancer treatment and nuclear bombs respectively)

    - Maria Mayer: physicist. Won Nobel Prize for work on nuclear shell model of the atomic nucleus.

    - Rosalind Frank: biophysicist. Worked on molecular structure of graphite/coal as well as X-ray diffraction

    - Barbara McClintock: cytogeneticist. Discovered genetic transposition (Won Nobel Prize for it).

    - Rita Levi-Montalcini: neurologist. Discovered Nerve growth factor (Won Nobel Prize for it).

    - - Irene Curie-Joliot: daughter of Pierre and Marie. Worked with her husband to develop artificial radioactivity (making radioactive isotopes out of other elements).

    - Caroline Herschel: astronomer. Discovered comets, nebulae and star clusters, helped design new telescopes (and was reportedly a great singer too).

    - Lise Meitner: physicist. Discovered nulcear fission! (i.e. the bomb).

    - Mary Anning: THE FIRST FREAKING PALEONTOLOGIST. (As in, she's the one who found, recognized and named the very first dinosaur ever found). Discovered ichthyosaurs and pterodactyls. BTW, self-taught.

    ... I think I've made my point.

  • Ben

    You forgot Ada Lovelace, the first computer programmer in history.
    That seems fairly relevant to discussion of the tech industry.

  • I could have gone on and on and on. Figured I'd just go with the first ones I could remember/find.

  • stella

    Omg a woman discovered dinosaurs? I honestly didnt know that. I guess I have a new fact of the day, thank you :)

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Hedy Lamarr!

  • foolsage

    Manya Sklodowska is my hero, and she was Polish, dammit. Just cause she married some French guy is no reason for everyone to call her by a French name. :)

  • Speaking of Polish heroines, I'm surprised we've never seen a Hollywood movie based on the life of Irena Sendler. You mean Angelina or Nicole Kidman or Kate Winslet wouldn't want the kind of role that just screams Oscar?

  • alannaofdoom

    Grace Hopper!

  • Jim

    Mother Cobol! I saw her speak back in the 80's - so cool.

  • So impressed

    What was that one broad's name? Oh, yeah, Hedy Lamarr. Yeah, GET ON YOUR CELL PHONE AND THANK HER SCIENCY ASS!

  • That's Hedley!!

  • NateMan

    Shrews and harpies, the lot of 'em! Probably lesbians too, who as everyone knows are just men with interior plumbing.

  • Anna von Beav

    WELL THANK GOD. I mean, it's been almost a WHOLE DAY since someone posited something like this, so. I was starting to have withdrawal symptoms.

  • I think people might be reading "posited" as "posted." I'LL UPVOTE YOU, GURL.

  • LaineyBobainey

    PEOPLE DON'T HAVE TIME TO READ EVERY WORD! HAVE TO BE SNARKY! Reading comprehension takes too much time!

  • Anna von Beav

    Yeah, I got that impression as well.

  • sanity fair

    Well, the title of the article was OBVIOUSLY ambiguous about it's subject matter, so choosing to read it was CLEARLY outside of your control.

  • Repo

    No doubt. I almost forgot to pat myself on the back today for being so much more enlightened than everyone else.

  • briteangl

    Really! I was afraid the neo feminist contingent on Pajiba had all abandoned us unenlightened misogynist souls for greener (read Jezebel) pastures. Phew, can't tell you how relieved I am.

  • Sarah Weissman

    neo-feminist?

  • Person Makes 'Read:' Joke On Internet, Dreams Of Upvotes

  • briteangl

    no upvotes, but 8 down votes in less than 10 minutes..can't complain.

  • Littlejon2001

    That woman had a little more going on in her brain than the host who asked that ridiculous question. I also love how she slammed him on the "All American" companies remark....and she's in the Tea Party. See guys, this is why we don't prejudge and stereotype others just because of race/gender/politics/sexual persuasion/etc.

    That woman was pretty freakin awesome.

  • Guest

    Also, can we just acknowledge the fact that she kept referring to "silicone valley?"

  • kirbyjay

    hahaha Is that where real boobies go to die?

  • Giroux IA

    Whaaaaaaat?
    "Silicon Valley is very liberal, therefore the lack of women on Twitter's executive board means that liberals hate women."
    I don't know if there is some alternate definition of the word "awesome" that I've not been made aware; but speaking clearly and being the lesser evil of two talking heads desperate to pin the blame on "liberals" does not make someone "awesome."

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