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Billy Joel Just Came Through My Internets and Molested My Soul

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Videos | Comments (25)

billyjoelcreepy.jpg

Just the other day, I was thinking: “I wonder what it might be like to hear every single one of Billy Joel’s songs at the same time!” And then a nurse came and gave me my pills, and the thought passed.

Well, thanks to the glory of the Internet, and a young gentleman with a lot of time and hundreds of iPods at his disposal, now we know what it sounds like when every single Billy Joel song plays at once. Have you ever gotten food poisoning and found yourself expelling from both ends? That’s what this is like: Puking and crapping at the same time, with an orgasm bonus.

Can you imagine that O-Face? Well, you don’t have to imagine it. Click the play button and find out for yourself.

14 seconds. That’s my record after 3 attempts. Next time, I’m gonna go for 30 seconds! If there are no more posts for the rest of the day, you’ll know why.

(Gawker)










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Comments

... it sounds like a really busy restaurant or something.

I managed 36 seconds. >

Posted by: Linda at December 7, 2010 9:19 AM

Confession: I liked Billy Joel back before his face transplant. "Cold Spring Harbor" is a sweet-voiced kid at a piano, and "The Stranger" is undeniably great. "52nd Street" and "Glass Houses" have some good songs, but already there were signs that he was beginning to consider himself a "rocker", which served only to expose his middlebrow wimpiness. Shoulda stuck to ballads. I'm sure he realizes this now, as he dries his tears with $100 bills....

Posted by: sansho1 at December 7, 2010 9:22 AM

Bah that's nothing. Here is a real challenge for you. Let's see how you handle Lou Reed http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zr0KkzbbqPI

Posted by: Yesplease at December 7, 2010 9:25 AM

Sounds a lot like Sting.

Posted by: nat at December 7, 2010 9:47 AM

*cues bad acid trip flashback*

Posted by: admin at December 7, 2010 9:48 AM

"heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack" is the bit of lyrics i made out, before the dogs started barking and crying, looking at my jugular with a strange terror in their eyes. i almost made it to the 2 minute threshold!

Posted by: glittergirl at December 7, 2010 9:50 AM

Finished it. It scared the cat. And I was disappointed that the most intelligible song at the end was "Captain Jack".

Posted by: Jim Doggie at December 7, 2010 9:52 AM

1:33, bitches!

But then, I like avant-garde classical music, so I'm used to longer stretches of sonic diarrhea.

Posted by: Armando at December 7, 2010 10:00 AM

I managed 80 seconds.
Easy!

Admittedly, it was the last 80 seconds...which was mostly Captain Jack all on its lonesome.

Posted by: Simon at December 7, 2010 10:00 AM

3:16. I was going to be all "fuck you all, I listened to the whole thing, my will power is amazing go me!"

But really, it's cutting off the nose to spite the face at this point. Plus, I'm already thisclose to a mental breakdown. Let's not push it OH MY GOD POSTING THE COMMENT TO SHUT IT UP

Posted by: dsbs at December 7, 2010 10:41 AM

... it sounds like a really busy restaurant or something.

I managed 36 seconds. >

Posted by: Linda at December 7, 2010 9:19 AM
---
I was thinking "subway." The underground trains one, not the sandwich place.

Anyway, you're a braver soul than I. I might have made :20.

I kight have used this line wrt Ben Folds, but I remember sneering to a friend, "Yeah, and people once thought Billy Joel was a punk with a piano too, and look how that turned out."

Posted by: , at December 7, 2010 11:02 AM

*--I might ...

Can't spell today.

Posted by: , at December 7, 2010 11:03 AM

Made it all the way through, but only to cover up the noise the electrician is making as he drills giant holes in my kitchen walls.

Posted by: nat at December 7, 2010 11:21 AM

I made it 1:37. But only cause I couldn't look at that grinning mushface any more.

Posted by: Odnon. at December 7, 2010 11:26 AM

Like I'm even going to click on this.

Chyeah.

OK, Eff you. That was heinous. Which rhymes with anus. Which is what I am for clicking on that piece of guano. 15 seconds. Suck on that.

Posted by: klingonfree at December 7, 2010 11:31 AM

12 seconds. I second the busy restaurant thing. We don't have subways in Florida. If you dig down one foot, you hit water.

Posted by: BWeaves at December 7, 2010 11:32 AM

Hmm, from the comments, I'm glad my willpower overrode my curiosity and I skipped this particular bit of masochism.

This from the man who made it :30 into Amy Winehouse cover of "It's my Party".

Posted by: Uncle JR at December 7, 2010 11:40 AM

Anybody else notice that The Downeaster Alexa was conspicuously missing?

Posted by: pissant at December 7, 2010 12:53 PM

Eh, I've heard worse (though I listened for only 13 sec., because that's really all it takes).

Billy Joel was good in the early years, quite sucky in the later years.

Posted by: Slash at December 7, 2010 3:53 PM

The first 20 seconds, for some reason I can't figure out, made me laugh like a loon. Seriously, I don't know why.

Maybe because, not only does it sound like a really super loud and busy obnoxious restaurant, it sounds like a SPECIFIC ONE: Joe's Crab Shack! (I'll never go there again.)

Ok so I'm 2:30 in and I can't handle this anymore. If this is what subways sound like, I never want to go down to a subway station. Ever.

This is awful. Holy hell, get me out of here. I can make out individual songs for about half a second, then I lose them. My brain wants to hear the songs the right way and NOW MY BRAIN IS TRYING TO EAT MY SK

Posted by: Snuggiepants at December 7, 2010 4:06 PM

I listened through 'till the end, laughing most of the way, cued it up and listened to the whole thing again. Seriously, you kids today have no stamina whatsoever.

Posted by: spoobnooble at December 7, 2010 7:02 PM

11 seconds. And I really wanted to bail long before that.......

Posted by: seemless at December 7, 2010 8:25 PM

What have you done to my brain?

Posted by: A. Biro at December 7, 2010 8:48 PM

URrazDShadsdsdrrrrqqaaaaaaauggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

BLAMMMM!!!

Posted by: MadMike at December 7, 2010 8:49 PM

"If this stands for 'What Would Billy Joel Do', I'll tell you right now he can write another crappy song."

Posted by: Ellie at December 7, 2010 9:13 PM