All New Hobbit Trailer Looks Amazing. No, Seriously.
film / tv / lists / guides / news / love / celeb / video / think pieces / staff / podcasts / web culture / politics / dc / snl / netflix / marvel / cbr

All New 'Hobbit' Trailer Looks Amazing. No, Seriously.

By Joanna Robinson | Videos | November 4, 2013 | Comments ()


I have many many thoughts and feelings on this whole Hobbit enterprise. I expressed just a few sassy gay Thranduil-related ones this morning. But I should have waited because here’s an all new trailer with a TON of footage we hadn’t seen yet and I’m sorry, perhaps these are the only good three minutes of the next film, but they are undeniably good. Well, less Evangeline, Radagast and that dratted White Orc. Let’s call it 2.5 good minutes.

The trailer starts off with Bard The Bowman (Luke Evans) reciting “The King Beneath The Mountains.” Nerd alert moment. If Peter Jackson is going to use Tolkein (as he should) why is he bothering to monkey only slightly with the order of the lines? Why monkey at all? Do you think Jackson’s version makes more sense? I think it makes not a bit of difference. So why, I repeat, would he mess with it at all. It ain’t broke. Here, for reference, is the original:

The King beneath the mountains,
The King of carven stone,
The lord of silver fountains
Shall come into his own!

His crown shall be upholden,
His harp shall be restrung,
His halls shall echo golden
To songs of yore re-sung.

The woods shall wave on mountains
And grass beneath the sun;
His wealth shall flow in fountains
And the rivers golden run.

The streams shall run in gladness,
The lakes shall shine and burn,
All sorrow fail and sadness
At the Mountain-king’s return!

It looks like the residents of Dale are going with a Welsh accent? That’s fun. The middle of the trailer is packed to the brim with spiders, Elven squinting, Evangeline Lilly’s Parkour-Fu and many a bow being drawn. Then, of course, we end with some good old fashioned Cumberbatchin’. So strap in, load up on Haflings’ Leaf and enjoy. This might not be as bad as we feared.

Quit Playing Games With My Heart, Marvel, And Just Green Light My Deadpool Movie! | Fun Lovin' Criminals Frontman Takes Offense During Gameshow, Smashes Mug, Storms Off

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • DarthCorleone

    So. Much. Bloat.

    Is that Beorn in bear form at the 2:18 mark?

    I wonder where this movie is going to end. Mid-confrontation between Bilbo and Smaug? With Smaug's attack on Lake Town? With the death of Smaug?

  • Sean

    That is indeed Beorn emerging from the forest. The most logical note to end on is the death of Smaug. It's so definitive and actually makes sense as an ending. The Desolation of Smaug will probably be the best film in the Hobbit trilogy, because the meat of the story occurs in that part of the story. Judging by the quality of the new sneak peek, I'm confident PJ has stepped up his game from An Unexpected Journey.

  • I liked the first movie way more than I thought I would. Will definitely be seeing part 2 in the theater after passing on the first and waiting for it to come home. The Hobbit was bloated, but not nearly as much as the later LOTR installments. Also the game of riddles scene was damn near perfect. Really looking forward to part 2.

  • Nadiney

    Why isn't Luke Evans more famous and in more things?
    And Lee Pace.
    I couldn't give two shits about the Hobbit unless it makes both of those people more famous and in more things.

  • JenVegas

    Weeeelllll maybe the poem was abridged to fit the action of the trailer, ya know? And if this is going to be a trilogy then, by The Rule of Trilogies, this one has to be the best one. So it better be good cause the first one was super snoozy.

  • foolsage

    It's not just abridgment though; Jackson took the first verse and switched the first and third lines. I don't see any reason to do this at all; it's mindless tinkering for the sake of tinkering.

    Then the fourth verse was just mangled, and turned into a prophecy about Smaug's return and how he'll burn Lake-town down. That's far too specific for my tastes. Prophecy in Middle-earth was quite rare (see: Glorfindel, Malbeth the Seer) and shouldn't be part of a song about how everything's going to be lovely again when the dwarves come back. The original song was just the folk of Dale expressing their hopes that the dwarves would come back and bring their money.

  • Sean

    The only thing that worries me is Radagast...he was the worst part of An Unexpected Journey in my opinion. Did PJ really need to have him smoke weed and cross his eyes? And have BIRD SHIT all over his face? Come on, he's an Istari for Christ's sake!

  • foolsage

    Actually, it's just The Doctor, slumming it in Arda before his next regeneration. ;)

    But yeah, point taken; Radagast wasn't treated very respectfully. Playing Devil's advocate though: he was a servant of Yavanna, and probably wouldn't care at all what he looked like or what people thought of him. He was there for the olvar and kelvar (flora and fauna).

  • Sean

    Foolsage, I truly admire your obvious knowledge of the Tolkien mythos. Shit, you even pulled the Yavanna card! But I seriously doubt PJ was thinking about his version of Radagast in terms of him being a servant of Yavanna! Keep in mind, I'm a fanboy nerd of the Peter Jackson movies and not necessarily the Tolkien books. I am a proud owner of every EE cut PJ has put out, just bought AUJ EE today!

  • foolsage

    Represent, brother Tolkien geek. Represent.

  • Robert

    I liked the first Hobbit quite a bit and eagerly await the second installment. This trailer only raises that level of anticipation.

  • BWeaves

    OH look! They're outrunning fire.

  • The Welsh region of the old country is where dragon mythology was most prevalent (if not where it originated - that would require real research v flogging my half-informed opinions), so that's a nice touch for Dale. Though one would argue the Dwarves would as well, since they are a relatively mean-spirited representation of Welsh miners. We got that with Gimli, but now they're a hot mess of accents, Irish, Scottish and the Armitage Londonish.

    If the final cut of this film includes another interminable wire shot, like the Goblin chase, which requires such an absolute disregard for physics, or implies the residents of middle earth have the physiology of cats, I'm flying to Wellington and taking away the editing equipment.

  • Can we make 'Armitage Londonish' a thing, Joanna?

  • Fabius_Maximus

    The best thing about the dwarves' accents is that most of the actors are Kiwis.

  • BuffyloGal

    I will go and wait for Richard Armitage to yell at everyone smoking Old Toby and say that they will burn down his mill. And for the Cumberbatch's smooth tones.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    It looks beautiful, it really does - that's why we loved the LOTR movies. Your dreams come to life. But I am so fond of the sweet simplicity of the Rankin/Bass animated version - what I really want is something that splices the two. I think the world could be brought to life and the story told without overdramatizing. It's a good story. Let it be that.

  • Parsnip

    I'll watch not because of this trailer which seems rather generic to me, fade in, fade out, choral music which builds to a stirring crescendo and outstanding CG. I'll see the movie because I love the book.

  • Dita Svelte

    Not a single memorable line of dialogue, and drowning in that viscous CGI lacquer that poisons as it preserves. At least Bilbo's darkened locks *do* match the poster.

  • yves Charpentier

    "drowning in that viscous CGI lacquer that poisons as it preserves."

  • But not the carpet.

  • BWeaves

    (Spews tea all over keyboard)

  • Strand

    Weird. From the first Hobbit movie, I thought the people of Dale/Esgaroth were getting the weird 'Ruritanian' thing, given their furry hats. It's nice they're trying to differentiate all these 'Men' kingdoms so Gondor is Byzantine-esque, Rohan is Norse, etc. Now I can't wait to see Stephen Fry's fat bean counter.

  • foolsage

    Rohan is Anglo-Saxon, actually; the Rohirrim have Anglo-Saxon names and poems. At the time "The Lord of the Rings" was published, Tolkien served as the Rawlinson and Bosworth Professor of Anglo-Saxon at Pembroke College (Oxford), so it shouldn't be a huge surprise that the human culture that was most developed (and most sympathetic) in the books was based on his specialty.

  • Strand

    I know Tolkien's Rohirrim are Anglo-Saxon, but the Jackson adaptations pretty much made them 'land vikings' from their halls to armour design. It's just a culture-building stylistic choice, the same way some of the dwarves in Thorin's company have a distinctly 'Russian' look, it's just flavour.

  • foolsage

    The Angles and Saxons came from what is now Denmark; the Saxons also overlapped into what is now northern Germany. They plundered and peopled most of England starting in the 5th century, then held it until the Normans conquered in the 11th century. The confusing thing is that many vikings also came from Denmark (and Norway and Sweden), so they were from the same regions, had similar religious beliefs, and spoke similar languages, but had some differences. The vikings preferred to raid by sea, and the Angles, Saxons, Jutes, and other tribes from that area preferred to conquer and spread out.

    Vikings did also conquer bits of England and settle there; e.g. the city of York was once Jórvík, a viking settlement. Oh, and the Normans of course were just another group of vikings who'd settled in northern France, so the English really do have an awful lot of viking about them, but I digress.

    Anyhow, "land viking" is a pretty damned apt description of the Anglo-Saxons, so, hey, fair enough.

  • Pentadactyl

    The line order change makes sense to me the way they presented it in the trailer with each line referring to a different character (fountains-elf, stone-dwarf, mountain-dragon) with the dragon being the last for the big impact. That's a pretty different interpretation from the original, but I'll reserve judgement as to how much I like it till I see how it's framed. I'm not sure that it is in the movie, as opposed to just some trailer splicing magic. For the purposes of the trailer, I think it works well.

    Side note: One of the very few quibbles I had with the Jackson's LotR trilogy was the use of the "I gave Hope to the Dunedain, I have kept no hope for myself." line as part of Aragorn and Elrond's conversation. Aaaaargh!!!! It was such a beautiful line in the book, but it made no sense in that context. Why?!?!

  • zeke_the_pig

    It will be, though.

  • Tinkerville

    I will not get my hopes up, I will not get my hopes up, I will not get my hopes up.. Dammit. I'm in trouble.

  • bastich

    I'm glad they brought back that hot blond elven chick from the original trilogy.

  • Ben

    I remember just before the first movie came out the hobbit had a simmilarly awesome trailer with the dwarves singing that just was full of so much mystery and awe and amazingness.

    Then the movie happened and it was... not... good.

    Fool me once.

  • I'm in the same boat. I thought the first one would be far more exciting and straightforward. Instead, it felt like a repeat of Fellowship, only more plodding and dull when the dwarves/Bilbo aren't around.

  • Enrique del Castillo

    I loved the book but hated the idea of three movies out of it so much, I never watched the first movie. But this trailer has actually made me interested in seeing it. At least it looks interesting

  • I don't think the first movie was a 'boy, I regret losing those hours of my life if was so bad' situation, so much as I found it too slow moving, with some questionable choices in the action/chase scenes, and in desperate need of a shorter cut. If you loved the book, the Bilbo-Gollum exchange is worth it, and Martin Freeman really is terrific.

  • Strand

    I reckon it might be a good idea just waiting until these are all out and watching a bloated, 10 hour adaptation of The Hobbit. Doling out one third each year is just a cynical cash grab by triple-dipping at the box office.

  • Ben

    "I never watched the first movie."
    A decision well made.

  • I enjoyed The Hobbit more than I thought I would. There were weren't any opportunities where Jackson could focus on boring romantic relationships like he did in the LOTR trilogy. I'm kind of worried about that in this one. But I expect everything else to more than make up for it.

  • Jifaner

    Not even stupid Kate can dampen my enthusiasm for this movie.

  • the dude

    She just doesn't look like and elf, and she sure as shit can't act like one. Not that Orlando Bloom is a great actor, but he has his elf down to a goddamn science yo!!

  • Bloom clearly is a real elf. Evidence, you ask? He can't portray any human characters with any success. His pure elven bloodlines make him unable to maintain a union with one of the hottest women on the planet (who arguably looks better after having a child, not that I've looked closely ever). In recent pictures, he doesn't really look like he's aging. So, elf!

  • Lisa Bee

    Also, I heard that Ed Sheeran just wrote and recorded the end-credits song for The Desolation of Smaug. What do we think about this?
    Personally I'm a fan of the Moon-Faced Ginger Child, but this still seems like kind of a random choice. I'm excited to hear it though!

  • Lauren_Lauren

    Spiders. Why is it always spiders . . .

  • Jim

    I know, I know. (Doesn't support GIFs but you get the picture.)

  • Juxyn

    Spider are lovely creatures!

  • Lauren_Lauren

    Thankfully, I know that is not actually a spider, or I might have to start disliking you immensely.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    You are doing it wrong.

  • bastich


  • Lauren_Lauren

    I dislike you immensely.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    What? Isn't he cute?

  • JenVegas


  • Juxyn

    Cause I love you people!

  • jthomas666

    Ya know, I get that there is a certain Middle Earth Malaise after all this time...and the first installment was kind of meh...

    ...but DAMN, that trailer ROCKS!

  • duckandcover

    Am I the only who thinks Bard the Bowman is a little heavy on the Inigo Montoya tribute?

  • manting

    indigo - fezzik are there rocks ahead?
    fezzik - if there are we'll all be dead.

  • You say heavy, but I'm not sure that word means what you think it means.

  • Parsnip

    "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die"

  • Berry

    Indeed you are not.

  • Enrique del Castillo

    And that's a bad thing why?

blog comments powered by Disqus