If You Drink, Don't Drive. Don't Even Putt.
Pajibasaur / Ted Boynton
While flipping channels a few nights ago, I ran across a commercial for a set of DVDs featuring “The Best of the Dean Martin Variety Show,” a collection of skits, bits, and musical numbers from Martin’s hour-long variety show. “The Dean Martin Show,” which ran from 1965 to 1974, was a little before my time, finishing its run before I turned ten. I distinctly remember my parents watching it, though, kicked back in our unironically 60s-retro living room, sipping scotch and soda while ol’ Dino yukked it up with his show business friends. Each week, Martin would slide down a firehouse pole to enter the set, then told a few jokes to warm up the audience. Guest stars would typically knock on a door on-stage to be admitted to the set, then sit down for a chat and a few jokes with Martin before moving on to sing a couple of songs. Comics and actors visited the show to perform skits or stand-up bits, with Martin serving as the genial host, all the while carrying his signature scotch tumbler. (Legend has it that noted tippler Martin actually drank apple juice while filming the show.)
“The Dean Martin Show” had its roots in the style and feel of “The Ed Sullivan Show,” but the differences between the two were hardly subtle and signified the shift taking place in the entertainment world in the 1960s, a shift away from play-it-straight hosts like Sullivan and toward a cult of personality with brand names like Milton Berle and Danny Kaye. While Martin had begun his show business career in the 1950s as Italian Crooner No. 187, by the mid-60s he had come into his own as a film actor in popular Westerns and the Matt Helm spy movie series. As a member of the Rat Pack, he embodied the “lounge cool” style of the Kennedy era and the Space Age, and “The Dean Martin Show” was far more about capturing that feeling, that sense of élan, than about providing a forum for new talent or a straightforward music-and-comedy show.
Still, “The Dean Martin Show” featured a who’s-who of singers and comedians from among Martin’s contemporaries: Rodney Dangerfield was a regular cast member, while then-edgy comedians like Don Rickles, Bill Cosby, and Bob Newhart made repeated appearances to perform stand-up and act in skits. Martin sang duets with stars such as Lena Horne and used his social connections to pull guests like Frank Sinatra and Judy Garland. Aside from creating some nostalgia, the Dean Martin commercial also got me thinking about a form of entertainment that has largely disappeared from television, at least in its original form: the variety show. Hugely popular in the 1960s, the variety show followed a pretty straightforward formula: Take a genial celebrity, preferably someone with a vaudeville-type background who could sing and dance; line up a reliable cast of jack-of-all-trades regulars to provide support for skits or musical numbers; add a series of guest stars and musical acts to provide the “variety”; mix physical comedy, broad topical humor, and song-and-dance numbers to taste.
Despite there being only three major networks in the late 60s, television provided a platform for a remarkable array of variety shows, some of which steered sharply toward comedy (“The Carol Burnett Show,” “The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour”), some toward music (“The Johnny Cash Show,” “The Andy Williams Show”). As with much of the cool stuff from the 60s, the 70s took a good idea and turned it into a lump of crap, amping up the cheese and adding garish colors and costumes with a “more is better” approach leading to dire results such as “The Glen Campbell Goodtime Hour” and, of course, “The Captain and Tennille Show” - because who doesn’t want a crappy pop duet eating up an hour of valuable airtime each week? The foundations of the 1970s variety programs tended to be substantially weaker, given the more narrow talents of the hosts. Turns out a couple of top-ten pop songs don’t magically confer the ability to deliver a good one-liner or perform a funny skit, though “The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour” proved an exception, as the edgy chemistry of the married hosts and a compelling guest list of 70s icons - e.g., Burt Reynolds, the Jackson Five - carried the hipster torch fired up by Dean Martin a decade earlier.
The variety genre’s final flourish - a Houdini-like disappearing act in the late 70s - isn’t too difficult to understand and relates closely to my Pajibasaur theory about the changing face of television specifically and entertainment generally in the 1980s. In a very simplistic nutshell, the monetary wealth of American culture allowed for substantial increases in both the number of entertainers and the amount of fame and power enjoyed by those entertainers. In 1965, even a relatively powerful music and film star like Dean Martin had limited television crossover access, and there were only a few outlets through which his show business buddies could appear to the public on a weekly or monthly basis. Twenty years later, cable television was in full bloom, providing, at a minimum, at least one television outlet for any successful pop music artist: MTV.
As television’s focus fragmented into dozens of channels, music and film stars also became corporate brands unto themselves, competing quantities who typically don’t want to share the same broadcast space. The various pieces of the variety show puzzle separated into categories, with MTV and later VH1 providing support for musical tastes, numerous sketch comedy shows popping up all around the dial, and a proliferation of talk shows filling in the gaps with the banal chatter that had been such a small portion of the true variety show’s rich content. Had MTV arrived ten years earlier, our nation would almost certainly have been spared the horror of “The Donny and Marie Show” (featuring several dozen Osmond brothers!). As it was, by 1990 the elements of a true variety show could be found split up into several different shows - for example, you could put together one hell of a variety show from “In Living Color” (Fox sketch comedy show), “120 Minutes” (MTV alt-rock programming), and “The Late Show with David Letterman” (no explanation needed, presumably).
This state of affairs is even more pronounced today, and it’s a challenge to identify a modern heir to the variety show. “Saturday Night Live” features a little music but began airing well before the variety genre faded, and in any event, “SNL” is more a progenitor of the sketch comedy genre than a variant of the variety show. “The Graham Norton Effect” takes it in a different direction, being more of a talk show than anything else, though he does feature some skit-type material. Probably the closest modern example would be either Jay Leno or Conan O’Brien; while their styles and intellectual appeals are vastly different, both feature a genial host, guest interviews, skits or comedy set-pieces, and musical numbers. They’re still talk shows at heart, though.
So here’s our mini-comment diversion: What would “The Dean Martin Show,” or any of your favorite variety shows, look like in 2008?
I’ll start. I’m envisioning George Clooney as our host. Through the special effects magic of television, he water-skis on to the stage in a classic black tux, then disarms the audience with that billion-dollar smile and a couple of jokes about the perils of super-stardom. Casually accepting a glass of champagne from Shauna, his assistant, he saunters to center-stage to introduce tonight’s special guest stars: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, who sit down to chat for a while. In a few moments, our special musical guest, Sheryl Crowe, will be here to perform a song from her new album, and George is going to join her to see if he inherited any of Rosemary’s pipes for a duet. Later there’ll be a skit where George and Brad play two con men trying to charm Sheryl out of a million dollars - but the funniest part is how Sheryl can’t keep a straight face and keeps breaking character. We’ll close the night with a little George-and-Brad soft shoe number, while Angelina looks on with the brood.
That’s how Dino and Frankie would have done it.
Ted Boynton is a dedicated sot who plans to leave his barstool to stalk Whit Stillman, now that someone has found Whit Stillman. Ted also manages to hold down a job and a wife, three hours each per day, whether they need it or not. Readers may scold, hector, admonish or taunt Ted by e-mailing him at thecarygrantrules@hotmail.com.
The Unborn Trailer | | Pajiba Love 10/10/08 |
Comments
Did you not see the Nick and Jessica Variety Hour?
That is what it looks like.
Posted by: Jay at October 10, 2008 10:27 AM
I ain't even gonna try, Uncle Ted, 'cause you friggin' nailed it. Honestly though? I miss the hell out of shows like that... I recently watched all those old Carson "best of" tapes (yes, tapes) and it's just a warm, fuzzy feeling. Kinda like when a pleasant drunk comes creeping up on you. It's never happen nowadays though... The closest thing I can think of is those Comedy Central Roasts, but those have even started to suck scrote.
Posted by: Skitz at October 10, 2008 10:28 AM
Don't knock it, Toni Tennille had legs you wouldn't believe. Swear to Godtopus they were eight feet long.
Didn't they even give a variety show (maybe it was a summer fill-in) to those one-awful-hit bastards the Starland Vocal Band? It hurts my fingers just to type that.
Posted by: bucdaddy at October 10, 2008 10:46 AM
I'm not even going to try the diversion, but I will thank you for replacing the theme from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers with "You're Nobody 'til Somebody Loves You" as the song that will play in my head for the rest of the day.
No seriously, thank you. I mean it.
Posted by: Kolby at October 10, 2008 10:46 AM
You put George Clooney and Brad Pitt together, yet you don't make them get naked? Pssh, men.
Posted by: Sabrina at October 10, 2008 10:47 AM
I would pay, nay, STEAL money to watch that softshoe.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 10, 2008 10:50 AM
Celebrities aren't as multi-talented anymore, but they also aren't as cool. Would any of them want to risk looking foolish by bombing a song or flubbing a line on live TV? The appeal of those shows was as much the chance of witnessing a train wreck as seeing stars clowning around. Sintra could laugh his own mistakes because, hey, he was Frank Sinatra. He'd banged two hookers in the limo on the way over and had two more waiting in the green room. Plus, he was probably drunk. Could any of these self-serious method actor automatons do the same?
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 10, 2008 11:06 AM
goddam, Ted... I can't possibly improve on your version. You had me at "Clooney" (my boss and I have actually had this conversation, and agreed that he is the closest thing to ol' Dino we have today), reeled me in with Jolie/Pitt, and then fucking obliterated my lizard-brain with Sheryl Crow.
My pants are SO big right now. And happy.
Posted by: firedmyass at October 10, 2008 11:07 AM
Wait, are you talking about how we'd like these shows to look, or how they actually would look in 2008. Judging from your rosy depiction, I'm guessing the former.
I really can't top that (besides, I am not so acquainted with the golden age of variety shows). All I have to say is that much as I'd love to see Bob Newhart's stand-up, based on what I remember of Newhart I find it hard to believe he was ever considered "edgy."
Going off-topic for a sec....[grabs a bottle of sparkling apple juice from the MurderMaid bar, pours two glasses, adds some Grenadine and umbrellas to make 'em festive, puts a healthy slug of vodka in one and hands the other to the Captain]....
Happy birthday, lordhelmet!
Posted by: meaux at October 10, 2008 11:14 AM
I used to watch the Dean Martin Show. You forgot the Golddiggers. With all the fake boozing and testosterone, there was all lots of T&A. Who's going to be on the George Clooney Show? The Pussycat Dolls? Hef's Used Playmates? Renee Z?
Posted by: BWeaves at October 10, 2008 11:27 AM
You brought back some great memories with this, Mr. B, but sadly you neglected to mention one basic paradigm shift: The guests on those old shows were rarely there to shill for their new movie/album/book/presidential campaign; or if they were, they were properly subtle about it.
Not so today. You don't see anyone guesting on a talk show who isn't there to promote something, and they're right up front about it. We all expect it.
I do love the image of George Clooney in a tuxedo doin' it all old-style, though.
Posted by: Jerce at October 10, 2008 11:27 AM
Don't forget the best--The Muppet Show!
Posted by: AmyK at October 10, 2008 12:04 PM
What does it say about me that your column has me longing for the Bing Crosby Christmas Specials to be re-aired?
Ah childhood nostalgia! When one didn't worry about the credit market and it was a joy to open envelopes because they never contained worthless 401K statements.
Posted by: PaddyDog at October 10, 2008 12:05 PM
kolby!!!! *****arrrrrghhhhhh****** now I will have stupid Mighty Morphin Power Rangers stuck in my head!!! Thanks for that.
Posted by: Zanna at October 10, 2008 12:05 PM
Thanks, BWeaves, for mentioning the Golddiggers - how could Ted have left them out? They were the only reason my dad made sure to catch Dean Martin's show every week, as he hated all popular music in general but thought Dino was the coolest & Sinatra only wished he could approach Dean's level of cool. Frank was a hot-headed asshole off-stage, whilst Dino was awesomely cool all the time.
Posted by: TMax at October 10, 2008 12:05 PM
It would be on Fox, it would feature an alternate lifestyle female/edgy "urban" DJ and it would be hosted by Ryan Seacrest.
On the night of its premiere I would watch for five minutes right before I blew my brains out Courtney on Kurt style.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 10, 2008 12:06 PM
ok...this is a little strange. I love me some Dean Martin...and some George Clooney. I remember The Dean Martin Show (yes, I AM that old)and a couple of days ago I revived a blog of mine http://bid.blogspot.com/ and posted a little something from old Dino. Then I had to included a pic of Mr.Suave in regards to something else...and here's Boynton making the same connection (sorta) today.Sometimes I think this synchronicity thing has legs.
Posted by: brite at October 10, 2008 12:13 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Thp4Mw7xaHA
Seriously...you guys DID see this, didn't you? Look up where Nick duets on "Just The Two Of Us" with KITT if you don't believe me.
My uncle will bite your head off if you suggest that Dean Martin really was a drunk. I don't believe he was either. Meanwhile I get tempted to throw "Sway" at a karaoke audience but fear it'd fall unrecognizably flat. Such dilemmas. And no one's got his version of "Houston", which is one of the greatest recordings of ever!
Posted by: Jay at October 10, 2008 12:15 PM
Well, if radio counts (and I know it doesn't), Jonesy's Jukebox on indie 103.1 fm out of LA, and available online (indie1031.fm) is outta sight. He's got the funny British accent, the funny stories (he talks about have herpes on a regular basis), and the funny guests. If anyone is interested, check out the show where he interviewed Justin Long, Jonah Hill, and the kid from Nip/Tuck. I never thought I'd laugh that hard at "Let's get ready to rumble!"
Seriously, dudes, I'm serious. Plus the Nip/Tuck wasn't there to shill anything, I think he just came for ride 'cause he's friends with the other too.
god I love that show. Comes on everyday at noon (LA time) Monday-Thursday.
Posted by: Estelle at October 10, 2008 12:23 PM
Zanna here's a little something to get that Power Rangers song out of your head and kicking it old school childhood nostalgia while...
sings this is the song that doesn't end...yes it goes on and on my friend...some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because....This is the song that doesn't end...and repeat ad naseum, best if done on long car rides with annoying siblings
Posted by: SashaCA2 at October 10, 2008 12:24 PM
am I high right now? I can't spell worth shit today...
Posted by: Estelle at October 10, 2008 12:25 PM
These days we'd be lucky to get something of the quality of Pink Lady and Jeff...
Posted by: Adam C at October 10, 2008 12:32 PM
Dean also had Foster Brooks as a semi-regular in the later years of the show. Brooks was a comic whose whole schtick was acting sloppy, slobberingly drunk. Where Dean projected a cool, relaxed drunk, Brooks was the full-on alcoholic binge drunk. I remember the Golddiggers. Later they became the Ding-a-ling Sisters. I think they were Golddigger alums repackaged into a smaller performance troupe.
I miss variety shows. I remember Dean, Red Skelton, Carol Burnett. Yes, I am that old, too.
Posted by: rlr260 at October 10, 2008 12:38 PM
Well...I'm old enough remember some of the old skool shows, and honestly? I don't remember them being that great. Carol Burnett is the only one I'd watch again today.
But then, I don't watch any talk shows now, and the last time I watched Saturday Night Live, Eddie Murphy hadn't even *thought* of a fat suit yet.
Posted by: Wednesday at October 10, 2008 12:58 PM
Jesus Christ Ted. I consider myself a straight young American male, and yet I' having trouble walking after the thought of Clooney hosting a variety hour. He's by far the most charismatic and charming man in television; Cary Grant reborn even. I honestly don't think I can top your suggestion because it just seems too perfect. The only alternative I could offer would be to have a white-trash version with Billy Bob Thornton hosting, Jon Voight as the announcer, Carrie Underwood as the musical guest backed up by our band leader and sketch favorite Toby Keith. It could be like Blue Collar Comedy, except borderline less dumb, and a lot dirtier.
Posted by: Rorny at October 10, 2008 1:01 PM
Even the mighty Clooney wouldn't be able to make it work and I'll TELL you why:
Today's Hollywood set just AIN'T that interesting. So he does the first week, puts his crew from the Ocean movies, then have Rickles on (you gotta have Rickles). Then what? Have Sean Penn brooding and acting like a butthole? Bono? that dancing idiot with the fat ass? The cretins from the Hills?
See what I mean?
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 10, 2008 1:11 PM
Cheers, meaux! And thanks!
Posted by: lordhelmet at October 10, 2008 1:50 PM
Clooney is a great start as the host. You could have cousin Miguel Ferrer come on for some musical talents. Kristin Chenoweth would fantastic for repartee, humor and singing. Soft shoes are hard to come by (RIP Gregory Hines) but perhaps Savion Glover. Matthew McConaughey could come on for good ole stories, i.e. road trip stories. Carol Burnett has to come back for nostalgia and Hollywood stories. Ditto Jack Nicholson
Posted by: amanda47 at October 10, 2008 2:12 PM
Do NONE of you remeber Comedy Central's Viva Variety?
Oh, for the witticisims of Johnny Blue Jeans once again...
Posted by: GreenLantern at October 10, 2008 2:26 PM
I don't even know if it's still on, even though I think it only premiered last month, but Bonnie Hunt has a daytime/variety/talkshow thingy going on. In fact, her set is based on Dean's old set and his daughter came by one day and brought family pictures to hang. I caught it that day when I was home sick and she was just as darling as ever ("we're walking...we're walking...), but it's not something I would set the dvr to record.
She does some storytelling and then has her staff (friends of hers for 15 or more years) do short little skits and then has a couple of lower-tier celebrity guests pop by and tell stories. I don't know if they're there to plug anything or not, because if they are, I have NO idea what Dean Martin's daughter was plugging.
(Sorry this is so disjointed. I'm on a conference call right now and trying to pay attention to actual work shit and play with my Pajifriends. I'm not so good with the multi-tasking...)
Posted by: Lainey at October 10, 2008 2:30 PM
Two others come to mind, although disparate in quality: Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In (late '60s-early '70s) and Hee-Haw (don't shoot the messenger for having a good memory).
Hit or miss, to be sure.
Posted by: Recondite at October 10, 2008 3:53 PM
i loved this post and all the comments!
i grew up in the 70's (louisville KY & cleveland OH) and we loved the oddest combo of: heehaw, carol burnett, the jackson 5, and sonny & cher. mix in the occasional jackson 5.
really it's not so odd if you think of us living in cleveland 1/2 the time and louiseville the other 1/2...
ok, i'm drinking wine and feeling nostalgic.
as far as modern variety shows- did anyone catch the incredibly short lived martin short variety show???
it was so...odd, surreal and hilarious. he did his bette davis at age 100 character, screaming "i want my puddin'!!!" (this was a decade before jiminy glick.)
i just remember one episode devoted to some sort of wizard of oz parody, and martin short played a picket fence.
good stuff!
as far as modern times, couldn't tina fey pull of a variety show? considering the song and dance numbers from last season's "30 rock" and guest stars like tim conway, it seems like a no brainer.
Posted by: glittergirl at October 10, 2008 6:26 PM
It took me about 15 minutes to get the joke in the article's title. Fuck golf for making me feel retarded.
Posted by: Lucas at October 10, 2008 7:24 PM
Current variety show? How about "A Prairie Home Companion?"
Keillor / Martin '08
Posted by: BierceAmbrose at October 10, 2008 10:58 PM
How about Hugh Jackman? Attractive AND can provide something in the way of song/dance numbers. With shirt off of course
Posted by: Ellen is good at October 11, 2008 12:07 AM
Good catch, Bierce.
Posted by: bucdaddy at October 11, 2008 12:33 AM
