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Underappreciated Gems

Walks Like a Duck, Talks Like Bakhtin

Trading Places / Ranylt Richildis

Underappreciated Gems | April 1, 2008 | Comments (308)

This retrospective and the mock brawl that follows were the Pajiba staff’s April Fool’s Day joke for 2008. No, we don’t actually believe Eddie Murphy and Russian Formalism are a natural fit—Ranylt had to use a hell of a lot of grease.


TK’s recent 48 Hours retrospective was so belly-warming, I’ve been inspired to give the man who gave us Norbit another chance. Eddie Murphy rightfully takes a lot of flack on this site, but several readers have argued that, for all the fat suits and double-takes, Murphy once had the goods. Walking past the Comedy section at Blockbuster the other day, I decided — on a whim — to waddle down memory lane with the E-man and see if we couldn’t recapture some of the old magic he sparked in his Raw-er days. This particular shop was fresh out of 48 Hours; instead, John Landis’ Trading Places (1983) was the first Murphy classic to jump off the shelf, so I grabbed a copy and brought it home — knowing, in the interest of fairness, that I really should be sipping the sweet showers of Murphy’s stand-up recordings, but not interested enough in my own experiment to go too far out of my way.

If, like me, you haven’t seen Trading Places since your training-bra days, here’s the recap: Murphy plays Billy Ray Valentine, a Philadelphia con artist living in the streets, hassling women and getting by on what’s supposed to pass for charm. When he catches the attention of two ultra-rich geezers (Ralph Bellamy and Don Ameche), he becomes their pawn in a wager: can a petty con rise above his background given the proper environment? And can a silver-spoon schlub (Dan Aykroyd) lose his polish and turn to crime when he’s thrown in the street? With a few Machiavellian contortions, Aykroyd’s Louis Winthorpe loses his job, home, fiancée and good name, and Billy Ray is doused off and put in Winthorpe’s place at the commodities brokerage run by the Duke brothers. He’s guided to success by the Dukes and Winthorpe’s kindly butler (Denholm Elliott), and reveals an uncanny talent for stock prediction that’s so accurate, he becomes the company’s leading commodities authority. Meanwhile, a helpless Winthorpe avoids becoming pigeon food thanks to Ophelia (Jamie Lee Curtis), the gold-hearted fantasy hooker with the world’s most perfect body (holy joysticks — no wonder she’s the only thing most guys my age remember about that film). The shenanigans that ensue are outfitted with all the staples: fish-out-of-water gags, snooty bluebloods vs. uncouth blue-collars, Murphy’s honking laughter, and a lineup of familiar faces in small roles, including Bo Diddley, Frank Oz, James Belushi and a very young and be-curled Al Franken (on whom a very young and be-oddballed Ranylt once crushed — shut up).

As a technical product, Trading Places is nothing to write Pajiba about. Lord, no. It’s the kind of movie you loved as a kid because (as we’ve established time and again in our comments sections) kids as a species are at best easily manipulated and at worst dumb as granite. No good can come of revisiting movies like Trading Places in your sophisticated 30s — or after you’ve seen more than 30 movies in your life, total, and can work that fabled contrast effect with the opposable brain-thumbs you’ve been handed by evolution. Murphy’s schtick is so far gone by now that it’s become comedy carrion, invoking either the wrong kind of laughter or frozen puzzlement. The story’s set-up is labored, rushed and downright insulting to viewers, as is the conclusion. And though it hurts me to dis a fellow Ottawan, Dan Aykroyd’s performance clunks harder than chain-shot — it’s so bad, I kept turning to my husband in disbelief, wondering how I ever managed to grow a warm patch in my heart for sweet, guileless Aykroyd (is it safe to re-watch Ghostbusters, or should I keep fond memories intact and never see it again?). Trading Places is an exercise in weak gags, poor timing, unhelmed acting, and pervasive stupidity. Time has not been kind to this movie, yet it maintains a horde of devoted followers to this day. How? Why? I’m like a terrier with mysteries like these; I forced myself to poke through the film’s insipid surface to spot the factor that gives Trading Places its appeal. And wouldn’t you know, buried in all that debris is a funny kind of genius that explains the film’s lingering ping on our pop-culture radar and gives it a faint, gem-like glow. This funny genius is most likely accidental, but it’s remarkable enough to invest Trading Places with more cultural resonance than it may seem, at first glance, to possess.

Since I love to salvage whatever I can even from the worst movies, allow me to explain. Back in the 15th century (as some of you edumacated bookworms will know), a French writer named Rabelais was doing his part for the Renaissance by putting out hilarious scatological “chronicles” that celebrated the earthiness of the human body rather than the sanctity of the human soul. Rabelais’ work (which was periodically banned or bowdlerized up until the last century for its frank depictions of shit, vomit, puss and sex, and for its attack on every conceivable institution) inspired Russian philosopher Mikhail Bakhtin to draw up a cultural theory he called “carnivalesque”. Bakhtin simply positioned the idea of the carnival — where bodies, ranks, and languages mix — against that of the official feast, where social rank is visibly maintained and moral values reinforced. Official feast is an expression of the everyday social pattern of hierarchies, prohibitions and etiquette, while carnival — a sporadic event — temporarily liberates people from the established rules and order. All the standard divisions between us — class, profession, age, sex, nationality, and jargons — disintegrate to allow for a momentary communication between humans that isn’t normally possible in segregated, regulated daily life.

A movie that involves the position reversal of a rich, white man who speaks conventional English with a poor, black man who utters street slang is plugging into this cultural idea, however unconsciously. Billy Ray isn’t just the carnival fool who becomes King for a Day and takes command of the commodities brokerage (run by a stand-in aristocracy in the form of two brothers suggestively named Duke). He also conforms to the perceived behavior and dress of another race and class, and alters the slang on the tip of his tongue — selecting new linguistic choices in a way that reflects Bakhtin’s concern with the lack of uniformity even within a single language. The swapping of class, in this case, is a metaphoric collapsing of rank, and Winthorpe, on his end, does his part by dressing like a pimp or a homeless man, and by transforming his posture and gestures from rigidly correct to loose and undisciplined; he lets his body detach from proper social codes — swaying, singing and pissing in the street like a Rabelais clown.

The carnivalesque in fiction isn’t just signaled by the literal representation of fairs and circuses; any gathering of a heterogeneous crowd, enlivened by celebration or disorder, is a locus for Bakhtin’s cultural phenomenon. Trading Places mirrors this theory by presenting not one but several scenes of revel or chaos: there’s the early moment when down-and-out Billy Ray runs through a gentleman’s club, mingling the lowly with the upper-crust, and creating confusion; there’s the scene when Billy, flush with cash and bolted into a designer suit, collects a hodgepodge of partiers at a local bar and brings them back to the mansion, where they’re waited on by the butler as if they were bluebloods; there’s Winthorpe, stinking with filth, rushing through the brokerage with a gun and causing his own share of mayhem; there’s the raucous New Year’s party on the train, fully carnivalesque thanks to humans costumed in the professions, genders or nationalities of others. Even the main characters swap national and linguistic identities during that party: Coleman the English butler goes Irish, Billy Ray temporarily hails from Cameron, Ophelia is Swedish — but looks Austrian — and Winthorpe blurs racial divisions with Rastafarian blackface. Whole species, in fact, mingle on this carnivalesque train — James Belushi’s gorilla costume winds up on another character who is then mistaken for an actual gorilla by baggage handlers, longshoremen, and a horny male ape (which results in a temporary communication and smashing of prohibition that’s better left unmentioned). Lastly, there’s the concluding scene on the trading floor with the wildest crowd yet — and it’s significant that, in Bakhtin, the marketplace is one of the key areas for these kinds of collapsing transactions. In Trading Places, that collapse is literally represented by the loss of the Duke fortune in a bad prospect and the rise of the economic prospects of underdogs Billy Ray, Winthorpe, Ophelia and Coleman — all of which takes place on the frantic stage of a major stock exchange, where voices mingle into a screaming babble and bodies press into a faint.

As Rabelais anticipated in his fiction, carnivalism functions most believably in the comedic genre — especially in comedies featuring fart jokes, bestial rape, prostitution, rotting food, topless women and public urination (step right up, John Landis!). The earthy reality of Rabelais’ world challenges the artificial rules, etiquettes and hierarchies embodied in Trading Places’ upper-crust characters (Winthorpe’s fiancée, Penelope, is literally pressed between the unwashed bodies of the lower classes on a bench in the police station). Bakhtin believed that the degraded realms of sex, reproduction and elimination were crucial zones of social regeneration; base fucking results in new birth, and shit fertilizes the ground. Crude images, in other words, are not cynical but life-affirming, and laughter, according to Bakhtin, “liberates the gay truth of the world.” In this context, Trading Places as a comedy of social reform, with its images of mingled ranks and its celebration of the body, reinforces old notions of fiction and society that go back 500 years. It’s amazing what the director of Animal House can pull off when he jumps into the current of cultural ideas we swim in unawares. And though it may seem like a stretch to lay Russian formalist theory over poppycock like Trading Places, that very incompatibility would be welcomed by Bakhtin, who was fascinated with the liberating possibilities of combining so-called low and high cultural forms.

Ranylt Richildis has some scary-ass professional obligations coming up in the non-Pajiba world, so she has to go on hiatus for a few weeks. She promises to miss everyone with a banshee-like intensity until her return.


← Play it Again, Pajiba | Pajiba Love 04/01/08 →



Comments

congradulations, Ranylt richards, you just proved that your reviews are just mental masterbation. WTF? Big words weren't enough for you, now you gotta haul out big pretentious ideas? suck it, show-off.

Posted by: Mirrormax at April 1, 2008 12:03 PM

All right, before this business gets out of hand, I'm just going to step in here with a few words because we've been here before and I know exactly where this is heading. Let me just start out by saying, mirrormax, before you start criticizing our staff, why don't you first go back and get your elementary school GED. Second, to the rest of you mirrormaxes just waiting to jump in here: Ranylt is not trying to sound intelligent, she is intelligent. We like to feature a higher-than-average level of discourse in these parts, and if that offends your intellect, we apologize. Go sell your stupid somewhere else.

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at April 1, 2008 12:04 PM

Nice Rowles. Real nice. I guess that explains where my fucking white horse is when I get shit for being too "lowbrow."

Posted by: Stacey at April 1, 2008 12:05 PM

my family watches this movie every christmas without fail; it's actually one of our very few traditions relating to the holidays. my parents live in kentucky, so it's always watched while drinking copious amounts of bourbon, playing monopoly, and chanting, "whiiiiskey!" one of the many reasons why i love my family.

Posted by: bree at April 1, 2008 12:06 PM

Whoa now, before this gets out of hand and turns into another complete shit-show of a comment section... Dustin, I think it's been proven that the regular readers (myself included) stand up for Ranylt plenty. I'm not sure that this is the thread you need to jump in on. Besides, Stacey makes a valid point - where were you when people were jumping on her for botching the Breakfast at Tiffany's review... or for that matter, when some dope told me my review of the Wild Bunch was "wrong?" I guess what I'm saying is let's leave the sniping to the commenters, instead of dropping to that level. With all of that said, another great review Ranylt... as usual, I didn't necessarily understand all of it, but I always enjoy reading your stuff.

Posted by: TK at April 1, 2008 12:07 PM

Sigh, the review is fine. When did Pajiba turn into AIC? Do I need to start bringing my bug-spray?

Posted by: Miso at April 1, 2008 12:08 PM

Hey! I didn't botch that review, you sonofabitch! Go back to driving school!

Posted by: Stacey at April 1, 2008 12:09 PM

Here's a real noodle-burner: How the fuck do you even pronounce "Ranylt Richildis"? Every time I try it comes out as some garbled mess like RAN YELL'D RICH EEL DISS.

I hate Canada.

Posted by: Scary Larry at April 1, 2008 12:09 PM

Excellent review Ranylt, I too haven't seen this since I was about 12/13 so I'll have to rewatch it. After I watch Casablanca.

is it safe to re-watch Ghostbusters

YES!! Oh delicious peach-sangria-soaked Jesus yes. It is still just as funny. Ackroyd is just as sweet, Murray just as acerbic, Moranis just as pathetic, and Sigourney Weaver just as hot.

Posted by: Julie at April 1, 2008 12:09 PM

TK -- it's always you and Vermillion, isn't it? Making everybody else's business your own. Fight your own fights, brother. Kindly keep your noses out of everyone else's business. -- DR

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at April 1, 2008 12:10 PM

This is why I love Pajiba so much. Ranylt, is it wrong of me to say that I'd like to see your grotesque body and Rabe-lay the hell out of it, maybe even use some dung and urine to degrade it? Is that wrong? It's not, right?

Posted by: reggie at April 1, 2008 12:11 PM

Hey, toots, instead of using all those big words, how about show some yabos on this lame-ass site?

Posted by: Dan The Man Fielding at April 1, 2008 12:13 PM

If I'm not mistaken, hidden behind all those big words and smarties nonsense is a review pashing Trading Places. For serious?

I'm getting god damn sick of the high-faluting shit around this parts. Pajiba used to be fucking smart. Now it's snobby as all, and losing its sense of humor in the process.

Good day sir.

I say, good day!

Posted by: dmac at April 1, 2008 12:14 PM

Amazing. It takes, what, ten comments to bring out the mysogynist assholes? Fucking stunning reggie. Nice to see that the calibre of posters around here has dropped to the level where we get threats of sexual assault as a compliment.

Sweet zombie Jesus, people.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at April 1, 2008 12:14 PM

Jesus, where the fuck did all of the miscreants come from, do they lay in wait for Ranylt to post a review?

Lordy.

Posted by: Julie at April 1, 2008 12:16 PM

I thought I was coming to read a Pajiba film review and I find this comment thread. Must have clicked through to YouTube by mistake...

Posted by: Flea at April 1, 2008 12:16 PM

Ugh... I gotta say, this movie was crap when I first watched it on tv when I was 10, and considering all the shit Murphy has put out between then and now, I think I'm even more underwhelmed. Whatevs, thanks for the review RR.

PS. I totally agree with TK, where's the need in being so vicious when it comes to the reviewers? (I'd like to point out that I liked Stacey's B@T review.) Seriously, if you don't like the review/reviewer who says you need to be a little shit and get downright mean about it?

Posted by: KatyBelle at April 1, 2008 12:19 PM

Wow. It took all of ten minutes for this thread to devolve into commentary that would have to be ten times smarter before I'd be generous enough to call it retarded. Even the staff is getting in on the stupid.

Everyone here has Downs Syndrome but me.

Posted by: Craig at April 1, 2008 12:20 PM

Reading this again, I realize that A) I'm completely over-educated, and B) that this stinks of April Fools.

Sigh... thanks a lot Ranylt and Dustin.

Posted by: KatyBelle at April 1, 2008 12:21 PM

Fuck you, Craig. -- DR

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at April 1, 2008 12:21 PM

I think they must do Julie, something about big words being spouted by an uppity woman whips them into a frenzy it appears.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at April 1, 2008 12:21 PM

Great movie, lame review. I stopped reading Salon reviews because of silly, irrelevant reviews like this.

Posted by: Chris at April 1, 2008 12:21 PM

ummmmmmmm, april fool's anyone? no? just a thought... i mean, rabelais? come on.

Posted by: nadia at April 1, 2008 12:22 PM

Ranylt, I'll still take you to Cornwall - It's always lovely to be reminded that my hangover-soothing visual-dreck once had roots in something apparently more worthy.

Pretentious? Nous?!

Posted by: LuluJ at April 1, 2008 12:23 PM

Stacey, the driving school crack was uncalled for, OK? I was simply trying to make a point. And I didn't say you botched the review, I said that OTHER PEOPLE felt you did. Settle down, Suzy Sensitive. Oh, and bite me.

And Dustin, a) Unless you're looking for a dull-yet-clever 1000 word dissertation on defending reviewers, I'd advise against using Vermillion's name again, and b) I'm just trying to keep it civil, OK?

Posted by: TK at April 1, 2008 12:23 PM

I have been lurking on this site for several months now and while I appreciate solid movie commentary and some of the humor, may I ask why all of you oh-so-clever people insist upon invoking the name of our Lord Jesus Christ when you need to make a comment or respond to someone?
Aren't there enough curse words out there without the persistent mis-use of one name that is sacred to millions?
Is your intelligence limited to being clever by bashing Christians? Oddly enough I never see anyone write "Sweet Allah on a Pogo Stick" or "sweet sangria-soaked Buddha".

Posted by: Rapturous at April 1, 2008 12:23 PM

And this is why I love/hate Pajiba so much. for every good microwaved baby, there's a film theory lesson just around the corner. Fuck, I wish I could unread this and get back that 20 minutes of my life...

Posted by: asscracker at April 1, 2008 12:24 PM

I love this movie like no other (the scene with Murphy in his jail cell in the beginning is pitch-perfect in every way), but I would have more expected/appreciated it to be posted in a Hangover Theatre thread.

I know Ranylt is intelligent, but that doesn't mean this movie should ever be interpreted as such.

Posted by: feramones at April 1, 2008 12:24 PM

Alas and alack....moderated on my own birthday.

Posted by: feramones at April 1, 2008 12:25 PM

"And though it may seem like a stretch to lay Russian formalist theory over poppycock like Trading Places"---
well, yes, that was a stretch. But I learned something new, and it stretched my brain and vocabulary a bit. Not a bad thing, is it? Jesus on a popsicle stick, people, lighten up.
Now, about the movie... yes, poppycock. And yes, you should watch Ghostbusters again. I am very fond of this movie, and at the time it came out, I was working for a commodities broker, and was amazed that anyone else could be interested in pork bellies and frozen concentrated OJ.
Great review, Ranylt. Good luck with your scary-ass obligations, see you in a few weeks.

Posted by: nancy at April 1, 2008 12:26 PM

Oh, and your Wild Bunch review was wrong, asshole.

Posted by: Stacey at April 1, 2008 12:27 PM

allow me to de-lurk to say that yes, I think that ranylt, while verbose, is an excellent writer. But at the same time, i don't get why she doesnt ever defend herself. its a little lame to let random commenters do your dirty work.

And as for the breakfast at tiffanys review, that WAS a weak review- if youre going to completely gloss over something as culturally important as the disgusting racism, why bother reviewing it all.

and spare me the "uppity women" bullshit. don't try to turn a simple disagreement into some bullshit nagfest about feminism. fucking snore...

can we talk about the goddamn movie now?

Posted by: Darkling at April 1, 2008 12:28 PM

"Sweet Allah on a Pogo Stick" or "sweet sangria-soaked Buddha"

Consider it done, Jesus H. Freak.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at April 1, 2008 12:28 PM

Sweet tap dancing Moses (that's for you Rapturous), I am starting to wonder if there's just a stable of folks that only come out to play when Ranylt writes. Maybe next time she should publish under a pseudonym (or under one of the male reviewers names, just for shits and giggles) and we'll see if this happens.

Because for serious? I enjoy comparative literature, and I enjoyed that review quite a bit. And now I have some new things to add to my reading list.

And if you have to go back to before I was born to find decent Eddie Murphy material, maybe it is just time to give up on him as a comedian.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at April 1, 2008 12:29 PM

Sweet Buddha's balls, people. First flame wars and pedantic whinging, and now Mssr Rowles steps off his pedestal to hand out some personal insults.

Everyone continues to be gay and retarded.

Posted by: Craig at April 1, 2008 12:30 PM

Hey Ranylt, if those scary-ass obligations keep you away for more than a few weeks - maybe, like, forever - no complaints here. Sweet Allah on a toasted piece of challah, that review was harder to get through than the reviews of days gone past from dear departed Jeremy.

Posted by: Brian W at April 1, 2008 12:30 PM

Hey Asscracker:

If it took you 20 minutes to read that review, you shouldn't be here in the first place. Did you have to keep your finger all the words to track along?

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 1, 2008 12:30 PM

Actually, Rapturous, we've been known to invoke the name of Allah and Buddha. Hi I'm Julie, I'm Catholic, I believe in Jesus, and I use his name in vain.

Posted by: Julie at April 1, 2008 12:31 PM

Seriously Genny. It's nice to see a review on this site now and then that isn't peppered with dick and fart jokes.

Posted by: RabidChild at April 1, 2008 12:32 PM

Fucking women. Let them out of the fucking kitchen, and just look at the shit that happens.

Posted by: Bucky at April 1, 2008 12:32 PM

Cranky Tuesday anyone? This is a well-orchestrated ruse, correct? An April Fool's comment -thread prank years in the making?

Nice review, Ranylt - me learn new word thing read when I review of yous.

Chicken-Fried Jaysus riding Godtopus sidesaddle! Again, it's a review folks... Everybody's got their favorite reviewer, everyone has their least-favorite... And as we all know, a review is an opinion. You can't be a douche to somebody for having an opinion.

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 1, 2008 12:33 PM

REGGIE:

thank you for saying that. now it saves me from leaving that comment on one of Agent Bedhead's sh*t reviews. She's always rambling on about sadomasojism, shirtless dudes, and every word is f*ck f*ck f*ck. If not for the shirtless dudes id be jacking to her writing but sometimes i do it anyway.

Posted by: dontcallmeshirley at April 1, 2008 12:34 PM

Vermillion can take care of his self, TK. Seriously -- lay the fuck off. Mind your own business. And Stacey -- he was kind of right about the Breakfast review. -- DR

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at April 1, 2008 12:34 PM

After the sister-act debacle of aught-seven, I didn't think you guys could top it. No one at work can possibly understand why this is funny, thanks for getting me in trouble.

Posted by: divinityblue at April 1, 2008 12:34 PM

Okay, let's just take a breath, folks. We have a spectrum here, from the erudite, take-it-all-apart analysis of Ranylt to the scratch-my-ass-by-scooching-down-this-bench musings of the Boozehound. An open forum with lots of different styles is what makes This Island Pajiba special.

If it's not for you, then that's fine, but all that means is "it's not for you." Just like every other day, there'll be another article along in a few hours . . . and that one has boobies!

And TK fighting with litely? I don't know whether to try to referee or get some lube...

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at April 1, 2008 12:34 PM

This comment thread is going to turn into something sadder than Eddie Murphy's latest offerings, isn't it?

Posted by: LuluJ at April 1, 2008 12:36 PM

Ranylt's joie de vive is, as always, resplendent.

Posted by: The rancid, bloated carcass of Jeremy C. Fox, member of the Online Film Critics Society at April 1, 2008 12:38 PM

Frankly, you are all, missing my point. For a group of people who are filled to the brim with smug confidence in your "eloquence" and assumed superiority over others, I fail to see why you must resort to taking the Lord's name in vain to make your points. I was not asking you to include other deities (and I'm sure those who believe in those entities would also be offended). It's amusing to me that you believe yourselves to be so different and cliquish, yet you are just run of the mill lefties who think it's fun and cool to show how often you can blaspheme in a given sentence.

Posted by: Rapturous at April 1, 2008 12:39 PM

Alright, this comment-thread is a well-orchestrated ruse years in the making, correct?

Chicken-Fried Ganeesh riding Godtopus sidesaddle, folks...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 1, 2008 12:39 PM

Oh I'm sorry, I guess I'll just stick to making fun of fat celebrities, since it appears that's all I'm good for.

So, no socalled, Stacey is now fighting with Dustin. And I'd suggest you get an ambulance, cause I don't fuck around, either.

Posted by: Stacey at April 1, 2008 12:40 PM

Jeezie Creezie! If people don't like intelligent movie reviews, isn't that what Rolling Stone and Entertainment Weekly are for? I really like reading Ranylt's reviews. A little bit of film theory never hurt anyone. Sometimes it's fun to expand your idea of what meaning lies behind a text, even if it's far-fetched. Anyone who majored in English knows what that's all about. I don't think it's necessarily pretentious. It's just thoughtful. While I suppose it's fair enough to express that you didn't care for a certain review, does it have to be done with so much vitriol?

Posted by: Lannie at April 1, 2008 12:41 PM

Darkling: may I suggest you go back to lurking? Because really, you're not contributing much to the discussion here are you sweetness?

And as for turning this into a discussion on Feminism - why the fuck not? It's only ever Ranylt that gets this response. Do you see commenters detailling what they'd like to do to Dustin's unwilling self? No. You don't. You call bullshit for the Breakfast at Tiffany's review for not mentioning racism, why can't I call out a commenter for blatant misogyny?

Oh and also: Bite me.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at April 1, 2008 12:41 PM

Uh, Stace, -- Just FYI: I hold all the passwords to the site, you know? I'm just sayin ... I don't want to have to go there. -- DR

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at April 1, 2008 12:42 PM

Good show, guys, good show. I never believe anything I read on this site on April 1st, and that includes the comments section.

I didn't really read the review though, sorry Ranylt. You're a smart cookie, but my brain's too tired to work itself up to comprehending so many big words about a movie I've never seen and couldn't care less about.

Posted by: Cuno at April 1, 2008 12:43 PM

I have no prob with Ranylt's reviews - and as a fellow Ottawan I feel a certain kinship with her. (Sidenote - eff you Scary Larry for dissing Canada.) So anyway, why all the unprecedented rage in the comments today, people? Is this some kind of messed-up/angry April Fools prank? :S

Posted by: b at April 1, 2008 12:43 PM

Not if I change the locks first, bitch.

Posted by: Stacey at April 1, 2008 12:44 PM

Holey Rusted Metal Batman... why is every damn site all the internet getting all bitchy today. Here, Woot, dA... happy fucking April Fools everyone!

Posted by: onceknownasbob at April 1, 2008 12:45 PM

Please, please, please? Is this fighting an April Fool's joke?!

Posted by: vaguelyfamiliar at April 1, 2008 12:45 PM

Rapturous, who the fuck died and made you the collective moral compass of us? For fuck's sake, the site has a goddamn Octopus as their pseudo-diety.

And Stacey, seriously, what the fuck is your problem today? Let me make it clear since you're obviously not reading well today: I did not make fun of your review. I barely even READ the fucking thing.

Calm the fuck down. If you're gonna be this goddamn sensitive, maybe you should stick to goofy WIMB links and posts about shitty-ass Supernatural.

Posted by: TK at April 1, 2008 12:45 PM

Just a long-time listener, first-time caller, and yes it took me 20 mins to work through that brain-pus. I like this site fine, its just this every once in a while swerving over to this type of wholier-than-thou bs. Yah, I have a college degree, but I don't come here to learn film theory, yo.

And what a suprise socalledcousins and his girlfriend swing in like tarzan & jane for this reviewer - you think he works here or something, oh yah, he does.

Posted by: asscracker at April 1, 2008 12:46 PM

Ooh, ooh, April Fool's fight! I predict this will end with Dustin shutting down the site and giving everyone a right good scare. The figurative "taking his ball and going home," if you will.

Posted by: Sean at April 1, 2008 12:47 PM

Congratulations. Pajiba has finally become Howard Stern. It wasn't happy with just doing the occasional weekly review. Now, we're letting the monkeys run the show. If it's not complete narcissism or arrogant discourses, it's some retard stringing together four pop culture references, slapping on some swear words and calling it a review. Fuck cock labyrinth battlestar galactica fuck fuckass simpsons quote fuck katherine heigl sucks cock in hell. Can I be a reviewer now? You fucking manatees should write for Family Guy.

And then the rest of the mutants start applauding and drooling and sucking each other off. Fantastic. You're a real credit to society.

Posted by: Baba Booey at April 1, 2008 12:47 PM

Hey now, Dustin, you are getting ridiculous. Threatening folks is no way to run a site, man.

Besides, not everyone is as cry-baby sensitive as you are, Mr. August Rush. I mean, grow up and get a pair, willya?

Posted by: Vermillion at April 1, 2008 12:48 PM

Long time lurker, first time poster. Uhm, Dustin. We love you. We need you. Pajiba wouldn't be the same without you. But you're not for serious, right? Because the fact of the matter is, Mirrormax and those who followed in his/her comments are right - this was mental masterbation. Hell, Ranylt even admitted it in her review, saying she was going to dig to find something to take out of this. So calm down and let us monkeys fight amongst ourselves, would you?

And Alex the Odd, are you angry because you're just not getting any? Because we could work something out to fix that.

Posted by: Jerome B at April 1, 2008 12:49 PM

Hey, Alex, toots, how about you put that mouth to better use than nagging, okay, babe? Nobody cares.

Posted by: Dan The Man Fielding at April 1, 2008 12:49 PM

This fight would only get better if Agent Butthead got in on the action.

Posted by: Scary Larry at April 1, 2008 12:49 PM

I hope all the in-house fighting is a cruel April Fool's joke. :(
Stay together for the kids!

Posted by: Lannie at April 1, 2008 12:49 PM

Alex The Retarded, nice fucking attitude. See, this is the hypocritical bullshit about this site that pisses me off. It's all fine and good for you assholes to have 200+ posts about fucking retard board game sex and whatever the fuck else, but someone offers up a nugget of criticism and cunts like you jump down their fucking throat. Maybe if you offered something constructive instead of kneejerk, on-the-rag whining? Just something to think about.

Posted by: Darkling at April 1, 2008 12:50 PM

and Pajiba assplodes in 3...2...1...

Posted by: nancy at April 1, 2008 12:50 PM

The review was boring, but the comments are worse.

Posted by: Gaby at April 1, 2008 12:50 PM

Tacos?

Posted by: Skittimus at April 1, 2008 12:50 PM

I hope all the in-house fighting is a cruel April Fool's joke. :(
Stay together for the kids!

Ha! Lannie, that's what I've been thinking :)

Posted by: Julie at April 1, 2008 12:51 PM

Calm the fuck down. If you're gonna be this goddamn sensitive, maybe you should stick to goofy WIMB links and posts about shitty-ass Supernatural.

Hah! Damn right, TK. About time somebody just came out and said it.

Posted by: Vermillion at April 1, 2008 12:53 PM

You know I'm really sick of all this "Socalled and Alex" stuff. He's almost old enough to be her father. If this site has just become a vehicle for men to virtually fuck twnety somethings, I'm out. I hate to go down this path, but seriously enough is enough.

Posted by: FedUpOlderCommenter at April 1, 2008 12:53 PM

Yay! We're talking about mysgogyny and womyn and heretics and 15th century apocrypha. Why slap in some taco dip and we've got gold!

We forgot to mention racism! Let me be the first to blame this on the Mexicans. Those dirty, dirty Mexicans and their 15 babies.

I love it when Ranylt's reviews turn to a caged death match because they're too smart for the mouthbreathers who find their way to the site from Websters Is My Bitch. I'm just waiting for the Jezebellys to get their panties in a bunch over all the sexism. Someone already lit the fuse on Stacey's tampon.

Go Murder Tank Go!

Posted by: insertclevernamehere at April 1, 2008 12:54 PM

So.
I'm curious. How long have these comments been laying in wait. I'm guessing Ranylt can pull a review like this out of her ass at the last minute, but the rest of you (Dan "Rapturous") must have been preparing this for weeks!

Posted by: Jen at April 1, 2008 12:54 PM

Wha...what the...?

What the fuck is going on with you people?

I'm scared...

Oh shit! That's right!

Happy April fools, my loves!

Posted by: Trouble at April 1, 2008 12:55 PM

Uhmmm, fuck you Dustin, fuck you TK and fuck you Vermillion. It's called PMS, look into it.

And you can say whatever you want about me, but when you insult "Supernatural," it's FUCKING PERSONAL.

Posted by: Stacey at April 1, 2008 12:55 PM

If you all don't mind, I'm just going to park it here and refresh at least until someone unleashes the zombies. This is perhaps the most fun I've ever had reading a comment thread. It's good to see so many others ready to start riots to avoid working on a Tuesday afternoon. Bravo! Let's throw down!

Posted by: elizabeth at April 1, 2008 12:56 PM

It's all fine and good for you assholes to have 200+ posts about fucking retard board game sex

Don't bring Scrabble Sex into this! It's all some of us have!!

Posted by: Julie at April 1, 2008 12:56 PM

Ummm....check your calendars everyone....losers.

Posted by: jay at April 1, 2008 12:57 PM

Dustin:
Normally, I would brush it off as sarcasm, but today's thread has taken a nasty turn and IF you are actually threatening to FIRE Litely up there, well, I'd say this little site has finally got its Napoleonic knickers in a real twist over nothing. She can't disagree with you now? Ranylt gets swaddled in kevlar and escorted through her review by Pajiba guards but Litely is left out to hang because of her position? Badly done, Dustin.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 1, 2008 12:57 PM

April the first is never complete without a circle jerk.

Posted by: LuluJ at April 1, 2008 12:58 PM

By the salty beard of the Bahai, you people have officially jumped the shark. Maury Povich just called...

And he said I just farted.

Posted by: Jerry at April 1, 2008 12:59 PM

Um, what day is it again?

Posted by: screwtape at April 1, 2008 1:00 PM

Great, and now someone is editing comments again to put in fart jokes. Fuck this website.

Posted by: Jerry at April 1, 2008 1:00 PM

And you can say whatever you want about me, but when you insult "Supernatural," it's FUCKING PERSONAL.

Supernatural super-SUCKS. It is a miracle it is even on network TV, it should be on Sci-Fi Weekends or something.

Maybe if you fangirls had put so much attention on a REAL show, we wouldn't have lost VM or Firefly.

Posted by: Vermillion at April 1, 2008 1:00 PM

Cute Jerome - a woman with an opinion! My God! She must be in need of a good rogering. That'll shut her up. Why don't you take your pathetic virgin self back to the hole you so evidently crawled out of.

Fuck you. And, no, not in the way you'd like.

And Darkling: seriously? "on the rag whining" you can't think of anything more original than to compare me to female genetalia and invoke the images of menstruation? Really? Calling a woman a cunt, well there's a sign of emotional maturity.

I'd be fucking furious except you're just proving my point for me by being a moronic asshat with nothing useful to say for himself.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at April 1, 2008 1:01 PM

Uhhh, let me guess, Dustin's hiding all the "April Fools" comments on us again this year, huh?

Good one!

Now, dear bitches, let's go back to all lovin' each other and being happy. I'll bring the lube.

Posted by: MO at April 1, 2008 1:01 PM

oh boy, feels like a sorority house with everyone PMSing at the same time.

Posted by: rio at April 1, 2008 1:01 PM

Yeah, Dustin... breathe, man. Stace doesn't mean it.

And how did I get dragged into this? Do I really talk about sex that much?

Posted by: agent bedhead at April 1, 2008 1:02 PM

Hey I'm usually a lurker, so if there was some email among the regulars to bash the outraged lurkers/run with the joke, then I am sorry for ruining it by calling it out, say 30-40 comments into the discussion? Sorry for the quick judgment, this site rocks and so do the commentors and I hope it never changes.

Posted by: jay at April 1, 2008 1:02 PM

Finally, Vermillion, you say something worthwhile. I knew if you left enough comments, something useful would come from them. -- DR

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at April 1, 2008 1:02 PM

puppies... kittens... unicorns.... april fools? I gotta get back to work.

Posted by: nancy at April 1, 2008 1:03 PM

Um...okay, then.

I know I've had a helluva lotta caffeine today, but things would appear to have taken a sharp turn into surreal territory.

Posted by: Sarina at April 1, 2008 1:04 PM

And how did I get dragged into this? Do I really talk about sex that much?

Not as much as I do!

Posted by: Julie at April 1, 2008 1:04 PM

Thanks for the vote of confidence, AB -- but oh, I mean it all right.

And V, stop overcompensating to disguise the fact that you beat it to Supernatural on a regular basis. It's OK man, I know they're just that damn pretty.

Posted by: Stacey at April 1, 2008 1:08 PM

Yes Vermillion the fact that people like Supernatural is DIRECTLY responsible for the shows you like being cancelled. Obviously.

What I hate is how liking Supernatural or Gossip Girl has become shorhand for being a mouth-breathing throwback around here. Some of us like those shows and they manage it without being "Fangirls". It's called differing taste. Look it up.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at April 1, 2008 1:08 PM

This is the dumbest fucking comment thread I've ever seen, and I've been reading them for two years.

P.S. Supernatural sucks cock.

Posted by: Bastard Ray at April 1, 2008 1:09 PM

AssCracker: WTF? Are you for serious calling me out with that misspelled pile of steaming horseload? (I'll let you figure out which horse orifice you coaxed the horseload out of.) I said there's room for all kinds of reviews. As it happens, I like Ranylt's work too, a good change of pace hereabouts. What's your damage, Zombie No. 6? Climb off Aunt Sissie, put your corncob dentures back in, and wake the fuck up.

Here's a handy guide: Read entire comment first. Think for one year about what it says. Go to skool and lurn leters. Return to Pajiba and apologize to everyone for unleashing shit stank.

Fedupoldercommenter: I stalk AtO, I do not defile her with virtual sex; she has the good sense not to get involved with older men. Paddy is my virtual wife; pay attention old man. Also, I'm old enough to be AtO's father only in your home nation of hillbilly-stan.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at April 1, 2008 1:09 PM

Finally, Vermillion, you say something worthwhile. I knew if you left enough comments, something useful would come from them.

Hey now, that is just common sense. I am not happy with you either. What's up with the silence, man? Not a single assignment for like months now.

Is Pookie right? Am I just your little affirmative action card, something you can whip out at all the angry black folk and say "See, I listen to you people"? And what do you mean, YOU people? Like we are a different species or something?

I see how this works. You get the nice, mild-mannered house boy to do your dirty work with all those "urban" movies, and then when you are finished, suddenly all the email dry up! Got an answer for that, Mr. High and MIghty PajibaLord?

Posted by: Vermillion at April 1, 2008 1:09 PM

So I was totally checking out this other site and it was full of Valentines. F I R S T RA T E MA T C H.C OM. Check it out, you wont be disappoint!

Posted by: Dawk at April 1, 2008 1:09 PM

Oh my fucking sweet Christ, ENOUGH with the Supernatural. NO ONE CARES. NO ONE. Even if you're being ironic, it's NOT FUCKING FUNNY.

Posted by: TK at April 1, 2008 1:10 PM

Perhaps it's my Liberal Arts education, but I was entertained by the review. I'm not a fan of the movie, but pulling a literary method and using it as a new way to interpret the film is pretty interesting. I'm not taking it as divine gospel nor will I appreciate every bombastic 80s comedy as such, but it doesn't hurt to look at things from fresh angles.
Take it as you will, but I see no point in getting so hostile over a review.

It seems that this comment thread has simply turned into "Let's all bitch about the various things I hate about Pajiba" laundry list.

Sangria-soaked Buddha, indeed.

Posted by: julia at April 1, 2008 1:10 PM

"Ranylt Richildis has some scary-ass professional obligations coming up in the non-Pajiba world, so she has to go on hiatus for a few weeks. She promises to miss everyone with a banshee-like intensity until her return."

So Ms. Richildis posts a review that is bound to get negative comments then goes "on hiatus"??? Odd. Maybe one of you brains who claim to understand/enjoy the review could figure out what "Ranylt Richildis" is an anagram for.

For reals, is this an April Fool's joke?

Posted by: patti at April 1, 2008 1:10 PM

I'm so goddamed confused... Why the hate? Why so much fighting? Can't we all just smile, and have a fucking Coca-Cola and teach the world to sing and shit like that?

I'm... Should I, uh... start up the uh... the PeaceBuggy?

"C'mon people now, smile on your brother, everybody come together and try to at least kinda tolerate eachother right now..."

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 1, 2008 1:11 PM

Congrats, folks, another review where no one actually comments about the movie just bitches about their own problems. Sorry if I'm not bolding any names, just don't wanna call anyone out when everyone is to blame.

The movie sucks anyway.

Posted by: Glendale Miguel at April 1, 2008 1:11 PM

I'm just wondering how a review that boils down to "it kind of sucks, but here is some interesting theoretical discussion of how it sucks in an interesting way" merits an "underrated gem" stamp.

Posted by: mightygodking at April 1, 2008 1:11 PM

Holy shit, I take a powder for a few weeks and come back to find this shit? First off, you lost me at 15th Century. Is this for serious? I mean, I love mental masturbation as much as the next girl but this is a bit much.

And Rowles, what the fuck dude? Since when have to chastised commenters for calling spades, spades?

Alex, I swear to god if I hear you whine about mysoginy one more time Imma break a dildo off in your ass. So fucking boring. Jesus. I'm going back to the Obama campaign. This shit is beneath me.

Posted by: Beckylooo at April 1, 2008 1:11 PM

Dustin:

You need to back off. Just because some marketing hacks want to give you a few free CDs doesn't mean you're suddenly so important you can play the heavy hand with your commenters and reviewers. Who would come here without the Vermillion/TK threads? You owe them man, why are you alienating your core group?

Posted by: Disbelief at April 1, 2008 1:12 PM

Yes Vermillion the fact that people like Supernatural is DIRECTLY responsible for the shows you like being cancelled. Obviously.

Dammit, Alex, I love you, and becasue of that I have refrained from saying anything to you. Pulling my punches so to speak. So will you please not get into this? Frankly, you couldn't handle me at full force.

Besides, what ELSE would a brain-deadened FANGIRL gonna say?

Posted by: Vermillion at April 1, 2008 1:12 PM

Don't you dare call Vermillion a spade! He's already angry about being a token.

Posted by: insertclevernamehere at April 1, 2008 1:14 PM

Does this site ever get any new commenters? It's like the same 10 people having a circle jerk over every review.

Posted by: Bastard Ray at April 1, 2008 1:15 PM

Holy hell, this has turned into a bloodbath...I enjoy Ranylt's posts. It adds a little intelligence to my day. I don't understand why we can't have a little bit of everything on this site. "can't we all just get along!" Yes, you made me go there.

Posted by: lyricalcatt at April 1, 2008 1:15 PM

I guess this won't show till later, but I'm so relieved this is only April Fools! I was waiting all day for the review on Sister Act II and then totally failed to join the dots when Dustin started to post SO out of character. I was really worried about how nasty everyone was (actually I'm still a little worried, never mind tomorrow it'll all be over, wonder how many threads will be poisoned till then).

Posted by: ChrisD at April 1, 2008 1:16 PM

oh boy i thought it was a sorority house PMSing all together and then I realized what day it was. this beats last year, and I totally bought it last year, for one day I felt legitimed to love sister act like I do (and despite everything I dont change my mind).
I also adore this movie. but it's john landis so that's easy.

TOUCHE' you guys, touche'.

Posted by: rio at April 1, 2008 1:16 PM

Ok, it's April first. There's no way any of this can be real, from DR's comments to this overly verbose review. (I have nothing against throwing film/literary theory around, but somewhere along the line you have to take a step back and edit!)

...Please?

Posted by: Ophiyuki at April 1, 2008 1:16 PM

This comment thread is surely going to cause someone serious alcohol poisoning.

Posted by: thejodester at April 1, 2008 1:16 PM

Okay, BarbadoSlim has officially sucked out V's brain and taken over his body. I think B-Slim is responsible for about half the posts on this thread. In the lingo of your people, V, this thread is wack!

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at April 1, 2008 1:17 PM

vermillon, i've been reading for a while and you've been trying to be the "please everybody" voice of reason for-fucking-evar, and now you're pissed?

Yeah, I said it. Your holierthanthou bullshit is getting seriously tired, dude.

the pc pain in the asses are killing this site. between your bullshit and alex the retardeds whiny feminist garbage, i dont know why i come here at all.

Posted by: Darkling at April 1, 2008 1:17 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....

....cough...cough....

Oh, man...I was in pain for a bit from my wisdom tooth extraction...but this turned it around for me. Nice job, peoples...nice job...

The review was great, by the way. The move is fantastic to watch over and over again, although it'll never approach the excellence that is Ghostbusters.

Ummm....check your calendars everyone....losers.

Too true, jay...too true...

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 1, 2008 1:17 PM

Oh that posted! You mean this isn't all a big joke! Lets just say it is and move on. :-(

Posted by: ChrisD at April 1, 2008 1:18 PM

Oh for fuck's sake Vermillion give it a rest. It's getting old. I get called out for my feminist agenda and yet you get to play the race card whenever it fucking suits you. Pick a side and stick to it. Yeah, yeah "you love me so you're pulling your punches" please. Because I couln't "handle" you. Do you even read the shit you type?

You're bitching about my whining about misogyny Beckyloo and yet you have no fucking problem with the whining about religion or race going on? Seriously if it was just an opportunity for you to score points with the big boys for your stunning graphic imagery I'll understand. Just be a big girl and admit it.

And socalled is right fedup if you're going to reference Pajiban mythology at least get it fucking right.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at April 1, 2008 1:18 PM

@FedUpOlderCommenter

Smacks of bitterness to me. Your usual name wouldn't start with a "P" and end in a "g" would it? Maybe if you started acting your age instead of hanging out with a younger web crowd to try to feel less shriveled and sere, you wouldn't have to face the truth: younger girls have perky breasts and that's what the guys want.

Posted by: Alexa at April 1, 2008 1:19 PM

@ELizabeth: Please nobody make those stupid fucking zombie jokes again. That was the week that wouldn't end.

Posted by: Bastard Ray at April 1, 2008 1:19 PM

Fabulous, Ranylt! It made me feel young and pretentious; like I was back in grad school again. It was as good as the "Sister Act" analysis from last April Fools Day

Posted by: Tatertot at April 1, 2008 1:20 PM

::gulp:

Um... Hey folks, just wondering: is all of this hostility part of some kind of April Fool's joke?

Posted by: ShinyKate at April 1, 2008 1:20 PM

You're right Bastard Ray, it's always "the eloquents", and you would think that they at least like each other.

Posted by: Gaby at April 1, 2008 1:21 PM

April Fools??

Posted by: lyricalcatt at April 1, 2008 1:21 PM

vermillon, i've been reading for a while and you've been trying to be the "please everybody" voice of reason for-fucking-evar, and now you're pissed?

Yeah, big nuts you got, saying something now. Yeah, so what if I actually try to inject some love and world motherfucking peace into this cesspool? I am doing you bottomfeeders a favor.

You don't like me calling you a bottom feeding piece of garbage? Well here you complain to DEEEEEZ NUTS!!!!!!

Posted by: Vermillion at April 1, 2008 1:23 PM

Ouch!

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at April 1, 2008 1:23 PM

Another lurker surfacing here. I'm going to blame this nonsense on April Fool's Day.

Right? Right??

Posted by: elle dee at April 1, 2008 1:23 PM

A theory: various Pajiba regulars and posters are in, dare I say it? cahoots! CAHOOTS, I say and I dare! You all are perpetrating maddeningly clever April Fool's joke. I'm right, aren't I? Do I win a tee-shirt?

Posted by: megbon at April 1, 2008 1:24 PM

Thanks Gaby. But isn't calling them "eloquents" a little, what's the word, retarded? You read this shit.

Posted by: Bastard Ray at April 1, 2008 1:24 PM

I see what's going on. You're censoring those of us who are calling you on your

OVER THE TOP APRIL FOOL'S JOKE

Well done. Seriously, I laughed.

Posted by: Ophiyuki at April 1, 2008 1:26 PM

I am onto you now...it's called seeing my posts not there when I refresh...

Posted by: lyricalcatt at April 1, 2008 1:26 PM

Hey, Bastard Ray: Eat a bag of dicks, OK? Like using the word "retarded" is somehow eloquent? You wouldn't know eloquent if it kicked you in the balls.

Posted by: TK at April 1, 2008 1:26 PM

Oh for fuck's sake Vermillion give it a rest. It's getting old. I get called out for my feminist agenda and yet you get to play the race card whenever it fucking suits you. Pick a side and stick to it. Yeah, yeah "you love me so you're pulling your punches" please. Because I couln't "handle" you. Do you even read the shit you type?

Well, maybe I should T Y P E S L O W E R so that your alcohol and ink soaked female brain can figure our the nuances of my writing.

Posted by: Vermillion at April 1, 2008 1:26 PM

Is this just a horrible, sad April Fool's joke? Cause if it is, that makes me sad.

Don't make me quit you.

Posted by: tncunnin at April 1, 2008 1:26 PM

Ah, and the refreshing pays off! You think you're tricky, but you ain't got no tricks!

Silly Rabbit.

Posted by: elizabeth at April 1, 2008 1:27 PM

Sigh. I remember when there used to actually be meaningful discourse in these comment threads. Hell, they used to be better than the reviews, half the time. Now they've turned into big circle jerks with the same dozen people apparently hitting refresh a pajillion times a day, waiting to see who can beat off who first.

Posted by: Lito at April 1, 2008 1:27 PM

This is all an elaborate April Fool's joke, right? I feel like I'm at Thankgsgiving with my family and everyone is doing Cuervo shooters and "expressing" themselves freely on one another.

Posted by: Rob at April 1, 2008 1:27 PM

Good stuff, dudes.

Posted by: ajax19 at April 1, 2008 1:27 PM

Quotation marks are also used for irony, in case you didn't know.

Posted by: Gaby at April 1, 2008 1:28 PM

Bastard Ray-then start commenting. We won't bite unless you ask.

And Dustin...Ouch? That's all you could do? I expected better.

Posted by: Julie at April 1, 2008 1:29 PM

Wow. Trading Spaces. The Wedding Singer. 48 Hours. You guys have your fingers firmly on the pulse of today's entertainment. How about some jokes about airline food? Or the Titanic? Or how black people are like this, but white people are like that? Maybe a couple cracks about the Ayatollah.

You fucking jokes.

Posted by: fanattica at April 1, 2008 1:29 PM

Good lord...first my local morning radio show electrocutes someone to death during their "Dog Shock Collar Trivia" segment, then Ranylt incites a riot in the comment thread by once again flaunting her kollidge edjumacayshun in front of the half-wits who read this site, which always makes them monkeys go bananas.
You'd think it's April Fool's day or something.

Posted by: Jess at April 1, 2008 1:30 PM

Well, maybe I should T Y P E S L O W E R so that your alcohol and ink soaked female brain can figure our the nuances of my writing

Yeah, bring up the drinking Vermillion that's REALLY mature.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at April 1, 2008 1:30 PM

I have one question:

since when is ANY comment board not a circle jerk? And why are those bad things??

Also:

heeeee! I love y'all. I will suck your circle-jerk zombie lovin' dicks and clits. With mah Jesus face on.

Posted by: boo at April 1, 2008 1:30 PM

"Eat a bag of dicks" -- TK

Was that Dostoevsky?

Posted by: your mom at April 1, 2008 1:33 PM

OK, last try. I was deleted twice already, for calling this out as an April fool's gag (and actually, a rather sinister and brilliant actually), so if I get deleted again, I guess the eds. are having too much fun at our expense. So, for the record, Happy April Fool's day y'all.

Posted by: jay at April 1, 2008 1:34 PM

Oh, fuckety fucksocks.

I was just about to posit an April 1st conspiracy, but I see that megbon has beaten me to it. I hope we're right, otherwise Pajiba is plumbing new depths of assholery.

And, for the record, I'm totally in agreement with those who hypothesize that Ranylt wouldn't attract so much criticism were she not one of them darned womenfolk.

Posted by: Vee at April 1, 2008 1:36 PM

"is it safe to re-watch Ghostbusters, or should I keep fond memories intact and never see it again?"

It's safe, just for Rick Moranis.

Posted by: Ginger at April 1, 2008 1:37 PM

Yeah, bring up the drinking Vermillion that's REALLY mature.

Well, if the pint glass fits...

Seriously, after reading all of the neurotic rambling you have posted, you calling me out is really taking the fucking cake.

"Boo hoo I am a poor wittle girl boo hoo hoo I need repeat sessions of masochism to feel special boo hoo nobody at work likes me enough to give me staples boo hoo hoo

*glug glug glug*

*tattoo tattoo tattoo*

*glug glug glug*

boo hoo hoo am I cool now?"

Spare me.

Posted by: Vermillion at April 1, 2008 1:37 PM

This is a prime reason to actually develop a "Commenter Thunderdome".

Christ, people... Anger makes Jesu... (oops, almost let that out slip out - thanks, Rapturous!!)

(...ahem...)

Anger makes fuzzy baby kittens have the soupy-poops (ah, the moral compass pointing in the right direction is so very refreshing...).

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 1, 2008 1:38 PM

Yah, I have as much right to be here as anyone, [b]socalled[b]. You post here all the time, I know you think you own this place. Lots of people have complained about this reviewer before, its every damn article, every time this person writes something. Its insultng, and you liking it doesn't matter to everyone else. Don't be more of an ahole.

Posted by: asscracker at April 1, 2008 1:38 PM

Don't call me Jeezie Creezie Lannie!

Posted by: PissBoy at April 1, 2008 1:40 PM

Do I really talk about sex that much?

Um, yes, Agent Bedhead. Please stop.

Posted by: aimee at April 1, 2008 1:40 PM

Hey V, maybe if you took up drinking you might be a little, you know, more fun?

Just a thought.

Posted by: Stacey at April 1, 2008 1:40 PM

HEY! Fuck you, Vermillion!

Don't drag ME into this steaming pile.

Hey, I hear your mom. You better run home and finish your homework, or you won't get to stay up late and play your video games.

Yeah, sorry, that was lame. I'm in too good of a mood today. :)

Posted by: boo at April 1, 2008 1:41 PM

I'm calling BULLSHIT! on this comment thread! I get the feeling that a certain contingent of people are all in on this thing to make it blow up.

Posted by: PissBoy at April 1, 2008 1:41 PM

Even for a joke this is all pretty uninspired and retarded.

Posted by: LuluJ at April 1, 2008 1:42 PM

It's a good thing my grape leaves were so damn delicious for lunch today, because otherwise my day would have been completely and utterly ruined by this supernova of asshattery.

Although I am hormonal AND exhausted, so my fuse is short today. So if anyone has a problem with me, feel free to bring it.

Oh, and hey, TK, baseball season's here. Boston sucks.

Posted by: Kolby at April 1, 2008 1:42 PM

I'd be willing to bet it's five comments before someone starts talking about killing Michael Bay or fucking or zombies. It's like having a VCR of a whale giving birth spliced with a Special Olympics bowling tournament. Fill! Fill! Fill those empty voids in your lives!

Posted by: fanattaca at April 1, 2008 1:43 PM

Next on Boozehound! A special viewing of Deliverance, along with a moonshine taste-test, for that special commenter you just can't get enough of! AssCracker, you should do the Ned Beatty scene in slo-mo so you can refine your technique. I'll make sure to write it in hillbilly vernacular so that it won't be too high-brow for your taste. Alas, I don't think there's any sister-sex, so you might find it stuffy.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at April 1, 2008 1:44 PM

Speaking of mental masturbation in reviews, where is Phillip? I am sure he must be abusing himself with a blow-up doll of Aimee Mann or some such elitist shit like that.

Geez, Dustin tell the guy TMI in those emails, okay?

Posted by: Vermillion at April 1, 2008 1:44 PM

Reader for 2 years, posting for the first time.

The synthesis of intelligent and vitriolic criticism tends to elevate many of the underestimated works in cinema/art into something to be appreciated, albeit not in the sense of mainstream appreciation, which sets it apart.

I guess people come here expecting more of the vitriol than intelligence.

Some can say, "This movie is just about so and so" and leave it at that, while what this critic is doing is synthesizing the high- and low-brow tendencies of the film and humanity in general. She brings 500 years of historical perspective to a modern film and is chewed out (worse) for it?

Sometimes it's better to pick up the dictionary and/or doing some research instead of not getting the point and letting frustration get the better of understanding. We'd all be the better for it...

This site seems geared toward esoteric tastes, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Great review.

Posted by: Recondite at April 1, 2008 1:45 PM

I can see where this lost some people. But speaking as a literature/theology grad student, Bakhtin is my favorite literary theorist and I enjoyed the hell out of working on Rabelais and His World, so this hit my happy geek places dead-on.

I'm going to resume my usual lurking now.

Posted by: bethness at April 1, 2008 1:47 PM

And I like Trading Spaces. There's nothing like a hooker with a heart of gold and a few hundred racial, ethnic and class sterotypes to bring a smile to your face.

Posted by: Kolby at April 1, 2008 1:47 PM

Hey Stacey, maybe if you STOPPED drinking, your reviews wouldn't suck so bad. Just a thought.

And Kolby: not today, OK? NOT today. I'm annoyed enough as is.

Posted by: TK at April 1, 2008 1:48 PM

Hey V, maybe if you took up drinking you might be a little, you know, more fun?

Maybe if you took up a little less CW pretty boy knob-gobbling, you would be a little more sympathetic?

Just a thought.

Don't drag ME into this steaming pile.

I didn't, it not my fault you are too slow to read. How about you whip out the sweater puppies again? Side boob was the most interesting part about you.

Posted by: Vermillion at April 1, 2008 1:48 PM

Yeah, get on a message board to talk about how message boards suck, that's a good way to make your point.

Screw Pajiba with Michael Bay's dick.

Posted by: twig at April 1, 2008 1:50 PM

I like Trading Places because the jokes make me laugh.

Posted by: Matt K at April 1, 2008 1:50 PM

All right! The Eloquents are going for each other's blood!

As the new day dawns, us Sub-Eloquents and lurkers and flying-under-the-radar-ers will emerge from the carnage and rise to the top, creating a kinder, gentler Pajiba. With more fuzzy baby bunnies and LOL-cats galore.

Vishnu H. Amin-ra, it's going to be a whole new world around here.....

Posted by: MO at April 1, 2008 1:50 PM

Awwww, moderating? I wanted to get in on the April Fool's fun. : * (

Thanks anyway for the best laugh today. : )

Posted by: twig at April 1, 2008 1:50 PM

Hee! Kolby, that would be Places.

Oh, and TK? The Red Sucks are the NEW Yankees. Overblown, overpaid, and over. Go Cubs!!!

Posted by: boo at April 1, 2008 1:50 PM

pajiba had it's pajeriod

Posted by: your mom at April 1, 2008 1:51 PM

This whole thread reminds me of an important issue in today's world: abortion. Personally, I think all babies should be killed, wanted or not. Thoughts, anyone?

Posted by: Jess at April 1, 2008 1:52 PM

Okey dokey - back to hoping & praying the state can manage something close to an on-time budget.

Posted by: Kolby at April 1, 2008 1:53 PM

Side boob was the most interesting part about you.

Only to you neanderthal FANBOY gaming idiots.

But I don't fault YOU that it's the only boob you've ever seen. Aside from your mother's.

When will you be weaned, by the way?

Just wondering.

Posted by: boo at April 1, 2008 1:53 PM

Hey Stacey, maybe if you STOPPED drinking, your reviews wouldn't suck so bad. Just a thought.

But TK, if she stopped drinking, how will she cope when her precious Jason Ankles and That Other Tard leave the magic box in her home?

Do you want her to just cry in silence?

Posted by: Vermillion at April 1, 2008 1:55 PM

Hee! Kolby, that would be Places.

That too. Thanks, boo!

Posted by: Kolby at April 1, 2008 1:55 PM

whoever said this site jumped the shark was fucking right on. this is a new low for this dump. between lame-ass tk bitching about his stupid "review" and vermillion (is that even a word?) acting like a five year old... i'm calling the official death of this once cool site. bunch of fucking retards is all thats left. congrats on creating aintitcool 2.0, you assholes.

Posted by: Darkling at April 1, 2008 1:57 PM

fools

Posted by: ziva at April 1, 2008 1:57 PM

When will you be weaned, by the way?

What, you offering? Sorry, but one boob isn't worth losing my butt cherry to you.

Oh, yeah, don't think I forgot about your little 'offer'. Seriously, you need help.

Posted by: Vermillion at April 1, 2008 1:57 PM

Time out.

Jesus Christ.

Dustin, I appreciate the gesture but 1) that was inappropriate as hell and Stacey made a valid point about favoritism, and 2) I love polarizing people! Who cares what comes down the comments pike? Entertainment comes in all forms.

One of the reasons I enjoy writing for this site is the level of professionalism among the Pajiba staff. You guys have really let me down today.

I'm taking my Rabelais and going home. Hopefully when I come back next month, there'll be something left of this place.

Posted by: Ranylt at April 1, 2008 1:58 PM

Stop all this fighting or I'm pulling this car over and turning it around. Then none of us will get to go to Disney World. Is that what you want? To ruin spring break for little Tommy? Look you made grandma cry.

(I know that I was faked out by the marketing plan, but this has got to be the April Fool's joke.)

Posted by: ankitty at April 1, 2008 1:58 PM

whoever said this site jumped the shark was fucking right on. this is a new low for this dump. between lame-ass tk bitching about his stupid "review" and vermillion (is that even a word?) acting like a five year old... i'm calling the official death of this once cool site. bunch of fucking retards is all thats left. congrats on creating aintitcool 2.0, you assholes.

Sorry, didn't get that, I could here your mumbling with DEEZ NUTZ IN YOUR MOUTH.

Posted by: Vermillion at April 1, 2008 2:00 PM

i got something to say
i killed a baby today
didn't matter to much to me
as long as it bled

Posted by: your mom at April 1, 2008 2:00 PM

I saw Vermillion lose his butt cherry for a copy of live-action 'Cutey Honey'.

See it all on V E R M S C H E R R Y.com

Posted by: twig at April 1, 2008 2:00 PM

So if I don't use the word 4th month of the year will my comment make it through?

Posted by: anikitty at April 1, 2008 2:00 PM

"Hopefully when I come back next month, there'll be something left of this place."

hopefully you won't come back at all, and we can go back to reading reviews in fucking english.

Posted by: Darkling at April 1, 2008 2:01 PM

Ranylt, don't you mean "Jeezy Creezy"?

Posted by: Jess at April 1, 2008 2:01 PM

Oh, Ranylt! Don't leave!
You forgot this punch in the face! You washed up, pseudointellectual hag. Go cry to your legions and legions of cats.

Canada sucks.

Posted by: fanattaca at April 1, 2008 2:01 PM

Ranylt: Good. I couldn't understand your reviews anyway. -- DR

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at April 1, 2008 2:02 PM

Wait a minute...I'm calling April Fools! All you regulars got together with the writing staff and planned this out. Well played.

Posted by: Soso at April 1, 2008 2:02 PM

isn't agent bedhead the one who has sex dreams about me?

Posted by: eli roth at April 1, 2008 2:03 PM

Thanks, Ranylt--I now have Velvet Underground stuck in my head...

"Some kinds of love," Margarita told Tom, "like a dirty French novel, combine the absurd with the vulgar"

Enjoy your time off, don't be TOO busy, and try to pop in and say hello now and again!

Posted by: MO at April 1, 2008 2:03 PM

Ranylt, the voice of reason. It's too bad everyone is acting stupid because of April's Fool's. I wonder if you were in on this as well...

Posted by: lyricalcatt at April 1, 2008 2:04 PM

This is an April Fool's day joke, right?
Because I hate it when mommy and daddy (and auntie and uncle and the kids down the street) fight.

Posted by: lyssmiss80 at April 1, 2008 2:05 PM

Dustin! Don't you have a baby to be all gay for?

Posted by: fanattaca at April 1, 2008 2:05 PM

OK, who kidnapped Vermillion and replaced him with a 10 year old boy? Deez nutz jokes? Seriously?

What's that? He IS a ten year old boy?

Oh. Frankly, that explains a lot.

Posted by: TK at April 1, 2008 2:05 PM

I know I've had a helluva lotta caffeine today, but things would appear to have taken a sharp turn into surreal territory.

Yes, Sarina I'm having the same feeling and a REALLY strong suspicion that someone is hi-jacking commenter nicknames.

Recondite, nice comment and I agree. I love Ranylt's insights.

Posted by: ScandinavianBlonde at April 1, 2008 2:07 PM

Umm...wow.

1) I enjoyed the review, if only for the literary and linguistic high wire act that Ranylt had to perform to pull it off. Well done.

2) It's spelled m-a-s-t-u-r-b-a-t-i-o-n. Does no one use spell check?

3) I'm really hoping that this whole comment thread is the result of the most fiendishly dark and devious April Fool's Day prank ever perpetrated on the internets.

Posted by: Groundloop at April 1, 2008 2:07 PM

With fans like reggie, who needs enemies?

Posted by: Pangaia at April 1, 2008 2:07 PM

I've read reviews of this movie that claim that the opening scene (Ackroyd dressing for the day)is almost perfect cinema in an otherwise forgettable film. That's a less impressive review than the one above. I like the interjection of film theory in pop culture. Hell, there's an entire publishing line dedicated to just that. Now which diety am I supposed to slander? Sweet mead slicked Thor!

Posted by: MrCreosote at April 1, 2008 2:09 PM

Oh sure, the (second) biggest drunkard on Pajiba is gonna call me out for my drunkardness. Talk about the fart calling the turd stinky.

Posted by: Stacey at April 1, 2008 2:09 PM

*Peeks in, realizes that this is far beyond saving, says a "What up?" to Kolby (I am assume, a Yankees fan, Go Yankees!) and quietly walks away, disturbed and sad that things have dissolved this far*

Posted by: Melody at April 1, 2008 2:09 PM

OK, who kidnapped Vermillion and replaced him with a 10 year old boy? Deez nutz jokes? Seriously?

Yeah, well....I'M RUBBER YOU'RE GLUE!!!!!

Besides, I'd rather be a 10-year-old than a suck-ass Sox fan, CT.

Posted by: Vermillion at April 1, 2008 2:09 PM

don't tell socalled vermillion's a ten year old boy. he might try to internet-rape him.

actually don't tell vermillion. he might need to get raped by a four-thousand year old internet rapist.

Posted by: your mom at April 1, 2008 2:11 PM

Um, Vermillion (whateverthefuckthatmeans), a couple of things:

A) Buttholes have nothing to do with weaning.

B) I was not offering to wean you. I would have to be breast-feeding you to do that, and since we all know that you still suckle your poor mother's ragged, wrinkled tits, then that simply isn't possible.

C) I would never pop your butt cherry. I have way too much self-respect, and not nearly enough sanitizer.

Posted by: side-boo at April 1, 2008 2:11 PM

jay, ITA. 4/1 it is!

Posted by: mswas at April 1, 2008 2:11 PM

Wow, this thread turned into the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan on the quick. TK, you got those Claymores? I think we'll have to blow the place.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at April 1, 2008 2:12 PM

Wow...all this...wow...you know "retarded" is a classic Masshole word: "What ah you, re-tahdid?" There. Anyway, I have no problem with "big words," and those that do, are whiny little cunts. Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuunts. I think it's fun to review older movies or even bad older movies once in a while. No one is forcing you to read this review or this site even. I like Canada.

Posted by: SoupyPoop at April 1, 2008 2:13 PM

Dustin, you must be having so much fun with this. how soon till we get to 1000 comments? flame on!

Posted by: mswas at April 1, 2008 2:13 PM

April Fools?

Posted by: coveredinbees at April 1, 2008 2:14 PM

I only ask because, you know, I have sex dreams about her too.

Posted by: eli roth at April 1, 2008 2:14 PM

Haha... Godtopus knows how many flames, and not one remark that a hilariously over the top posmodernist review written on (OMG) April 1st might just be an april fool's joke?

Posted by: Joe at April 1, 2008 2:14 PM

I've never been offended so thoroughly by a review. How dare you mention a movie as crass as Trading Places in the same breath as my idol, Jean Claude Rabelais? Obviously, you have no taste for the finer things in life if you think that this cinematic excrement deserves even a casual reference on a site of this caliber.

And why must you(simultaneously and paradoxically)offend my plain-spoken sensibilities by getting all INTELLECTUAL when writing about a movie that is clearly supposed to be ENJOYED as good fun without THINKING about it so much! Obviously the movie is just FUNNY and why cant you just laugh at it like a normal persn!!! Not evryone is a big movie nerd and sum of us just like to watch movies OK??? GOD!!!!

Your idol would probably appreciate it if you could get his name right--it's François, not Jean-Claude. --RR

Posted by: Wonkey the Monkey at April 1, 2008 2:14 PM

Wow... Whatta clusterhump. I'll check back tomorrow to see if anyone's still breathing...

Posted by: Skittimus at April 1, 2008 2:16 PM

um...april fool's? please, somebody say april fool's?

Posted by: lateformyfuneral at April 1, 2008 2:17 PM

haha... I just realized what the comment moderation was for. I feel like a tool now : )

Posted by: Joe at April 1, 2008 2:17 PM

By the Spaghetti Monster's sweet appendage, you folks have a case of the Tuesdays! Sheesh.

There's nothing wrong with looking deep (in this case deeeeeeeep) into a movie for the underlying social fabric. Very interesting take on an enjoyable movie, Renylt. Never thought about it that way before.

Is Ghostbusters safe? By Beezelbub's balls, yes. Although (and this is silly) I have a problem where Aykroyd dreams about getting a BJ from a ghost. Was that necessary? Wasn't the ghost just Aykroyd's stupid wife, who has to get screentime in every movie he's in?
If it weren't for that small part, I would have no problem having Ghostbusters on a loop in an elementary school.

"If someone asks if you're a god, say YES!"

Posted by: numchuck at April 1, 2008 2:18 PM

Halfway into the comments it occurs to me that this is April Fools Day. Please tell me this explains all the in-fighting???

Posted by: methodpam at April 1, 2008 2:18 PM

Uh, boo, (whateverthefuckTHATSsupposedtoimpress), since when did "a couple" equal THREE?

Posted by: Vermillion at April 1, 2008 2:19 PM

of course you'll be back tomorrow. this is all you ever do with your life.

Posted by: your mom at April 1, 2008 2:19 PM

Could you put down the sharp sticks you regulars keep poking yourselves with.

Or at least, take care of your difference else where. You've all left a bad taste in my mouth.

Posted by: Draya at April 1, 2008 2:20 PM

Is this thread some elaborate April Fool's Day joke on the pajiba readership?

Posted by: Ol' Don at April 1, 2008 2:22 PM

Excuse me for trying to speak in your language, V. I just assumed that because you are still into your mom's tits, that meant you live in West Virginia. Maybe I should have said "a couple few"...would that compute?

Posted by: boo at April 1, 2008 2:22 PM

As some one who just recently stopped lurking yesterday, it may be out of my place to say, but I think I kinda know this has to be an April Fool's Day joke... The comments with ads kind of gave it away...

Besides, it has to be. Verbal abuse is always a joke! Ha ha ha ha...

Anyway, even if it's not "hillybilly-stan" made me laugh. So, it's a good day. Plus I have cookies.

Happy Violent Fool's day, y'all!

Posted by: Kayanne at April 1, 2008 2:25 PM

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, St. Patrick, St. Bridget and all the decommissioned saints! I dipped my toes in the water earlier and ended up with the pirahna of commenters accusing me of posting under a different name out of jealousy. I'll take my graying pubes and limp home now.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 1, 2008 2:25 PM

Sweet Menstruating Zoroaster on a Double-Headed Dildo, people.

Posted by: Jerce at April 1, 2008 2:27 PM

Holy Xenu on a shingle, is this some kind of April Fools joke? Cause if this is what happens when Trading Places gets reviewed, I'm glad ranylt passed on Doctor Detroit.

PS Has some l33t haxor hijacked Dustin's password? The comments seem way out of character (and line).

Posted by: ohgrl at April 1, 2008 2:27 PM

Skittimus, maybe we could just play chess until it blows over. You wanna be black or white?

Posted by: llism at April 1, 2008 2:27 PM

April Fools!

You commenters got roped in again. I didn't buy it for a second, but it was entertaining.

Posted by: G-Dub at April 1, 2008 2:27 PM

If my suspicions are correct, this review and the following comments are possibly the greatest April Fool's joke played on the internet EVER.

Posted by: Dill The Devil at April 1, 2008 2:28 PM

OH! I GET IT. THE COMMENTS ARE AN APRIL FOOL'S JOKE.

Posted by: BWeaves at April 1, 2008 2:28 PM

Ghostbusters is a particular fave of ours. When they are in the mayor's office and Murray says,

"But if I'm right, and we can stop this thing, Lenny, you will have saved the lives of millions of registered voters " the way he calls the mayor by his first name and the mayor sort of blinks... Priceless!

It benefits from repeated watching for sure, though the CGI is dated indeed.

Posted by: mswas at April 1, 2008 2:30 PM

Is this whole kerfuffle an April Fool's joke? It's mighty off-putting.

Posted by: millie at April 1, 2008 2:30 PM

Jesus Christ on rollerblades. I stopped fooling around on the interwebs for a few hours to get some work done.

What the fuck happened in here? It's like the zombie war without the zombies, entrails, blood, fire, or whiskey fountain.

Fuck. Skitt, I need to hide in the Murder Tank.

(Also: I'm a Catholic and I took the Lord's name in vain. I'll take it up with St. Peter when I get there.)

Posted by: Nicole at April 1, 2008 2:31 PM

"Besides, I'd rather be a 10-year-old than a suck-ass Sox fan, CT."

Bitch, please. Like you even understand sports. Go back to playing with your fucking Star Wars legos. Maybe you can read some more comic books to find a joke that you don't have to steal from fucking Kolby.

And Stacey? I don't know what the fuck your problem is today. You've taken a couple of innocuous comments and blown them completely out of proportion.

You know, it's bad enough that I'm having such a shit day when it's finally decent outside, but this crap is really the fucking cherry on a shit sundae. Give it a rest, Nosek. You've got your own fucking DAILY column here. I'm stunned that you feel justified bitching about ANYTHING.

Posted by: TK at April 1, 2008 2:31 PM

Flounder: Oh, boooy, is this grrreat!

Posted by: Sean at April 1, 2008 2:31 PM

Jesus Christ on rollerblades. I stopped fooling around on the interwebs for a few hours to get some work done.

What the fuck happened in here? It's like the zombie war without the zombies, entrails, blood, fire, or whiskey fountain.

Fuck. Skitt, I need to hide in the Murder Tank.

(Also: I'm a Catholic and I took the Lord's name in vain. I'll take it up with St. Peter when I get there.)

Posted by: Nicole at April 1, 2008 2:31 PM

april fools?

Posted by: Leah at April 1, 2008 2:35 PM

Ah, April Fools' Day - there's nothing like it. Right?

Posted by: Serge at April 1, 2008 2:36 PM

Wait a minute...

Ranylt's married???

To a man???

Is this a joke?

Posted by: Jen at April 1, 2008 2:37 PM

Happy April Fools Day Y'all.

Right?

Posted by: Whitey at April 1, 2008 2:40 PM

Ah, TK, the answer to a question no one asked.

Posted by: twig at April 1, 2008 2:40 PM

Do I get a prize for recognising that you guys just happened to choose THIS particular day to verbally annihilate each other?

In other words... April Fools?

Posted by: Kathryn at April 1, 2008 2:42 PM

Har dee fucking har, boo. If that is the best you can do, maybe you need to have you S.O. come in and give you a hand with those big mean insults, LITTLE LADY.

And choke on a sweater vested zombie dick, TK.

Posted by: Vermillion at April 1, 2008 2:42 PM

Fuck yes. I don't understand the complaints, I'm loving the DR/TK/Lightly/Verm/etc bitchfest. BabaBooey- There's a reason the Stern show has millions of listeners. It's fun to hear the infighting sometimes.

I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the ride.

Carry on.

Posted by: Riles at April 1, 2008 2:43 PM

I've been busy with real work today, and a commenter just tipped me off to what's going on over here.

Um ... sigh.

Dustin. I've e-mailed you three times now, and you're apparently too busy unloading on our readers and writers to respond, so while I fucking loathe the idea of airing dirty laundry out in the public like this, you're leaving me with little fucking choice. Please e-mail me now so we don't need to "talk" via these comments (and if you e-mailing me gets you out of these comments for a little, maybe you'll calm the fuck down).

We fired Jeremy for this horseshit - did you learn nothing?

Seth

Posted by: Seth at April 1, 2008 2:46 PM

Why the baseball static on a movie website? Go to a game already!
Sox suck
Yankees suck
Go Marlins!
Yeah, that's right. The proud, the lowest-paid. The guys who have to share a stadium with the Dolphins. May the fish drink your milkshakes!

Posted by: numchuck at April 1, 2008 2:47 PM

Well I think that was pretty much the best review ever. Trading Places is a crappy movie, but I still like it and now I have a justification!

Posted by: Erin at April 1, 2008 2:47 PM

fools

Posted by: ziva at April 1, 2008 2:48 PM

BRAVO!
BRAVO!!!

best.fool's.day.joke.ever.

great idea!

ENCORE!!!

Posted by: shoulders of orion at April 1, 2008 2:49 PM

This is the greatest Pajiba thread ever. Good fun. I wonder if instead of an april fools article, you guys are doing april fools comments? The "passwords to the site" bit might have been pushing just a little.

If not, still a great read - flame on!

Posted by: jon29 at April 1, 2008 2:50 PM

Mercy! What an INCREDIBLE idea for an April Fool's joke - all the Eloquents and even good ol' Dustin hisself pretending to be all pissed off!

Forget it, people. You truly fooled me last year with the great 'Sister Act 2' review, I won't let you get away with it again.

You're ALL in on the joke now, is that how its going to be? No wonder BSlim has been conspicuously absent on this thread. I feel so left out. And paranoid. ALWAYS paranoid, but even more so now.

Posted by: TMax at April 1, 2008 2:51 PM

Nyah nyah nyah nyah! Dustin's in trou-ble!

Seriously, Stace, that shit's not helping. -- RR

Posted by: Stacey at April 1, 2008 2:51 PM

I'm assuming this whole thing, including the original review, is an April Fool's joke.

Posted by: regan at April 1, 2008 2:52 PM

I'm assuming this whole thing, including the original review, is an April Fool's joke.

Posted by: regan at April 1, 2008 2:52 PM

You know what, Seth?

Air that shit.

I think it is high time that everyone here knows exactly how egotistical, heavy handed, and douche-y that hipster wannabe, Dustin, really is.

Posted by: boo at April 1, 2008 2:54 PM

Ummm ... actually, Seth: You fired Jeremy. I didn't have anything to do with it. Dude was one of our best writers, and you let him go for what? You want to talk about dirty laundry? -- DR

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at April 1, 2008 2:56 PM

I see someone let Jealous Jen out of her cage again.

Posted by: Lance at April 1, 2008 2:57 PM

Oh shut up, Eli.

Posted by: agent bedhead at April 1, 2008 2:57 PM

Wow, Stacey. You're a dumb bitch.
And who gave Seth keys to this place? I thought he was like the retarded kid on your T-ball team you gave a glove and let stand in left field during the sixth inning. He gets to bat?

Posted by: insertclevernamehere at April 1, 2008 2:57 PM

Someone needs to fill me in on the specifics of Jeremy's firing, because I've always wondered what happened to that guy.

Posted by: Flannery at April 1, 2008 2:58 PM

Oh, shit, this is getting interesting.

What did happen with Jeremy, pray tell?

Posted by: Vermillion at April 1, 2008 2:59 PM

You folks make April first the most fun. And I even liked the review, it left me shaking my head just like my poetry classes in college.

Posted by: Muphinsmom at April 1, 2008 2:59 PM

Hehehe, who knew that one well-timed comment over at Quizlaw could bring this adventure to a whole new level?

Posted by: elizabeth at April 1, 2008 3:00 PM

Do I smell a Fools Day joke going on here?

Posted by: Riles at April 1, 2008 3:00 PM

Dude. Seth. Look, I know what you said at the bar the other night but do you really think it's smart to be airing this shit in public? Things have gotten a little out of hand here today but I think you need to rise above. I had a long talk with Dustin and I agree, your concerns are founded but seriously, off line dude. Off line.

Posted by: Beckylooo at April 1, 2008 3:01 PM

Oh, what the fuck. That's fucking it. I'm done, I'm out, I'm gone. Seriously. Now we're gonna start acting like a gossip circle?

Dustin, look, I appreciate the opportunity and all, but this is too much. I've lived with the downward turn in the sites content, I've lived with your condescending emails to my reviews, and I've lived with you hacking them to pieces as well. Thanks, but I'm through.

Posted by: TK at April 1, 2008 3:01 PM

Ranylt, you write beautifully. I really enjoyed that review, much more than I could ever have enjoyed that movie. Please don't give up on the few of us who have not completely lost our minds. Although at this point, it may just be Kolby, Riles, Skittimus and a handful of us lurkers left when you return.

Also, I would like to take this moment to offer everyone (especially TK, Vermillion, Stacey and Dustin) a hit of my virtual blunt. There's far too much misdirected anger here today, and I think we would all appreciate it if you could just mellow out a tad.

Puff puff pass, people.

Posted by: Zoe at April 1, 2008 3:02 PM

Yes, Dustin, I did fire Jeremy. Would do it again. And you know it was because of the shit going on between him and some of the comments (not to mention between him and one of the other staffers). But at least he had the decency to keep it mostly behind closed doors.

This thing here is just making me a little ill.

Fuck the business - we've been friends for a long time now. And this feels an awful light like the quick implosion we had with a certain law school roommate (hey Cohad, how ya doin?!), and I don't want to see this go down that path. So take a deep breath and e-mail me back, please.

I don't like being distracted from real work when it's not dick and fart jokes that done be distracting me.

Posted by: Seth at April 1, 2008 3:02 PM

Hmph. And I thought we were friends, Prisco.

Guess that's another name I'll be crossing off my xmas card list.

Posted by: Stacey at April 1, 2008 3:03 PM

Dustin, Seth --

Cool your jets. Let's not do this in front of the help.

Dan

Posted by: Daniel Carlson at April 1, 2008 3:03 PM

Preach TK! If he inserts one more unnecessary comma in one of my perfectly structured sentences I'm gonna throw my laptop at his ego-inflated melon. Sheesh.

Posted by: Beckylooo at April 1, 2008 3:04 PM

Gonna throw this out there cause no one else has yet... how many people have forgotten what day it is?

Posted by: Ebs at April 1, 2008 3:07 PM

I happen to know that Phillip's blow-up doll is of Karen O., probably because it facilitates those "O-Face" jokes much more easily.

Posted by: Freya at April 1, 2008 3:07 PM

can i go way out on a random branch and ask whether this is an elaborate april fool's joke for all the lurker commenters and that you pajiba elite are in on the gag?

pretty please? i don't like it when mommy and daddy fight.

Posted by: julia at April 1, 2008 3:08 PM

You know what, Seth? I started this site with Jeremy. You had no fucking right, man -- and I don't care what happened in law school. He was one of the original writers, and I still -- to this day -- have no idea why you felt so threatened by the guy. But whatever, man. You did what you had to do. And there's not anything we can do about it now. So, let's just let it go before this gets out of hand. -- DR

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at April 1, 2008 3:09 PM

Not that anybody is listening to little ole me, but-
Ranylt- I usually come here to find out new things to Netflix. Now I'm off to Wikipedia (or some Pajiba-approved encyclopedic site). I learn something new everyday.
I do have to say, though, that this review seemed very... unfocused. It seemed more about an ideoloogy than a movie that was underappreciated. Abbreviate, and quell the hate.
Yours,
Bees

Posted by: that bees chick at April 1, 2008 3:11 PM

C'mon. Nyah nyah nyah. You're better than that. You angered an army of patties for the death of Joshua Jackson. Just because Dustin's all up on the rag doesn't mean you have to get retarded. That's Seth's job.

Posted by: insertclevernamehere at April 1, 2008 3:12 PM

Things have deteriorated so much in these parts that the only bright spots left in my day are the awesome sweet commentators like Zoe and everyone else who's ever posted a compliment my way.

Just sad, guys. Our readers deserve better.

Posted by: Ranylt at April 1, 2008 3:12 PM

Is this some vast April Fool's joke that everyone planned in advance? Somebody, please tell me that's it, because this is surreal.

Posted by: llism at April 1, 2008 3:14 PM

I feel like I'm watching The Hills...a fake reality show.

Posted by: Riles at April 1, 2008 3:14 PM

The chair! Give him the chair!

Posted by: twig at April 1, 2008 3:14 PM

"...have no idea why you felt so threatened by the guy."

Yeah, you're right. I felt "threatened" because he's gay and I'm uncomfortable with my sexuality. You caught me.

Posted by: Seth at April 1, 2008 3:15 PM

That's not what I mean, Seth. And you know it. Don't play the gay card. -- DR

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at April 1, 2008 3:16 PM

Well us readers definitely deserve better than this shite review, I'll give you that Ranylt.

Posted by: Sheldon B at April 1, 2008 3:16 PM

Happy April Fool's Day, y'all.

My eyes are burning from reading this clusterfuck of a joke, but it was worth it.

Fucking loonies, all of you.

Posted by: Alabamapink at April 1, 2008 3:18 PM

Holy flame-war! People, relax!

Ranylt, I disagree with your mostly negative review of Trading Places. While it will never be confused with classic comedies such as The Odd Couple, Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein, A Day At The Races, and Meatballs (I was going to say Freddy Got Fingered, but the air 'round these parts is a bit intense for such a stab at humor), it is a good example of film as junkfood. Despite its flaws - it's a bit long, the climactic scene in the trenches of Wall St. is nearly impossible to follow, and it does lag in sections - it's a fun little flick that stops one from channel surfing. Ackroyd is hilarious as uptight uber-WASP Louie, Denholm Elliot is an underrated bright spot in the film, and the rest of the cast (at worst) avails themselves well to their roles. Trading Places is not the film you watch on the all-so-important Third Date. It's the flick you pop in after a few rounds of whatever booze you and your friends overindulge for some mindless laughs and entertainment.

Oh, and since everyone's a bit busy sniping at each other (Mommy! Daddy! Please stop fighting!!!), I'll say it - Jamie Lee Curtis' two topless scenes in the film helped propel me from boyhood to manhood. So there.

Posted by: David at April 1, 2008 3:18 PM

Oh come on, reveal this as a joke already. You've run out of clever things to say.

Posted by: Ol' Don at April 1, 2008 3:18 PM

This is fucking pathetic.

I'm taking the month off. I'll see you bickering assholes in May. Maybe.

Posted by: Daniel Carlson at April 1, 2008 3:18 PM

Hey, this comment section is almost better than last year when (retarded) people really believed that you picked Sister Act as the best movie evah!

And I liked the review.

Posted by: Elfrieda at April 1, 2008 3:19 PM

Wow! Love the comments today. True, I don't read them often enough to know if this happens often even though I get the feeling it's much worse today.

Is this you annual April Fools joke??

Posted by: kylie at April 1, 2008 3:19 PM

The gay card. Is that the Ace of Heeeeeeeyys!
Or the queen of clubs?

Posted by: your mom at April 1, 2008 3:19 PM

Also, I like turtles.

Posted by: David at April 1, 2008 3:20 PM

Great Carlson, just fucking great. You couldn't have taken off BEFORE writing the review of my favorite season of my favorite TV show ever? Seniority my ass. I told you that was the one I wanted. I begged you to pick something else and you took it out of fucking spite. You are such an asshole.

Posted by: Beckylooo at April 1, 2008 3:23 PM

Hey - if anyone wants sangria recipes, come on over to the Trade Round up thread. Muah!

Posted by: Kolby at April 1, 2008 3:24 PM

I complemented you too, Ranylt! Sheesh I can't get any recognition here. Damn site.

Recognition! Recognition! Sorry, I just didn't have it in me to scroll all the way back up through that war of words to locate everyone I should have. Mea culpa. I love you too. --RR

Posted by: lyricalcatt at April 1, 2008 3:24 PM

Can I take over Daniel's reviews? I'm better at it than him anyway.

Posted by: insertclevernamehere at April 1, 2008 3:24 PM

Okay, when is one of the staff gonna shout April Fools! then?

`Cause if this isn't a prank, it is as Daniel said, scarily unprofessional, and I'll get more than a few readers running. It's bitchy and scathing sure, but not with one ounce of intelligence

Posted by: cockroach at April 1, 2008 3:24 PM

Uh oh, Beckylooo's upset at me. I totally fear for my position.

I'm voting for Hillary.

Posted by: Daniel Carlson at April 1, 2008 3:25 PM

As a twice a week poster, I do really like this site. I usually try to point my friends in this direction when they are curious about a movie or if I find stuff worth reading. Most of your are intelligent and my grammatical superiors and a fun read.

Sometimes we have to just back off the throttle when we get pissed and just breath and take a break and remember what is important. Most of us come here because we have hated what the movie industry has become and need an outlet for that agnst knowing deep down inside that nothing is going to change.

Dustin, I just want to say that I enjoy this bit of intellectual fresh air that is your site and to keep fighting the good fight. BTW I agree with you when it Comes to the first Father of the Bride.

Commenting regulars...remember most of you are on the same side. If a review really bothers you just move on, why waste more time?

As for me, Trading Places had its moments. But it is what it is, a mass produced early 80s feel good American movie with underlying race issues. Is is perfect, no. But given the time it was made it fit the tenor of America and it was made to make $$$ with some of the biggest stars of that period. It was not out to dethrone Citizen Cane, Godfather, or the Caine Mutiny...it was made for a laugh and supplied some decent ones.

I look forward to continue reading the passion most of you bring here.

Posted by: richmac at April 1, 2008 3:25 PM

i need to stay off the internets on April 1. it is starting to make me dizzy.

Posted by: pq at April 1, 2008 3:26 PM

You know what? This is too much. I'm shutting down the comments while I still have a staff left. If any of you have any more grievances to air, just email me privately, OK? -- DR

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at April 1, 2008 3:27 PM