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Here Today. Beheaded Tomorrow.


"The Tudors," Season Three / Sarah Carlson

TV Reviews | April 9, 2009 | Comments (28)


When Michelle Obama dared to touch Queen Elizabeth II at Buckingham Palace last week, the breach of protocol sent media around the world into a tizzy. Global recession? Boring. Monarchs? Always entertaining. At least, they’re always entertaining to the chunk of public fixated on celebrity, especially the kind one’s born with, and the media knew there was a ready-made market for the story that wasn’t really a story. Even if, as “The Daily Show’s” John Oliver pointed out, the Queen as a figurehead doesn’t exactly scream democracy for Great Britain, what are they supposed to do? Not pass the crown when she dies? Not have a king or queen? That position of power and nobility is so ingrained in their society and ours that, even though Elizabeth isn’t commanding armadas or anything, we can’t imagine life without her or any of the royals. Their lives are the never-ending car wreck we stare at, a bejeweled and adulterous one with cool hats and weird traditions. Pedestals are created so society can knock its powerful members off of them, people. We have to look, and we delight in judging, and all the while we’re wondering what it would be like to be a part of it all.

It’s that natural fascination that Showtime’s “The Tudors” taps into, and they’re doing one better than the tabloids by going back several centuries to examine one of history’s most powerful and insane monarchs: King Henry VIII (Jonathan Rhys Meyers). Everyone knows who he is, even if they can’t say how many wives he had (six) or name them (Catherine of Aragon, Anne Boleyn, Jane Seymour, Anne of Cleves, Catherine Howard and Catherine Parr). I can do that without looking it up, but there’s no way for me to prove that on here, so I’ll just move on. Part PBS documentary, part soap opera and part late-night Cinemax romp, “The Tudors” relishes in the corruption and sexual escapades its characters partake in, not yet lowering itself to the level of smut, but not shying away from showing as many naked maids in waiting as possible. As its timeline goes, the show has had serious ground to cover in its first two seasons, and a rocky start that tried to cram too many chapters into one class period likely turned away many viewers. If you don’t know your history, you will be taught it, and the density of the politics of the Roman Catholic Church and the Church of England doesn’t provide for light view in between the oh-wow-that-looks-so-real sex scenes. Still, a strong second season helped propel the series into something more than voyeurism, thanks to the moving performances of Natalie Dormer as Anne Boleyn and Jeremy Northam as Sir Thomas Moore. “The Tudors” is still a melodrama — few period pieces aren’t — but the beautiful work of the second season gives me hope for the third.

“The Tudors” doesn’t just deal with Henry’s bipolar tendencies to love a person one minute and behead them the next, but also with how he kicked off the Reformation so he could divorce his first wife, Catherine of Aragon, to marry his second, Anne Boleyn. That took up the first season, with Season Two revolving around the destruction of Anne, and thankfully the creators are kind to her and show her as the victim she was. Season Three began Sunday with Henry’s marriage to wife No. 3, Jane Seymour, and the uprising of his subjects none too thrilled with Henry’s split from Rome. Decades have already been covered leading up to this point, and with each episode Henry gains a little more ground — power over his subjects, over other leaders, over the church. Rhys Meyers, while not looking the part, is brilliant as Henry VIII, delving deeper into his psyche than past presentations of the monarch have. He’s attractive, cunning and truly terrifying. Perhaps it helps that Rhys Meyers doesn’t look like Henry — he’s not playing dress up, or fleshing out a caricature. The creators have taken him in a fresh direction, hiring Rhys Meyers for skills, not a red beard and belly. Now that our beloved Boleyn and Moore are no longer with us, Meyers is carrying the show with the help of James Frain as Thomas Cromwell. Again, it is these performances that raise the show to a higher level. Plus, the costumes are pretty.

What more is there to say about the plot? It already happened. If you were surprised when Anne Boleyn died, you’re an idiot. You may be surprised at the individual fates of the remaining four wives, so I won’t give away the inevitable, but we still have more divorces and beheadings ahead of us. Joss Stone stars as wife No. 4, Anne of Cleves, a role one can’t have too much pride to audition for considering Henry was rumored to have described her as looking like a horse. The fact that we know what is coming is what makes the show even more peculiar fodder: We’ve been told when and where the car crash will be and we’re showing up early for prime seats. There are lessons to be learned, though, from our history, and royal and noble from the reign of the Tudors are certainly fascinating. But it’s the way those lessons are packaged that truly sells, and for that, “The Tudors” knows exactly what it’s doing.

Sarah Carlson has a front-row seat to the decline of the newspaper industry and lives in Alabama with her overly excitable Welsh Corgi.


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Comments

I loved Season 1, but I think there was enough drama and coniving with the Boleyns, that they really should have stretched that plot line out for a few seasons.

Haven't started season 2 yet, but it's on my list of On-Demands tonite.

Posted by: wsapnin at April 9, 2009 2:39 PM

"what are they supposed to do? Not pass the crown when she dies? Not have a king or queen?"

Yes. That is exactly what they are supposed to do. This is 2009 for Christ's sake. The entire concept of monarchy is so insulting and so incompatible with the idea of an advanced society. It amazes me that there are thinking human beings out there who are perfectly fine with the idea that some people, at birth, are considered by an entire nation to be entitled to a life of absolute privelege, luxurious government-supported housing, virtual tax-free living (yes, Mrs. Windsor pays a little nominal tax for appearances sake but it's nothing close to what she should be paying based on her wealth), and a whole set of preposterous rules. Curtsey before your giant in-bred ass? I don't think so. And by the way, that wealth of theirs was accumulated over centuries of abuse and exploitation of ordinary people in England and the various colonies they raped and pillaged.
The Bolshies had the right idea when they got rid of their idiot Romanovs. Make sure no trace is left for a resurgence.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 9, 2009 2:41 PM

I truly miss Anne Boleyn already. But I am still a fan of the show. You nailed it with this review...the costumes are pretty!

Posted by: Wanda at April 9, 2009 2:42 PM

never ending car wreck...ouch.

Posted by: Christopher at April 9, 2009 2:43 PM

Henry 8 also said Anne of Cleves smelled awful. I'm just wondering if they're going to make Meyers wear a fat suit at some point. Or gain 200 pounds.

Posted by: Rachel at April 9, 2009 2:46 PM

Joss Stone? What, no SJP?

Posted by: lordhelmet at April 9, 2009 2:48 PM

I don't have cable, but I have this on my list of shows to netflix, as soon as I can get my queue below 500.

Posted by: Stella at April 9, 2009 2:52 PM

Henry 8 also said Anne of Cleves smelled awful.

Yeah, but everyone did back then - especially Henry. He lived for years with a festering sore or boil or something on his leg. Really gross.

Posted by: Kolby at April 9, 2009 3:05 PM

Okay, putting on the hat suitable for picking nits (or maybe taking off the hat prior to ... oh never mind) ANYHOODLE ... :

Henry didn't "kick off the Reformation." He divorced K of A in the 1530s after being disgruntled since the 1520s. Martin Luther's 95 Theses predate all that, 1517.

Let's just say Henry hitched his wagon cynically and opportunistically to the Reformation.

Otherwise, nice review. Sometimes it's all about how the story is told rather than the shock of the new.

Posted by: Gavin at April 9, 2009 3:07 PM

I'm just wondering if they're going to make Meyers wear a fat suit at some point. Or gain 200 pounds.

If they're at all historically accurate it will happen soon, he gains the weight after his jousting accident. But because Meyers is eye candy and they probably get a lot of younger girls obsessed with bodice rippers they might not.

Posted by: Hurp Durp at April 9, 2009 3:22 PM

I miss this series. My cable company removed Showtime from the list of channels available for free last year and I'm not paying for it on sheer principle! Poor service I tell you.

(The company apparently was pirating it and WE the public never found out until a big stink was raised by HBO and Showtime regarding fees!)

So here I am Tudorless today. I'll go read about it. *sigh*

Posted by: Four Eyes at April 9, 2009 3:52 PM

"If they're at all historically accurate it will happen soon, he gains the weight after his jousting accident."

It happens the same year that Catherine of Aragon dies (January) and Anne Boleyn is executed (May), 1536.

Oh -- and Henry, always classy, throws a kick-ass party after he hears that Catherine has died.

Posted by: Mike B. at April 9, 2009 4:34 PM

Yeah. He really was the epitome of sophistication wasn't he?

Then again, who needs to be sophisticated he practically EMBODIED the phrase "It's good to be the king!"

No sly wink necessary.

Posted by: Four Eyes at April 9, 2009 4:38 PM

I'm actually OK with Meyers not looking the part. It's probably less distracting. However, I am a bit bothered that nobody is aging. Princess Mary jumped from a 4 year old to a 16 year old in a couple of episodes, but nobody else has aged at all. Ann Boleyn played the virgin and teased Henry for 7 years before they finally married. 7 fucking years, and yet none of the actors aged a day except for Princess Mary.

Posted by: BWeaves at April 9, 2009 4:38 PM

I love The Tudors. JRM gives awesome crazy-eyes.

Posted by: Cletus at April 9, 2009 5:16 PM

I watch for the (very few) scenes of Henry Cavill.

Posted by: Bex at April 9, 2009 5:53 PM

Oh man the crazy eyes...almost, but not quite, approaching the level of Ben Linus. But I hope he'll get there some day, it really suits the persona

Posted by: DrunkPinkBat at April 9, 2009 6:15 PM

I fucking LOVE this series.

And yes -- Henry stank because of the sore on his leg, and he was a gargantuan fat bastard by the time he met Anne of Cleves, so for him to cast stones really was calling the kettle black. Also...

***SPOILER ALERT FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW YOUR HISTORY, and SHAME ON YOU FOR THAT, by the way ***

a hearty congratulations to Anne of Cleves for being the only one of his wives to survive him without actually having to fuck him.

***END SPOILER***

I am really loving this series and I hope they let it go all the way to the end of the Tudor reigns, and by that I mean through Elizabeth's death -- though that would be asking a LOT...

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at April 9, 2009 7:00 PM

Joss Stone? What, no SJP?

HA. She'd be perfect, but unfortunately she's like 80, therefore too old to play the part.

This show is one big fancy-dress soap opera, kind of a guilty pleasure. And it has a seriously gorgeous cast. And lots of sex. It's sort of perfect, really.

Posted by: figgy at April 9, 2009 7:37 PM

It happens the same year that Catherine of Aragon dies (January) and Anne Boleyn is executed (May), 1536.

Well then they're not historically accurate lol. He should have been fuller by now. I think it would do the whole thing justice to have him gain the weight. We're missing out a large hilarious chunk of Henry being the biggest (both figuratively AND literally) hypocrite.

Posted by: Hurp Durp at April 9, 2009 8:09 PM

I netflixed the first season when it become available and despite having a major thing for pretty pretty oh-so-pretty JRM ever since Velvet Goldmine, I couldn't get into it. (And as far as period dramas go, YES PLEASE. Loved Rome more than life itself. Pullo! Pullo!) I guess since I'm unemployed I can give it another go. But I'm curious, with all the gratuitous nudity, do they show any peen? I can't bitch about the historical inaccuracy of Henry being played by JRM because us girls deserve to see some hot pieces of ass too. IObvious double-standards aside, I am throughly sick of these movies that come out where all the actresses are stunning and yet the leading men are played by these schlubby yet allegedly adorable guys that win them over with "heart" or some shit. Fuck that. I'm talking to you, Apatow. JRM and Scarlet in Matchpoint, I buy. But I'd rather not see Jim Carrey make out with Zooey howeveryouspellherlastname, thanks. If JRM is who I get to watch get busy however, long live the king.

Posted by: kidtiger at April 9, 2009 9:27 PM

I am a Tudor whore (meaning I'll watch anything about the Tudors, not that I'm, like, the reincarnation of one of Henry's mistresses). Of course I have to watch this. I'm going to miss Natalie Dormer as Anne Boleyn, but it's not like I didn't know was coming. It seems they've recast Jane Seymour because the original actress quit. I've always considered JS to be one of the least interesting wives, maybe because AB is a tough act to follow, but I like her so far on the show, and I'm interested to see how they'll pursue the proto-feminist angle with her.

Posted by: Elfrieda at April 10, 2009 12:59 AM

"hiring Rhys Meyers for skills, not a red beard and belly."

Whateverr, they hired Rhys Meyers because he's hot!

Posted by: Yep at April 10, 2009 3:41 AM

Calm down PaddyDog. Most Brits are happy enough with the present arrangement. The Royal Family don't cost *that* much in the great scheme of things, they provide a great deal of entertainment (mainly at their expense), and personally I'd rather the Queen as my head of state than a super-annuated politician.

Countries like Denmark and Sweden are generally regarded as very egalitarian but they too have a constitutional monarchy. Doesn't seem to do them any harm.


Posted by: Toby Poynder at April 10, 2009 5:07 AM

Keep drinking that Kool-Aid Toby Poynder. No-one ever said the Brits were innovative in their thinking.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 10, 2009 9:49 AM

Worst thing you can do on the interwebs to get someone to calm down is to say, "calm down."

I am fucking calm; I'm at a keyboard typing.

Fuck off.

Posted by: Recondite at April 10, 2009 12:28 PM

The crack about Anne of Cleves looking like a horse 'Flanders Mare' didn't show up until the nineteenth century. Posterity has a way of being very unkind to those wives of Henry's who didn't meet his fancy. There was no sixth finger, or third breast.

As far as smelling bad--she did. Personal hygiene was more lax in Germany--see Caroline of Brunswick. That said, Henry VIII was 56 years old when he died, and had taken a total of three baths in his lifetime. It's really a case of the pot calling the kettle 'stank'.

It's more than likely that Henry rejected her because she unwittingly hurt his pride. Shortly before the wedding, Henry and some of his cronies broke into Anne's chambers in costume and gallivanted around, because it just some hokey playtime tradition sometimes observed. Not knowing that one of the men was her betrothed, it got out that she was less than pleased with one of the men in particular. Guess. So, like many scorned lovers, he pulled the old 'I never liked her anyway' ruse, and six months later, they were free of each other.

Anne was no scholar by any stretch--Henry had had enough of 'book-learning chicks' after Catherine and Anne Part One--although Parr later would fall into that category. But she was clever. Look at what happened before her: Catherine and the divorce clusterfuck, which left Henry so disenchanted, she was not allowed to see her daughter in the last years of her life and final illness. Mary was also barred from attending her mother's funeral. Anne: The woman and the Great Matter dominated his life for the seven years before they actually wed, and he was not pleased to learn that none of his pains were worth it. Jane is thought to be the most docile and simple-minded of them. Not exactly true, there were a few instances when he put her 'on notice' (stop worrying about my kids and make your own). She was dead of puerperal fever within 18 months. So Anne was smart enough to know that he changed his mind, she she run with it.

She outlived him, got herself a nice estate, was named 'Sister to the King', and they actually became quite friendly. You can do worse.

We've all heard the story about the portrait of her made by Holbein, which ignited his fancy, only to result in bitter disappointment when the two met. There's some degree of fabrication in that. After all, it was Cromwell who met the furious of ire of Henry after the marriage debacle, not Holbein. She very likely drew quite a likeness to the portrait--save the pock marks. This isn't an era of airbrushing and invis-align, though. Henry VII refused to smile because most of his teeth were gone, and the broken ones he had were all black.

There's no way they'll bother with the weight gain. At this point, Henry VIII was in his forties, and had 52-inch 'waist'. A combination of mind-bending gluttony and the immobility caused by his putrescent leg (one wifely duty would be to drain and dress the thing, how romantic), would lead to him having to be carted around using a system of weights and pulleys. As far as JRM goes, I'm not interested in seeing a physical transformation, because it would just be too distracting. I, Claudius, anyone? It's like in Pomerance's Elephant Man. The physical deformities and speech problems are left to the mind of the viewer because we know what's going on there, but it just take an audience out of the story too much to constantly be thinking, 'ew'.

True, Henry didn't care for her curvy figure--he was more of a fan of the waifish type as exemplified by the positively avian Anne Boleyn. She had 'pretty little breasts', and whatnot.

As far as sleeping with him goes, she thought she had. In her mind, the fact that she had given him a peck on the lips on their wedding night meant that she had done her wifely duty.

As far as I know, this is the penultimate season, so anyone hoping to stick around until 1603 had better mount his own production.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at April 10, 2009 3:21 PM

Love the Tudors.

It seems to stick in my mind that an interview I read with the producer or director of the series stated that there are much more important things to focus on, like telling the stories (albeit not accurately), than to make Jonathan Rhys Myers look exactly like Henry. I happen to agree, as he's what pulled me in to the first place.

Posted by: Sarah at April 12, 2009 8:59 PM