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The Ten Best Lines from NBC's Thursday Night Comedy Block

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under TV Reviews | Comments (33)

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Community

  • (Pierce, on what it’s like to die in his crazy religionj): “It’s the greatest feeling ever. Like the first one to break in a boob job.”

  • (Pierce, comparing his religion to video games): “You gain levels and at a certain point, you can, actually, eat a ghost.”

  • (Patton Oswalt’s doctor character on Jeff’s crestfallen look, after he told Jeff that he had high cholesterol): “Did I accidentally tell you that you have AIDS, because I do that sometimes.”

  • (Patton Oswalt, again): “Let’s get going. These paps aren’t going to smear themselves.”

    30 Rock

  • (Liz, on being called Paul Simon by the writing staff): “I don’t get it. But that hurts.”

  • (Jenna, on preparing Kenneth for his page audition): “I will break you down and build you up from scratch. Just like Mickey Rourke did to me sexually.”

  • (Queen Latifah’s Congresswoman): “Why is it that NBC looks about as diverse as a Wilco concert.”

  • (Jack): “Do you know who gets elected to Congress these days? Former athletes, washed-up actors and, uh, women.”

  • (Jack, on Twofer going to Harvard): “So we know that he’s smart and superb at masturbation.”

    The Office

  • (Andy, on his chances with Erin when appearing in a local production of Sweeney Todd): “Women can’t resist a man singing showtunes. It’s so powerful, even some men can’t resist a man singing showtunes.”









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    Comments

    That percentage of good lines listed here is accurate: Community and 30 Rock each get 45% and The Office gets the remaining 10%. Outsourced, of course, gets nothing because obviously.

    My favorite line of the night, however, belonged to the big ginger who's in the background at Greendale a lot, re: Annie/Britta on the oil spill: "You don't have to yell at us, nobody's on the other side of this issue."

    I'll be very sad and disappointed in all of you if The Office gets an 8th season and Community gets canceled before this one ends.

    Posted by: RobP at October 8, 2010 10:32 AM

    • Okay, my math was a bit wrong. Did I mention I'm on painkillers?

    Posted by: RobP at October 8, 2010 10:34 AM

    Haha. I love that Outsourced doesn't event get acknowledgment. Why would it?

    Posted by: Will at October 8, 2010 10:54 AM

    I just have to pause and wonder what marketing genius at NBC had "Outsourced" come across his or her desk and thought..."YES! This is the time: when unemployment is at a high and Americans watch their jobs and livelihoods go overseas. THIS is the time to make a COMEDY about the people taking those jobs. It will surely be a hit!"

    Fuck you NBC, mostly for being stupid, and then for being unfunny.

    Posted by: The Pink Hulk at October 8, 2010 11:09 AM

    If a guy wants to make a puppet of me, that's hardly your concern.

    Posted by: Paul Southworth at October 8, 2010 11:22 AM

    Abed: "I was busy."

    That was probably the most brilliant single line ever of the most brilliant comedy series on television.

    Posted by: mightygodking at October 8, 2010 11:28 AM

    My favorite outsourcing story was actually a Doonesbury comic strip. I can't remember which character it was, but they outsourced themselves. They hired someone in India to do their job at 1/3 of the salary, then presented the work as their own. They were thinking of getting a couple of more jobs and outsourcing those, too. Now THAT would have made a good sitcom.

    Posted by: BWeaves at October 8, 2010 12:00 PM

    Troy: "What's in the lava lamp?"
    Pierce: "My mom."
    Troy: "Ah SNAP!" [beat] [look of abject sadness]

    Posted by: eskiimomo at October 8, 2010 12:19 PM

    rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb peas and carrots rhubarb rhubarb peas and carrots rhubarb

    Posted by: Stevie B at October 8, 2010 12:25 PM

    Patton Oswald: No! You're a perfect physical specimen! Even your moles are shaped like little hearts.

    And I guess I'll say it, but I thought Outsourced was SEMI-CUTE last night. I'm still not sold on it or anything, but Gupta's character is awesome (and one that can be used too much if they aren't careful). I finally liked the main character white guy. (Notice I still don't know all their names.)

    I don't know, it felt better last night.

    30 Rock had TONS of great lines, as usual. I noticed Jack's new wife wasn't even in this episode.

    I'm a well-known Office whore and even I'll say this needs to be the last season. I still semi-enjoyed last night's episode, because I would watch those characters sit around in the conference room and rate each other's farts. But it felt really phoned in. Still: Andy + Erin = sweet. And the poor man's Jim and Pam. I sort of feel like now that Jim and Pam are married and have a baby and happy, the show is mostly done. I mean, the UK Office left off when we knew he got the girl, so now we have the American ending of the story.

    AND PARKS AND REC BETTER COME BACK OR SOMEONE'S GONNA GET HURT!

    Posted by: Snuggiepants at October 8, 2010 12:57 PM

    I mentioned this on another thread, but last night's episode of Community caused me to fall over from "I definitely like it" to "AWWWWW LOOKIT ME I'M IN LOVE I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT."

    Posted by: Snuggiepants at October 8, 2010 1:00 PM

    Interesting.

    I forgot everything that happened last night once they showed Alison Brie covered in oil with a clingy tshirt oilwrestling with Gillian Jacobs.

    Is there anyone hotter on TV than Alison Brie is right now? Rowr.

    Posted by: Porkchop Express at October 8, 2010 1:01 PM

    In case anyone actually attempts to answer my previous post. I will respond in advance.

    YOU ARE WRONG!

    It was a rhetorical question.

    Posted by: Porkchop Express at October 8, 2010 1:06 PM

    Jenna's had a few good Mickey Rourke lines this season.

    I don't know how this happened but somewhere along the line I have developed an irrational hatred of Queen Latifah. She's most likely a nice woman but I bristle every time I see her. Her acting was awful last night.

    Posted by: becks at October 8, 2010 1:24 PM

    I love in a race episode, that '30 Rock' openly calls itself out on having a black character from Harvard named, Twofer.

    Liz Lemon: I'll let you get back to Twofer.

    Interviewer: Who's Twofer?

    Liz Lemon: Never mind.

    Interviewer: So James....

    Posted by: John Fulton at October 8, 2010 1:45 PM

    "It was a tentpole. A TENTPOLE!"

    --Tracy Jordan, on the cancelling of Law & Order

    Posted by: The Wandering Parakeet at October 8, 2010 3:15 PM

    Anyone remember how he got the nickname Twofer? That made last night's episode even funnier. I thought they'd re-explain it, but I guess not.

    Posted by: Snuggiepants at October 8, 2010 4:17 PM

    You forgot the line "I wake up an hour early every morning to ever so slightly curl my hair."

    I laughed...a lot.


    Community and 30 Rock are without a doubt my two favorite shows on right now. And the fact that they're one after another makes for a perfect Thursday night.

    Posted by: Mykayla at October 8, 2010 6:38 PM

    Also, did anyone else notice the random pregnant lady throughout the episode? Hanging around and then finally giving birth in the back of an SUV while Britta and Annie were rolling around?

    Posted by: Mykayla at October 8, 2010 6:41 PM

    Is there anyone hotter on TV than Alison Brie is right now? Rowr.

    Posted by: Porkchop Express at October 8, 2010 1:01 PM

    I will still answer your question.

    Yes. Gillian Jacobs.

    Posted by: Riles at October 8, 2010 6:55 PM

    Snuggiepants: They explained that he got the named Twofer because he's black and Harvard-educated, so he's a "two-for-one deal."

    And yeah, what was up with Abed delivering the baby from the lady in the car? Anyway, I was glad to see Professor Ian Duncan back. His feud with Chang was hilarious.

    Posted by: Katie (KP) at October 8, 2010 7:58 PM

    Riles, I concur.
    I loooooooove Britta.

    "You don't have to yell at us, nobody's on the other side of this issue."
    That was hilarious.

    And I always enjoy seeing John Oliver on Community.

    Posted by: Uda at October 8, 2010 8:38 PM

    "My favorite line of the night, however, belonged to the big ginger who's in the background at Greendale a lot, re: Annie/Britta on the oil spill: "You don't have to yell at us, nobody's on the other side of this issue."

    RobP, that line stood out to me, too. I fucking LOVE this show.

    Posted by: dsbs at October 8, 2010 8:52 PM

    Katie I know because they explained that in an earlier episode. Did they re-explain it Thursday night? That's what I was wondering.

    Posted by: Snuggiepants at October 8, 2010 10:23 PM

    Troy: "What's in the lava lamp?"
    Pierce: "My mom."
    Troy: "Ah SNAP!" [beat] [look of abject sadness]

    You forgot the best part of that - Troy's "Wait. What?" deadpan reaction at the end of the exchange. I love how earnestly clueless Troy can be. One of my fave lines from season one was his "I'll pound you like a boy...that didn't come out right."

    I do miss my Troy/Abed bromance, though. Is Pierce coming between them?

    Additional props to Donald Glover for a cool shoutout on 30 Rock, his former stomping - er, writing - grounds.

    Posted by: Lou at October 8, 2010 11:29 PM

    Is it lame that the part of Outsourced that bugs me the most is that they work a 9-5 day answering calls from the U.S. where it would be (Eastern Time Zone) Midnight to 8 am.? Sure there are late night informercials, but what kind of call volume can there be?

    I know nothing between NYC and LA matters, but surely at least one executive at NBC has noticed the time changes when they travel.

    Posted by: Wembley at October 8, 2010 11:36 PM

    Could someone please explain the Law & Order "It was a tentpole!" reference...?

    Posted by: XiuFetish at October 9, 2010 5:22 AM

    Can't believe no one mentioned Chang and Prof. Duncan from last night's Community!

    Chang: "I heard there was a drunk limey teaching class today!"

    Duncan: "Not true. For your information, I blew below the legal limit this morning."

    My favorite from Duncan: "Excuse me, I have to use my force field to prevent Chang from getting lunch."

    Posted by: Slizbomb at October 9, 2010 7:35 AM

    In the worst economy in almost a century, NBC comes across a brilliant idea -- mock the millions of American workers who lost their jobs to low-wage scabs from India!

    Let NBC know that displacing American workers is not funny, and has contributed to the destruction of our economy. Millions of Americans are unemployed, many after being forced to train their foreign replacements in the Indian outsourcing industry.

    Sign the Petition and Get This Show Off the Air

    Posted by: Rudy Torrent at October 9, 2010 11:49 AM

    @ Katie (KP) - Abed was shown helping a pregnant lady in Anthropology, later getting into an argument with her boyfriend, and then delivering a baby in the back of a car. But, hilariously, it all went on without any acknowledgment - I only noticed it because of Abed's green hoodie. Definitely worth a rewatch if you can.

    Posted by: Gia at October 9, 2010 4:48 PM

    XiuFetish, a tentpole refers to a big show that serves as the foundation of a network. What Seinfeld/Must See TV was to NBC in the 90's, what CSI is to CBS now, American Idol on Fox, etc.

    So, they were mocking the fact that NBC would cancel one of it's biggest and most recognizable shows.

    Gotta say, I still can't believe that they canceled the show. I mean, I know TV is all about the bottom line, but allowing L&O to run just one more season would have made it the longest running show in history. Every time someone on TV, print, etc. talked about that show, they would mention the record and the fact that it was on NBC. That's extra publicity for YEARS.

    Posted by: Riles at October 9, 2010 8:51 PM

    Thanks, Riles. I really appreciate it.

    I also agree with your assessment. I'm the first to admit that L&O went through some dreadful seasons (when cancellation would have been merciful), but the last couple of years with Anthony Anderson and Jeremy Sisto saw the franchise return to form. Only NBC, with its unnerving ability to turn wine into piss, could have devised such a moronic plan.

    Posted by: XiuFetish at October 10, 2010 5:57 AM

    I'm late - but I feel like the whole point of Abed's "story" in Community was to show while arguing about what happens after we die, we miss out on life... or something like that.

    Posted by: Gnaius at October 15, 2010 6:40 PM