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"The River" Review: "No Me Gusta Being Scared"

By Sarah Carlson | Posted Under TV Reviews | Comments (16)



TheRiver4.JPG

Most of the first hour of ABC’s new drama “The River” plays out quite similarly to this:

Simply substitute a boat for the plane and the jungles of a South Pacific island to South America’s Amazon. It even has its own Smoke Monster. Well, kind of. But by the second episode of the Steven Spielberg-produced series, things go from creepily familiar to full-blown “Oh F**k That’s Not Cool.” It is “Lost” meets Paranormal Activity. (No surprise, then, that one of its creators and executive producers, Oren Peli, created Paranormal Activity, and another EP, Jason Blum, was in on Paranormal Activity 1, 2 and 3.) The suspenseful moments include not only mysterious monsters that fling unsuspecting bystanders to their death but evil spirits, magic, possession, ghosts and a tree adorned with hundreds of baby dolls that may or may not flicker their eyelids open as one walks past. Not cool.

Where “Lost,” in its early years, settled for vague mysteries, “The River” is upping the ante and incorporating even more supernatural twists. For the most part, it works. “The River,” using the found-footage approach, is strange and unsettling, happier to dwell in creepier realms. Toward the end of its second hour, however, it goes a bit too far, losing its building tension in absurdity. And interestingly, that is mostly what happened to “Lost” in its later years. Sometimes, answers are better left undiscovered. Perhaps it isn’t fair to begin with the “Lost” comparisons, but at this point in television’s history, so much of what we see is a regurgitation of past hits, few projects are great enough to stand on their own without mention of predecessors. “The River” is good, full of intense moments and high production value. But it’s also a mixed bag of gimmicks we’ve already seen.

This “found footage” chronicles a team looking for Dr. Emmet Cole (Bruce Greenwood), who hosted the TV show “The Undiscovered Country” for 22 years, chronicling the world’s hidden places and inhabitants. He and a cameraman have been missing in the Amazon for 6 months and are presumed dead, but Cole’s wife, Tess (Leslie Hope), is determined to keep searching. The network behind “Country” will pay for the search as long as it can be filmed and Cole’s semi-estranged son, Lincoln (Joe Anderson), comes along. Off they go, along with show producer Clark Quietly (Paul Blackthorne); cameramen A.J. Poulain (Shaun Parkes) and Sammy (Jeff Galfer); mechanic Emilio Valenzuela (Daniel Zacapa) and his daughter, Jahel (Paulina Gaitan); security man Kurt Brynildson (Thomas Kretschmann); and Linda Landry (Eloise Mumford), the daughter of the missing cameraman.

Because of “Country,” A.J., Sammy and sometimes Clark are always rolling, capturing the footage that is presumably found down the line, though we don’t know under what circumstances. (Why is found footage such a trend? By letting us know from the beginning that this footage will be “found” by others, can we not assume its original owners will lose it somehow, or die alongside it? Isn’t that kind of a spoiler?) The goal of the searchers is to track Cole’s beacon signal, which suddenly went off 6 months into his disappearance, and later to find his boat, the Magus, which is equipped with countless cameras thanks to “The Undiscovered Country.” What is captured on those is included with the found footage, as are scenes from old “Country” episodes and personal tapes recorded by Cole during his adventures. All of these footage sources work for the most part, presenting the tale from awkward angles and through shaky chase scenes, although whoever had to theoretically cull through this footage and edit it together deserves a medal. Scenes featuring footage from the boat’s cameras are where the Paranormal Activity similarities come into play, and the effect works well.

Naturally, everyone on the search team has his or her own motives for wanting to find Cole or help his family find him, reasons hinted at in the premiere. Tess, as Lincoln guesses, may be motivated by guilt as much as love for finding her husband, who uncharacteristically left her behind on his last trip. Lincoln, who has his own issues with having grown up on the TV screen for the world to see, assumes she had an affair. Whatever her reasons, she is steadfast in believing Cole is alive and reachable, no matter what kind of darkness lurks in the rainforest. Jahel, who can converse with spirits and senses danger ahead, tries to warn the crew against the search, but it’s useless. They all barrel forward down the river and to the Magus, where they unleash the first of many entities out to kill them. It doesn’t take long for one of them to bite it (sorry, Sammy), and thanks to Cole’s personal tapes, they learn he was out to discover real magic, not just the generic magic he always discussed on “Country.” He got himself into a supernatural mess, and now his family and crew are in it, too.

There’s a striking lack of incredulity among the characters as they are faced with the unexplainable, from hands that reach out from the river to grab Tess to those damned baby dolls that move of their own accord. Perhaps they, too, watched “Lost” and are open to trippy things happening in jungles. “The River” is indeed filled with unsettling twists — viewers will either scream or groan at them depending on their personal horror tastes. If you bought The Blair Witch Project hook, line and sinker when it premiered in 1999, then you’ll likely appreciate this new drama. But “The River” writers can learn from Witch, just as it can learn from the many other thrillers it emulates: Don’t be so concerned with explanations. The more we don’t know, the better.

Sarah Carlson does not gusta being scared, either. She lives in Texas.









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Comments

Why is there a full clip from Lost included with this review? You couldn't get anything from the show you're reviewing?

Posted by: John G. at February 9, 2012 12:07 PM

I loathe horror movies and went into this series expecting to hate it, but I was pleasantly surprised. Yeah, most of the characters are one-note, and yes, the plot is an amalgam of cliches and characters doing dumb things (climbing in amazonian river water with a giant gash in your leg, running through the Fing jungle in the dead of night). Also disappointed that the Amazon, one of the deadliest and more terrifying places on earth, isn't it's own character.

But it's also very unsettling at times and the story has a pretty compelling hook. I too hope they adopt a "less is more" approach to the remaining six episodes (also a plus) both because it ratchets up the tension and makes it a bit easier to accept the inherent premise of the plot.

Posted by: QueeferSutherland at February 9, 2012 12:29 PM

And Paul Blackthorne!!! Getting my Dresden Files on AND some creepy baby dolls to boot. I dug the first episode until the whole "drowned daughter wants her momma back" point. Just a little too convenient that Lincoln figured out that "Hey, all the dead kid wants is her mom's desiccated corpse dug up by strangers and dropped in a muddy pool". Natch'. I'm still on board to watch the next episode and see where it goes.

Posted by: Manny banny fo-fanny at February 9, 2012 12:50 PM

I quite enjoyed both episodes and I think 'The River' has potential. Those dolls hanging on the tree was the creepiest part for me. Why would anyone decide to camp for the night under a tree with hundreds of creepy dolls hanging there, in the jungle, and having already experienced weird supernatural shit? Goddamn dolls.

Posted by: Reginald at February 9, 2012 1:14 PM

Though I will continue to watch this, the show seems like it's moving along too quickly for its own good. I understand that it only has 8 episodes to do what it wants to do, but the fact that they FOUND the boat within the first 15 minutes just seemed rushed. A lot of what makes Paranormal Activity so scary is it's ability to slowly pull you in, and here the story just follows crazy with more crazy, and the characters seem all to willing to accept the insanity of their surroundings. And yeah, they make some of the most retarded and bold conclusions I have ever seen. You mom gets sucked underwater, so you decide to dig up a grave. WTF?! And a ghost just killed one of your cameramen, so you decide TO STAY IN A GRAVEYARD SHRINE?! AND THE OTHER CAMERAMAN DECIDES TO TAUNT THE FUCKING GHOST!! That kind of shit is beyond any degree of believability.

Posted by: Celery Man at February 9, 2012 1:34 PM

Creepy babydolls are the creepiest thing in Creepytown, as far as I'm concerned, so I enjoyed it immensely.

Posted by: MM at February 9, 2012 1:41 PM

Celery Man, I liked that it moved fast, because it would have lost me quickly if they didn't give out answers. I've gotten burned out on Lost, and quite frankly I don't want to invest much time, if things don't happen at a relatively quick pace in the first 2 episodes I walk away.

As for this show, meh. I watched it. It's got it's own charm. I'll probably watch the rest of its tiny season just to see where it goes. But yeah I got pulled out of it a lot. Jumping in the river with a gashed leg. That one camera guy blatantly heard the mercenary dude say on the phone he was gong to kill Greenwood if they found him and he doesn't think that's important information for everybody else to know? And It's not really a found footage show, it's got the style of it sure, but I lost count how many times there was obviously no camera getting the shots they got. That was really evident in the second episode.

Posted by: MrFroggie at February 9, 2012 1:50 PM

Isn't the Amazon jungle out to kill you anyway? Do they really need all the freaky-deaky stuff too?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at February 9, 2012 2:01 PM

Every time one of them jumps in the water I want to scream "look out for the dick fish!!!"

Yes, the Amazon is out to kill you, do not go swimming there.

Posted by: MRod at February 9, 2012 3:08 PM

I was really looking forward to this, and I'll probably keep watching just to support horror series on TV, but the end of the first hour was balls stupid. "YOUR NAME IS CAM TRAVERS!" Bullshit.

Posted by: JustBill at February 9, 2012 3:45 PM

This show was a flaming piece of shit. Come on, they dig up her mother WHO'S BURIED RIGHT NEXT TO THE EVIL GHOST'S LAIR and throw her back into the river. I'm ashamed that anyone even though this show was even slightly terrifying. It's overblown and would have an unintentional hilarity rating of 15 on Bill Simmons' scale. Just terrible.

Posted by: Wex at February 10, 2012 12:25 AM

I have already figured out the end of this travesty. Someone got hold of some bad drugs from the local shaman, and shared it with everyone.

It's just a really bad drug trip.

Posted by: The Wanderer at February 10, 2012 2:39 AM

I enjoyed it. But (SPOILER) that moment when you just knew one of the camermen had to die and it was a choice between the African-American and the Jewish city boy I did pause to ponder which death would be the less politically incorrect these days. Turns out I was right.

Posted by: cinekat at February 10, 2012 5:24 AM

I'm on the fence with this one. There have been a few pretty dark scenes for prime time and I'm willing to give the frenetic pacing a try, but it could get very old, very quickly. The faster the pace moves, the more times per hour you want to reach through the TV and smack the shit out of one or more characters for doing something unbelievably dumb.

By the by, those insanely creepy doll trees? Based on a very real, holy fucking shit BURN IT WITH FIRE place in Mexico called La Isla de la Munecas. Drowned girl, thousands of dolls and doll parts strung up around the canal to appease her spirit, people mysteriously drowned anyway. Google it (if you don't like to sleep at night) or just read my post on it from last year.

Posted by: Eva at February 13, 2012 2:01 PM

Dear God, Eva! Now I really am going to have nightmares. Eesh ... -- SC

Posted by: Sarah Carlson at February 13, 2012 2:30 PM

After three episodes, I am changing my opinion to "meh."

Posted by: Eva at February 26, 2012 2:43 PM