The Many Loves of Ted Mosby: Let's Pour Some Out for the Not-Your-Mothers
Last night, we got our first glimpse of Your Mother, aka, Abby Flynn/Grossman, the "very sexy baby"/alt comedian on the lam from a psychotic ex from "30 Rock." Now that we have her in our grasp, she of the cute boots, shiny hair and long foretold yellow umbrella (which, can we talk about how impressive it is that she's held on to an umbrella for that many years living in a major city? I've owned more umbrellas than pairs of underwear.) it's time to give a proper farewell to the most memorable ladies who lost. Lost out on Ted Mosby, that is, so, you know, winners.
Let's start with the most important...
Farewell, Robin Scherbatsky. You had him at "badass blue French horn" and will remain Aunt Robin forever.
Goodbye, Natalie, you with your long flowing locks and epic Krav Maga skills.
Via con dios, Slutty Pumpkin. I liked you better before you grew up to be Katie Holmes.
Adios, Trudy. Seriously, what was with the pineapple?
And you, Mary the Paralegal. You were not a prostitute.
Ah, Victoria. We loved you. And then they ruined you in ways not thought possible since the Martha Jones days of RTD-era Who. But we'll always remember you frosting cakes to "Spit on a Stranger."
Cathy, you precious pile of Lindsay Price-ness. You talked too much, and we loved every second of it.
Blah Blah, you were wonderful. Then you were on "Burning Love" and now "Rectify" meaning you're extra wonderful. Your place on the Vicky Mendoza Line of the Hot/Crazy Scale solidified you as a hero for years to come. A terrifying, WoW-dominating hero.
Ah, Karen. The only character douchier than Ted. For that, you are most impressive.
Stella, I did not mind you as much as other people minded you. I actually liked you. You worked better with Jason Jones than you did with Ted. And your take on Star Wars was kind of delightful.
Zoey. Whatever. Bye bitch.
Oh, Cindy. You adorable Summer Robertsy lesbian. I think I'll miss you most and hope we see you in season 9.
Carrie Underwood. You weren't very good. Acting is not your thing. It's not for everyone. Teeth whiteyness. That's your thing.
Judy Greer! You're the best person! Too bad you were probably in the worst episode of the whole series. Tragic.
Jen! You and Teddy Westside were kind of perfectly imperfect for each other. I hope you found someone who could appreciate your cats. Especially Tabbygail Adams, the jester of the group.
And, finally, Mandy Moore. You got Ted a butterfly tramp stamp. Never forget.