The Many Loves of Ted Mosby: Let's Pour Some Out for the Not-Your-Mothers
film / tv / lists / guides / news / love / celeb / video / think pieces / staff / podcasts / web culture / politics / dc / snl / netflix / marvel / cbr

The Many Loves of Ted Mosby: Let's Pour Some Out for the Not-Your-Mothers

By Courtney Enlow | TV Reviews | May 14, 2013 | Comments ()


Last night, we got our first glimpse of Your Mother, aka, Abby Flynn/Grossman, the "very sexy baby"/alt comedian on the lam from a psychotic ex from "30 Rock." Now that we have her in our grasp, she of the cute boots, shiny hair and long foretold yellow umbrella (which, can we talk about how impressive it is that she's held on to an umbrella for that many years living in a major city? I've owned more umbrellas than pairs of underwear.) it's time to give a proper farewell to the most memorable ladies who lost. Lost out on Ted Mosby, that is, so, you know, winners.

Let's start with the most important...


Farewell, Robin Scherbatsky. You had him at "badass blue French horn" and will remain Aunt Robin forever.


Goodbye, Natalie, you with your long flowing locks and epic Krav Maga skills.


Via con dios, Slutty Pumpkin. I liked you better before you grew up to be Katie Holmes.


Adios, Trudy. Seriously, what was with the pineapple?


And you, Mary the Paralegal. You were not a prostitute.


Ah, Victoria. We loved you. And then they ruined you in ways not thought possible since the Martha Jones days of RTD-era Who. But we'll always remember you frosting cakes to "Spit on a Stranger."


Cathy, you precious pile of Lindsay Price-ness. You talked too much, and we loved every second of it.


Blah Blah, you were wonderful. Then you were on "Burning Love" and now "Rectify" meaning you're extra wonderful. Your place on the Vicky Mendoza Line of the Hot/Crazy Scale solidified you as a hero for years to come. A terrifying, WoW-dominating hero.


Ah, Karen. The only character douchier than Ted. For that, you are most impressive.


Stella, I did not mind you as much as other people minded you. I actually liked you. You worked better with Jason Jones than you did with Ted. And your take on Star Wars was kind of delightful.


Zoey. Whatever. Bye bitch.


Oh, Cindy. You adorable Summer Robertsy lesbian. I think I'll miss you most and hope we see you in season 9.


Carrie Underwood. You weren't very good. Acting is not your thing. It's not for everyone. Teeth whiteyness. That's your thing.


Judy Greer! You're the best person! Too bad you were probably in the worst episode of the whole series. Tragic.


Jen! You and Teddy Westside were kind of perfectly imperfect for each other. I hope you found someone who could appreciate your cats. Especially Tabbygail Adams, the jester of the group.


And, finally, Mandy Moore. You got Ted a butterfly tramp stamp. Never forget.

"Mad Men's" Draper May Be More Out of Control Than the 1960s Were | Power Ranking The Most Pretentious Faces Of The Stars From Cannes 2013

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • wicked.whisper

    Courtney Ford in the elevator was absolutely stunning.

  • The Robin/Ted thing has been overplayed, but Robin is my favorite of Ted's girlfriends. Probably because his douchiness hadn't reach such heights (lows) in season 2.

  • Salieri2

    For Mr Salieri2, the utter lack of any attempt to make Natalie look like she actually knew krav maga almost torpedoed all the goodwill this show earned from "Slap Bet."

  • Fredo

    I semi-blame Victoria for my crush on cute baker girls. That and the fact they provide sweet treats to me.

    Get your minds out the gutters. I mean I like hot buns, glazed rolls and cream pies.

  • katy

    So loves aside, was that a great episode or what? I just rewatched it. They really do have a knack for pulling it back on track just before they fall completely off.

  • So good. Rumor has it that the entire next season will take place in the 56 hours leading up to the wedding and the weddin/reception itself, so I'm stoked. That could be really cool if they do it right.

  • Victoria and those early eps were so perfect. I'm still mad that they brought her back and ruined them.

  • toblerone

    +1, I loved Victoria. She and Robin are the best of the bunch.

  • We always need more Rachel Bilson.

  • Amanda

    I don't feel comfortable having Ted meet the mother so soon after being upset about Robin.

  • Ted's always fucking whining over her though. They've seriously had like 6 episodes about "lingering feelings."

  • Maguita NYC

    It would have been better if all this time Ted was actually in an Asylum recounting his hallucinations searching for the perfect woman; Because no woman outside the Matrix would ever date Ted-FUCKING-Mosby.

  • competitivenonfiction

    While I pretty much watch the show because of my crush on Marshall, I would have dated seasons 1-3 Ted Mosby. I might be in the Matrix though.

  • Maguita NYC

    You fell for a guy who was into "Architecture", on a "Quest" to find "The One", a "Star Wars" fan recounting his heroic adventures to his Future kids.

    CNF wake-up.

    You are in a liquid-filled vessel. Your body is actually pierced with cables feeding the Machine. You need to wake-up.

    And if you hear Barney Stinson saying these exact words: "Suit-Up", girl you're in trouble. This is the secret code alerting Agent Smith and the other agents of your potential awakening outside this awfully simulated reality.


  • Tinkerville

    I like to think Blah Blah's line of handbags took off in international markets (they were popular in Japan after all!) and her name really is up in lights somewhere.

  • Melina

    16-17 women for Ted? Damn, if it was "How I Met Your Father" people would be calling Ted-dette a whore (unjustified in my mind, but you know that they would).

  • Three_nineteen

    It's less than 3 women a year. And I'm pretty sure Robin has had almost as many men as Ted has women (a little less because she's been with Barney a lot of the time) and no one is calling her a whore.

  • competitivenonfiction

    If there is one lesson from this show it's that slutty guys are charming, but slutty girls are stupid and deserve what they get.

    I get all my serious life lessons from TV shows. For example, you can be successful in your career even if you hang out with your friends in a coffee shop all day. And the spare vampire slayers always die.

  • And that wasn't even all of them.

  • phase10

    What about Abby Elliot? The girl right before the mother.

  • Tom

    wasn't she supposed to be the catalyst for Ted settling down and meeting the mother rather than all his Robin feels? this show switched themes a lot recently

  • mairimba

    You can't forget about the mother of all crazies.

  • Classic

    This entire season of this show was painful. They have destroyed the characters of Robin and Barney. I actively loathe Lily and poor Marshall (Jason Segel) you deserve better. And I actively hate Ted.

    They should have just stuck with the idea that Victoria was the mother or not allowed her to come back last and this year to ruin her character forever.

  • Michelle

    Oh man, I don't even remember half of these ladies. I think I've blocked a large portion of this show from my mind. (PS, I quit it (again) mid-way through season 8, so I thank you for telling me we finally know who the mother is.)

  • Abigail Spencer was Blah Blah???


  • Guest

    YUP. Look at HER!!!

  • APOCooter

    Every time I watch Nothing Good Happens After 2am or whatever the fuck episode it was this season where he broke up with Victoria, I want to punch Teddy Westside in the neck. Victoria is hands down the best girlfriend he's ever had on the show and it's not even close.

  • Pat

    Yes, what Ted did was almost as bad as what the writers turned Victoria into.

  • Ted Zancha

    Yeah, seriously. She was the best. And I HATE the way they brought her back. Courtney was right. I didn't think it was possible to ruin her, but they did.

  • APOCooter

    I don't think I've been as upset at a character assassination since Cordelia in season 4 of Angel.

  • That gave me a major case of the sads.

  • Xtacle Steve

    You forgot Ted's most important love. Himself.

  • oilybohunk7

    Teeth whiteyness.

  • L.O.V.E.

    It should of have been Summer Roberts, er Rachel Bilson, dammit!

    She was so perfect that the only way to extricate themselves from making her the mother three season ago, i.e., the perfect fucking time, was to make her a lesbian. That was the only way to explain then and forever why these two weren't going to get married. Why didn't they make her bi-sexual and bring her back as the mother. Amber Heard did it!

  • rusty

    Holy crap, please stop promoting this awful. awful show.

  • oilybohunk7

    I'm one of the few Pajibians who can't with Community but do you know what I do when I see a post about it? Do you? I scroll past it.

  • I can't with Community, either, and I never ever did. And yes - I just scroll past. Maybe I shrug.

  • JJ

    "Just keep scrollin', just keep scrollin'"

    A reasonable mantra.

blog comments powered by Disqus