"Does marijuana help people work faster. I thought it just made them custom paint their fans and solve mysteries."
"Are you ignoring me because I'm Korean?" "You're Chinese." "Oh, there's a difference?"
Perfect Couples (Rating: C)
"Dude, she's my wife. I don't have secrets from my wife. What is this? A beer commercial?"
The Office (David Brent: A; The Episode: C+)
"Comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself. That's what she said!"
"Where's your jet pack, Zuckerberg."
Parks and Recreation (Ron Swanson: A+; The Episode: A-)
"I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."
"Now, I know I'm not going to find somebody that's both aggressively mean and apathetic. April really is the whole package."
"Leslie, I typed your symptoms up here, and it says you have network connectivity problems."
"I haven't had lunch since yesterday."
"You had me at meat tornado."
"I'm surrounded by a lot of women in this department. And that includes the men."
"Good evening, everyone. I'm Leslie Monster, and this is 'Nightline.'"
Give it up, everybody, for Scott Bakula from 'Quantum Leap.'"
30 Rock (Rating: B)
"The Real Transvestite Hoarders of the Orange County Penitentiary." "That show is so upsetting. Why does the warden let Lady Extravaganza have so many spoons?"
"What happens when the second flood comes, and you're not allowed on Reverend Gary's ark, especially since Reverend Gary made it clear that the ark is just for teenage boys?"
"When the birds first started attacking us, we all thought it was pretty funny and made Hitchcock jokes. But we're not laughing now, because laughing excited the birds sexually."
"Someone get a PA to feed me baby good or I will drop a D in the green room."
"It was our highest rating since that episode of 'SVU' where the detectives watched 'American Idol.'"
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