The Office (Grade: A generous B- because it was the finale, and they tried really hard. Also, Spader was pretty great.).
"There's no such thing is a product. There is only sex. Everything is sex. You understand that what I'm telling you is a universal truth?"
"He creeps me out, but I think he might be a genius." (A universal sentiment held by many when it comes to James Spader)
"Shut up about the sun. SHUT UP ABOUT THE SUN!"
"He invented an app that invents apps."
"Little advice? Take a day off from the whole Jim shtick. Try caring about something. You might like how it feels, James."
Parks and Recreation (Grade: B (first episode); B+ (second episode). Good, solid finale with a sad kick in the end, but it fell short of last week's perfection.)
"I will give 110 percent. As soon as you repeat yourself. In a more interesting way."
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I read that once on a can of lemonade. I like to think it applies to life."
"When I walked in this morning I saw that the flag was at half mast, I though, 'All right, another bureaucrat ate it.' And then I saw it was Lil' Sebastian. Half mast is too high. Show some damn respect."
"And this is how Eleanor Roosevelt would kiss." // "Woah. Eleanor likes the tongue. // Show me Pelosi again."
"I hope you brought a change of clothes cause your eyes are about to piss tears."
"You gotta join the company. I'm the bank. Your the money."
"You gotta live your life like that cow in the video." // "He was a horse." // "Yeah. Cause he followed his dreams."
"Are you mad at me? Because without eyebrows, I can't tell."
"Does the carpet match the face?"
"Catching the number 12 bus to Satan's butthole?"
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