Previously on “Revenge,” Fauxmanda aka the Real Emily aka the Stripper With The Heart Of Crazy is making hard core moves on Jack Porter, claiming to be the Real Amanda Clarke. Tyler and Daniel are locked in a pissing match over…a corner office? Conrad Grayson’s love? It’s hard to say. Nolan falls head over *ss for Rent Boy Tyler but manages to keep it together long enough to snag Lydia Davis’s speech from him. Emily calls back-up in the form of her Sensei, Mr. Satoshi Takeda. The writers continue to labor under the misapprehension that we give a sh*t about Declan Porter and Charlotte Grayson.
Things We Learned:
Emily knows Kung-Fu and, for some reason, her Japanese Revenge Sensei speaks only in Fortune Cookie aphorisms while dispensing his yoda-ish wisdom. “If you let your emotions guide you, you will fail.”
In his most sympathetic act to date, Conrad Grayson serves Victoria with divorce papers. Victoria sends her minion, Ashley, to fetch Daniel home.
Having caught him smooching Nolan, Ashely asks Tyler if he’s bi. More like BIPOLAR, amirate? Actually, it looks like Tyler may be schizophrenic, and he’s fresh outta crazy pills (Clozapine).
Sammy, the preposterously spry golden retriever knows Faux-manda is a whore and a terrible liar who cannot even fake enthusiasm in Jack’s homemade blueberry pancakes.
Nolan, having developed feelings for the schizophrenic Rent Boy Tyler, doesn’t want to pull back on his investment. The ever canny Emily discovers footage of the two men boning. THAT WHALE FLASH DRIVE CUTS BOTH WAYS, NOLAN.
Ryan Huntley, divorce attorney at law, approaches Victoria and asks to handle the upcoming case against her husband. He promises to ruin Conrad and only asks for complete financial transparency and access to all of her files. NOTHING FISHY THERE, VICTORIA. Turns out Huntley was a part of David Clarke’s demise. Is he working for Emily? Another target in her Revenge scheme?
More fortune cookie wisdom from The Sensei: “I worry that your mind’s quest is clouded by your heart.” He believes Emily cares too deeply for Daniel.
What? You don’t keep a childhood journal full of salient information so your doppleganger can convincingly impersonate you so you can draw her deeper into your web of lies and ultimately dispatch your Target (Victoria Grayson) against your temporary problem (Fauxmanda, aka SWF, aka frenemy, aka Miss Montauk aka Nolan Ross needs to ease up on the nicknames)? That’s just short-sightedness on your part.
The fortune cookie dialogue is contagious. “Envy can be a powerful motivator.”—Conrad Grayson. “Well, you reap what you sow.” —Victoria Grayson
Word to the wise, little Charlotte Grayson, they’re not called “apartment meetings.” If you don’t know what they’re called, you’re too young to move in with your high school aged townie boyfriend. Victoria Grayson gets her check back.
Okay, let’s get this blackmail component straight. Emily and Daniel try to expose/blackmail Tyler out of his job with Conrad Grayson. Tyler uses the information he got from Lydia Davis’s speech to blackmail Conrad into letting him stay. Tyler then has a rage episode over at Nolan’s and SOMEHOW WALKS OFF WITH THE WHALE CAMERA (you’re so bad at this Nolan) and enough ammunition to blackmail both the Graysons and Nolan.
Daniel, much like Sammy, the ridiculously spry, hates Fauxmanda on sight. Who’s a good boy?!
At dinner with Ashley, Tyler’s lack of of Clozapine really starts to show. He’s practically twitching.
The Nolan/Emily alliance seems to be through (for now). Ally 1 gone. Daniel runs home to his mother. Ally 2 gone, but still within eyeshot from the porch. Ashley has obviously gone to the dark side. Ally 3 gone. The Sensei, fed up with Emily’s soft spot for Daniel, takes off. Ally 4 gone.
Carnage:
Nothing this week! Nolan’s hopes and dreams and laptop?
Soap Opera Cliches:
Blackmail galore! Evil twins!
The Gist: I’m sorry to see the divide between Emily and Nolan. They’re so much fun when working together. It is great, however, to watch Emily manipulate Victoria and Amanda. I think none of us will be pleased to see Jack Porter heartbroken…again, but how much fun is an Off His Meds Tyler going to be? Still unclear on the exact role the divorce lawyer Ryan Huntley will play but I imagine we’ll find out next week. And in a sea of mostly okay performances (not so fast Charlotte and Declan), Madeleine Stowe continues to be the stand-out. BITCHFACE!
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It was my impression that Emily/real Amanda had just written the diary/notebook that she gave to Fauxmanda--that's why she was manhandling it--to make it look older than it really is.
Tyler having the Whale makes me *so* nervous.
I agree, I like Nolan and Emily working together, they're a great team. I was disappointed that Nolan failed so miserably at his first (and last?) take-down assignment.
Posted by: tamatha at December 9, 2011 1:49 PM
I tremble to think what Emily's gonna do to the dog.
I'm kidding, but seriously, let's hope he doesn't have a terrible "accident." Dogs get hit by cars all the time.
And in a way, this show is crazier than American Horror Story, and almost as entertaining.
I do hope Nolan and Emily patch things up. I like them as a team.
Posted by: Slash at December 9, 2011 1:49 PM
Ooh, but I did get a little verklempt in the flashback where she gave Jack her dog.
Deprived of her dad, her home AND her dog. No wonder she hates those assholes so much.
Posted by: Slash at December 9, 2011 1:50 PM
I loved Nolan and Emily as a team too. She clearly can benefit from his help and he clearly could benefit from a hug.
I hope they don't make me dislike Jack as much as I dislike his dopey younger brother (with his big stupid hair) by making him completely oblivious to faux-Amanda. The fact that the dog hates her should make him at least suspicious.
Posted by: lillie at December 9, 2011 2:02 PM
I'm kind of looking forward to Jack having his heart broken again, the guy is such a sap.
Okay, if he met Amanda the first time he met Sammy the dog... and Sammy was handed over to him when she was taken away... Sammy was still a small puppy which means they only knew each other for maybe a few weeks. Yet he pined his entire life for her and even named his prized possession after her. This is a relatively successful, intelligent and very good looking guy that we're supposed to believe isn't involved with anyone because he's so picky yet he falls for psycho killer stripper skank. GAH!
Also, how old is Emily supposed to be? If she got out of juvie at 18 and then went to Japan for training, she seemed to have gotten a black belt quickly if she's supposed to be 22 - 23. Or is that normal?
Sorry, I love the show but some of the plot points bother me.
Posted by: snapnhiss at December 9, 2011 2:48 PM
My cold, black heart broke a little bit for poor Nolan. He should've known better, sure, but poor guy.
Posted by: MelBivDevoe at December 9, 2011 3:30 PM
Emily knows Kung-Fu and, for some reason, her Japanese Revenge Sensei speaks only in Fortune Cookie aphorisms while dispensing his yoda-ish wisdom.
Kung-Fu is Chinese. Karate is Japanese. Sensei-guy looks more Korean than Japanese. Fortune cookies are American, along with mangling Asian cultures without apology.
Pointless pedantry is universal.
Posted by: BierceAmbrose at December 9, 2011 7:11 PM
I had the same thought as tamatha regarding the notebook. I think she had just writtn it, and planted some false stuff among the real memories to help Fauxmanda tie her own rope.
I'm also curious as to how she plans to have Victoria get Fauxmanda out of the way without revealing the whole identity switcheroo.
And on a totally superficial note, Victoria was rocking that white sweater and pearls ensemble towards the end of the ep.
Posted by: Even Stevens at December 10, 2011 2:25 AM
So what you are saying is this show is even more ridiculous than I had imagined?
Posted by: Matt at December 10, 2011 3:12 PM
snapnhiss - which martial art she was practicing and what school she belongs to would dictate how long it takes her to get the belt. I really can't tell and I can't find a video. When I showed my husband the image he said it could be anything. To give the show the benefit of the doubt, it's likely that if she studied karate she could move up that quickly. I know that in Karate you move up quickly and there are many degrees of black belts, so it's possible. I'm sure there are other types and schools of martial arts that would let someone move up that quickly too, but it does seem fishy.
Posted by: Tits McGee at December 10, 2011 8:26 PM
I love, love, love this show! I feel so sorry for poor Jack. He's going to be in for quite the heartbreak when he realizes what a psycho "Amanda" is. I fear for poor Sammy too. Amanda did call him Cujo, and we all know what happen to Cujo. Jack is also not going to be thrilled when he realizes "Emily" has been lying and manipulating him this whole time.
Posted by: Elsa at December 10, 2011 11:28 PM
Tyler is so stacked with in formation right now that he is like one power play away from the death list. Also, Nolan can do better! Poor Nolan. And poor Ashley, who was on the receiving end of some epic gaslighting ("Oh? You're mad that I slept with a man for money behind you back? That means you're stupid and unambitious!"). Man.
I wish dopey Daniel would do something manipulative. Or be used for nefarious purposes.
Posted by: blorft at December 10, 2011 11:45 PM
Ooh, but I did get a little verklempt in the flashback where she gave Jack her dog.
Deprived of her dad, her home AND her dog. No wonder she hates those assholes so much.
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Posted by: kengao46 at December 11, 2011 9:39 PM
Its the draft information releases that men and women send to me that are my issue.
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Yay! Revenge!
It was my impression that Emily/real Amanda had just written the diary/notebook that she gave to Fauxmanda--that's why she was manhandling it--to make it look older than it really is.
Tyler having the Whale makes me *so* nervous.
I agree, I like Nolan and Emily working together, they're a great team. I was disappointed that Nolan failed so miserably at his first (and last?) take-down assignment.