“American Horror Story”: “Open House” Things We Learned:
Larry’s back story…this time with 28% more truthiness. While living in the Murder House, Larry was seduced by Jessica Lange’s Constance into mercy killing her son Beau. Beau, a non-ginger version of Eric Stolz in Mask lives in the attic of The Murder House and enjoys playing with a red ball (possible/improbable Gimp alert). Murdered on the grounds by Shakespeare and smothering, Beau is another ghost trapped in the house with the Harmons and their bickering.
Viv is carrying twins. Since she had sex with both Dr. Ben and the Gimp in the same night, she may be carrying some fraternal twins in the oven: the Gimp’s (half-ghost) and the Ben’s (half-douche).
Given that Constance had two “abnormal” babies, might she also have felt the forbidden, rubbery caress of Gimp Ghost Love?
The Garter Strap version of Moira has now appeared to Dr. Ben, that vile Detective and Persian Armenian Real Estate Developer Mr. Joe Eskandarian. Does she only appear that way to sexually deviant men, or can she turn it off and on like a switch?
Nothing ruins sexy “Sugar In My Bowl” fantasy time with the Heirloom Security Guard like visions of your husband…or that damn Gimp.
Tate may be the ghost of a mass-murdering f*ckhead, but he’s an awfully sweet boyfriend. No more blood licking, Tate, that’s a stupid Edward Cullen move right there.
Larry didn’t kill his family directly. His wife chose to flambé herself and the kids after he effectively kicked them out in favor of Constance. Dr. Ben also said Larry didn’t kill Hayden. What’s that about? Eh? EH?
Not only did Charles Montgomery create a hissing monster baby, but he named his child Thaddeus. That’s unspeakably cruel. Also, Dr. Charles Montgomery, when your wife is going full Lady Macbeth on the silver, maybe that’s not the time to introduce her to your monster baby. (Another possible Gimp candidate.)
Tate believes that Violet is “evolved” and that’s why she can see the Murder House ghosts. He also still believes he’s alive, so, there’s that.
Mr. Joe Eskandarian, if you’ve been around the world, from London to the Bay, I would hope that a woman using the word “gnaw” in association with your penis would be a sufficient warning sign that she has no business down there.
Constance, Moira and Larry believe that destroying the house will either trap or extinguish the ghosts. Either way, all three are willing to do anything (MURTHER) to prevent that.
Carnage:
That Persian Armenian C*ck, Mr. Joe Eskandarian. (Cause of Death: Too much teeth and a plastic bag.)
Dr. Charles and Nora Montgomery. (Cause Of Death: One gun, two bullets.)
Larry’s wife and kids. (Cause Of Death: A broken heart and a box of matches.)
Horror Cliche:
A pretty blatant Rosemary’s Baby allusion this week with the shot of the Thaddeus Montgomery’s draped crib.
Favorite Lines Delivered By Marcy, The Pistol Packing Realtor:
“Everything was meticulously restored by a couple of the previous homos…owners…homeowners.”
“There are a lot of minority men in this city who would like nothing more than to ravage me on this countertop.”
The Gist: I loved this episode. What disgusting fun. Also the writing by series creator Brad Falchuk was particularly sharp. Lots of good meaty scenes for Jessica Lange to chew on and I would be delighted to watch her and Denis O’Hare go at it every week. I was obviously overreaching with my psychoanalytic theory that Larry is a projection of some of Dr. Ben’s deeper desires, but I’m still not convinced we know everything there is to know about how Hayden’s murder.
“Revenge”: “Treachery” Things We Learned:
In the wake of Frank’s death, Emily (that’s what I’m calling our protagonist) tells Amanda (that’s what I’m calling the stripper), “You didn’t have to kill him,” indicating that she has some sort of line she’s unwilling to cross and that murder is not part of her revenge plot. This may mean she had no hand in Daniel’s death from the season opener.
Margarita Levieva as Amanda is doing a damn fine Faith impression. If she starts saying “Five by five,” check her other hand for a scary knife.
Declan Porter is only 17? Really? I would strongly encourage actor Connor Paolo to dial back the “streetwise.”
The new standard for exorbitant wealth is Nolan Ross “Tetris Piece Swimming Pool”/”House Bikini” Level Rich.
Cosmopolitans: “Sex In The City” as Black Dahlia: “Revenge.” 3 ounces of vodka, 1 ounce Creme de cassis, a little blackberry liqueur, add ice, psychotic tendencies and shake.
Emily has a convenient apartment in Paris wherein she can stash all her emotionally unstable, single, white female friends.
According to Revenge Guru CCH Pounder, “Violence is a shortsighted solution when it really comes to handling your enemies.” You see, I really don’t think Emily is planning to murder Daniel.
Ashley is kind of a sh*tty friend if Tyler can turn her against Emily with one “We are the 99%” speech.
Emily was serving time for “putting a stop” to her foster father’s abuse. Murder?
Daniel’s living in Revenge Headquarters now. That’s going to put a cramp in Emily’s late night Infinity Box Glare Sessions.
Emily is trying to pin Frank’s death on Conrad Grayson. And it’s woooorking.
The Graysons really should have invested in a cross-cut shredder.
Carnage:
The Novia Scotia Salmon that died for Daniel’s breakfast and Emily’s alibi. (Cause of Death: Fishy butchery.)
Soap Opera Cliche:
“Evil twin” references.
Favorite Line:
-“Look, I’m not built for prison time.”
The Gist: Wasn’t a huge fan of this episode but I do appreciate how the series is slowly piling on more and more villains (first Tyler, now, potentially, Amanda). The Amanda wrinkle is particularly great as it throws some fresh drama on the rather dull Jack/Emily/Daniel triangle. I continue to give no f*ck about Declan Porter or Charlotte Grayson.
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Yeah, my first thought about Declan being 17 was how come he can work in a bar and serve liquor?
But then I don't watch Revenge for realism. Still, every time the SIXTEEN year old fully healthy and agile yellow lab bounds onto the screen I cry foul.
Posted by: PaddyDog at November 17, 2011 12:23 PM
Are we supposed to hate Tate? The show is making it hard for me to. It came close to making me despise him when we saw him shoot up The Breakfast Club in the library, but then the scene with he and Violet in the bathtub kinda countered that. And last night's episode, he was awfully sweet (if yes, a bit too Edward Cullen-ish for my comfort) Violet though, is starting to grate on my nerves a bit.
Posted by: lillie at November 17, 2011 12:32 PM
I hate Declan. I'm so tired of his "I'm so poor-rich people are terrible-my father never loved me" victim speech.
He needs to be gone. Stripper Amanda needs to take care of him.
Posted by: citizen_cris at November 17, 2011 12:36 PM
As far as Hayden is concerned, his refusal of Larry having killed her stems from the fact that he refuses to believe she's dead. If you'll recall from Halloween, when she showed up at the door, McDouche came to the conclusion that the two of them colluded and were trying to scam him for money. If Hayden is still alive (which she's obviously not) then Larry didn't kill her.
I also really enjoy Tate and the way his character is developing. And Jessica Lange KILLED IT. Again. I do, however, wish we had gotten a glimpse of the infantata that is Thaddeus. Just knowing the carnage he can create and seeing the blood on his mom was not quite enough for me.
Posted by: KatSings at November 17, 2011 12:54 PM
Yes, but it was "Emily" who served time for potentially murdering her stepfather, not Amanda Clark. We still don't know exactly why the real Amanda was sent to juvee, except that it might of been an extension of the easily manipulated psychiatrist working to keep her in the system.
Not that I'm paying attention or anything...
(Yes of course! Stupid of me.---JR)
Posted by: Candace at November 17, 2011 12:59 PM
I always thought Declan was only a HS aged teen. As for him working in the bar, I've never seen him do anything besides wipe down tables so I don't know what the problem is there.
Posted by: sarah at November 17, 2011 1:00 PM
Ugh, NO ONE cares about Declan and Charlotte. Revenge, you should think about a well-timed boating accident for those two.
I don't think Emily had anything to do with Daniel's death either; she made a comment to Nolan in one of the previous episodes that Daniel was never a target. I'm suspecting his weasel-y little friend of that particular crime.
Posted by: Even Stevens at November 17, 2011 1:03 PM
I can't stand Declan either but I always thought of him as a teenager so finding out he was 17 was no big deal. I'd have been more surprised if they had revealed him to be older as he has both the maturity and whining abilities of a 13 year old.
Posted by: lillie at November 17, 2011 1:07 PM
RE AHS: Ben still thinks young redhead is alive. He doesn't realize she's dead. Nor does the wife. They're both kinda slow. Also, I'm not really buying the Frankenbaby, but whatever, I'm going along for the ride...
RE Revenge: I also don't give a fuck about the younger bar brother, but he doesn't bug me ...
And duh, psycho stripper is going to kill rich kid, because she wants Emily all to herself. Or the weaselly friend will do it to get rich kid out of the way so he can become one of the 1%.
Posted by: Slash at November 17, 2011 1:39 PM
I'm divided on whether Stripper Amanda or Tyler kills Daniel.
Not that realism is this show's strong point, but it never even occurs to anyone (specifically the Graysons) what ever might have happened to Amanda Clark?
I second a boating accident for Declan and Charlotte! And can we please get Nolan a pool boy or something?
Posted by: TheEmpress at November 17, 2011 2:00 PM
Poor, sad, lonely, sexy, ambiguously gendered Nolan. I say we get him a whole fleet of pool boys.
Posted by: Cuddles at November 17, 2011 2:02 PM
Does anyone else get a young Johnny Depp vibe from Tate sometimes? Something with the combination of brown puppy dog eyes, the way he enunciates certain words... I don't know. Is it just me?
Posted by: Quorren at November 17, 2011 2:08 PM
I LOVED Revenge up until this latest episode when I've become completely drained of any empathy for Emily. For a good revenge movie/show to work, the audience needs to root for the protagonist and I'm starting to dislike Emily even more than that annoying little brother with the over-sized head. The same constipated look whenever she hugs someone and we're supposed to imagine she's scheming something clever. Not working for me.
I haven't seen the latest episode of AHS but up till now, Tate's one of my favorite characters. He's interesting and the actor that plays him is super cute. I hope nothing changes to make me feel differently.
And am I the only one that thinks Dylan McIrishName is strange looking and sort of ugly? Looking at him kind of takes me out of the story.
Posted by: snapnhiss at November 17, 2011 2:21 PM
Let me suggest that we have seen Frankenbaby already. Remember the little clown with fangs that attacked the bitchy girl (now facially scarred wearing a hat) in the basement. The question at the time was: What was that ?!?
Now we know.
Posted by: OldLawman at November 17, 2011 2:37 PM
Can someone other than Kim Kardashian please advise Madeline Stowe on her wardrobe choices? Everything she wears is gorgeous, but so clearly a size too small. It's starting to annoy.
Stripperella has been in two episodes and is already on my last nerve. Her manner of speaking reminds me very much of the way Vanessa Williams speaks, adding an unnecessary "sh" to the end of certain words.
BUT, I am very much enjoying the direction the show is continuing in, and the risks it's taking. Also, I will NEVER, EVER find Nolan attractive, but damn that boy is entertaining.
I kinda like Nolan, too. He's turning into the most sympathetic character in the show. Well, him and hot bar guy.
Posted by: Slash at November 17, 2011 4:23 PM
RE Moira: I think the real question is, does she look hot to lesbians, too, or just men? I would like to see this addressed.
Posted by: Slash at November 17, 2011 4:30 PM
Does anyone know the name of the song played over the closing voiceover on last night''s "Revenge"? I tried Googling the lyrics and can't find a match.
Posted by: MelBivDevoe at November 17, 2011 5:44 PM
Did Violet actually die when she tried to kill herself with the pills? Is that why Tate told her that she was evolved? She's not eating and she doesn't like to leave her room.
Posted by: SKellyHart at November 17, 2011 10:29 PM
Mel, this is my favorite source for music from TV shows:
Yeah, my first thought about Declan being 17 was how come he can work in a bar and serve liquor?
But then I don't watch Revenge for realism. Still, every time the SIXTEEN year old fully healthy and agile yellow lab bounds onto the screen I cry foul.