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Reading the Entrails: Predictions of the Endings of Ten Current Television Shows

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | TV Reviews | July 25, 2013 | Comments ()


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We could just wait to see how television shows end, but that would really be a waste of precious Internet pixels now wouldn’t it. With bad shows, at least three fourths of the enjoyment is from wondering what idiotic thing is going to happen next, so it’s practically mandatory. So here, in no particular order, are my predictions for how ten current television shows will end:

“Breaking Bad”: Prison. I think that this is what the show is building towards, a show built on a normal man who turns to evil in order to seize control of his life cannot end in his death in a blaze of glory or even in tragedy. It ends with Walter White losing every illusory bit of control and being marched like any other into the orange jumpsuits.

“Justified”: I’ll leave the exact details to be worked out, but the final scene is Raylan, Boyd, and Loretta leaving on a road trip.

“Archer”: You go to hell and you die. Archer should never end.

“Always Sunny in Philadelphia”: The entire final season should be fifty years in the future with the cast playing both themselves committed to the cheapest old folks home in Phillie, and their worthless grandchildren.

“Doctor Who”: The British Isles sink under the North Atlantic. No I don’t mean on the show, I mean that’s what will have to happen for there to be a true final episode of “Doctor Who”

“Gray’s Anatomy”: Nuclear detonation from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

“Hannibal”: Ha! Like NBC would give us a third season.

“Modern Family”: It’ll be a two hour affair that’s neither funny nor particularly affecting, although I can always hope that Phil finally snaps and goes on a rampage.

“Parks and Rec”: Congresswoman Leslie Knope, anyone?

“Community”: If Harmon’s gone when it happens, the show will end in a whimper as the final episode will likely be filmed with no idea that it was the final episode. If Harmon is around at that point, I cannot venture to guess other than that a quarter of people will think it’s brilliant, a quarter idiotic, and half will not have a clue what just happened.




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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Nobody

    I'd like to believe that the feds take Walter at the end and put him in the witness protection program, with a new family, in a new town and that the last episode of Breaking Bad is the pilot for Malcolm In The Middle.

  • John W

    The end of Archer will involve a humongous rumble with The Simpsons, the folks from South Park, Futurama, Bob's Burger, Family Guy and the Venture Brothers. Scripted by Patton Oswalt of course.

  • BWeaves

    “Archer”: You go to hell and you die. Archer should never end.

    Amen.

    Also, Doctor Who will never end. It may go on hiatus for years, like it's done in the past, but it will get picked up and continue forever.

    I have no idea how Mad Men will end, but it better not involve Glen.

  • A-fucking-men indeed

  • Wigamer

    It will totally involve Glen. He'll probably get a spin-off and we'll have to watch him disco and coke his way through the seventies.

  • Brian Martin

    You SHUT YOUR MOUTH when you're talking about Hannibal!!!

  • pumpkin

    Sunny should end with the gang either dead or becoming billionaires. Anything in between will be a disappointment.

    Maybe a Blackadder first series ending?

    (I might accept Charlie being the sole survivor)

  • Martin Holterman

    Euh, remind me, what's the difference between the ending of Blackadder's first series and the endings of the other three?

  • pumpkin

    It was an accident

  • Antoinette

    Based on the Season 5 opening scene and their love of Godfather, I think that Hank makes a deal with Walt to keep his secret as long as he destroys all of his other connections involved - ending the meth threat that Hank would want, and also destroying Walt's empire

  • AngelenoEwok

    I had a dream about the Breaking Bad finale that involved a boat, a thunderstorm, and a zombified version of a certain deceased character, back for revenge. The boat seemed pretty improbable (given that Albuquerque is landlocked), but I woke up very excited.

  • GDI

    Elephant Butte isn't too far of a stretch. I'm already concerned that there maybe zombified and/or mutated forms of (un)life down there.

  • AngelenoEwok

    I'm just elated to learn that there's a place in this world called Elephant Butte.

  • Rob

    "'Gray’s Anatomy': Nuclear detonation from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure."

    And that's why Pajiba is the true love of my life.

  • AnnaKendrick'sLoveMuffin

    OK. To go out on a limb, first you have to stop hugging the trunk with both arms. You haven't done that.

  • Bert_McGurt

    I have to agree - Walt going out in a blaze of glory doesn't sound right to me. He may go out, but it'll be more subdued if that's what happens. Perhaps it even involves the ricin cigarette.

    Jesse winds up as the hero, and saves Hank's life. I keep telling myself there's going to be some connection between Pinkman and Holly (always in pink) - either he ends up as the baby's guardian, or they both die and that's what finally breaks Walt.

  • Marc Greene

    While introducing the show to a new viewer, I had the pleasure of watching the pilot again. The first few minutes I think are a potential clue how this would all shake out. Walt vacillates between shooting himself when the sirens are approaching to pointing the gun with the clear intent of going down shooting. I think he'd kill himself rather than go to jail.

  • Blank Stare

    Exactly. Walt is completely driven by pride, ambition, and, especially, a need for power. Prison makes him powerless, he won't do it, he'd rather go down shooting.

    Besides which, what's Gilligan's pitch for the show? Turning Mr. Chips into Scarface? How's Tony Montana's sentence going?

  • Bert_McGurt

    I think you're right about Walt preferring suicide to prison. I also think that the show is just as much about Jesse finding his moral compass as it is about Walt losing his. Almost a role reversal if you will.

  • Marc Greene

    Wouldn't be a great twist if in the end Jesse outwits Walter?

  • lillie

    I think that would be the ONLY thing that could break Walt because the only two people he seems to really love (besides himself) are Jesse and Holly. Walt Jr. is just too damn needy at breakfast time.

  • lowercase_ryan

    For Community I'd like an hour long send off in which the cast accidentally gets dosed by some mishap in the cafeteria, they spend a Greenfield "day" high as kites in the study room reminiscing about all the crazy shit they did at Greendale, only it's not the stuff we saw, it's the stuff that happened off camera. In actuality it would be every crazy idea Harmon ever had for the show that didn't make it in for some reason (except for the shitty ideas, obvs.)

  • Bert_McGurt

    A Greenfield day meaning Schmidt drops by to get baked with them?

  • lowercase_ryan

    I meant day as in they are stuck in there for hours that become one hour on the TV. And no, not getting baked, Annie/Shirley would never. It would have to be accidental.

  • TenaciousJP

    Honestly, I cannot see Breaking Bad ending with prison. Walt already knows that strings can be pulled in prison, and it is not a final destination by any means. Plus if there's any place where he can be free to manipulate people without the emotional counterweight of his family, prison would surely be it.

    I think the show has been (and always has been) building towards Walt's death. What began as a show about cancer being a ticking time bomb became a show about the human mind being the bomb. One aspect of death hanging over Walt, replaced with another. It is, as Agent Smith would say, inevitable.

  • dizzylucy

    I agree, I feel like it has to end with his death - I just waiver back and forth over who should get to kill him.

  • Real_Irwin

    Cancer

  • TenaciousJP

    I think Holly should do the deed, ala Maggie Simpson in "Who Shot Mr. Burns?"

  • AngelenoEwok

    This probably says something bad about me, but that idea made me smile more than anything else I've seen today.

  • "Homeland": Carrie was the spy all along.

  • toblerone

    Way to ruin the show for everyone ;p.

  • sean

    Hmmm...I think Walt dying alone in a prison hospital is how Justified ends. Jessie survives, and goes free. Skylar dies at Walt's hands. Hank arrests Walt...but loses himself, and his wife in the process. Marie ends up with the baby. And some drug money she stole.

  • sean

    I mean Breaking bad...in a weird mental state right this minute.

  • emmalita

    I'm disappointed. I thought you were imagining the BB crew moving to Harlan county. Raylan and Hank would butt heads, but ultimately work together to bring down Heisenburg.

  • sean

    Raylan would have busted Walt 5 years ago. And banged Skylar, and made sure Walt knew. He also would have forced Gus out of the country.

  • emmalita

    Or Dickie would have walked in to the lab and said, "Y'all ain't from around here," done some shuckin' and then shot them all in the face. Mike would've taken one look at the situation in Kentucky and left to take his granddaughter to the park.

  • GDI

    That would be a helluva spin-off.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Interesting Justified theory but the real question is WILL WE GET DICKIE BENNET BACK?!?!?

  • Bert_McGurt

    I wouldn't be surprised to see it all end with Boyd dying while saving Raylan's life again. Possibly from Dickie.

  • dizzylucy

    Much like Walter White, I kind of feel like Justified has to end with Boyd dying (and I would bawl my eyes out). And I'd like to see Raylan finally be able to really leave Harlan and all his struggling behind.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Well, Boyd was SUPPOSED to die in the first season. I can't see him surviving the series.

  • lowercase_ryan

    I could see Ava trying to kill Raylan and Boyd getting it instead. Raylan will never be caught off guard by a man. So Boyd tries to stop her or something and gets shot. She loses it and shoots herself, the final shot is of Raylan on his knees in the dirt with his gun limp at his side and we pan back to see him hovering over the bodies of Ava and Boyd....maybe the tombstones in the background, calling to him...

  • lowercase_ryan

    OR!!!!

    Ava accidentally shoots Boyd, recoils in shock, then draws on Raylan who has had a chance to get over the surprise of Ava trying to kill him and he puts her down.

  • Bert_McGurt

    If there's one rule in that show, it's that NO ONE outdraws Raylan Givens.

  • lowercase_ryan

    absolutely, just one of the things I love so much about the show.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Along with the running gag of Raylan getting his a** handed to him when he's not wearing his hat.

  • lowercase_ryan

    of all the shows I love, and there are many, I look forward to Justified above all else. I can't wait until it comes back.

  • emmalita

    9 out of 10 of your predictions are brilliant. How soon can we arrange the nuclear detonation?

  • TCH

    The United States Colonial Marines.

  • TCH

    Can do it as soon as they exist, which is in about 100 years.

  • emmalita

    That's to long to wait to put Gray's Anatomy out of our misery. We need those bombs tomorrow.

  • Genevieve Burgess

    My prediction for the end of "Mad Men" is that we see Jon Hamm walk into a store or something in a new town, gets to chatting with the proprietor, and when asked to introduce himself gives a name that's not "Don Draper" or "Dick Whitman."

    Also, you joke about "Grey's Anatomy" but the way that show's been going with the escalating disasters it's not actually that far-fetched that it ends with the whole hospital wiped off the map.

  • emmalita

    Their caskets may go on a road trip, but Raylan and Boyd will never leave Harlan alive. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • toblerone

    We won't know how Community ends until the movie.

    And yes Archer should never end.

  • President Leslie Knope, thank you very much. ;)

  • Tinkerville

    Hell yes. And I'd like to see April as the Press Secretary telling the media to stick everything up their butt, Ron as Chief of Staff, and Tom as Communications Director telling the nation to turn that frown upsidedizzity.

  • Lovely Bones

    Don't forget the Veep crossover.

  • toblerone

    And Ron has a dual post as Chairman of the Federal Reserve / Secretary of the Treasury.

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    Based on the Season 5 opening
    scene and their love of Godfather, I think that Hank makes a deal with
    Walt to keep his secret as long as he destroys all of his other
    connections involved - ending the meth threat that Hank would want, and
    also destroying Walt's empire

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