Network Television Really Wants You To Watch Cable: Television News
ABC has decided to let Justin Bieber executive produce, along with his manager Scooter, a sitcom based on his life. That's right! Now you can see how comedic life was for Bieber before he got famous! Rejoice in the awkwardness of teen years! Guffaw at the weird family dynamics! Feel feelings about Bieber's struggle to be a singer! Oh, man. I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Not to be outdone, ABC has ordered a pilot for a little show called How The F Am I Normal. I think, and this is just me spitballing here, that there are a group of jaded 14-year-olds making the decisions about what to call television shows now. The show names are just like the 14-year-olds: desperate to be edgy while being unable to properly express themselves.
Anyway, Adam F. Goldberg (Breaking In) is the creator and Happy Madison's Doug Robinson will produce. The show is described as a "dysfunctional The Wonder Years set in the 80s" that is based on Goldberg's childhood.
Okay, okay. I'll give you what might be some good news. Jennifer Lawrence will be hosting "Saturday Night Live" in January. I'm sure we are all looking forward to either a Hunger Games or X-Men parody, because one of them will happen. Let's look at Lawrence's pretty face, shall we?
Aaaand, more bad news. Dane Cook, human scrotal wart, will be continuing his relationship with NBC. Apparently Cook had a show that lasted four episodes, none of which were ever aired? NBC didn't like it, but they still think Cook is tops and super funny! He gets to have another chance at a starring role in another piece of sh*t sitcom! Hooray for failing upwards!
HBO grabbed "People In New Jersey", written and executive produced by Bruce Eric Kaplan ("Six Feet Under", "Girls"). Jason Reitman ("Up In The Air") will be executive producing and directing the pilot episode and SNL's Lorne Michaels will also executive produce. The show is about a brother and sister living in New Jersey and doing stuff like existing, maybe eating, probably sleeping. I don't know.
AMC has grabbed British mini-series "Low Winter Sun," along with its original star Mark Strong (Sherlock Holmes), for an American version. The show will be about Strong as a detective that murders another cop and the impact it has on everything in his life. It will be set in Detroit and will delve into the criminal underworld. Sounds intriguing.
Finally, TLC (Totally, Like, Classy) has decided that they need to gift us with a show called "Best Funeral Ever." There is a funeral home in Dallas, because of course it is in Texas, that works with families to create a themed bash/memorial service for the dearly departed. The show description actually has the words "a BBQ sauce fountain where loved ones dip a ceremonious rib to say goodbye." Dude. I mean, whatever works for your grief, but I can't see TLC keeping it very dignified, if you can have dignity while at a funeral with fog machines. What do you think? To each their own?
Pajiba Love Express
Here's some Daveed Diggs for you. On Daveed Diggs' digs, actually. That man does things with clothes that should not make sense, but are absolutely perfect. (Go Fug Yourself)
Woody Allen has "so moved on" from his daughter's accusations and says he never even thinks about it. He equates her words about him to a bad review he won't read and comments on how wacky it is that Mia Farrow is his mother-in-law. He is the worst. (Celebitchy)
Not The Worst but still very gross: Leonardo DiCaprio and his
Here are 5 under-the-radar shows. I had never even heard of the first two. (Uproxx)