Mmmmm Artisanal Baby Gravy: What We Learned From Last Night's Episode Of 'American Horror Story'
Aw, It’s Everyone’s Favorite Racist Grandma: This is basically what my grandma looks like when she’s watching Fox News. I was so in love with Madame Delphine’s reaction to Obama. If she wanted to run for office, she would be ever so popular with the Tea Party. Move over, Bachmann, there’s a new set of crazy eyes in town.
It’s Okay To Love Your Undead Son, But It’s Not Okay To Love Your Undead Son: Oh man, Mare Winningham was always one of my favorite Brat Packers and I was really starting to like her pot-smoking mom routine until the touching went from bad to worse.
In light of Kyle’s sexual trauma, Misty Day’s Fleetwood Mac-fueled handsy-ness was extra inappropriate. Let’s not straddle the zombies, okay, Misty? What would Stevie think?
The Minotaur And The “Labyrinth”: So, um, yes, the labyrinth is her vagina. How is this going to end for Queenie? One of you last week dropped an erroneous spoiler that Queenie was going to die this episode, so I fully expected for her to get gored by the Minotaur (who, for the record, has been fully magicked if his trotters and cloven hands are any indication). Instead it looks like she going to be “gored” by the Minotaur. Will we have a Minotaur baby? Half-man/half-Queenie/half-bull? Things were getting a little rough there at the end, but what you do with your Bull Monster behind closed shed doors is your business, Precious.
A Voodoo Queen For The Modern Era: As much as I delighted in Marie Laveau tonguing a pepper and bathing Cordelia’s barren nethers in goat’s blood, it was the iPad solitaire that really got me.
“On the day, you bring 2 ounces of your husband’s baby gravy in a jar”
She’s On A Mission To Civilize: What are we supposed to think of Fiona as a Supreme? Sure she kiss-murders scientists and kills little girls, but she’s actually kind of cool and progressive. She’s not only intolerant of intolerance…
…but also will not stand for religious hypocrisy. So, I mean, the Coven could have a worse leader, that’s for sure. P.S. Though I don’t have a photo of her here, I was delighted to see the fabulous Patti Lupone show up this week. Ryan Murphy is on a mission to make us all a little gayer, one fabulous diva at a time.
Nice Try With The Flashback, Show: I mean, the young version of Fiona was pretty fetch and all and I understand that she had to be somewhat of a match for Emma Roberts but this little chippie is more Cute, Young Charlize Theron…
…than Face Meltingly Gorgeous Young Jessica Lange.
Enough With The Fish Eye. Seriously.: American Horror Story is famous for its off-kilter camera work, but the wide-angle shots in this episode gave me a headache. As I suspected, the director of this episode (Alfonso Gomez-Rejon) is the same one who gave me a headache last year with the episode “Spilled Milk.” Shots like this one from Season 2 are excellent when used sparingly and exhausting when used in excess.
The American Horror Story DYI Crafts And Redecorating Hour: Not since last year’s Skull Mint Bowls and Nipple Lamps have we had so much Martha Stewart-ing in one episode. First there was Marie Laveau Artisanal Baby Gravy In A Mason Jar…
…and then, of course, Fiona’s practical redecorating tips.
Was The Supremicide Premeditated?: My big confusion from this episode, though, was whether or not Fiona’s final act was premeditated. She was giving Madison “I’m Going To Murder You” eyebrows all day and when she poured out her own drink I was pretty sure she was up to something.
But the murder seemed so accidental. So heat of the moment. What do you all think? And we’re all in agreement that Madison was a Red Herring Supreme, right, and that Zoe or Nan or Queenie will end up being the real thing?
Ryan Murphy Never Misses An Opportunity To Sexploit: Let’s not finish on a downer, shall we? Let’s finish as The Good Murph intended: with blood-soaked pectorals. You’re welcome.