Last Night's Monumental "New Girl" Summarized in GIF Form
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Last Night's Monumental "New Girl" Summarized in GIF Form

By Dustin Rowles | TV Reviews | May 1, 2013 | Comments ()


Last night's episode was all about how the gang lost their virginity.


When it opened, it looked like Nick and Jess were over.


But then everyone started telling their virginity stories. We found out, for instance, that Mick Jagger stamped Cece's V-Card, which elicited an excited, but confused reaction from Schmidt.


Fat Schmidt's virginity losing experience involved lubricant. A LOT OF IT.


But it was for a good cause.


Nick was impressed.


Jess had a long convuluted story about losing her virginity, which began at prom, and ended up with her with the guy from MTV's Teen Wolf stuck in a kid castle, where the guy confessed that he realized it wasn't the anti-depressants that were softening his shrinky, it was his gayness.



Anyway, Winston lost his virginity to a prostitute procured by Nick's father, which reminded Nick of some advice his old man gave him: "Don't think about it."


Nick didn't think about it.




What's that, Schmidt?


Yeah it is. This is what's going on in Nick's brain.




This is what's going on in Jess' head.



And this is what's going on inside of Schmidt's brain.


Biz Break: Natalie Portman and A Potential Case of the Mush-Mouthed Clusterf*ck of Disappearing Accents | "Doctor Who," the "Journey To The Centre Of The TARDIS" and 5 Reasons Why Clara Will Be the Next Doctor

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Conor

    "It's not a cookie bar".

    Fat Schmidt, forever and ever.

  • catagisreading

    "David Foster Wallace, Where's the sex?"

    For that line alone I will watch this show till the very end even if it lasts many seasons too many and becomes a hateful parody of itself.

  • slim

    Best New Girl line EVER.

  • anikitty


  • the chaplain

    When "Anything Could Happen" started playing at the end of the episode I freaked out knowing exactly what thing would happen.

  • I needed a cigarette after Jess and Nick finally had sex. They were driving me nuts with their sexual tension. I don't know what they're doing with CeCe's ridiculous engagement. But the rest of the show is great. More fat Schmidt please.

  • One of the best episodes of TV in a while. And I watch all the "good" shows

  • prairiegirl

    I grow to love this show more with every viewing. And holy crap, Nick was just on fire at the end. Seriously, how did Jess walk away from him to that elevator in the first place with him looking at her like that?

    And agree with the missing teen Winston gifs. Gifs won't do justice to teen Nick - it was his voice that made those scenes for me.

  • That "Just my penis, baby!" KILLED me.

  • BAM

    What, no teen Winston / Nick gifs? No teen Winston fixing his fro? Or teen Winston awkwardly dancing up on the hooker? COME ON, NOW!

  • mb

    I love this show and want to have babies with the entire cast.

  • toblerone


    Jess's story was a bit tedious and the weakest of the three until the end.

    I love Fat Schmidt!

    "I'm a Daver!" - That sums up all everything that is wrong with Dave Matthews fans.

    "My arm was a magnet and the walls were magnetic. What about that do you not understand?"

    Please let Merritt Weaver stick around for a while.

    I'm meh towards Nick and Jess sleeping together and while I trust New Girl's writers I still kinda wish it didn't happen (not sure if that cancels out the "meh").

  • Bert_McGurt

    I also love Fat Schmidt. Do you think they shoot all his scenes at once, or make him put on the suit for each episode?

  • I am so excited to see Merritt Weaver (although I didn't know that was her name), I think that character can bring lots of great things to the show. Also it is great to see an average sized woman on TV for a change.

  • LadyKarinsky

    I'm a Daver , too.

  • John G.

    I don't like to see Arya in modern costume. It breaks my brain.

  • Anna von Beav

    Ruh roh!

    If I pee in her, will she die?

  • The ruh roh was so perfect.

  • BettyNugs

    Best use of Boys II Men ever? I think maybe.

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