free counter with statistics Knight Rider | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

knight-rider.jpg
This Show is a Fucking Piece of Shit, Michael

“Knight Rider” / The TV Whore
Oct. 1, 2008

TV Reviews | October 1, 2008 | Comments (33)

Holy motherfucking shit. I watched last spring’s two-hour backdoor pilot of “Knight Rider” knowing it would be bad. And indeed it was. Nevertheless, last week, I found myself watching the fall premiere of the show. Again, I knew it would suck. But I thought it might not be so heinous that it couldn’t be background noise while at work. Boy was I wrong. At nine minutes in, I had to shut my SlingPlayer software down (SlingBox is a miracle for those of us who like to watch TV in the office) because I think my computer was getting stupider just for having “Knight Rider” stream through it. I mean, in those nine minutes, Kitt (voiced by the sounds-like-he’s-heavily-dosed-with-Valium Kilmer) fucking transformed twice. Transformed. Like a shitty Michael Bay transformer. Into an attack mode car and into a truck. And we got a bad “CSI”-style glimpse into Kitt’s inner workings in order to see how he/it achieves Turbo Jump. And there was the bad acting. And the bad dialogue. And the bad effects. And bad action. And oh dear god the bad acting.

What I’m saying is, it’s not good, people. Do not watch it, I implore you. Beside, while it won’t be the first show canceled — because “Do Not Disturb” was put down almost a week ago — it ain’t long for this world, make no mistake about it.

Yes this review is short. Yes it may not be fair to review a show having only watched 1/5 of the first episode. But that’s all “Knight Rider” deserves.


theTVwhore.jpg
Seth Freilich is Pajiba’s television editor. Besides, you should be watching the Phillies tonight!


← Angel Heart Remake | Pajiba Love 10/01/08 →



Comments

I thought Val's voice was dripping with shame, but yeah. Maybe it was downers.

Posted by: Mella at October 1, 2008 10:12 AM

I got to the part where the multi-million dollar super intelligent car drove straight at a closed steel door on the assumption someone would open it before the car collided with it at 100 miles per hour. Then I had to turn it off. I tuned in because I was curious if it could be worse than the horrible movie.

It almost has to be seen to be believed that a prime time program can fail so completely in every department.

Posted by: TylerDFC at October 1, 2008 10:16 AM

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!~

Posted by: BWeaves at October 1, 2008 10:19 AM

Wait a minute. Was the original Knight Rider good? Or good in the so-horrible-it's-good kind of way? In which case, can we really pass judgment here?

Posted by: Nate at October 1, 2008 10:28 AM

My god NBC what's next, a remake of BJ and the Bear?

Posted by: Pookie at October 1, 2008 10:28 AM

The original series wasn't Masterpiece Theatre. The effects were awful, the acting was awful, the action was awful. Patricia McPherson as the hot, nerdy, mechanic Bonnie was the only upside of the whole show. I think I'd rather listen to the Hoffmeister sing than be forced to watch his acting.

Posted by: The Kilted Yaksman at October 1, 2008 10:36 AM

Go Brewers!

Posted by: shelleyh at October 1, 2008 10:38 AM

C'mon Seth, what did you really think of it ?

Posted by: Alex the not so odd at October 1, 2008 10:39 AM

C'mon Seth, what did you really think of it ?

Posted by: Alex the not so odd at October 1, 2008 10:40 AM

They just had The Hoff on Preston and Steve in Philly and they talked mostly about America's Got Herpes...err Talent and Spongebob and Baywatch tits. The fact that the car is a Mustang is travesty enough. Fuck this. I'd rather masturbate to amputee porn. At least that is visually stimulating.

15 minutes til I'm outta here. 75 minutes til I'm in Philly. 85 minutes til I'm in the parking lot cracking a beer. 255 minutes til 1st pitch. 435 minutes from victory. 25,905 minutes til we're World Champs. GO PHILLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: PissBoy at October 1, 2008 10:48 AM

I am incapable of enjoying baseball. I've tried so many times. Ever since I got old enough to realize how much money the players make and that I would never be athletic, it became a depressing reminder of the only thing I inherited from my father & grandfather: awkward physiology. And on behalf of the viewing public who is responsible for the garbage that pervades television, I apologize. I can't imagine being required to watch this trash, even 1/5 of it.

Posted by: ThunderSacTriumph at October 1, 2008 10:48 AM

Joel McHale did an amusing clip on the passive-aggressive nature of that 'Stang, so I guess I like the new Knight Rider inasmuch as it provides good fodder for The Soup.

And I had no idea that PissBoy was so delusional! It will be interesting to see which one of the Phillies or Brewers wants victory less, but if any of y'all think any team in the NL is beating the Cubs...

Posted by: Che Grovera at October 1, 2008 10:57 AM

Pookie, you sonuvabitch - now look what you've done! Right now, some producer troll is licking his lizard-like lips and going "Yeees! BJ and the Beeaar! Briiiliant!" and then treating himself to a victory fetus.

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at October 1, 2008 11:03 AM

Skit is right.

DON'T fucking give them ideas!

Posted by: Jay at October 1, 2008 11:21 AM

The next step? Remaking Short Circuit.

You think I'm fucking joking? Look it up.

Is tunnel vision the first sign of bloodrage or a stroke?

Posted by: branded at October 1, 2008 11:21 AM

i am so sick of the CSI style camera schtick.

oh...we're going inside a blood vessel! trippy!

yawn.

Posted by: glittergirl at October 1, 2008 11:31 AM

I got your backdoor pilot right here.

Posted by: firedmyass at October 1, 2008 11:38 AM

i tried to watch this "show", but i only made it about half way through. i watched the whole backdoor pilot and i didn't think the actual show could be any worse, but it is.

how in the hell did this shit make it on air? didn't anyone from the network watch it beforehand? why didn't anyone notice that the plot--if you can call it that--absolutely sucked? i can't see how anyone could think that the acting--if you can call it that--was remotely acceptable, even for network tv. my son's middle school drama class could show these "professionals" a few things.

Posted by: pq at October 1, 2008 12:03 PM

You know Seth/TV Whore, sometimes I truly envy your job. You watch tv, A LOT of tv, and you write about said television programs. And you get paid. I mean, wow. But, then I realize that you have to watch Knight Rider. And that show where people jump through holes. Then I don't really feel envy so much anymore.

I work with a nutty Brewers fan. Every day is a new t shirt. Well, that or Marquette University. His increasingly dour expression makes me very happy that he's going to the game this weekend. Out of sight, out of mind.

However, I think if they lose, he might just torch my office building on Monday. He's mentioned it several times already and it's more ominous sounding as the days pass. I am truly scared. Sometimes when I look at him the light reflects off of his glasses in a way that makes him look like Satan. Yes, I work with Satan. So I'm really hoping that the Brewers win (yeah right. they're totally gonna lose)

Posted by: Rachael at October 1, 2008 12:19 PM

Joel McHale did an amusing clip on the passive-aggressive nature of that 'Stang, so I guess I like the new Knight Rider inasmuch as it provides good fodder for The Soup.

Which is why I still morn the loss of Viva Laughlin.

YOu think that after the bungling of Bionic Woman, this would slow them down, but no. This is Silverman's fault, isn't it?

Um, quick question though: is Jungle Julia still on there with very little clothing? Just...curious, is all.

Posted by: Vermillion at October 1, 2008 12:49 PM

Both PissBoy AND thejodester can eat my crotch for going to the Phils game today. PissBoy especially, for bragging about it in an email. Now excuse me while I cry my bitter bitch tears and prepare to follow the game online.

Posted by: Julie at October 1, 2008 1:00 PM

Yep. Amputee porn.

Way better than this travesty. Hell, I'd go so far as to say that the ever-popular Two Girls, One Cup is actually better-acted and has a better plot than Knight Rider.

Posted by: The Wanderer at October 1, 2008 1:25 PM

Anybody remember VIPER? I have the backdoor pilot of that on VHS here somewhere with some episodes of seaQuest DSV.

That show RULED.

Posted by: Bucko at October 1, 2008 1:33 PM

I'm watching the Red Sox.

YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK!

Posted by: Rich at October 1, 2008 1:34 PM

FUCKING!

Posted by: chris at October 1, 2008 1:46 PM

How did it get signed on for a second season?

Posted by: Lucas at October 1, 2008 2:20 PM

I will never forget Viper, Bucko. I'm pretty sure i experienced my first squee whilst watching the pilot...ahh, the memories. And didn't SeaQuest star that kid from Neverending story II?

Posted by: ThunderSacTriumph at October 1, 2008 2:53 PM

"My god NBC what's next, a remake of BJ and the Bear?"

Posted by: Pookie at October 1, 2008 10:28 AM

Pookie!?! If this happens let it be on YOUR head. I will find you and put you down like a broke ass mule, do you hear me? Damn.

Now if they wanna bring back the A-Team we can talk.

What?

Posted by: greer at October 1, 2008 4:42 PM

Oh thank Godtopus. Maybe this is the death-toll for remakes of shitty tv shows from the past that are better left rotting in the sun. 90210, I'm looking at you!

Posted by: figgy at October 1, 2008 4:55 PM

As always:

Because 500 channels can't show test patterns.

That's why.

Posted by: bucdaddy at October 1, 2008 9:35 PM

What is wrong with me? The moment I read that Kitt could transform I wanted to go watch Knight Rider. A transforming car, how could that not be cool?

Posted by: Bubblebee at October 2, 2008 2:04 AM

I would say that this show belongs on the 1:00 a.m. Saturday time slot, but that would only tarnish my memories of "Spy Girls", a truly great show with tits.

Posted by: B-rant at October 2, 2008 1:57 PM

God yes there is a point where someone says - 'Now this is Interesting' .. It really isn't.

It it unbelievable when someone sits down and commits budget nobody hires a decent story writer or ten. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT?

Characters might be nice... In fact why not introduce it gently instead of a effects ahoy.

It is terrible terrible terrible terrible, I am twelve minutes in. Don't think I will make the second episode.

'baby you are the one that just locked lips'...

And poor billy from Battlestar Galactica, they even gave him the same name.

Posted by: dok at October 4, 2008 5:43 AM