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I Want Channing Tatum to Stop Being in Things

By Katelyn Ann | Posted Under TV Reviews | Comments (28)



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Christmas is my absolute favorite holiday. There’s snowman shaped marshmallows and reindeer antlers on dogs and so much commercialism my wallet could burst! And the music! I’ve been know to listen to Christmas music in July, just because. Everything gets decked out in snowflakes and Santa hats and it’s so freaking magical you could choke a Criss Angel. Just as fun are the Christmas episodes of my favorite shows. There are goofy yule log jokes and dumb sappy messages and I eat it up because I’m a nerd who likes that sort of garbage.

Unless, of course, the Christmas special of a show happens to be an hour-long infomercial for a holiday album with boring and uninteresting storylines. “Glee” this week was worse than terrible: it was mediocre. The episode felt less like a midseason finale (the show doesn’t come back until February) and more like those awkward last day of classes before exams. Everyone is showing up because they have to, but no one really wants to put their heart into it.

A constant source of frustration for me on the show seems to be the bungling of relationships. It wouldn’t be an episode of “Glee” without Rachel trying to convince Finn that he loves her. A week after Rachel cheats on Finn, she decides that it’s time that he forgive her, because that’s how forgiveness works when you’re used to manipulating people into getting what you want. Are people actually rooting for this couple to get together? I’m genuinely curious because I know, in general, the audience is supposed to support the main couple, but Rachel and Finn just don’t work together at all. He has his own issues to deal with and she needs to learn that you cannot force someone into being in love with you. Finn in the middle of the episode officially declared their break up as official, but by the end of the episode, he was looking at her with those puppy dog eyes again. Again the show’s conflict feels forced and they’ve all but spelled it out to indicate that, despite all odds, those two crazy kids will get back together.

Speaking of unhealthy relationships I’m growing to dislike less and less, Artie really doesn’t want a girlfriend. What he really wants is a puppy. The magic comb thing was tolerable, but encouraging Brittany’s belief in Santa because he enjoys the fact that she’s maintaining her childhood whimsy? That’s just sad. Brittany may not be the brightest bulb in the box but at some point she deserves honesty. The storyline with Brittany and Bieste was fairly sweet, but Artie’s roll as boyfriend is confusing the hell out of me. Are we to assume that Brittany has never heard once in her life that Santa isn’t real? Or that, as a teenager she wouldn’t be able to handle the truth? Of course, the Glee universe will stretch reality as far as possible, but at one point Brittany was just a dumb blonde and now she’s to the point where I wonder if she ate paint chips as a kid. Guys who like dating someone with the mental capacity of an 8-year-old unnerve me and it bothered me that Artie worked so hard to perpetuate such a ridiculous lie.

Maybe the only saving grace about the Artie and Brittany plot for this episode was the fact that Beiste once again got to show a little emotion. I was impressed with how honest Beiste was about sharing her own struggles with not getting what she wanted, but getting something better. It appeared, though, that Brittany didn’t get the message of patience since Artie did end up getting the ability to walk with the aide of a high tech walker. Had the episode ended with the slow reveal that Beiste was the one who provided the present, the sap would have been so over-whelming that the episode may have worked for me, but instead of going for the sweet touch the show went over the top and let Sue act out the Grinch story in its entirety.

The Grinch was such a weak story arc for the episode. Sue works best when she’s able to have her sweet moments in private and be a bitch in public, but instead her heart grew three sizes that day and she gave Will a Christmas Eve full of love and kindness! Had she just given the gifts quietly to the homeless shelter with her sister, the act would have felt more believable, but the show went the route that dictated that everything end on the most saccharine note you could imagine. Why are these kids even at Will’s house on Christmas Eve, shouldn’t they be with their families? Of course not, much like the mob, glee club is the family and they all stick together.

However, this episode was not about the magic of Christmas or everyone learning about the holiday spirit, this episode was about selling a Christmas album. More so than any other episode, the music in the Christmas special felt like it was just about setting up the songs for their iTunes release. “The Most Wonderful Day of the Year,” sounded very pretty and was a sweet little pop song about not really fitting in, but it was so off from the original Island of Misfit Toys that it just ended up being an obnoxious number. The spoken word interlude was so poorly done that they should have left it out.

The two carolling songs were very sweet, though. “We Need a Little Christmas” and “Welcome, Christmas” exhibited the lovely vocal talents of the group. The first song was funny for its brevity and shoe flinging but the second was annoying for their choice of hitting up teachers for money. Hey, glee club, teachers are broke, they don’t need you begging for money to help improve their Christmas spirit. Why not take that energy to a homeless shelter and perform and volunteer for the people there? Right, because then Sue wouldn’t have been able to finish her ridiculous Grinch arc.

Sue’s song (performed by k.d. lang), “You’re a mean one, Sue the Grinch” felt a little out of place because it had a non-cast member perform the vocals. It was not a terrible choice since lang is a great performer, but it felt so different from the rest of the performances to have some unknown narrator singing the song.

“Last Christmas” was awkward, but everytime Finn and Rachel perform together, whether singing or not, I can’t help but notice their lack of chemistry. The two of them sang it well-enough together, but it felt so boring. That song fit with Rachel’s performance of “Merry Christmas, Darling” in that it was expected and could have been left out of the episode. A week after going through a whole shpeil about letting other people have the spotlight, the show goes right back to giving the bland people all the glory. Lea Michele is incredibly talented and we already know it, but the more she performs solos the less I want to hear her considering how everything pretty much sounds the same after a while.

The best song of the night went to the out-of-place “Baby, it’s Cold Outside.” Having no real reason for Kurt and Blaine to be in the episode the show just cuts to them and it was worth it. Criss and Colfer have great chemistry together and they’ve developed the relationship between Kurt and Blaine extremely well. It was such a fun song and I enjoyed hearing the two of them sing it together so much that I almost forgot how boring the rest of the episode was.

Charming, fun, sweet and magical moments, like the duet between Kurt and Blaine, are what Christmas episodes should be made of. Yes, most specials are formulaic, but so is Christmas; we know there will be presents but we’re always surprised never the less. It’s a shame that the rest of the episode could not be bothered to capture the whimsy shared between Kurt and Blaine and instead decided to highlight more of the same with the overdone styling of Finn and Rachel.









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Comments


I've never seen Glee. I'm waiting for it to jump the shark so I can look down my adorable nose and say, Glee has tooootalllyyyy jumped the shark.

So let me know OK?

Posted by: klingonfree at December 9, 2010 11:10 AM

TEAM BECKY!

Also, Schuester, do those vests serve some sort of chiropractic function? You even wear vests on your day off of work? You are neither Timberlake nor JGL, Schue. Recognize.

Posted by: coveredinbees at December 9, 2010 11:15 AM

Whatever, coveredinbees. As irritating and inconsistently written as Schu is, a skinny dude always looks hot in a vest. Nothing wrong with a man having some classic style... even if it is ALL THE DAMN TIME.

As for the episode, I thought it was... cute, but not terribly memorable, as far as 'Christmas Specials' go, and the preservation of Brittany's belief in Santa was incredibly grating for me. I would hate it if my friends lied to me about anything, but especially about something so trivial. It's weird and creepy how they were treating her like a little girl, or a baby doll, or something. I've been spoken down to since puberty because of the way I look, and this hit a nerve with me. So boooo on that!

Posted by: Nubbies Away at December 9, 2010 11:26 AM

Spot on! Great review.

Posted by: Neal at December 9, 2010 11:30 AM

The best storyline was keeping the magic of Christmas alive for Brittany. Bieste delivering the mechanical walking device was brilliant and well within her character. She's tough, but she has a heart and she wants what is best for the kids. I'm tempted to switch my vote of Sue taking over Glee Club to Bieste taking over Glee Club, cutting Rachel for not being a team player, and turning this ragtag bunch of singers into a national championship winning Glee Team through the power of mixed-metaphors and gym shorts.

Posted by: Robert at December 9, 2010 11:31 AM

As much as I love Christmas, I don't care for xmas music. I tolerate a small amount in the few weeks preceding the holiday. Therefore this episode was completely 'meh' for me.

That isn't to say I didn't lose one tiny tear-drop when Artie walked and Bieste watched in silence. But shut up, I had been drinking eggnog!

Katelynn, I appreciate you taking the time to write these reviews, but if I may be so bold, I recommend you watch the show with different lenses. You seem to be judging it based against realistic expectations, but the show is so very steeped in the ridiculous that you will never get that Christmas wish.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at December 9, 2010 11:37 AM

That line about Channing Tatum was hilarious... Because Asian Mike was in "Step Up" with him.

Also, Artie walking will soon translate to him dancing not in dream sequence.

Becky is awesome and a great sidekick, she looked so cute in her antlers.

Posted by: kilmo at December 9, 2010 11:38 AM

Best line --

Becky: Roger that.

Posted by: sansho1 at December 9, 2010 11:57 AM

At least we know "Baby It's Cold Outside" still sounds like date rape with two guys singing it.

Posted by: kelsy at December 9, 2010 12:46 PM

Had the episode ended with the slow reveal that Beiste was the one who provided the present, the sap would have been so over-whelming that the episode may have worked for me,

err, it wasn't Beiste? I must have been drinking more than I thought.

Posted by: countfosco at December 9, 2010 12:52 PM

countfosco, it was Bieste. Katelynn Ann meant the episode actually ended with Sue returning the presents and surprising Will rather than the more powerful Bieste making Brittany's Christmas wish come true.

Posted by: Robert at December 9, 2010 12:56 PM

The entire Brittany storyline bummed me out. Isn't she supposed to have slept with most of the people at McKinley? Now she also apparently still believes in Santa and tucks her Barbies in at night. I'm sure that the intended message was "oh goodness, Brittany still has such an adorable childlike spirit" but it played more like she has an actual disability.

Posted by: Rosiose at December 9, 2010 2:04 PM

This show is doing nothing for me lately, but I thought this one was kind of precious. It was an overt call-back to the original spirit of Christmas Specials, which were always light on plot and development, favoring full-blown musical mode instead.

Rachel and Finn are, however, at the Meredith-and-Derek stage of total annoyance that is pushing me away from the show once and for all. I just can't.

At least we know "Baby It's Cold Outside" still sounds like date rape with two guys singing it.

Ha! I'm not the only one who thinks so, then!

Posted by: Amanda6 at December 9, 2010 2:10 PM

Yeah, I used to think Brittany was just normal dumb, but after that episode, I'm convinced she actually has a mental disability or suffered a serious head trauma as a younger child. I'm totally serious, no 16 year old is THAT dumb short of one of those two things. And they're pretty dumb sometimes. (Apologies to all 16 year old out there, but you are.)

Posted by: Snuggiepants at December 9, 2010 2:37 PM

Quote: I enjoyed hearing the two of them sing it together so much that I almost forgot how boring the rest of the episode was.

Yup, exactly. I echo the review 100%. It was so boring, the song were mostly boring, the storylines were boring, but then...Kurt and Blaine came in and it was like 3 minutes of sunshine. Darren Criss was such a great addition to the cast. Now if they could axe Lea Michele, (oh and learn about character development, continuity, and making the music serve the story rather than the other way around) I'd be much happier.

Posted by: Nicole at December 9, 2010 2:43 PM

Although I mostly agree, I think what they were trying to make this episode campy. Actually...that's probably what they're going for all the time...but only resulted in failure.

Posted by: Candee at December 9, 2010 2:55 PM

Are people actually rooting for this couple to get together?

Homygod NO. I really wish they would just let it go. I also wish they'd stop giving Lea Michele all the solos, at least until they redeem her character somewhat, but it ain't gonna happen.

"Baby It's Cold Outside" was my favorite song of the night. I might have to download that one. I've heard the whole Christmas album, and I'll be passing on that one.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at December 9, 2010 3:26 PM

Will sucks, but I liked when he angrily threw Sue's phone off the hook.

Posted by: Natalia at December 9, 2010 3:34 PM

What, coveredinbees, no love for the Han Solo look!? All he needed was a blaster and a wookiee! And ruggedly handsome good looks instead of a face only a muppet could love.

Baby It's Cold Outside (despite being fairly creepy) is one of my very favorite Christmas songs and the two gentlemen performed it very well. It was the only song of the night that left me smiling at the end. The others were all indeed mediocre at best.

I really need Rachel to get served a big slice of "that's life bitch". You can't learn that particular lesson until you lose, and lose big. They've been half-heartedly trying to teach it to her since the beginning and for some reason she always gets her way.

Posted by: Poptart at December 9, 2010 4:06 PM

When will Kurt and Blaine make out already? I screamed it so much at my tv that MrFig grew concerned.

And I thought it was a fun episode. Stupid and silly of course, and completely unrealistic, but that's what Glee is. I'm with Patty O'Green on this one: maybe you're taking Glee a little too seriously. I think if you just accept the fact that it's a silly show used to sell records that can actually be funny and ridiculous and cute, you'll enjoy it more.

Posted by: figgy at December 9, 2010 8:10 PM

I must have missed the episode where they described the tragic murder/suicide that took the lives of Will's parents. Otherwise, he could have gone to visit them for Christmas instead needing everyone (but Kurt, for absolutely no reason - honestly, don't he and Finn live together? Is Kurt home with their parents wondering where Finn is?) to leave their own families to save him from the terrible Xmas loneliness.

And count me in as another person who hates the fact that Brittany is now mentally deficient. Going from Dumbo last week to Cindy-Lou Who this week is really not an improvement.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at December 9, 2010 8:34 PM

Oops, I hope that didn't come off as bitchy or anything. Just a suggestion so you'll have some hair left on your head.

319: seriously, what happened to Will's parents? I hadn't even thought about them but...come on, Victor Garber. Save us all!

Posted by: figgy at December 9, 2010 10:04 PM

Okay, enough with Brittany being written progressively more and more stupid. It's now getting painful to watch. Even in a work of fiction. She's gone from being a typical dopey teenage just suffering from dontgivashititus to so dumb she'd lose a game of Scrabble against a potted geranium.

I don't care if she swilled a Friendly's Vanilla Lead Paint Fribble everyday. If she were this much an imbecile she'd be wearing diapers and swallowing her tongue.

16-year-olds who function like someone less than half their age do not get to go to high school. Although I'm sure there are those who might argue otherwise. Seriously, Becky the girl with Down Syndrome is a Rhodes Scholar compared to Brittany. This isn't just cutesy dumb, this is a non-functioning idiot. So unless they're going to reveal she has a mental illness or suffered severe head trauma from a botched backseat fellatio episode, they really need to dial back the stupid by a factor of 11...either that or have her just swallow her tongue already.

Posted by: bleujayone at December 10, 2010 12:25 AM

Glee was ridiculous and silly and fun. But then they went and did a fantastic job of developing Kurt's character and now the rest of them seem like unsatisfying caricatures. I love where they've gone with Kurt, and now it's time to use some of that skill and talent developing the others.

Posted by: Mattie at December 10, 2010 12:32 AM

You know, I saw all the "homages" (which is a kinder word for it) to Christmas specials past coming. I did. Grinch, Charlie Brown . . . I got it.
You know what I didn't see coming? The fucking Tiny Tim moment because WHAT THE FUCK is Bieste a millionaire?
I was feeling ill throughout the whole show, because the ridiculous fell right over into saccharine, but that's about when I gagged.
And when they all showed up at Will's house, I finally couldn't take it and just started dry heaving. The cat thought I had a hairball and decided to display solidarity. So THANKS GLEE, you made my cat puke.

Posted by: MyySharona at December 10, 2010 1:19 AM

You know what? Bah, humbug. What an awful heartless, humorless take on the episode... just in time for Christmas.

Posted by: Gabrielle at December 10, 2010 2:00 PM

I'm gonna be that asshole who points out that it should be Artie's role, not Artie's roll...unless you intended it to bring to mind baked goods and/or sushi and/or possible innuendo.

Posted by: Tits McGee at December 12, 2010 9:13 PM

I was extremely disappointed with this episode. I really want Rachel to get a swift kick in the neck and I would be happy to do it. I think they could have made a better effort on on recognizing her Judaism as well, not the little shitty "I'm jewish so I don't give a lot of Christmas presents." puhlleeeeezzz. We jews need a little more credit than that!!

Posted by: badhorse666 at December 20, 2010 7:20 PM