How I Met Your Mother, “Gary Blauman”: Like the Six Feet Under Finale without the Dying Part
Last night’s How I Met Your Mother was a real family affair—not just in that it featured the three recurring characters portrayed by the cast members’ offscreen partners, but we got to see old friends. Even ones we didn’t know we wanted to see again.
Once again, we were witness to a major milestone (*salutes*) in the relationship of Ted and The Mother—their first date, three days after the wedding. As they walk toward a Scottish-Mexican fusion joint (with bagpiping mariachi even), he regales her with the tale of days past (three whole days past) when, at Barney and Robin’s wedding, they had to face a seating crisis when the unaccounted-for Gary Blauman shows up. I could have watched an entire episode of characters anticipatorily telling us how much they love Blauman or hate Blauman or hate to disagree with Barney or any variation thereof. Taran Killam’s return as Gary Blauman, the jovial bro co-worker (bro-worker, we’re going to go with bro-worker, one who I’m pretty sure died alone and broke after a failed attempt to urinate on a conference table in season three, but Barney’s not necessarily a reliable storyteller that way) of Barney and Marshall, was perfectly Killam-y. He plays saccharine so well, walking a very fine line of likeable and intolerable. It turns out, Blauman has left a trail of pain and joy for our gang, including:
- Engaging in a Teddy Roosevelt-off with Ted for the affections (or not) of a young lady
- Saving Lily from getting Mark McGrath’s face tattooed on her back after her breakup with Marshall
- Eating FOUR of Barney’s fries, including the accidental curly, that monster (“That’s the dream!”)
- Knowing William Zabka as a poet, not a film villain. He owns all six of his collections!
- Having had an affair with Barney’s brother James, the affair that ended his marriage (though Barney has that beat with his fry story)
At its heart, this somewhat meta episode is about the characters who come in and out of our lives—some leaving lasting impressions, some never even to be remembered. We make best friends, meet the loves of our lives, share intimate, important moments with people, and then we may never see them again. So, when you find someone you want to be with, you keep them close, like Ted and The Mother, or else they just fade into stories.
Where Are They Now: HIMYM Fictional Character Edition!
- Zoe got attacked by a hawk. I clapped.
- Blitz developed a gambling addiction. But, luckily, he decided to get help. He was, of course, Blitzed the second he decided to do so. Aw, man!
- Carl still runs Maclaren’s with his young Carlesque son. He’s probably a vampire, too.
- Jeanette got arrested for stalking Val Kilmer (but not that one) and got court-ordered therapy from Kevin, who must inform her that he is not able to date his cli—aw, who is he kidding? *rampant makeout*
- Sandy Rivers finally got in trouble for his ceaseless sexual harassment and is now ceaselessly harassing co-hosts in Moscow.
- Patrice got an advice radio show, where people DO IN FACT ask her, Patrice! But not yet. DAMMIT PATRICE, SHE WASN’T FINISHED.
- Blah Blah’s name is Carol.
- Ranjit made some good investments and bought the limo service and now has his very own driver.
- William Zabka became the youngest poet to earn a presidential poetry award. HI-YAH!
- Scooter finally moved on from Lily…by marrying her stripper doppelganger, Jasmine.
There’s only two weeks left. I’m not ready.