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October 24, 2007 |

By Dustin Rowles | TV | October 24, 2007 |

All right folks, something weird happened during this week’s episode of “Grey’s Anatomy.” The show, itself, had some sort of psychotic break, seemingly recognizing exactly what it had become — a huge fucking joke — and maybe running with it a little. To a degree, it actually worked once you got past the illogical direction it was taking, the mounting absurdities, and the ridiculous childishness of some of the characters. Indeed, I even found myself enjoying the sheer stupidity of it all.

To bring you up to speed, and set this week’s recap in motion, last we left off McDreamy and The Herp were coping with their break-up by ugly bumping in the supply room; Edward Herrman had sunk low enough to take a role as Norman, the elderly intern on the show, and last week’s episode ended with George at his apartment confessing to Callie: “I slept with Izzie.”

This week’s episode opens where last week’s left off: Callie stares off into space while George pleads with her to “just say something.” Now, here’s where I’m hoping against all hope that Callie makes a return to form, stands up, walks over to George, and knees him in his nethers and the spits on him when he falls to the floor writhing. “How’s that for ‘something,’ you muppet-headed bitch.” Instead, Callie says, “I forgive you. You made a mistake. But we took vows, ‘til death do us part. So, I forgive you.” And that’s exactly where I would’ve finally given up on the show once and for all had I not backed myself into a corner and assigned myself these recaps. And, actually, I’m kind of glad I stuck around. Because, minutes later, George is at the hospital running around like a goddamn ninny, trying to find Izzie and warn her that Callie forgave him. We’ll address how this turns out after the subplots.

The Patient Subplots

Boyfriend and Girlfriend: A boyfriend and girlfriend visit the hospital on account of the girlfriend having a massively swollen ankle; it looks positively gangrenous! The clearly emaciated girlfriend just wants some ibuprofen so she can be cleared to go back to the gym, where her stomach can continue to receive its nutrition from the last remaining source of it in her body: Her bone marrow. Dr. Bailey says, “No way.” We learn that the girlfriend has just lost 40 pounds, as a promise to her boyfriend that if he quit smoking, she’d get down to a size four, and then he’d move in with her. Of course, at that point, he wouldn’t have to share much of the bed space, since the girlfriend looks like a freakin’ coat rack with translucent skin. Nicole Ritchie could eat her and not gain a pound. Dr. Bailey’s advice to the girlfriend: Eat more, work out less.

And the best part of the entire episode is when Callie and the boyfriend are arguing and girlfriend projectile vomits big old chunks of blood and then basically spews her stomach lining into a bowl. Sweet! It looked like a Romero film for a few brief seconds. A few minutes later the girlfriend dies — I think her stomach swallowed her. Callie unleashes all her pent-up fury onto the boyfriend. She says, “You didn’t love her. Because you don’t destroy the woman that you love! You gonna hit me?! You gonna hit me? Give me some excuse to kick somebody’s ass!” Great bedside manner, that. Dr. Bailey asks, “Are you all right? Are you all right? Callie: “I’m fine. It’s nothing.” Bailey, in full-on overacting mode: “Oh really? Cause nothing almost costs you your career.” Snap.

Father and Son: Oh, who cares, this subplot will resolve exactly as we expect it to: An authoritative asshole father/coach of his son’s football team is a complete dick after his son gets injured during a play and his spine gets knocked out of place. After taking his shit for most of the episode, and during a procedure in which he has screws pushed into his skull, the son finally snaps and tells Dad to fuck off. Good for him. Now get that spine pushed back into place and get back onto the football field, you pansy.

The Herp and Norman: The Herp takes Norman under her wing and attempts to instruct him on the appropriate ways in which to tell a patient he or she is dying. The only problem, of course, is that Norman tells the wrong woman she’s dying. Said woman, who came in for a mole removal, runs out of the hospital, quits her job, dumps her man, gives up her apartment, buys a one-way ticket to Iceland, and prepares to live the good life while she still has it. Ooops. This is the comedic relief subplot. Instead of suing, Seattle Grace settles and gives that woman a brand spankin’ new four bedroom house in Iceland.

The Chief and His Niece: The Chief’s 18-year-old niece comes in because her cancer has resurfaced — she has to get a tracheotomy to breathe, tracheotomies being a staple of medical dramas (everyone loves to see a tube jabbed into a woman’s neck). This entire subplot is treacly and obnoxious — the niece begs the Chief to just let her die (“please don’t be my uncle right now, be my doctor. And please let me go home.” *sniffle*). Despite protestations from his wife, the Chief ultimately accedes to her niece’s wishes and lets her go home since she has so very little chance of recovering anyway. Because she doesn’t actually die in this episode, the writers naturally leave open the door for a miracle recovery in next week’s episode. She’ll owe it all to prayer, I’m sure — and the episode will center around faith/science issues. Oh man, I cannot wait.

George and Callie: This is the only really important subplot this week. After George runs around like a ninny, he finally finds Callie as she approaches Blondie in a hallway. “We have to talk,” she says to Blondie. “George told me. Cafeteria. Noon. You and Me. Be there.” Oh yeah! Finally, Callie is gonna put that blonde bitch in her place, right? Right? She’s gonna break her nose, snap off her head and shit down her neck port-o-potty style! Hell Yeah! The Jell-O in Callie’s spine is finally fossilizing — she’s getting a little backbone, right? Right?

Ahhh, fuck. Well, after a massive Three O’ Clock High style build up, in which Blondie develops a fighting strategy and in which the entire hospital gathers around in the cafeteria for the fisticuffs, Callie — instead of kicking her ass — says dejectedly, “You thought I was going to fight you?” And then slinks off, humiliated, with her tail between her ass cheeks. Jesus, what a … nevermind.

I should also note that, during the build up to the big non-existent fight, Blondie told Alex that she slept with George. Alex is livid — completely batshitfuckingcrazy, and we discover why later: Alex still has feelings for Blondie. Three points for basically calling Blondie a home-wrecking whore, Alex. But that’s negative five points because you still have feelings for the tramp.

I’ll say this, though. Callie redeems herself a tiny little bit in the end. Blondie approaches her and tries to apologize, and Callie gives this speech: “You stole something from me like a petty little thief. You should be the one who should be humiliated. You are the one who should be ashamed. Don’t you dare come to me for forgiveness you traitorous little bitch.” Boom! Score. Still, I would’ve preferred a little violence, though. Nothing wrong with a little bloodshed over Stromboli.

Afterwards, George confronts Callie outside the hospital, in the rain, of course. Initially, she sticks to her forgiveness line, while George stands in the rain like a sad sack of Jim Henson fuzz. “You don’t forgive me,” he says. And her zinger — her huge comeback, the speech that’s finally going to redeem her character’s downward spiral: “You’re right. I don’t forgive you.” Biting words, Callie. Ooooh, that stings. Burn. Sizzle.

What a cop out.

And as for The Herp and McDreamy: They ended the episode right back where they began. They’re still broken up, and while McDreamy wants more from the relationship besides the occasional booty call, he’s willing to wait for The Herp to come to her senses, because he’s a McScmuck. He does leave open the possibility, however, that he might find someone that’ll love him while he’s waiting for her. And, of course, that someone is going to be The Herp’s little sister, Harpie. Dollars to donuts, people. Dollars to donuts.

Dustin Rowles is the publisher of Pajiba. He lives with his wife and son in Ithaca, New York. You may email him, or leave a comment below.

Pain is Temporary; "Grey's" is Forever

Recap of "Grey's Anatomy" (S4/E4) / Dustin Rowles

TV | October 24, 2007 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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