November 14, 2007 | Comments ()

By Dustin Rowles | TV | November 14, 2007 |

This week’s episode has actually got to be one of the more disgusting of the year — if you were trying to eat while not enjoying “Grey’s,” you probably found a good time to start that new diet you’ve been putting off. Whether it was the patient-with-constipation subplot, or — more likely — Fuzzmuppet trying to find some rhythm in the muck of Skank Pie, I suspect most viewers got to enjoy the same meal two or three times during the course of the episode. I mean, honestly: Fuzzmuppet has got to be the least sexual television actor working — gay or straight, he’s strictly a best-friend character; the ugly/cute nurse that gave him gonorrhea was the only reasonably believable sexual partner he’s had during the entire series’ run and the only partner more preposterous than Callie-Smash is Rainbow Assassin. SC oozes sexuality (sure, it’s slightly green and nicotine-stained), while Fuzzmuppet oozes cuddliness — and you know what happens when you combine sexuality and cuddliness? Your teddy bear gets molested, that’s what. And that’s exactly how this relationship feels.

Let’s dig in.

The Subplots

McDreamy and The Herp

There’s not a lot of progression in the Meredith/Derrick relationship — it’s in this interminable stasis. They fuck, then talk about the non-future of their relationship, and then they fuck some more. It’s getting really old — one of the two needs to bump some strange ugly so we can end the long national nightmare. In fact, during this episode, I think there are four or five post-coital scenes with the two in Derrick’s trailer bed, which offers the camera an opportunity to linger on The Herp’s leg or the small of her back for extended periods, which is slightly nauseating. In fact, this is how I feel about Meredith at this point in the show: The sensation is akin to the hours/days/weeks in a relationship in between the moment that you realize that it’s not going to work out and the moment when you actually pull the dump-trigger. You know how when the other person makes your skin crawl, but you reluctantly go through the sexual motions simply because you’re to chickenshit to end the relationship. Yeah — that’s the way seeing Meredith’s leg or the small of her back makes me feel. Kind of sick to my stomach, actually.

There’s also some silliness between Derrick and The Chief — The Chief keeps asking Derrick to take his dry cleaning in and do all the cooking, until Derrick realizes that The Chief is using him as a wife-substitute. Apologies are made, horrendously bad DeNiro impressions are delivered, and that little subplot is quickly put to bed.

Grizzledouche and Hahn

It’s a very small subplot this week, but it’s probably the highlight of the show. Grizzledouche develops an affection for Dr. Hahn, mostly because Hahn treats him like shit and he likes her sass. Eventually, Grizzledouche asks Hahn out, and she wryly delivers one of the better bits this season:

You’re not attracted to me. You think you are, but you’re not. You’re attracted to my skill and my confidence and maybe how hot I look with my hands on a heart. But, mostly you’re attracted to me because I’m not attracted to you.

Huh. Well, it sounded better than it does written out. Kudus to Hahn.


Alex and Lexie

Alex and Lexie’s relationship is railroaded by Meredith, who doesn’t want Alex seeing Lexie. Alex, who tries to avoid drama at all costs, is amenable, though Lexie is not. For what must be the 50th time in this short season, Meredith snaps at Lexie and tells her to find her own friends. Lexie tells Meredith to fuck off, and later tells her that she likes apples and plays the trombone badly, which warms the cockles of Meredith’s heart so much that she allows Alex to take a drunken Lexie home after a late night at the bar. When they get back to her place, they discover Lexie and Meredith’s father has fallen into what looks like an interminable alcoholic stupor.

Callie Smash and Dr. Bailey

Callie Smash has clearly grown tired of the Chief Resident gig, so she asks Dr. Bailey to cover for her for the day, while Smash does back-to-back surgeries. Dr. Bailey — who rightfully should’ve been given the position in the first place— takes to the task with glee, bossing interns around, making the schedule, and covering for Smash. Of course, The Chief eventually realizes what’s going on. In a semi-sweet moment, he finally makes Dr. Bailey the Chief Resident (eliciting lots of Dr. Bailey tears, which is actually touching because she doesn’t cry every other goddamn week like the rest of them.) The problem here is that his reasons for finally give Dr. Bailey the position don’t square with the reason he didn’t give it to her in the first place. I suppose logic is not the show’s strong suit.

When Callie-Smash returns to the apartment she shares with Yang, she admits, “I got fired.” What we don’t know, however, is if Callie Smash was fired from just the Chief Resident position, or fired from Seattle Grace completely. Personally, I’m of two minds on this: It was good to see a glimmer of the old Callie (hence the Smash) on the show these last two weeks, but I won’t be disappointed if she’s fired from the hospital (and thus, the show). Her character has runs its course — there’s no real potential for her to hook-up with any of the other doctors (at least no plausible potential) and with Hahn, Yang, and Dr. Bailey on the show, there’s no real need for another “Grey’s” hard-ass, either. So, I’m guessing that they are sending her packing, so as to make room for a potential love interest for Yang. Of course, I’ve seen nothing to this affect on the interwebs, so I’m probably just talking out of my ass. Chances are, she’ll just sit at home and play with her Rainbow Assassin voodoo doll for the next half of the season until she realizes she’s a lesbian.

Constipation Man and Plastic Surgery Woman

With all the interpersonal drama going on with the staff, there aren’t as many patient subplots this week. One involves a man, post-surgery, who has a serious case of constipation, hence brilliant lines like these: “The one thing I had going for me was I crapped like clockwork. It’s a simple pleasure. I want it back. Write me a prescription to make me crap.” Crap Man is played by one of those incredibly familiar, no-named character actors. Actually, his name is Kurt Fuller, and he’s sort of the comedic-counterpoint to James Rebhorn for those times when Larry Miller cannot be afforded. Elsewhere, Plastic Surgery woman is having standard cosmetic surgery, but she’s kind of annoying, so in an effort to get both Crap Man and Plastic Surgery Woman discharged early, Dr. Bailey — as acting Chief Resident — wisely puts these two in the same room, hoping they’ll annoy the hell out of each other and leave. The plan backfires, however, when Crap Man — so elated after emptying his bowels — jumps in bed with Plastic Surgery Woman (still in her gauze) and gives her the old empty-bowel scrump. A good time is had by no one.

Marble Boy

A kid swallows a marble in an effort to encourage his contentious parents to divorce. When that fails, he swallows magnets. And boy: Swallowing magnets is not a good idea. They find each other in your digestion system and will perforate your intestine. Note to parents: Keep refrigerator magnets away from your swallow-happy kidlets. Anyway, Marble Boy’s tactic seems to work — his parents are considering splitting.

Clumsy Lady

The major patient subplot involves a woman carrying her child who falls down a flight of stairs. She comes running into the hospital upset about her newly adopted baby’s injuries, and it seems almost too clear that this will be another lame domestic-violence subplot, especially once the husband comes in and reveals he’s got a bit of a temper. It’s all a red herring, however; he’s just no good with his baby, though his wife’s subsequent death seems to hasten his fatherly instincts. That’ll do it. This particular subplot seems mostly designed to create even more friction between Hahn and Yang, though their personality similarities suggest that once they get over this rough patch, maybe these two will be swapping gravy.


Rainbow Assassin and Fuzzmuppet

The week’s major focus, of course, was on the lack of chemistry in the Rainbow Assassin / Fuzzmuppet genitalia merge — or, the Skuzz and I like to call it. The episode opened, in fact, with a close up of the two glistening, post-coital, which actually had the effect of turning America’s collective pubic region inside out, as their sexual organs ran for cover beneath the liver. I mean, really: For those who had issues with the drunken coupling of Katherine Heigl and Seth Rogen in Knocked Up, this defies any explanation — I can’t shake the feeling that the Skank/Fuzz coupling is akin to Grizzledouche bumping uglies with an of-age Little Orphan Annie. At any rate, Fuzz and Skank realize early on that they are not clicking sexually, and so begins the episode-long torture of watching the two attempt to get their chemistry right. Fuzzmuppet is annoyed by “the thing she does with her leg,” while Rainbow Assassin confesses to Meredith that George’s chicken-pecking makes her forget why she loves him. A few scenes later, Fuzzmuppet tells Rainbow Assassin that he’s willing to do anything to her to liven up their sex, and whatever that “anything” is seems to involve a bathtub, a rubber ducky, and — I think — the wrong entrance. The implication is disturbing, to say the least. And then, if that weren’t bad enough, Rainbow Assassin introduces a “box of fun,” which contains alcohol and … unexplained items, which I really don’t want to consider. The result is more of the same: The lil’ Fuzzmuppet just doesn’t like to play in the Skank Pie. These two won’t make it together past sweeps.


Wallowing in Skank

Recap of "Grey's Anatomy" (S4/E7) / Dustin Rowles

TV | November 14, 2007 | Comments ()

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