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November 7, 2007 |

By Dustin Rowles | TV | November 7, 2007 |

This week’s episode of “Grey’s Anatomy” is super-sized — extended an additional six minutes, which is just enough to push me off the precipice of sanity. You may want to be on the lookout for non sequiturs and gibberish in today’s recap. If certain lines or phrasings don’t make sense to you — don’t worry. They make perfectly good sense in my head. And it’s the only way I can get through it this week. Mmmm. Toaster strudel gonorrhea.

Shittalicious — the major focus of this week’s episode is on Meredith, who has suddenly become aware of her solipsism and has decided to embrace it. Hey, Pikachu: Self-awareness doesn’t make it any more palatable. Knowing I have a hangnail doesn’t make it hurt any less. Meredith realizes — miraculously — that her coitus breaker-upis relationship with Derek is unhealthy, though she’s powerless to stop it. I just swallowed my fist.

The Subplots

Derek and The Chief

The Chief has decided to buy himself a home-on-wheels and move it next door to Derek’s, out on the land in the country that McDreamy owns (does this land exist in Seattle?). The Chief realizes that he and Derek have misery in common, and thus decides that they need a “Gentlemen’s Evening.” He doesn’t explain what a “Gentlemen’s Evening” entails, however, so the mystery of the evening’s events casts a pall over the entire episode, as Derek and Grizzledouche try to figure it out. Will there be strippers involved, they wonder? Will anyone have a rubber ball shoved in their mouth? And, most importantly, will someone answer me this? Why is it that no matter what color shirt is being worn, belly-button lint is always blue? Ponder that, while I tell you that, ultimately, the “Gentlemen’s Evening” turns out to include Dr. Hahn, the new lovably crazy thoracic surgeon, who suggests that the Chief’s decision to have a “Gentlemen’s evening” is a bit on the sexist side. So, the four of them — Derek, Grizzledouche, Dr. Hahn, and The Chief — all assemble that evening for rousingly wild game of Monopoly. No shirts are removed and thus we are kept in the dark as to this mystery: Is Grizzledhouche’s chest hair as well manicured as his facial hair?

For your enjoyment, here is commenter Ali’s McSteamy song:
Grizzledouche, Grizzledouche,
Does whatever a Grizzledouche does.
Can he shave, with a blade?
No he can’t, he’s a douche.
Look out … he is a Grizzledouche.

George and Izzy

Someone took issue with my nickname for Izzy last week (Blondie), though I must respectfully point out that this is the show’s designated nickname for her. In the spirit of fairness, however, I will henceforth provide her with a more descriptive nickname, one that befits her character on the show: Rainbow Assassin. This week, Rainbow Assassin and Fuzzmuppet have decided that, by damn, it’s time to do the Skank-Muppet tango. A respectful amount of time has passed since the Fuzzmuppet and Callie called it quits (at least six hours), so the two of them make a pact to get together that evening and light some candles and wet some wicks. Rainbow Assassin has even decided she’s going to shave her legs for the occasion, remarking that “perfect sex requires shaved legs.”Empowered women everywhere cringe. Sadly for the Fuzzmuppet — who is jonesing for some Skank Pie (sorry, I’ve crossed the line into ribald, I apologize) — Rainbow Assassin is too tired after a long day of surgery to uncross her legs, only one of which she managed to shave anyway. Fuzzmuppet is crestfallen. And wow, these two don’t belong together, a notion made blatantly apparent whenever they attempt to get romantic — it’s strangely akin to when Angelina Jolie and her brother make out. Skeevy.

Dr. Torres

Ah, it’s good to see that old Callie has returned to form. She’s angry now — and she looks forward to smashing bones and making people cry. Callie Smash. And, by the episode’s end, she’s even made peace with Fuzzmuppet, deciding that it’s time to let go and move on. Good for you, Callie — now, Smash Muppet. Grrr.

The Brides

The centerpiece patient story revolves around two brides who entered into a contest in which the last person holding a wedding gown gets $100,000 to apply toward her dream wedding. The two bride-to-bes have been hanging on to the dress for something like 3 days consecutively. The two women got feisty and knocked the snot out of one another (without letting go of the gown), and now must have their wounds tended to while maintaining their hold on the dress. At some point, one of the brides-to-be needs to have surgery on her dislocated shoulder, and the new and improved Callie, via Grizzledouche, makes Fuzzmuppet act as proxy and hold on to the dress for the ailing patient, a task rife with indignity. Fuzzmuppet, ever the good sport, takes the task to heart and refuses to let go of the dress until the other, more deserving bride-to-be passes out; George quickly lets go of the dress to catch her, making her the $100,000 winner. Cigars and milkshakes are passed around while confetti falls like pitchforks. Lazurus returns from the dead and buys a donut.

Alex and Lexi

The most interesting plot turn concerns Alex’s blooming friendship with Meredith’s little half-sister, Intern Lexi. For much of the episode, the two chat amiably, and then out of nowhere, near the end of the ep, Lexi asks Alex on a date. Alex politely declines, saying he’s a shitty guy and doesn’t want to date, in part because he’s still hung up on Ava. He walks away. Cut to a few scenes later and, voila, Alex and Lexi are back at Alex’s place (which he shares with Meredith), in their skivvies making Wonderbread. Meredith catches them right before they start rolling the dough. Lexi is aghast.

Weird Guy

Weird guy is some sort of bird-watching expert who lives to spot the ivory-billed woodpecker — it’s, like, his rosebud … or his Dulcinea. Or whatever. He says the bird lives in Arkansas, but I listen to NPR — its existence is dubious at best (recordings of the bird are allegedly fake). Whatever — turns out, Weird Guy is allergic to anesthetic so, because he really wants to see the bird of dubious existence, he decides to have heart surgery without anesthesia. Weird Guy loses his shit during the procedure (“I’m cold. So cold. Please stop. Stooop.”) which necessitates that Rainbow Assassin preoccupy his mind during surgery by asking him to compare the doctors up in the galley to actual birds, which is why Rainbow Assassin is too tired later that night to give it up to Fuzzmuppet. Shame. Do that dance with your fingers, y’all.

The Skydiver

A skydiver, played by Pam’s ex-boyfriend on “The Office,” falls 12,000 feet from the sky, his parachute doesn’t open, and he comes into the hospital miraculously unscathed, but for a ruptured appendix. (That’s not gibberish — that’s actually what happened). A video is discovered of the free fall, in which Roy — in the seconds before he thinks he’s about to die — professes his love for the flight instructor, a profession he cannot seem to duplicate now that he’s realized he is not going to die. Meredith hijacks this storyline and makes it about herself. Is your hair trying to tell you something? (I’m thirsty!)

The Herp

Christina wisely tells Meredith what I have been saying all along: “Being aware of your crap and actually overcoming your crap are two different things.” What Christina fails to mention, however, is that nobody cares about Meredith’s crap. At all. Like, I care more about the plight of starving lice than I do Meredith’s problems. Make every Who holler. Make every Who shout. Anyway, at the end of the episode she arrives at this conclusion: She can’t stop seeing Derek because of the moment right after sex when her “world stops. I just feel so safe. So safe. I’m not ready to give that up.” Hypothetically speaking here, do you think we could teach a horse to sit on a barstool and drink beer? (I stole that bit of gibberish from “Sunny.” Thanks Charlie).

See you next week. Bayou shmeck speak.

The One Where the Recapper Goes Mad

Recap of "Grey's Anatomy" (S4/E6) / Dustin Rowles

TV | November 7, 2007 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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