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November 28, 2007 |

By Dustin Rowles | TV | November 28, 2007 |

It’s the end of sweeps, which means that the medical dramas pull out their ridiculous stunts, so I’m going to one up the “Grey’s” sweeps stunt with one of my own: Today’s recap will be written entirely in Kitty Pidgin, the language of the Lolcat phenomenon. I feel that Pajiba has fallen way behind on this way-crazy Lolcat trend, so I plan to do all our catching up with one post. If you have issues with it, express your outrage in the comments section, but please — if you will — use Kitty Pidgin.

I didn’t recap last week’s episode cuz ov teh holidai, but don’t worry; thar wuz absolutely no plot progreshun. Liek most soap operas, u can jump in an episode or 40 latr, an evrythin iz pritee mutch teh same. An as evidence ov dat, teh “previously on” segment has nary scene frum last week’s episode othr than 2 remind us dat meredith nao knows dat her fathr iz ragin drunk.

Meredith decidez, while she’s shakin her ass wif christina, dat she’s goin 2 tell mcdreamy dat he’s not allowd 2 date nomore, cuz she firmly believez dat casual sekz shud be monogamous. Meanwhile, skank cancr iz pisd cuz meredith an christina r, liek, totally happeh couple, while she an george r flounderin wif their crappy sekz life, so she decidez 2 taek it out on cardio machine. Wow: i don’t knoe if it’s teh HD or wut, but skank cancr iz lookin pasty. Whatevr: let’s set dis up:

Teh Plotlinez

Docta. Bailey’s an her husband

We git teh furst glimpse all seriez ov Docta. Bailey’s home life, wer she’s sittin ovar breakfast table listenin 2 her husband kvetch cuz she’s nevr at home, thus settin up their inevitable divorce. I bet she hookz up wif teh chief. It’s 2 obvious. Her husband iz testy bastard, anyway — he feels all emasculatd cuz he’s stay-at-home dad. Dood: jus listen 2 ur wife, put away teh dishez, an keep ur complaints 2 yourself. Dis guy has Stedman written all ovar him. Embrace teh emasculashun — i’ve findz it werkz wonders. Also, if u naym ur child aftr medicatd padz, u’re askin 4 life ov misery. Anyway, latr on in dis episode, she’s supposd 2 has lunch wif her husband, but she’s stuck in surgery.

Alex an Lexie

Alex iz fallin 4 lexie lil, it seems; wut teh hell happend 2 ava? … 5 scenez latr, oh well: thar she iz. An alex iz disin her, though she managez 2 convince alex 2 let her watch surgery he iz in on. An, dat createz an awkward moment 4 alex when lexie an ava end up sittin next 2 wan anothr, an ava reveals dat she’s wif alex. It’s jus liek teh whole Ben or Noel ting, all ovar again, huh?

Teh Ambulance

It takez full 7 minutez 4 da show 2 git 2 itz real sweeps stunt, but it’s doozy: wan ambulance crashez headlong into parkd wun. Teh paramedics inside r f&^%ed — 2 r cut up an hangin upside down in da overturnd ambulance, while in da othr ambulance, teh drivr iz comatose an teh pasengr in da bak seems k, which ov course meanz dat he’s teh wan dat’s goin 2 dye (“grey’s,” u r so predictable).

But, furst, we’ve got 2 deal wif dis guy’s issuez, namely dat he won’t let female nurse touch him, which iz bad cuz docta. Bailey … oh, it’s not cuz she’s woman, iz? It’s cuz she’s black. Hmmm … oh, he won’t taek halp frum teh chief, eithr. Dood’s stone-cold wite supremacist. Racist f&^% doesn’t wants christina mesin wif him eithr, an it turns out his hooj fear iz dat someone mite — mite — taek offense 2 teh huge swastika tattoo he has undr his shirt. Docta. Bailey an Christina end up doin teh surgery, but teh racistf&^% insists dat george be in da room.

I r teh bord wif dis episode already.

Wan ov teh paramedics, hoo iz still stuck in da ambulance, iz akshully cut in half, but he doesn’t realize it. Oh, man: when they pull him out, thar iz gonna be huge mes. Poor janitor. Jebus: half-body iz nao singin, “bright sunshiney dai.” Dood — her’s teh song u ought 2 be singin: “ain’t no sunshine when mah legs r gone.” An u’ve got 2 be f&^%ing kiddin me: dis man iz cut in half lyin in an ambulance bout 10 minutez frum death, an Teh Herp makez it bout her, sayin dat 4 da rest ov his wife’s life, she’s goin 2 be teh wan dat told her bout her husband. her. Her. Her. Her. anyway, before half-man iz pulld out, he savez his partnr’s life by seein sum sort ov contrapshun in his bak.

Grizzledouche an Seth Green

Nobody likez stunt castin, but at teh same tiem, when else r u goin 2 git chance 2 c Seth Green has body tumor removd frum his neck. Teh fear aftr teh surgery, howevr, iz dat seth’s neck artery — which has only thin layr ov skin’s protecshun — will burst. I hope it’s geysr! Well, it turns out dat Seth’s gurlfrend left him cuz ov teh tumor, an he’s wickd bittr.

… An, f&^%. Seth’s artery busts, an sprays blood all ovar lexie, at which point we git teh dreadd, “2 be continud.” 2-partr. It’s gud ting i’m writin dis in kitteh pidgeon, cuz i can’t wrap up any ov thees threadz. An i’m not even sure i can manage anothr recap aftr dis wan. Teh show has always been bad, dis wan iz — especially 4 sweeps ep — wuz jus plain dull.

Dustin Rowlez iz teh publishr ov Pajiba. He livez wif his wife an son in Ithaca, New York. U cud email him, or leef comment below.

TV | November 28, 2007 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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