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October 1, 2007 | Comments ()


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Friday Night Tits

Real Time Review of "Ghost Whisperer" / The TV Whore
Sept. 27, 2007

TV Reviews | October 1, 2007 | Comments ()


For some reason, I decided I wanted to review a show that’s been around for a little while but which I’ve never seen. A shitty show that I could have some fun with. And “Ghost Whisperer” leapt immediately to mind because it’s coming back for a third season and yet I’ve never seen one second of the show — I know almost nothing about it. Sure, I know that it stars Jennifer Love Hewitt and her Ones and Twos as someone who sees ghosts. I assume that Tits McGhee talks to the ghosts and that they help her solve a crime or a mystery, or that she helps them find peace. Maybe they help her find food to make those hips even wider. Whatever. I also know that Jay Mohr has been a guest on the show for some time, and that he was made a regular this season. Beyond that, the only other thing I know is that I read someplace that this season was going to focus on the importance of the town where J-Love’s character lives, and that there was going to be some significance as to why there’s a ghost whisperer in this particular town.

I suspect that the town’s spirit is male, and it just wanted to look up at her rack.

One last comment before we get into this — despite the fact that Hewitt is one of the absolutely most annoying interviewees I have ever seen on late-night TV, I have a strange affection for her. And don’t jump to conclusions — it’s not particularly because of child feeders. Rather, it’s because Can’t Hardly Wait has slowly, over the last decade, become one of my favorite Saturday afternoon hangover flicks. It’s not a good movie, of course, but it’s a great “shut your brain off” movie, and it seems to always be on TBS or USA every time I’m laying on my couch wondering why I out-drank a sailor the previous night. I don’t suspect that this affection for Hewitt (or as she annoyingly refers to herself, Love) will color my review, of course, but I thought I’d share it any way. Full disclosure and all that.

Let’s get it on.

0:00 — Thankfully, the show opens with a “previously on” segment, filling me in on whatever things took place during the second season finale. Seems that there’s some dude who’s got some seriously “spooky” shit going on, and he caused Love to pass out. He probably slipped her a roofie so he could get his hands on the two magic orbs that one presumes are the source of her ghost whispering powers. And while the Ghost Whisperer was passed out, she had a vision. Some mysterious dude, who turns out to be her dad, shows her who her brother is. And she didn’t know she even had a brother!

0:01 — And if she had a vision of her dad, that apparently means her dad was dead, but she didn’t even know her dad was dead. Maybe it’s just me, but this seems like something you’d be up on.

0:02 — Turns out Camryn Manheim is on the show. Who knew? She must be loving life.

0:03 — Well, we’re in commercial, following the opening tease, and I gotta say I’m disappointed so far. First, the show isn’t coming off nearly as vile as I was hoping — I wanted, right out of the gate, tons of things to mock, and it’s just not there yet. Dull and vapid? Yes. Mockable? Not yet. Worse, there haven’t even been any good cleavage shots. Damn it man, what’s Friday night good for if not some titty shots?

0:08 — So, Ghost Whisperer works at an antique shop with Manheim, which I assume is a convenient plot point for coming into contact with old haunted artifacts and the such. Actually, that reminds me of this old syndicated show from the late 1980s called “Friday the 13th,” a show which actually had nothing to do with Jason Vorhees. Remember this show? It was about these cursed antiques that originally belonged to some collector who made a deal with the devil, only the devil killed him and the cursed goods were sold to the public, so now the dead antique guy’s niece and her cousin have to run his antique store while trying to recollect all the cursed goods. It wasn’t really a good show, but I totally loved it anyway. This was mainly because I loved seeing what stupid new cursed antique would show up each week, but also a little because I was intrigued by the subtle sexual chemistry between the niece and her cousin. I knew it was wrong but, at the same time, she was a cute little redhead, so who could really blame the cousin? These were the things that occupied my adolescent mind.

And now I’m writing a column which is little more than a thinly veiled excuse to both watch J-Love’s breasts for an hour and provide me an outlet to make as many derogatory tit references as I can. I guess some things don’t change.

0:09 — Well, we’ve got our first view of Jay Mohr and, my God, he’s playing some sort of doting idiot and just looks like, well, a complete doting idiot.

0:10 — Check out this wonderful dialogue between Ghost Whisperer, some other dude, and Jay Mohr’s character:

Ghost Whisperer: Can you get me out of here?
Some Guy: I gotta go to work.
Ghost Whisperer: [To doting Jay Mohr character] How bout you — lunch?
D.J.M.C.: If it’s a lunch that involves food, yeah, I’m in.

Really Jay, this is what you’ve sunk to?

0:12 — Come on! We’re almost a quarter of the way through the show, and while there’s been some “spooky” shit, there hasn’t been a real ghost yet. I wants ghosts, damn it! … Or at least take your top off.

0:13 — Oh man, Anne Archer is in this thing, too. She plays Ghost Whisperer’s mom, and she’s also a ghost whisperer herself, only she’s in denial about it or something. Really Anne, this is what you’ve sunk to?



1:48 — Uhm, so yeah, I fucking fell asleep. I just woke up and accidentally spilled what was left of my beer on the carpet. Fantastic. Thanks “Ghost Whisperer,” you’re the breast best.


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Seth Freilich is Pajiba’s television editor. He hopes that his first child is a daughter, because he thinks Tits McGhee Freilich has a nice ring to it. Of course, this may be one of the reasons he remains single. But whatever with that — the Fightin Phils are the NL East Division Champs!!!!



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