Crazy Ranking "True Blood": 'You're Dead to Me Now, Sookie Stackhouse' Edition
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Crazy Ranking "True Blood": 'You're Dead to Me Now, Sookie Stackhouse' Edition

By Sarah Carlson | TV Reviews | July 1, 2013 | Comments ()


For "True Blood's" Sixth Season, each week we'll review and rank the various raisin-cake plot developments of this bloody, campy drama. This post could get a bit NSFW, so be warned. Comments also won't be strictly policed because the series is so far off the source novels, spoilers are practically a moot point.

Compared with last week's body-bending, blood-gushing episode, the third entry for "True Blood's" Season Six was downright normal. "You're No Good" lacked some of the craziness we've come to know from the series, but the episode was a solid entry for a so-far engaging season. A lot is in motion: Sam rescued Emma, and Lafayette has said he'll have his back; dumb Vampire Unity Socieity humans were snacks for Alcide's pack, although Nicole was able to escape (with Sam headed after her); the vamps had to abandon Fangtasia, a move only Pam openly mourned but one that will surely stick with Eric; something is seriously wrong with Jason, more than just a concussion; Willa was taken hostage by Eric but then "rescued" by Tara; Ben didn't stay away for long, and Niall either trusts him or is pretending to trust him to keep him close; Warlow is still out there -- he killed off the fairies hiding in the circus tent -- but it was Nora who was busy darting about the Stackhouse homestead; and humans are not only out to eradicate vampires, but they'd like to study them first. I couldn't begin to predict what will happen this season, and that's a nice change of pace from many shows.

This week's list truly is more of an appreciation ranking. On we go:

5. Billith has plenty of abilities, and can certainly survive Sookie's plate attacks.



But surviving the sun? Not so much.



His only shot is fairy blood, and withholding, things aren't looking good for Andy's four fairy daughters. Speaking of: "Damn it, girls! How many times I have to tell you, hand lasers off!"

4. Finally, Jessica got to do something other than cry/worry over Bill or Jason. She's one of the better invented-for-the-show characters, and she's at her best when she gets to let loose.


3. I'm also glad the seeds planted Fellowship of the Sun events from Season Two and beyond are coming to fruition in the human-vampire conflict. It's a holy war, with the leaders in both camps going to extremes because they believe they've got the God-given right to do so. If anything, we need a Fellowship resurgence to balance out the Lilith talk. As a bonus, it means more Newlins. Anna Camp is divine, and the Newlins -- now that they're no longer pretending to be a happy couple -- are hilarious.



2. All dogs wear clothes in the South. Nothing strange to see here. At the rate the werewolves are going -- killing naive do-gooders out to bring harmony to the world -- it's only a matter of time before they out themselves. The more supernatural mayhem, the better.


1.5. I so appreciate Eric's glamouring prep, but with Willia, it may not be necessary. She tried different strategies with him -- as seducer, she quickly became the seducee -- but I don't believe she is playing him. She's intrigued.


1. Bill and Sookie are allies no more. A lot has changed between the two over the seasons (Oh, Season One), but with her staking him on instinct to save Eric and now not being remotely amused as his thinking himself a deity, there's no going back for these two.



Lafayette's Best Lines

Dumb Boyfriend: "Are you threatening me?" Lafayette: "Imma bust you in your face with this f**kin' bottle -- now that's a threat. What I just gave you was some more than good advice."

"Now Sammy, before you turn into a snake or a bear or some sh*t that I can't have a conversation with, what insane plan you got cookin' in that pretty little head of yours?"

"I is in, and I'm askin': what's the motherfu**in' plan, boyfriend?"

Everyone Else's Best Lines



Andy: "F**kin' science!"

Holly: "Outta my head, No. 3!"



Sarah: "The truth is, if you really want to do God's work, you have to be in politics."

Eric: "It's OK, Ginger. I understand. You're stupid."

Minor Death

Goodbye, Claude. (That was Claude, right?) Your death wasn't major because the writers chose not to utilize you at all, but us book readers bid you adieu.

Lasting Images




You can't get more quintessential vampire story than this -- a gorgeous vamp donned in a $3,000 black suit, resting next to a virginal human in a white nightgown, in a coffin lined with crushed red velvet. It's so gleefully obvious, it actually works. Willa's innocence is actually refreshing; most of the humans still alive in Bon Temps are far too accustomed to the word of the supernaturals. Bringing in fresh blood to discover the world of vampires takes us back to Season One (and some of the more fun parts of the books), and it's fun.

Final Thoughts

I believe we need that scene in gif form:

EricFinger1.gif EricFinger2.gif

Sarah Carlson is a TV Critic for Pajiba. She lives in San Antonio. You can find her on Twitter.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Dominic

    BTW , was Willa putting IN her contacts or taking them OUT before she sees Eric end of Epi 1 ? Seemed like she was putting them in and that's why she didn't want Eric to try and glamour her , cause she couldn't fake it well . Yeah she wants to be there , but she has some semblance of control ...

  • Dominic

    Thanks , Sarah , for agreeing with me about the roots of this season . That's the thing with concentrating more on the humans than the supes ; we're more unpredictable . I think we've got a taste of where the writers are going , but they might switch up some . Not a great episode, but memorable for the stuff you mentioned ...
    Maybe the best thing the writers did ( besides warming Sookie up to Ben , and Ginger ) was giving Jason PTSD complications , thus highlighting that he's NOT a supe . Remember the fairy goddess blasting him into a tree ? Always good for fantasy shows to veer into reality now and again ..
    I'm still 50/50 on Ben too . Maybe the writers will show that her own kind can hurt her just s much as a supe ..
    Guess killing the fairies off is to put the Stackhouses and Ben back into the situation Niall was in , when Warlo killed his village .Just trying to survive.. Let's see if they use Nora for help , thus bringing Eric and the rest of his brood ....

  • Marc Greene

    I miss Russell...

  • $27019454

    I feel like they poisoned Russel in that he was clearly a fan favorite so they shoved him into things he didn't need to be in. Then they made him campy. Pam too. Mildly funny side character who they made a big deal over and now she's overused and annoying.

  • VohaulsRevenge

    I still miss Franklin.

  • $27019454

    look how fast i can text motherfucker!

    Yes. Characters like that, with freaky humor. Not ciphers like Nora and Random Skinny Were-chick

  • Dominic

    Prob Lucy Griffiths' Australian accent turns you off , makes her seem robotic . Her shining moment so far was the scene of make-up sex with Eric before they get away from the Authority . Nice wail ..
    Rikki's become my 3rd fave female character . And Kelly Overton gets 1st credits billing now , so she's here to stay .Ii bet if Alcide screws up royally , she gets to run the Pack . Yeah yeah , but if nobody challenges her ....
    Certain characters get a run , and that's it . As AWESOME as Dennis O'Hare IS , the CHARACTER couldn't last longer than the implosion of the Authority . Got brought back from the dead , for that specific implosion . What , you didn't like Eric's revenge ?? ...
    I laughed out loud 3 times Episode 2 . The slapstick with Rutger and Ryan was hilarious .Not so much this week , except for the Ginger scenes

  • pfeiffer87

    You mean Sam saved Emma, Luna's dead. And I thought Tara took Willa - not Pam?

  • Sarah Carlson

    Yeah ... I may have been really tired when I wrote this. Corrections made, thanks!

  • foolsage

    Correct, correct, and correct. ;)

  • dizzylucy

    I enjoyed it more than expected. Aside from the wolves, which I could not care less about, everything was pretty tight and connected. I like that Andy's story looks to be tying in to Sookie and Bill, Lafayette's in with Sam, Tara finally got something good to do, and there were a lot of amusing lines.

    The biggest improvement of this year, aside from them trying to pull everyone in together again, is no more Bill and Eric mooning over Sookie. I like all 3 of them so much better when they are on their own or fighting each other. I'm even kind of interested in where everything with Bill is going, especially with Jessica along for the ride - and I've hated Bill all along so that's something (I did laugh and call him a dumbass when he burst into flames though).
    Sookie seems much more subdued this season too, which I think is good. As much as I want them to kill off characters, I hope it's not Jason, at least not yet. He's pretty much all she has left.

  • Maguita NYC

    Agree with pretty much everything except for hinting Jessica and Bill should... Nope, too incestuous.

    Best line of the night came from that Blonde ditz, "The truth
    is, if you really want to do God’s work, you have to go into politics."

    That was as subtle a dig at today's politics as a hammer through your skull.

  • dizzylucy

    Oh no, I don't want Jessica and Bill together like THAT, I just like that she's helping him and getting to do something besides have a boyfriend. Her whole story as a new vamp has been one of the more interesting on the show, I wish they'd explore that more.

    I liked that politics line too. And I love that the crazier Sarah Newlin gets, the bigger her hair gets.

  • $27019454

    Random thoughts: Bill needs to eat a sandwich and Sookeh too because the two of them look like they have gone anorexic. Same with Eric. Popsicle stick people. It's weird. Like they shrank since season one (bows head in brief lamentation for the bygone season one). So very very thankful not to have been bored stiff by Arlene and terry this episode. There is virtually NO down time in this season so far. Everything is an emergency! Fraught! Quick! Run! Knit your brows, everyone! Freak out and lose your shit! Exclamation points all around! The writers must be desperate and exhausted. And yet, I am so veddy veddy bored. Then why, I wonder, so I not just bow out and call it even? Why am I so stoopid as to repeat an action and expect a different outcome? I keep watching this and hoping it will turn magically back into season one (and two and maayyybe three), when the acting was actually OK, there was actually humor (not shtick) and funky characters (Rene, Eddie, Amy!). God you guys remember Sam's gay dream with Bill because he had drunk his blood? That's what I miss. Shit like that.

    I'm an idiot. If the writers have embraced "batshit cray cray) why don't they just go out in a blaze of glory? Wyi wither on the vine like this?

  • Dominic

    See what I mean about Arlene /Terry haters ....
    HARDLY have these characters been "rushing "around . But if u haven't noticed , they're all a little scared right now So they can't sit in one place They THOUGHT they'd have a mad god chasing them , and now they know the got the Governor on their backs . You'd be running too . But the pace of the whole show , is slow . Still less than 3 days from 'Billith "

    I think you're gonna have to look at this , as the end product of what was started BACK IN that Precious Season 3 ( As ordained by Lilith ? or GOD ?? lol ) Everything this season is about conclusion of events stirred up by Seasons 3 and 4 , besides Warlo (and he connects to Claudine ) Even Sookie hating her powers goes back to Bill drain-raping her ....

  • lana

    Well Bill and Sookeh have baby twins to take care of in real life so they probably don't have time to eat. As for Eric/Skarsgard, that bastard is skinny in the first place, he has to ingest like 5,000 calories a day to not fall over.

  • Dominic

    Also , if you've noticed , some of the vamps kinda stoop their shoulders ( Alexander's is the most pronounced ) thus sucking in their stomachs and looking a little thinner . Which is why he's more intimidating when he shouts ; he almost arches forward about 70 degrees . Look at him in the new movie he's got ; he's thicker

  • ZizoAH

    The wolf pack plotline is just fucking boring, Alcide's body isn't just enough for me anymore.

    More Andy's "numbers" daughters please, that is really fun and interesting!

  • foolsage

    None of the werewolves are sympathetic characters; literally none of them. That makes their plot lines drag on more than a little.

    Andy's daughters, and Andy himself, are considerably more interesting than the wolves, agreed.

  • Dominic

    Wow , you guys speak up LOUD for Chris Bauer ! More please . Most here bash him , and Arlene&Terry . It 's what I mention after Epi 1 , that they need "Human" stories to balance things out . Even if they intersect with the supes sooner or later. . That IS the actual premise of the show , how are humans going to survive with vamps/supes next door ? ....
    Are the kids more interesting than the angry wolves ? IDK it depends gimme 6 more episodes to decide where they're going with both

  • ZizoAH

    I always liked Belleflour and Arelene, they are crazy, but they are always fun, after Laffayette, they are my favorite "human" characters of the show.

    Although I could handle a True Blood just with Pam & Jessica. I don't need anything else.

  • Agreed. Andy's scenes this episode were some of the more "real" moments, even with Holly saying "Get out of my head, number three!" Also, I now worry for Andy's daughters, after that nice chat with Bill.

  • John W

    God I was jumping for joy when the wolf pack ate those annoying "We're here to help you" do-gooders.

  • Fruity Fonzie

    this has been one of the most hilarious episodes of the show so far... Billith burning killed me, and all the sass between Eric and Ginger was priceless

    oh, and i think that Ben guy is Warlow

  • As Billith is wandering away from the house I kept thinking, "Dude - why not just stick a toe out from the doorway to test your theory? Maybe standing 100 yards from the safety of your house is too much of a commitment based on that one funky dream you had that time?"

  • Maguita NYC

    Zealots often tend to forgo common sense... And just burn themselves in the process. It was priceless though, Mastercard should make a moment out of it.

  • Meg

    People keep saying that about Warlow/Ben but all I keep thinking of is Ben is Glory! Glory is Ben! which really makes me hope they're not going that route. Though True Blood has aped some Buffy moments before, like the "I'll wear you're ribcage as a hat" thing so who knows. I think they're in league I just really hope they're not the same person.

  • Candee

    OH MY GOOOOD. If I had a drink it would be all over my computer.

    All the upvotes for you!

    Is everyone here very stoned?

  • Maguita NYC

    The new season has been completely lifted from Buffy.

    There is an episode called Earshot, where Buffy starts hearing everyone’s thoughts and those in pain calling for help. Also, remember when Buffy meets Finn who works for a secret
    society that jails and tests on vampires? Yeah, yesterday's episode was quite similar.

    What's next? They catch Blilith and insert a device that is activated whenever he tries biting someone?

  • Meg

    AHH, I always forget about the initiative! That's so true, all the vamp experimentation. But my money is less on chipping and more on poisoning the fake blood supply.

  • Dominic

    Also , them teasing the Mayor's/Governor's daughter being turned , was from last season's Vampire Diaries .

    Hey I never said the writers were perfect ...
    :o)) ...

  • mb

    Oh, I love you. When we were watching last night's episode, my husband exclaimed "Ben is Warlow" and I excitedly exclaimed "And Glory is Ben!" except it made no sense to him because he gave up on Buffy midway through S3 and I could never get him to restart. NOW I QUESTION MY MARRIAGE.

  • sean

    I don't understand why Gay Reverend Newlin didn't bite her while she was sitting on his lap. She was right there. Bite her, feed, get stronger, and break out.

  • Ginger

    I believe he had been silvered.

  • DarthCorleone

    Who's Claude?

  • Dominic


  • In the books he's Sookie's faerie cousin (Niall's grandson)..he's also super attractive and a stripper turned model...totally normal, right?

  • Meg

    He also died tonight (or something) when he was the lone survivor of the brothel attack and Grandpa Fairy found him/mercy killed him. He looked vaguely like a budget Orlando Bloom crossed with Callum Blue.

  • foolsage

    Claude is (was?) one of the fairies; he's brother to Claudine, and Claudette, and Claudia, and the others. He helped Sookie escape from Queen Mab's trap back at the end of the fourth season. Claude was also the first person to tell Sookie that a vampire killed her parents.

  • This was a solid episode, and I appreciated the way the plots not only moved forward but nodded toward how they will likely converge. The mystery of what's up with Jason was nicely handled, neither too fast nor too drawn out, and the sibling bonding moment was a nice touch.

    Is it just me, or is Alcide a complete idiot with zero control over his pack? Yeah, that was a rhetorical question. I foresee the demise of the head bitch, and it can come sooner rather than later, because she seems to have only one personality trait: angry. And not even the interesting, nuanced kind of angry.

    More Lafayette moments = better episode, and it's nice to see Sam standing up for both himself and Emma. (whom he saved, btw. Saving Luna would be a neat trick, indeed...)

    (Also, Tara made off with the gov's daughter, not Pam. This is the first truly interesting thing Tara has done in a long time.)

  • Meg

    I feel like the whole Alcide randomly turning into a massive idiot asshole is SUPPOSED to be a reflection on the fact that he had to fuck himself up on vamp juice to get control back of the pack and he's still reeling from the effects/possibily still using. But because the writing is so terrible and we spend at most five minutes with his character a week (most of which is him ripping his shirt off) I think any and all nuance is lost.

    Or it's entirely possible that even that is giving the writers too much credit, maybe they just needed someone to stir up drama to give Sam something to do.

  • Yes. His character is so badly written it's killing my ability to appreciate him without his shirt off. And that's saying something.

    Also wouldn't the wolves be able to smell Sam and Emma traipsing about the woods? The idea that they just ferret themselves off into the night seems so ridiculous. They're WOLVES. If nothing else they should have EXCEPTIONAL abilities to hunt you down.

  • Dominic

    It gives Sam a replacement for Luna (and Emma too ) . But really it's just all a logical continuation from the " What happens if the world finds us too " paranoia . Of course , tho , Alcide has to get a little louder and more assertive , to run a Pack . Who still aren't really his yet .... I like how VUS ended up the same as Nicole's Grandparents ..nice foreshadowing

  • foolsage

    There's been no clue that Alcide is still using V. Essentially, he turned from an interesting character into a plot device. He's there to separate Sam and Emma, and to show the wannabe sympathetic human activists that supernatural creatures are unpredictable and dangerous.

    Emma is an adorable puppy though. Damn.

  • Dominic

    Also this is for all you wolf haters . You thought they were puppy dogs , now they are scared backs-to-the-wall animals . Enjoy the blood !

  • foolsage

    Alcide's personality has been all over the place for the last season or so. Since he became pack leader, he stopped being a remotely sympathetic character. That's truly a shame, as I quite liked Alcide for the first couple of seasons he was around. Now he's just a bullying asshole who can't even control his own pack.

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