Baby Still Needs His Colostrum: 9 Things We Learned From This Week's "American Horror Story"

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Baby Still Needs His Colostrum: 9 Things We Learned From This Week's "American Horror Story"

By Joanna Robinson | TV Reviews | January 11, 2013 | Comments ()


Rest In Pieces, Dr. Thredson: I'll miss your constipated rhino b*tchface.

But what a way to go, right? From the canted angles, creepy lighting and over-the-top (as always) delivery, this scene thrilled me to my core.

In Fact, The Cinematography For The Whole Episode Was Bananas: There was one scene where Kit was basically shot horizontally. There were also wide angle shots galore. I'm not sure why they felt this episode warranted so many extra bells and whistles.

We Got A Better Look At The Aliens: If Grace's reflective eyeballs are to be believed.

Also, it's nice to know that this alien ship, much like the TARDIS, comes with a pool. Alien Obstetrics, however, leave much to be desired.

Lana Is A BAMF: Once she got out of Briarcliff and left the split ends and cardigans behind, Lana "The Sapphic Reporter," started looking good.

"Big Love"-esque Spin-Off? Everything was going so swell for Kit and Grace! But, uh oh, it turns out Alma is alive. Raising an alien baby is one thing, but plural marriage is quite another. Who here thinks Grace lied her little axe-murdering butt off about Alma dying in space? Who here is worried she might go all Lizzie Borden again?

Speaking Of Erratic Behavior: Has anyone vacillated more between good guy and bad guy this season than Father Timothy? Shades of grey are one thing, but I was not prepared for him to reverse on Sister Jude so quickly. Now that the Nazi, The Devil and The Serial Killer are dead, I'm hoping Timbo gets his just desserts.

Will Lana Turn Into The Monster Her Son Described? It's hard to reconcile the cold, distant mother Son Of Bloodyface describes with the Lana we've come to love. But if she does, indeed, abandon Sister Jude (as the promo for next week hints), it will be hard to continue to see her as our hero.

This. Whole. Thing. Anyone else shriek out loud in their house during this sequence? Or at least squirm into the very back corner of your sofa? I am astonished that Ryan Murphy and his cohorts got away with as much as they did. Just, skin crawlingly disgusting.

But Then There Was This: Which was beauteous.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Nadine

    I am entirely unconvinced by Good Little Grace. Grace is evil as all get out. She's either playing the most astonishing game, or Unreliable Narrator Kit is hallucinating a version of her that is perfect and adorable.

    I just can not for a second believe she's a good guy.

  • "Constipated Rhino Bitch-Face" made me spit out my sweet potato chip.

  • special snowflake

    Joanna, it's always a pleasure reading your work, and your 'gif' selections on this series have been near-perfect. But I wouldn't have commented at all had you not written the one thing I was hoping to see from anyone: "I am astonished that Ryan Murphy and his cohorts got away with as much as they did. Just, skin crawlingly disgusting."

    I mean, really, where does the distinction between shocking or provocative dialogue veer into just using words in the most disgusting and/or vulgar context possible? It would be of some strange comfort to place "Murphy and his cohorts" in the **8-year-old-pottie-mouthed child who "got away" with saying 'tittie' or 'asshole'** category (tee hee hee), but this 'adult content' disclaimer goes beyond any boundaries being stretched, lacking good taste, or even decent dialogue; it's writing in an offensive manner for the sole purpose of assaulting a thinking mind''s tolerance. It's like a writer's version of testing one's patience while the unsuspecting viewer just wants to enjoy the rest of the madness.

    I don't miss a single episode of 'AHS' - Jessica Lange & so many other things are worth coming back for, and it's as entertaining as any original tv series - but most of the writing is absolute crap, whether it's about a kinky sexual fetish or a sobering illustration of insanity.

    In other words, I wish it had all of Murphy's & Falchuk's imagination and creativity, but not their actual participation.

  • Utopian

    One thing I'm confused about: When Lana has her Shawshank moment and essentially provides the "proof" that Briarcliff is being run how it is, why does that not give the authorities the power to shut the place down then and there?

  • John G.

    All of you are fucked in the headvery ill if you're still watching this show. Go see a medical professional. There are amazing medications available these days that can really help.

  • kushiro -

    Does this medication cause unnecessary font bolding? Because that's probably going to react with my other prescriptions.

  • John G.

    That's pretty funny. It made me laugh. I upvoted you. Then again, go look at the gifs up there again, and then think about font boldness.

  • Uriah_Creep

    Considering you come here just about every week to tell us that, John, you may be the one for whom medication is indicated.

  • John G.

    No one has ever responded before. I assumed no one had heard me. If people are actually listening to me, then maybe the healing can begin.

  • Slash

    Eh, I wasn't overly bothered by the milk fetish. Apparently, it's somewhat common (meaning, probably more common than a shit fetish but not as common as a foot fetish). I mean, it's just milk. Men eat pussy, so what's the big deal?

    Now the necrophilia ... that shit was disturbing. I mean, it wasn't a surprise, really, but ... ick.

  • ViciousTrollop

    I may just be seeing things but the entrance of Briarcliff from above looks like Satan's horned head. Creepy.

  • Jerce

    No, no--I see the same thing, and it has to be deliberate. Very cool.

  • Jerce I can start my weekend. Thanks.

  • kushiro -

    I know that Dylan McDermott said he was the son of Bloodyface, but that whole episode I was thinking he'd turn out to be Grace's kid.

  • Jerce

    I'm no longer sure whose kid grows up to be Dylan McDermott, but that may just be because I hate to think of Lana Banana as an evil abusive mother. But maybe she gives him up for adoption to someone who turns out to be horrible...?
    There are at least three babies in the mix now, although one of them is probably too brown to grow up to be Dylan McDermott.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Ok, this is (maybe?) minor, but has been bugging me all day. When Thredson gets home and Lana's there waiting for him, he fixes a drink, right? And he opens up the ice tub - and there's a bunch of fresh cubes in there. Crisp, non-melted, right out of the freezer. Where did the fresh ice come from? I doubt Lana bothered to fill it...did I miss something?

  • F'mal DeHyde

    Yep, bugged me too.

  • KatSings

    Also? The dual screen, Candyman scored departure of Lana? Best thing all episode. Beautiful, beautiful work.

  • Groundloop

    Thank you!! That was driving me crazy. I knew that music sounded familiar, and I watched Candyman for the first time in ages a few weeks ago.

    I feel better now.

  • KatSings

    The lactation whore thing didn't bother me initially, because I've seen Shoot 'Em Up about a dozen times, and that's a thing there, just not used the same way. The more she talked, the less I wanted her to...and the milk drool at the end made me dry heave. However, the thing that really grossed me out this week was Thredson repeatedly fucking dead Wendy. That was a thing I did not want to know, let alone see.

  • rose

    I swear I felt my girls attempt to detach themselves from my body to seek shelter in the closet during the "baby" scene. From now on, I will forever have a picture of Dylan McDermott with a milk goatee whenever his named is mentioned, read, or spoken.

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