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"American Horror Story" -- "Birth" -- "Tate, You Are The Darkness"

By Joanna Robinson | TV Reviews | December 16, 2011 | Comments ()


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Things We Learned:

  • Back in 1984, little (still alive) Tate met both Thaddeus and Nora Montgomery in the basement of the Murder House. Nora tells the audience Tate that if he ever needs to get rid of ol' birdface Thaddeus, he need only close his eyes and say "Go. Away." You hear that, audience Tate? That's how you get rid of a ghost.

  • When Dr. Ben Harmon tries to force Violet off the property, she disappears out of the back of his car. Like crazy dead lover, like daughter.

  • The dead gays still love to decorate! And Tate is not only a rapist, but also kind of a homophobe. Zachary Quinto chews up all the freshly painted and stenciled scenery. And it's amazing.

  • Billie Dean Howard spins a lot of Craigslisty Psychic bullsh*t, the most pertinent being that there is a "presence" on the other side trying to break through and mix and mingle among the living. Birdface?
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  • Oh and that Roanoke B.S.

  • The Tate fetus has been stealing all the nutrients from the Ben fetus and is ready to emerge after only six months.

  • And though Viv wisely swears to stay out of the Murder House, the Tatus, the ginger twins, and Constance conspire and Viv gives birth inside, by candlelight, attended by Dr. Charles Montgomery, noted Ghost Abortionist. Dr. Charles really is a terrible doctor, but a crackerjack seamster.

  • Nora Montgomery seems content with the runty, stillborn Ben fetus, whereas Constance absconds with the alpha Tatus. She and Moira may have to fight Hayden for him. That is one three-way cat fight I would pay to see. You hear me, Murphy? PAY.

  • Viv goes gently, if bloodily, into that good night. Really? Ben is the survivor? THE DOUCHEBAG GETS TO LIVE?

  • Violet finds out the truth about Tate from a bitter Chad and then tells Tate why he was gunned down by the cops. Evan Peters acts nearly every scene in this episode with an ocean of unshed tears in his eyes.

  • Violet breaks up with Tate and banishes him using Nora's technique of closing her eyes and yelling "GO AWAY." Peters is heartbreaking here and Farmiga is no slouch. She and Vivian have a lovely moment. I have to say, Viv was looking good in that final scene. Perfect hair and makeup. Death becomes her.

    Carnage:

  • The Ben Fetus (Cause Of Death: The Alpha Tatus)

  • Vivan Harmon (Cause Of Death: The Alpha Tatus And The Sh*tty Doctoring Of Charles Montgomery)

    Horror Cliche:

  • It's heeeeeeee-eeeeeeere.

    Best Lines Basically Everything Zachary Quinto Said:

  • "Were you a C-Section? Is there a pre-existing zipper we could use?"
  • "Oh, I am quaking in my loafers. What are you gonna do, murder me?"
  • "Put that skanky claw on that crib and you'll be pulling away a bloody stump."
  • "Man shall night lie with man, it's an abomination."--Constance
    "So's that hairdo, but I figure that's your business."
  • "Are you telling me that Norman Bates Jr. is the baby daddy?"
  • "Lady, just because you happen to be the hole that they crawled out of doesn't mean a goddamn thing."

    The Gist: This is the most I've liked Viv this entire season. I kind of like the idea of the Harmon girls enjoying the afterlife free of Ben and his douchebaggery. And as much as we loved to love Tate and Violet...Violate?...Toilet? (TM Stacey), there really is no coming back from "I raped your mother." Presumably the next episode (ookily entitled "Afterbirth") will revolve around who will take possession of the Tatus. My money's on the Harmon girls. Though maybe Ben will take the kid and make a run for it. I also have no idea where Ryan Murphy could possibly go with this next season. Presumably Larry's permanently out of the picture. Many of you have guessed there will be a new family in the Murder House. But now that we know so much, will the same story be nearly as alluring?



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