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All Those Network TV Shows that You Barely Know Exist? Yeah, Those are the Most Popular Ones

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under TV Reviews | Comments (24)



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If you haven’t heard already, the big news yesterday was both of the good and bad variety: The good news was that the NBC cancelled the anemically rated “The Playboy Club,” effective immediately. I hope you weren’t too invested in the inane plotlines and the porn-star version of Jon Hamm, whose facial expressions looked akin to constipation. I understand that NBC will use that slot to re-run episodes of their low-rated but excellent (so far) “Prime Suspect.” I hope it picks up some viewers because I don’t want to see Donald Trump returning to that Thursday night slot. In a couple of weeks, Brian Williams will debut a primetime newsmagazine in that slot, though my preference would be to give Brian Williams a sitcom. He’s among the funniest men the network has in their stable.

The other good news was that the network picked up a full season order of “Up All Night,” the phenomenal new comedy with Christina Applegate and Will Arnett that’s being dragged down by the wonderfully talented Maya Rudolph in a horribly unfunny role. Hopefully, they will continue to reformulate Rudolph’s character, and make her more sympathetic and less a goddamn diva caricature.

The bad news? “Whitney” was also inexplicably picked up for a full season, despite the fact that it must owe 90 percent of its success to its post-“The Office” time slot. I told you assholes to turn your television off after “The Office.” Don’t just walk out of the room. Either change the channel or turn it off; the Facebook account on the laptop you left in the room is probably somehow registering that “Whitney” is on and sending that information to NBC. See what happens when you let Zuckerberg into your life? “Whitney” gets a full season order.

I’m not sure what this means once “30 Rock” returns in January. It’s possible that “Whitney,” “30 Rock,” “Community,” or even “Parks and Recreation” moves to Wednesday to fill the other half hour currently occupied by “Free Agents,” as there’s little reason to believe that will be picked up for a full season. My guess is that, with the new NBC dramas under-performing, they won’t can any of the current Thursday night shows (even the low-rated “Community,”) but will instead shuffle some stuff around to make room for “30 Rock.”

Meanwhile, over on Showtime, the premiere of “Dexter” had the premium cable network’s highest ratings for a premiere episode ever. At about the same time, negotiations broke down between Michael C. Hall and the network over renewing his contract. He wants $24 million for the next two seasons; Showtime is offering $20 million. I’m certain the bridge will be gapped, but not exactly certain that’s great news: Eight seasons of “Dexter” is stretching the already stretched premise.

In development news, a couple of high-profile Hollywood types are venturing into television. Jon Favreau has pitched a series about single parents dating to CBS called “Tweaked.” It is expected to go to pilot, and Favreau will direct the first episode. Unfortunately, since it’s on CBS, it will almost certainly have a laugh track and, as a result, be stultifyingly unfunny.

Elsewhere, the Coen Brothers are venturing into network television, too, with an hour-long comedy on Fox called “HarveKarbo” that they will exec produce. It comes from the writer of Cedar Rapids, and will center around an ill-tempered LA private investigator whose cases frequently involve the depraved doings of the Hollywood elite. That’s certainly Coen material, and the show also comes from Brian Grazer and Ron Howard’s Imagine TV, which has a remarkable track record for great television (“Friday Night Lights,” “Parenthood,” “Arrested Development,” and “Sports Night,” among others).

Sounds promising.

Y’all want to know what the Top 20 Shows in Primetime were last week, the second full week of the premiere season? Here they are. There’s exactly one show actually worth watching among the top 20 (three if you count football and the football pregame).

1. “Two and a Half Men,” CBS, 20.53 million.

2. “NCIS,” CBS, 19.51 million.

3. NFL Football: N.Y. Jets vs. Baltimore, NBC, 18.9 million.

4. “60 Minutes,” CBS, 17.11 million.

5. “NCIS: Los Angeles,” CBS, 16.27 million.

6. “Dancing With the Stars,” ABC, 16.23 million.

7. “The Big Bang Theory,” CBS, 14.74 million.

8. “Dancing With the Stars Results,” ABC, 14.39 million.

9. “Sunday Night NFL Night Pre-Kick,” NBC, 14.09 million.

10. “Mike & Molly,” CBS, 13.86 million.

11. “Modern Family,” ABC, 13.45 million.

12. “The Mentalist,” CBS, 12.92 million.

13. “Criminal Minds,” CBS, 12.58 million.

14. “Person of Interest,” CBS, 12.52 million.

15. “Unforgettable,” CBS, 12.43 million.

16. “The X-Factor” (Thursday), Fox, 12.17 million.

17. “The X-Factor” (Wednesday), Fox, 11.86 million.

18. “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation,” CBS, 11.76 million.

19. “2 Broke Girls,” CBS, 11.75 million.

20. “Castle,” ABC, 11.67 million.

New season, same old shit. God, that is depressing.









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Comments

We watch exactly 1 of these shows*: Modern Family. We've been talking about giving it up because the show has descended into self-parody with astonishing alacrity.

*I watch Gene Simmons Family Jewels when I'm alone in the house, but at least I have the decency to hate myself for it. Still, it destroys any credibility I have for taste or discernment.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 5, 2011 12:42 PM

I also watch exactly one (1) of these shows, but that's because I can nerdlaugh at myself and tolerate the sitcom format for the geek chic of "Big Bang Theory".

Mrs. Lantern, on the other hand, watches pretty much every damn procedural out there...including both "NCIS" versions, all the "CSI" version, and "Criminal Minds". She even tried both "The Mentalist" and "Person of Interest" but I haven't heard from her about either of those yet.

Me? Pft...I like boobs, explosions and cartoons. I'm easy.

Posted by: Green Lantern at October 5, 2011 12:52 PM

I win. I watch zero of those shows.

And I swear, I absolutely change the channel after The Office. I'm watching a very mediocre season of Project Runway in the 9:30 spot.*

*Yes, I know it starts at nine. I like to give my TiVo a head start so I can skip through the commercials.

Posted by: Wednesday at October 5, 2011 1:03 PM

How the hell can 2 Broke Girls be on here, but not How I Met Your Mother??? American public, sometimes I just really have to hate you.

Posted by: AlannaJudith at October 5, 2011 1:03 PM

I watch football because I enjoy smiting my fantasy football foes. Other than that, not a one. However I am considering buying another duel-tuner DVR so my shows don't get squeezed out by my wife's need to consume utter shite.

Posted by: admin at October 5, 2011 1:08 PM

This is where I usually defend The Mentalist as not terrible an kind of worth watching. However, the season premiere completely negated last season's amazing season premiere, and I got so pissed I finally got rid of it. So you won't have to listen to me defend it anymore.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at October 5, 2011 1:11 PM

Ugh. The season premiere negated last season's finale. I'm not even going to fix the other typo I see. Deal with it.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at October 5, 2011 1:12 PM

Nope. Didn't watch a single one of those. Though my Sunday Night Football tends to have more to do with whether the Steelers won that day than the quality of the show.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at October 5, 2011 1:17 PM

Modern Family is the only one. May I have a mini-rant here about how much I HATE "talent" shows and how they are cannibalizing TV?

I hate anything where people dance, sing, act, do stunts, etc. in front of a panel of judges who are about as qualified as my neighbor's cat to pronounce on anybody's talent or lack thereof.

Hate. Hate. Hate.

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 5, 2011 1:17 PM

2 Broke Girls has higher ratings then Happy Endings? What the fuck is wrong with people?

Posted by: YesPlease at October 5, 2011 1:39 PM

I love Criminal Minds. I really really do. I just wanted y;all to know that.

Posted by: Nieve 'The Threadkiller Queen' at October 5, 2011 2:03 PM

I love Criminal Minds. I really really do. I just wanted y'all to know that.

Posted by: Nieve 'The Threadkiller Queen' at October 5, 2011 2:04 PM

I win. I watch zero of those shows.

No, you don't win. There is no winning. Only degrees of losing.

Posted by: branded at October 5, 2011 2:06 PM

I watch Big Bang, Modern Family, and FOOTBALL!

"Up all Night" sucks BTW. OMG THEY ARE RAISING A SINGLE CHILD! OMG! OMG! The show I watched was idiotic. Cuz you know what? People raise kids, some raise several at a time, (OMG) and they still manage to work, have a life and remain cool. Why are they cool? Because they are competent human beings.

Two NCIS in the top 5? Damn there are more old farts out there than I thought!

Posted by: logan at October 5, 2011 2:16 PM

@Three-nineteen
I thought the same thing, but I think the second episode gave the Red John case closure. I don't want to spoil it but the wife ended up "talking".

Posted by: phase10 at October 5, 2011 2:41 PM

It's Big Bang, Modern Family, Castle & football for me. People who don't watch the entertainment I watch are clearly inbred morons!

/sarcasm.

Posted by: janetfaust at October 5, 2011 2:43 PM

What's the demographic breakdown of these ratings-19.5 million of whom? The elderly, tweens, boring honkeys? Vapid middle-class boomers walking into the light? Who the fuck is still watching network TV?

Posted by: fimbulwinter at October 5, 2011 3:10 PM

Did you call Up All Night phenomenal? Weird.

Posted by: seth at October 5, 2011 3:59 PM

Big Bang, Modern Family and football if its going to be a good game.

Posted by: Glyn at October 5, 2011 4:38 PM

This list proved to me once and for all that I could indeed get rid of my cable TV subscription and never feel any loss. I've never seen any of those shows, and haven't heard of half of them. If it weren't for HBO (DIIIIIINNKLAAAAAAGE!!!), I'd never watch TV at all. I had a feeling that Netflix and Hulu were more than enough, and now I know I'm right. I can only hope that HBO Go becomes available as a stand-alone option, and then I can dump Charter for good.

Posted by: PDamian at October 5, 2011 9:28 PM

Speaking of "30 Rock," I had never seen it before, but the other night I stumbled upon a syndication episode and thought, well, this is supposed to be uproariously funny. Everybody on Pajiba says so.

It was about the people on the show taking a vacation to Boston, and hating it, and Liz blaming somebody she made up for the debacle, only it turned out there really WAS someone with the name she made up ...

Are you laughing yet?

I didn't even crack a smile. Not one.

Either my sense of humor's broke or ya'll's is, and I think it's y'all's.

Posted by: , at October 6, 2011 1:59 AM

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Posted by: Burton Haynes at October 6, 2011 5:35 AM

@,

I wasn't that impressed with the first few episodes of 30 Rock, but I watched them in a row and I'd fallen in love by episode 4. Start from the beginning, it's sometimes hit and miss, particularly in the later seasons, and that ep you watched is funnier if you know the characters, but when it's good it's brilliant.

Posted by: Ender at October 6, 2011 6:35 AM

Say this guide to setting up a way of watching Hulu and getting Spotify from anywhere in the world. http://bit-trader.com dude is also about to start selling single ip adresses for like $5 a month...Just thought I would say.

Posted by: Peter Global at October 25, 2011 1:05 PM