Community (Grade: B+, A for Valentine’s Sweetness)
“We need a shorthand for the Barenaked Ladies? That’s how fundamental they are?”
“I’m a stylish American, Professor. I’ve been forcing myself to be into soccer since 2004.”
“If you have to ask if it’s homophobic to ask questions, haven’t you already answered your own question?”
“In England, ‘fanny’ means vagina, right?” “In England, everything means vagina.”
“Oooh. I love pizza! In England, we call them Italian fannies.”
Perfect Couples (Grade: D-)
“Ugly girls don’t say ‘HiYee.’ They know they can’t pull it off.”
The Office (Grade: B, A- for Drunkeness)
“Everything in life you want, you get. And you can’t work for it. It just comes to you.”
“Guys, I for one enjoy watching them because … it makes me horny.”
“What is the hook-up closet policy on masturbation?”
“No one is a bigger fan of sexual touching for me.”
“Anybody can be Prince Charming one day a year, with the dinner and flowers and all that. But you know what impresses me? When a guy can do that no days a year.”
Parks and Recreation (Grade: A, Ron Swanson’s Mustache: A+)
“Whale tail! Whale tail! She’s flashing a whale tail. Abort.”
“You and I both know that, in my entire adult life, I’ve never checked a book out of the library.”
“I don’t what it is about big outdoor gatherings that makes everyone want to urinate all over everything. But it does. And they do.”
“All I can think about is Captain Mustache plowing my wife.”
“I know Tami seems scary, but really she’s just a manipulative, psychotic library-book pedaling she-demon.”
(Greatest Sitcom Montage Ever) “It’s been kind of a crazy night.”
(Ron, referring to his mustache) “I didn’t shave it off. It rubbed off. From friction.”
“You’re only thinking that because she’s a monstrous parasite who entered through your privates and lodged herself into your brain.”
“Gimme it.”
30 Rock (Grade: A, Matt Damon: A+)
“Not only is your fly open, there’s a pencil sticking out of it.”
“Steven Spielberg’s wants you to star in his next movie.” “Kate Capshaw’s husband?!”
“Tracy Jordan asked me to accept this award on his behalf because his mouth is full.” “Pop tart!”
“Oh God, you’re breaking the extra bone all Canadians have in their hands.”
“Are we not even making our own meth? What is happening to American manufacturing?”
“If we were in Kenya now we’d be fine.”
“Maybe you want to fly the plane yourself. Good luck pushing take off, THEN auto pilot, THEN land.”
“Those potato chip bags are designed to be opened in-flight. If you open them at sea level, someone can get killed.”
“If I can’t poop in the street, why should my tax dollars pay for someone else to?”
“Al Sharpton would denounce him at a press conference on the street because Al Sharpton doesn’t have an office.”
“You built that bookshelf incorrectly.” “I didn’t. I wanted the books to slide off!”
“Are those contractions she’s having real? Because they sound very sitcommy.”
“I know. I’m a stereotype. All guys from Quebec are good at karate.”
“Oh My God! Where are my manners? Do you want to try meth?”
“Yes, my daughter is a Canadian American. But I’m going to treat her like a human being.”
“Let’s go find a Canadian who will take our money!”
Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance
I laughed for about five minutes at the pencil in the fly on 30 Rock.
Posted by: Mattfactor at February 11, 2011 10:59 AM
Real piece of work, rabbi.
When Ron picked up Tom like a baby, I almost gave myself an asthma attack from laughing so hard. AND THE CORNROWS!!! Ron and Tammy fo' life!
Posted by: jM at February 11, 2011 11:03 AM
I really liked The Office last night. Michael and Holly are adorable together, and I loved Oscar's little bits and pieces. You know what still stays great about the show? People's reactions--like Stanley's death glare at Andy in the teaser.
And every episode I'm loving Darryl more and more, and honestly, if he doesn't get Michael's job I'm gonna throw a tantrum.
Parks and Rec was flawless. Every time I saw Ron's cornrows I'd start giggling helplessly.
30 Rock was...I don't know. I loved the Jack/Avery plot (marry me, Elizabeth Banks!) but the Liz/Carol plotline just bugged me at the end. I think it was mostly because you knew the break-up was coming, just from the simple fact that it was Matt Damon and he can't stick around forever. He was great, but you can't get attached to any of these guys. I'm ready for Liz to grow the hell up and keep a decent boyfriend for once.
Oh Figgy, I love you and your Adam Scott love. Can we make a fan club?
Community was also fantastic for the Troy and Abed love.
Wow...that's a lot of love. But it's almost Valentine's Day, so it works.
Posted by: Dodger at February 11, 2011 11:31 AM
The whole first Troy/Abed/Librarian interaction was easily the best part of Community last night.
"What's in the briefcase?"
"Tacos."
(OK, I admit, written out it's not that great. But something about Troy's delivery had me rolling.)
Posted by: giovanni at February 11, 2011 11:33 AM
Troy: You want any?
Librarian: No.
Abed: (w/ mini fist pump) Nice. We're gonna eat them.
Posted by: L4NkYb at February 11, 2011 11:38 AM
Ben/Leslie is making me all twitterpated.
Posted by: Poptart at February 11, 2011 11:42 AM
As much as I loved "30 Rock" last night, it just bugged me that Jack and Avery were freaking out about their daughter being born in Canada. If both parents are natural born citizens, their child will still be a natural born citizen even if they are born in a foreign country. It diminished my joy just a little bit.
Posted by: Caitlin at February 11, 2011 12:03 PM
30 Rock was great last night. Did we already know that Carol's last name is Burnett? Because that also made me giggle.
Posted by: Even Stevens at February 11, 2011 1:00 PM
The policeman montage in Parks and Rec almost made me piss myself. I also have to second (third?) the Adam Scott love. I have such a crush on that adorable man..
Posted by: beckster at February 11, 2011 1:41 PM
•“Maybe you want to fly the plane yourself. Good luck pushing take off, THEN auto pilot, THEN land.”
I have been saying a version of this to my pilot friend for YEARS
Posted by: JFD at February 11, 2011 2:28 PM
Nice to see that Adam Scott may be made a permanent character on Parks and Rec. He was great in Party Down and he's been great in Parks.
I LOVED community last night. The ending was a little saccharine but overall a great character episode. Troy picking Abed over the hot librarian was a high point. And Jeff's retrieval of Chang from the garbage definitely made the whole heartfelt text scene a lot more believable. Not to mention the "Odd Couple" hijinks we'll be treated to now that Jeff and Chang are roommates!
Posted by: aroorda at February 11, 2011 4:03 PM
I adored the Community plotline with Troy and Abed and the librarian. I love the cast of Community like almost no tv cast I've seen. They can deliver a joke like none other, but you see every little hurt for the whole episode. Once the librarian picked Troy, he wasn't happy that he won, he was hurt that she didn't think highly of his best friend. I just appreciate what they do with these somewhat outrageous characters.
Posted by: A-schaef at February 11, 2011 5:19 PM
Pierce, what was that you just took? I know it wasn't gum!
Maybe it was an AWESOME EXIT DANCE!
(proceeds to exit waving his arms like a wave)
Posted by: Vick at February 11, 2011 9:22 PM
You forgot one from 30 Rock.
"I don't sleep on planes, I don't want to be incepted."
Posted by: Michelle at February 11, 2011 9:28 PM
Why do they keep doing the tie-in/cross-overs between the Thursday night shows? I wish they would stop.
It's not fucking clever. It's just repetitive.
Posted by: John G. at February 11, 2011 11:18 PM
Parks & Rec wins the week. It was so damn unnerving to see Ron Swanson sitting happily in the library.
Posted by: Lucas at February 12, 2011 2:29 AM
"Boner Bomb" starring Jason Statham. Or we go against type with an Eisenberg or a Michael Cera. "Saving the world has never been this hard."
Posted by: ramzib at February 12, 2011 12:17 PM
Thank you, Michelle - I just got the incepted line on DVR.
Posted by: jayco at February 12, 2011 2:50 PM
From 30 Rock - Tracy - "The worst place on earth..." Kenneth - "Ikea on a Saturday?"
Posted by: Jim H at February 15, 2011 10:59 PM
Houston’s Museum District is comprised of 18 museums in a one and a half mile radius, recording an annual attendance of almost 9 million viewers.
Posted by: sabina dana at February 18, 2011 1:12 AM
A shout out to Wednesday's Modern Family:
You look hot enough to cook a pizza on.