8 Cuckoo Bananas Things We Learned From Last Night's Absolutely Batsh*t "Scandal" Finale

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8 Cuckoo Bananas Things We Learned From Last Night's Absolutely Batsh*t "Scandal" Finale

By Joanna Robinson | TV Reviews | May 17, 2013 | Comments ()


8. ...Soooo, that takes care of Cytron, yes?: I mean, Cyrus just dusted those chip bits into the bin, I would have burned each individual particle and buried the ash and salted the earth. But I guess this will do. Until it doesn't.

7. David Rosen Is A Good Guy! Sort Of?: Despite all heavy-handed symbolism, this show isn't black and white. Everyone is a muddy shade of slate. But I was saddened last week when I thought Joshua Malina was going to be on the other side. I like him on Team Pope. His double cross of Billy Chambers was delightful if mildly predictable. Oh, Billy, did you really have to enumerate and name every one of your victims?

6. I Almost Wish He Had Gotten Her Gladiator Sandals And A Galea Instead: As symbols go, the white hat is fairly obnoxious. That being said, David Rosen, Newly Minted U.S. Attorney, is one fine gift giver. That is a jaunty, bejeweled hat. Well shopped, sir.


5. We Need To Talk About Quinn: Looks like Huck's protege enjoyed herself a little too much. They've been building towards this slowly all season and so the pay-off here was both well-established and disturbing. Her gleeful face spattered with blood? Maybe my favorite image of the night. It was enough to send Huck scurrying back to his corner. We'll have to look out for her next year. Maybe she's B6-13 material?

4. They Put Noel In A Box!: I was hoping after Noel had his badass moment and reward smooch he slip off into the night never to be seen again. I was just assuming this was a convenient way to write Scott Foley off the series. Instead, they put him in the Huck box. You know what that means? That means they can break him out to cause trouble next season any time they like. I approve. Especially if he gets a beard.

3. Thank You Cyrus. Damn.: This scene, where Cyrus tells Olivia how it really is? This was marvelous. I think all of us are guilty of being caught up in the wishing and the hoping for Fitz and Olivia, but he's right. This isn't a romance novel. Olivia is never going to be First Lady.

2. So She Chose Her "Family": This was an odd moment to me. When Liv chose her staff, her family over Fitz. It makes more sense for her to walk away because he murdered an old lady, right? Also, was anyone else troubled by the fact that they were talking murder and election fixes right in the middle of the damn Oval Office? Isn't it established that there is at least a ceiling cam? This should have been another one of their famous whispered windowsill conversations.

1. It's A Maury Povich Moment: So here was the big "what the sh*t" moment that ABC claimed we had to watch live. And it's pretty good. I did not see it coming. It should also but to rest any doubts you might have that what you are watching is 100% soap opera. A stylish, well-acted soap opera. Make no bones about it. My question, however, is does Cryus not know who Olivia's father is? Isn't she his "best" friend? Would't this have come up at some point? Perhaps I should go re-watch the scenes between Cyrus and Joe Morton's Rowan to see if the show just neatly side-stepped the issue. Well, the secret's out now. Both his identity and Olivia's mistress status. My favorite part of that whole ending? The ladies who were mean-mugging Olivia in the lobby of her apartment building. Get used to it, Liv. It's going to be a long summer hiatus.

For a bonus shock and awe, this is how the audience (and then the cast) reacted to the reveal of the final twist during a live read last night. Please note that Jeff Perry (aka Cyrus) is literally kicking his little feet up with glee.

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Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Every time you do, Bill Murray crashes a wedding.

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Ruthie O

    I do not understand how such a disgusting, controlling man can have two beautiful, intelligent, and strong women at his beck and call. Why, Mellie, why? Why can't she cut him lose? He has said and done unforgivable things to both Mellie and Olivia, and they keep welcoming him back. I just don't get it.

  • e jerry powell

    My white hat is only a little bit cheaper than Olivia's. Molded woven PVC. Very cool.

    As I noted elsewhere, NO MO OLITZ. They can gaze longingly at each other, as Olivia fondly recalls 1) Fitz's superpower and 2) how long it took her to re-press her hair after he dragged her into that shower, but let's stop with the 'shipping bullshit.

    Rowan is B6-13. You don't know anything about him he doesn't want you to know. Olivia is surprised to see her father, which makes me think that he hasn't exactly been hanging around her for a while. The fact that Olivia hasn't made the connection between B6-13 and her father also says a lot. What gets me is what Rowan said to Jake about "getting out" of the agency, since we've already met several of Huck's former "coworkers" in the "Spies Like Us" episode back in the first half of season 2. How the hell did they get the witness protection treatment and no one else does? In that same vein, how the hell does Rowan not know that Huck is still alive, given that he knows that Charlie's basically been Cyrus's "asset" and all the other spies have seen Huck in Olivia's office?

    Yeah, call me Continuity Czar. I'm surprised that I'm not stalking Shonda Rhimes constantly, in fact.

    Last point, and it's a downer. Liv's jogging ensemble is from lululemon, which has multiple retail locations in the DC area. The one in Bethesda was the site of a rather grisly murder in the not-so-distant past, where one of the managers was beaten and stabbed (upwards of 320 times total) to death by one of her employees, allegedly over the theft of some yoga apparel. As soon as I saw what Olivia was wearing, my brain got distracted by some really horrible visions; I spend a bit too much time watching crime shows on Investigation Discovery (the Brittany Norwood/Jayna Murray murder has been revisited on at least two of their shows, though the producers took great pains -- more than the Washington Post did, anyway -- to keep lululemon's name out of it) and now it's fucking with my enjoyment of fictional Washington D.C.

  • LaineyBobainey

    That reaction in the clip is DELIGHTFUL!

    I finally just watched the finale and as absurd as most of it was, and it was, I saw the writing on the wall that Will/Jeremy/David Rosen really WAS on Team Gladiator because he said it 900 times during the episode and it became annoyingly apparent. I DIDN'T see Rowan being her father, though, so that elicited a big ol' "Holeeee shit!" from me. Also, Fitz laying his head in Melly's lap made me want to vomit. I don't necessarily need him and Liv together, although there's still a wee part of me that's like, "Really? After *all* that? Come ON!", but there's really zero part of me that's cool with him suddenly seeking comfort/forgiveness from Melly after the way they've treated each other.

    Oh, and Noel in the box is just so sad! I'm glad it leaves room for him to return, but ugh, I HATE that box so much.

  • e jerry powell

    Do you have a wife and child?

    Did you see my daughter's hoo-ha?

    It's really all just too too...

  • cgthegeek

    I get the feeling most people Liv is "close" to really don't have a freaking clue about her personal life or history. And if your dad was Rowan (and the kind of mofo who would do whatever he's doing to his own daughter), would you tell people?

  • **I AM** NotTheOne

    The woman can wear the HELL out of a fedora.

  • You guys, I hope y'all follow Samuel L Jackson's twitter because his reaction last night had me in tears.

    God I love this show!

  • F'mal DeHyde

    "I'm their gladiator" made me feel stabby.

  • giiirrrlll, me too! all the gladiator speeches and the "I'm here for you"s and what-not. it's definitely the acting, chemistry, and plot that elevates the show because I would have died a long time ago of chronic eye-rolling otherwise.

  • e jerry powell

    No one ever gave Shonda Rhimes a "least trite" trophy. Nor should they.

  • bleujayone

    "They're my bitches" is more like it. The pimp hat was the exclamation point.

  • princessdi81

    What a fun clip. Love this show! Harrison could so get it.

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