10 Things We Learned From This Week's Frankly Unbelievable Episode Of "American Horror Story: Asylum"
I'm Beginning To Suspect Ryan Murphy Isn't A Fan Of Brown Bunny: I know this came at the end of the episode and I should save the best for last. But there were, le sigh, zero atrocities visited upon Adam Levine this week. So this...uh...whatever it is... that Dr. Arden did to Shelley will have to do. Don't look so glum, Shelley girl, the good Doctor implied that you might be immortal now. I'm sure the boils will clear up...eventually.
Wait...Who's The Bad Guy Again? As if being a monster-maker and a prostitute-abuser weren't enough. This dude's a Nazi. So...I'm not supposed to like him? Is that the takeaway message here?
Mad Props To The Casting Dept.: Did you do a double take during the young Dr. Arden/Hans Gruber sceness? (A-yup, Hans Gruber?)
That right there is James Cromwell's son John. It was Cromwell The Elder's idea to cast him. Man, every venerable actor should come with their own spawn/doppelyounger.
P.S. Whatever is going on with Arden/Gruber, this motherf*cker right here is in cahoots.
Let's Address The German Elephant In The Room, Shall We?: So...Anne Frank, hunh? Were you offended? Many were. I wasn't really bothered. I assumed Murphy was doing an Anastasia thing. It worked for me. Do I believe her? No. Does it much matter? I don't think so.
Ryan Murphy claims he wrote the part of Anne Frank especially for Franka Potente. I love her. Perfect choice. Also, I hope the below statement is true.
When In Doubt, Employ The Shaggy Defense: Kit went from righteous innocence to prostrate repentance in the span of one episode. What happened to Dr. Thredson believing that Kit wasn't Bloody Face? Did I dream this particular plot hole?
I, For One, Am Looking Forward To Lana's Briarcliff Bakery Exposé: Because this sh*t is most assuredly not sanitary.
Grace NoLastName Took An Axe And Gave Her Step-Mother Forty Wacks, And When She Saw What She Had Done, She Gave Her Father Forty-One: I guess I have to let go of my Bloody Face theory now...I guess.
Something Terrible Is Going To Have To Happen To Dr. Thredson: Don't make rescue promises to our heroine, Doc, unless you have a serious death wish.
As Much As You Love Sister Jude, Do Not Forget That She Threatened To Neuter Our Favorite Puppies: Bad Sister Jude. Stole a biscuit.
Ryan Murphy In A Nutshell: What an appalling, ridiculous, uncomfortable, alarmingly great scene. This (by all reports) realistic depiction of aversion/conversion therapy was equal measures fascinating and horrifying. I learned something. I felt for the fabtastic actors. (Both, incidentally, openly gay performers.) But there were moments that were so patently absurd, they took me right out of it. Ryan Murphy always flies too close to the sun, but it's usually enjoyable to watch the wax melt.