10 Things We Learned From This Week's "American Horror Sto-HOLD UP IS THAT A NIPPLE LAMP?
What Are You Up To, Sister Mary Eunice? She's making nice with Dr. Arden and absconding with stumpy Sevignys. Did she plant Shelley in that school to shine a light on Dr. Arden, or did Shelley drag herself there? Seems unlikely. What with the stairs and all.
Your Weekly Monster Sighting: By the by, can you believe an actress of Chloe Sevigny's pedigree agreed to stump around waving her blisters in the fine Massachusetts air?
Alright, Alright, Wendy's Dead: Pity, Clea DuVall, I hoped for so much more from you.
Someone Give Sarah Paulson's Dentist An Award: Many folks are calling for Paulson to get an Emmy nomination for her Lana histrionics. I am not the biggest Paulson fan, but her gums look awfully healthy.
Let's Be Honest, This Is Where The Award Show Gold Should Go: Last season Jessica Lange mastered the art of the kitchen table soliloquy. Usually while sucking on a cigarette. She's yet to combine the two this season, but Sister Jude's Squirrel Speech was classic scenery chewing. Well munched, Jessica.
Did You See That Coming? I did mention in the beginning of the season that I thought we'd see something more interesting from Dr. Threadson. You don't hire Quinto to play the straight man.* But the last couple of episodes lulled me into a false sense of security and just last week I was predicting something terrible would happen to Threadson. WRONG. Unless, of course, you count wearing teeth as an accessory. Quinto gave a great interview about the twist and his feelings on "American Horror Story" in general.
Please Let Bloody Face Have An Etsy Shop: Because, girl, I have the perfect place for that Nipple Lamp and Skull Mint Bowl.
Kit Is Super Screwed Now: Tricksy, Bloody Face, very tricksy.
Ain't No Photobomb Like A Nazi Photobomb: We'll never know for certain if Franka Potente was actually Anne Frank. But we do know that a) Dr. Arden/Gruber was TOTES a Nazi and b) lobotomies go a long way towards explaining the 60s.
Siiiiigh....Aliens: I love every separate thing that Ryan Murphy and company are doing this seasons. But together it's a lot of crazy. Too much crazy? Let's recap the episode: nipple lamps, serial killer reveal, NAZI reveal, lobotomy, skull bowl, sterilization, major arrest, a nun sex scene, a stumpy monster sighting, a possessed nun and, oh, yes a FUCKING ALIEN ABDUCTION. Unless it's a mass hallucination, we've got aliens roaming about the place. Impregnating people? Saving people? Alma's alive? Grace's lady bits are not? Tune in next week. Same batsh*t time, same batsh*t channel.
*pun most assuredly not intended
Pajiba Love Express
Here's some Daveed Diggs for you. On Daveed Diggs' digs, actually. That man does things with clothes that should not make sense, but are absolutely perfect. (Go Fug Yourself)
Woody Allen has "so moved on" from his daughter's accusations and says he never even thinks about it. He equates her words about him to a bad review he won't read and comments on how wacky it is that Mia Farrow is his mother-in-law. He is the worst. (Celebitchy)
Not The Worst but still very gross: Leonardo DiCaprio and his
Here are 5 under-the-radar shows. I had never even heard of the first two. (Uproxx)