May 2, 2006 | Comments ()

By Seth Freilich | | May 2, 2006 |


RECITALS

WHEREFORE, in 1994 the movie Pulp Fiction, written by Quentin Tarantino (and the oft-ignored Roger Avary) and directed by Tarantino, was released. Said movie featured, among others, John Travolta (“Travolta”).

FURTHER WHEREFORE, in the decade before the release of Pulp Fiction, Travolta had appeared in only seven movies, three of which were parts of the Look Who’s Talking trilogy. In the thirteen (13) years since the release of Pulp Fiction, Travolta has appeared in almost four (4) times the number of films.

FURTHER WHEREFORE, as a result of Travolta’s career arc, many have heaped praise upon Quentin Tarantino for the “resurgence” of Travolta’s career.

FURTHER WHEREFORE, the Pajiba staff and readership do hereby wish to revoke all praise previously heaped upon Quentin Tarantino for said “resurgence.”

AGREEMENT

1. The Parties hereby agree that of the movies featuring Travolta which have come out since Pulp Fiction, the vast majority of them were a plague upon cinema and humanity. Such movies include, but are not limited to: White Man’s Burden, Broken Arrow, Phenomenon, Michael, Face/Off, The General’s Daughter, Swordfish, Domestic Disturbance, Basic, The Punisher, Ladder 49 and Be Cool. The Parties further agree Battlefield Earth is exempt from this categorization, not because it was not a plague upon cinema and humanity, because its unintentional comedy factor was through the roof (aided and abetted in part by the fact that it features the now-Academy Award winning Forest Whitaker).

2. The Parties further agree that the vast majority of movies featuring Travolta since 1994, including but not limited to those movies listed in Section 1 of this Agreement, would not have featured Travolta but for his appearance in Pulp Fiction.

3. The Parties further agree and declare that there should be a moratorium on heaping any praise upon Quentin Tarantino for allegedly reviving Travolta’s career.

4. The Parties further agree and declare that any praise previously heaped upon Quentin Tarantino between 1994 and the present for allegedly reviving Travolta’s career is hereby retroactively and permanently revoked.

5. The Parties further agree and declare that, as punishment for foisting Travolta upon the viewing public in plague-after-plague of a film, Quentin Tarantino shall hereby provide community service in the form of: (i) a two-year moritorium on any televised public appearances; (ii) a permanent ban from casting himself in any movies of his own writing and/or directing; and (iii) a permanent ban from appearing in any other film or television program, regardless of authorship or direction.

Formal Document Retracting all the Praise Tarantino Once Got for Being Hip Enough to Revive Travolta's Career

Authored by The TV Whore, Esq.

May 2, 2006 | Comments ()



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