Authored by The TV Whore, Esq.
WHEREFORE, in 1994 the movie Pulp Fiction, written by Quentin Tarantino (and the oft-ignored Roger Avary) and directed by Tarantino, was released. Said movie featured, among others, John Travolta (“Travolta”).
FURTHER WHEREFORE, in the decade before the release of Pulp Fiction, Travolta had appeared in only seven movies, three of which were parts of the Look Who’s Talking trilogy. In the thirteen (13) years since the release of Pulp Fiction, Travolta has appeared in almost four (4) times the number of films.
FURTHER WHEREFORE, as a result of Travolta’s career arc, many have heaped praise upon Quentin Tarantino for the “resurgence” of Travolta’s career.
FURTHER WHEREFORE, the Pajiba staff and readership do hereby wish to revoke all praise previously heaped upon Quentin Tarantino for said “resurgence.”
1. The Parties hereby agree that of the movies featuring Travolta which have come out since Pulp Fiction, the vast majority of them were a plague upon cinema and humanity. Such movies include, but are not limited to: White Man’s Burden, Broken Arrow, Phenomenon, Michael, Face/Off, The General’s Daughter, Swordfish, Domestic Disturbance, Basic, The Punisher, Ladder 49 and Be Cool. The Parties further agree Battlefield Earth is exempt from this categorization, not because it was not a plague upon cinema and humanity, because its unintentional comedy factor was through the roof (aided and abetted in part by the fact that it features the now-Academy Award winning Forest Whitaker).
2. The Parties further agree that the vast majority of movies featuring Travolta since 1994, including but not limited to those movies listed in Section 1 of this Agreement, would not have featured Travolta but for his appearance in Pulp Fiction.
3. The Parties further agree and declare that there should be a moratorium on heaping any praise upon Quentin Tarantino for allegedly reviving Travolta’s career.
4. The Parties further agree and declare that any praise previously heaped upon Quentin Tarantino between 1994 and the present for allegedly reviving Travolta’s career is hereby retroactively and permanently revoked.
5. The Parties further agree and declare that, as punishment for foisting Travolta upon the viewing public in plague-after-plague of a film, Quentin Tarantino shall hereby provide community service in the form of: (i) a two-year moritorium on any televised public appearances; (ii) a permanent ban from casting himself in any movies of his own writing and/or directing; and (iii) a permanent ban from appearing in any other film or television program, regardless of authorship or direction.
THX 1138 | | Lucky Number Slevin
Comments
1) Dustin Rowles. Publisher, Pajiba.com
Posted by: Dustin Rowles at March 2, 2007 2:51 PM
2) John Williams. Solicitor of this document.
Posted by: JMW at March 2, 2007 2:55 PM
3) God. Supreme Ruler of the Universe
Posted by: God at March 2, 2007 3:17 PM
Jerce. Movie lover and, ipso facto, Travolta-hater
Posted by: Jerce at March 2, 2007 3:56 PM
Sorry everybody, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Posted by: Quentin Tarantino at March 2, 2007 3:56 PM
Sean Larson. Author, Excerpts from a Coffee-Soaked Mind.
If only the movie-going public would see (and adhere) to this.
Posted by: wylderwolf at March 2, 2007 4:08 PM
Hey, Face/Off wasn't THAT bad.
and I'll remind you that I had like 30 seconds in "The thin Red Line"
Posted by: John Travolta at March 2, 2007 4:22 PM
TK, Servant of the Public, Borderline Alcoholic, and disappointed Broken Arrow fan.
Posted by: TK at March 2, 2007 4:49 PM
Sorry to nitpick your brilliant document, but in section 5: "The Parties further agree and declare that, as punishment for foisting Tarantino upon the viewing public in plague-after-plague of a film, " - that should be Travolta, yes?
Author's Note: You are correct, and it has been corrected.
Posted by: roses at March 2, 2007 5:33 PM
nancy, gladly signing. also asking for a Take Tim Allen Off The Planet document as well... #5 would work just fine.
Posted by: nancy at March 2, 2007 5:37 PM
Christ, lover of mankind and their films except for those listed in #1, and torture porn. That's just wrong, dudes.
Posted by: Jesus at March 2, 2007 5:48 PM
Graceful Dave, willing to follow ANYONE brave enough to have voluntarily seen that movie, and then have to relive the horror to his avid fans. Stay strong Johnny, stay strong.
Posted by: Graceful Dave at March 2, 2007 5:50 PM
But I liked Face/Off! Do I have to turn in my Pajiba ID card now?
Posted by: bartap at March 2, 2007 5:52 PM
Andre, poor student, happy to sign.
Posted by: Andre at March 2, 2007 6:03 PM
AlwaysConfused, slacker.
Posted by: AlwaysConfused at March 2, 2007 6:45 PM
No bartap, liking some bad movies is like masturbation. We all do it but we don't talk about it.
Posted by: jbrader at March 2, 2007 6:52 PM
ScarletKnight, international playboy of the Tony Stark persuasion, Lord of Angels, First of Many, etc., etc., etc. Loved Swordfish, but felt guilty afterwards, promise.
Posted by: ScarletKnight at March 2, 2007 6:53 PM
Travolta's been coasting on the goodwill from "Pulp Fiction" for thirteen damned years- enough! I say again, enough! Begone to a semi-crappy, every-once-in-awhile-makes-us-laugh sitcom.
Posted by: Captainfirst at March 2, 2007 6:59 PM
miss mle. devoted pajiban.
Posted by: missmle at March 2, 2007 7:05 PM
13) Gabriele. Bitch & film lover.
Posted by: mfg at March 2, 2007 7:36 PM
The films of Travolta are proof that there is no god.
Posted by: CptCrckpot at March 2, 2007 8:36 PM
Theresa, broke grad student and lackluster Pajiba commenter.
Posted by: Theresa at March 2, 2007 9:34 PM
Daphne. I have nothing witty or amusing to add, other than "It's About Damn Time and What Took So Fucking Long"?
Posted by: Daphne at March 2, 2007 9:45 PM
14) Brendan M. Speers & Brinny Langlois.
Posted by: Blargle at March 2, 2007 9:45 PM
I have nothing witty to say except that I fully support this contract and anything that would involve hurling Tim Allen into the sun.
Posted by: Mouse at March 2, 2007 10:16 PM
I see that this document conspicuously avoids mentioning Get Shorty. Should we be blaming those folks for maintaining the career resurgence?
Posted by: Louise at March 2, 2007 10:32 PM
Kathy, Scorner of Travolta, Lover of Kill Bill
Posted by: Kathy at March 2, 2007 11:14 PM
BTW, I was reading the first signatures, got to God, and laughed so hard my cat jumped at LEAST two feet into the air. God WOULD sign this, of that I am sure.
Heck, He did!
Posted by: Kathy at March 2, 2007 11:16 PM
Big Poppa: neither a Travolta nor Taratino fan
Posted by: BigPoppa at March 3, 2007 12:11 AM
Sarah, a Pajiba devotee
Posted by: Sarah at March 3, 2007 12:45 AM
Kim, a fan of movies who is sick of suffering in silence!
Posted by: kim at March 3, 2007 1:16 AM
Be Cool was the lamest movie of all time. Surely this one must be an improvement.
Posted by: Will at March 3, 2007 7:54 AM
Yo Frank, 'bout fuckin' time! And yes, please send Tim Allen into oblivion beyond saving. Please erase the fact that he even existed.
Posted by: Yocean at March 3, 2007 2:21 PM
hurtle them all into the sun. -parp!
Posted by: parp! at March 3, 2007 2:57 PM
Anonymous here, stamping a great big red X on Travolta's forehead.
(Yes, I am a paranoid chicken. I've been trying to get work with someone who knows the guy, and thinks he's 'a nice man'.)
Posted by: Anonymous at March 3, 2007 6:25 PM
Ashley MacLennan, Blocked Writer, Ne'er-do-Well, and General Bitchy Person, who loves Scathing Reviews.
Posted by: Ashley MacLennan at March 3, 2007 6:50 PM
Miranda, snarktastic avenger.
Posted by: Miranda at March 3, 2007 7:07 PM
Brian - loyal Pajiba reader, lover of Pul Fiction, hater of the that abomination of a Get Shorty sequel, saddend by what the world of film has come to.
Posted by: Brian at March 4, 2007 12:40 AM
pasadena mike ,loyal reader,LAKER HATER!
Posted by: pasadenamike at March 4, 2007 11:30 AM
Hel - hates everything nearly, but particularly both Travolta and Tarantino with fervor unrivalled and feels something involving immolation should be added to this piece.
Posted by: the hel at March 5, 2007 7:57 AM
Mara - had to sit through all three Look Who's Talking movies more than once.
Posted by: Mara at March 5, 2007 8:53 AM
The Stardust Savant - defender of all things glamorous, dark, and glittery. Devoted lover of all things snarky and snide...and Kill Bill. Enemy of those things which would suck IQ points from mankind.
Posted by: stardust savant at March 5, 2007 9:11 AM
Minty Fresh--there's a reason I still laugh whenever my mother calls him "John Revolta."
Posted by: Minty Fresh at March 5, 2007 8:02 PM
raerae...full-time snarky person. please stop tim allen now. thank you.
Posted by: raerae at March 6, 2007 2:27 PM
Colleen, mocker of all things and persons related to and/or supporting of scientology and L.Ron Hubbard.
Posted by: Colleen at March 6, 2007 7:53 PM
Craig, Limey, lover of Pulp Fiction, Get Shorty, hater of everything since*
*I'll grant the awesome Face/Off exemption because, given the additional presence of blockbuster-mode Nicolas Cage, it was obviously a gift from a higher power that we cannot possibly fathom or control.
Posted by: Craig at March 7, 2007 11:40 AM
Peter Gill, why-isn't-having-small-hands-considered-a-disability?
Posted by: Peter Gill at March 7, 2007 6:48 PM
i don't think it's necessarily a mistake to include Travolta AND Tarantino under Section 5.
Posted by: djfox at March 9, 2007 4:31 AM
Samuel L. Jackson. Costar.
I got more mothaf#@&in press for that movie anyway.
Posted by: Samuel L. Jackson at March 12, 2007 12:33 AM
Alex, prayed for a lobotomy after watching phenomenon - sadly never achieved the state of oblivion she craved.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at March 12, 2007 11:54 AM
Taliesin, who is old enough to remember Travolta in "Welcome Back Kotter"
Posted by: Taliesin Govannon at May 23, 2007 3:11 AM