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Your Morning Bile: Twilight: Breaking Dawn Honeymoon Clip

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (16)

twilight-photo.jpg

Due to my deeply misguided attendance of a Twilight Fan Fic panel at Comic Con two years ago, I have been condemned to reviewing the new Twilight film in a few weeks. This means that I feel a deep and abiding need to share with you every bit of news that comes out about this franchise. I know that most of our readers will not be viewing the film in their neighborhood cinema, and yet will look on my pained review with barely contained glee. So I must share all I can.

The below clip just got released and teases us with Bella’s and Edward’s honeymoon, just to get the audience good and frothy in advance of the release.

What still astounds me about these films is just how awkward they seem from start to finish. Dialogue, plot, characterization all aside (and yes those are big things to set aside), the actors just don’t seem to have the slightest animation or spark. These two are not objectively terrible actors, they’ve both acquitted themselves adequately if not spectacularly outside of the franchise. But in this clip, they’re about as convincing as the actors from a junior high play, and just about as comfortable with romance.









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Comments

He's moving the luggage around. So hot. Such compelling cinema.

Posted by: Andrew at October 27, 2011 11:09 AM

I really like the house they're in. In theory, I'd like to live there. In reality, I guess I'd spend most of my time running around with a bottle of Windex.

Posted by: malechai at October 27, 2011 11:15 AM

Do you want to go for a swim????

That's the point where I would know I had married a closeted gay man.

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 27, 2011 11:21 AM

“Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.”

― Stephen King

Posted by: Mr. Stitch at October 27, 2011 11:41 AM

*shudder* So awful. I don't know how people can sit thru them. I can't take more than a minute, myself. I mean, I tried. For fun. Not fun. Just lame. I think I pulled a muscle in the desperate grab for the remote.

Posted by: ChickaBoom! at October 27, 2011 11:53 AM

Every time I think about these movies I want to shower in copies of Thirst and Let The Right One In.

Posted by: googergieger at October 27, 2011 12:56 PM

This clip should go up against the W/E trailer in an eye roll inducement competition.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 27, 2011 1:53 PM

Mr. Stitch, is that a real quote? Tell me it's a real quote!

Posted by: cinekat at October 27, 2011 2:18 PM

It is a real (awesome) quote, though apparently it came from Andrew Futral, a blogger, and somehow got attributed to Stephen King. Probably because SK is not such a fan of Twilight himself. He did say this:
“Both Rowling and Meyer, they’re speaking directly to young people… The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good.”
I don't care how crazy he is, the man is a juggernaut.

Posted by: BiblioGeek at October 27, 2011 3:31 PM

Good lord the "reveal" moment where she hesitates on the threshold of the bed...WE GET IT THEY ARE GOING TO FUCK.

Honestly only in an incredibly sexually repressed society like America could this gather any interest at all. Europe hates this series, right? Please let it be true.

-Frob

Posted by: frobme at October 27, 2011 7:18 PM

Yummy, thank you for the negativity, it makes me feel so non confirmist amongst the Pajiba Nation.
Once again, I don't give a shit. I cannot wait.

Posted by: Daria at October 27, 2011 9:56 PM

I swear I'm not a weirdo, but it's very early and I read the title as "Your Morning Bile: Twilight: Breaking Hymen Dawn Clip" - it certainly gave me another perspective on the book.

Posted by: Ender at October 28, 2011 4:36 AM

Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity being the magical chosen one for no good reason, adults negligent to the point of criminality, breaking the rules and getting away with it because you're special, Twilight is about how important totally awesome it is to have an abusive stalker boyfriend.”

[FTFStephen King/the other guy]

Posted by: Ender at October 28, 2011 4:41 AM

Stewart sucks in everything not just in Twilight. She turned an already empty character into herself.

Posted by: hey at October 28, 2011 7:23 AM

Kristen Stewart is put through the wringer in this film. There's a vast array of feelings Bella has to tangle with. And, yes, she *does* smile, though the happy feelings don't last very long. Edward (or 'The Hair' as Jessica calls him) matches Bella in regards to the number of emotions she goes through. He has to carry all this guilt over the one he loves most, and it clearly takes a toll on him emotionally as much as the pregnancy does on Bella physically. Poor Jacob, meanwhile, isn't having any fun either. These three characters deal with so much throughout the film. Stewart, Pattinson and Lautner (with new stubble) all sell it.

Posted by: Relaxo TV at December 7, 2011 4:36 AM

This was the most ridiculous book adaptation I have ever seen. I know movies are never as good as the book. I have read the Twilight books several times and seen the other 3 movies numerous time. I liked them all. Stephenie Meyer should be ashamed of herself for allowing this to be put out.

Posted by: Beds at December 13, 2011 10:31 AM