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Who Am I Rooting for Here?

By Adam Lyon | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (20)

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Remember a little while back when Pajiba told you about 5 Killers, the Katherine Heigl / Ashton Kutcher action comedy? He’s a spy, she’s oblivious. It’s a story as old as time. And apparently someone told the execs that audiences hate to count so this new trailer is being billed as just Killers. It’s everything you’d expect.

Does it seem weird to anyone else that Heigl and the Kutch are the same age? I wouldn’t say she’s an old soul. More like an ancient alien organism who drains the life out of former television actors for nourishment. See what she did to Seth Rogen? The man is a husk.

And of course “Psycho Killer” was in the background. It just shows what happens when you sell out to Rock Band.


(Via Slashfilm)









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Comments

Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fuck this movie.

Had to.

Posted by: D-Day at May 3, 2010 6:11 PM

More boobs. To explain the existence of Heigl in anything there has to be more boobs.

And was that the Talking Heads? WHAT THE FUCK?

Posted by: DeistBrawler at May 3, 2010 6:12 PM

More like an ancient alien organism

For some reason, I read this as "ancient Italian organism". I was all, "what the fu...oh. I'm an idiot."

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at May 3, 2010 6:13 PM

I agree with the sentence (fragment), "More Boobs." I agree with that.

Posted by: superasente at May 3, 2010 6:14 PM

So Rainbow Killer is somehow trying to step into the shoes of Jamie Lee Curtis?

Ha. Ha ha. Ha. HA!

And Kelso as a contract killer? Maybe a Manchurian Candidate.

Could this come out the same weekend as the Cruise/Diaz movie that looks like it's the exact same thing? Get them both out of the way before Toy Story 3 crushes all?

Posted by: Fredo at May 3, 2010 6:16 PM

And was that Tom Selleck? Tom Selleck!

Fuck...what happened to Mr. Mustache?

Posted by: DeistBrawler at May 3, 2010 6:21 PM

Catherine O'Hara is in this.

It's a frightening day for us all.

Posted by: TSF at May 3, 2010 6:35 PM

Oh, Tom.

Posted by: d at May 3, 2010 6:39 PM

So at first, I was all like "What the fuck? Why the hell won't Hulu play for me? Fuck this shit, I'm getting some Tofu Dogs." So then I ran out and got some tofu dogs and came back and you guys had Youtube and I was all like "Oh good, he went to Youtube!" and then I actually watched the fucking trailer and I was all like "Goddammit, why the hell did I watch that?"

And that is the mystery of why my eyes won't stop bleeding.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at May 3, 2010 6:45 PM

Catherine O'Hara is in Robert Duvall territory these days. Has she played anything besides a drunk mother in the last decade?

Posted by: Dangerous Dave at May 3, 2010 6:55 PM

You know that explosive reaction you get from bad seafood, where you suddenly see stars and then it just bomb burst its way out of every orifice. Yep, I just got that from a 2 mins 9 sec clip of Heigl.

Posted by: peanut at May 3, 2010 7:11 PM

Jeremy, that was a great story. Really riveting. You should tell it to everyone you know.
Actually, for real, I quite enjoyed it. Especially the part about the tofu dogs. Because they always remind me of little penises. So now I have a mental image of you sitting by your computer trying to wipe your bloody eyes with little tofu dog penises.

Posted by: esme at May 3, 2010 7:11 PM

How soon does this come out to "Knight and Day"? Watch their trailers and try to tell the difference. You tell me that Rainbow Killer and SpiderPanties don't have the same acting coach...

Posted by: leroygrey at May 3, 2010 8:00 PM

I can't watch.

Posted by: Cindy at May 3, 2010 8:21 PM

esme: Actually, these things pretty much taste like penises...Mind you, if the penises were not washed properly and were covered in ketchup. They're like little tubes of sadness.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at May 3, 2010 8:38 PM

"Catherine O'Hara is in Robert Duvall territory these days. Has she played anything besides a drunk mother in the last decade?"

Posted by: Dangerous Dave at May 3, 2010 6:55 PM
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She played an attorney on "Speaking of Sex." This movie is available on hulu. It also stars Bill Murray as her rival attorney. I liked that movie.

Posted by: KV at May 3, 2010 10:39 PM

Sorry, I've re-read it twice, and all I keep seeing is "ancient alien orgasms" and it's creeping me out. What's Kutch doing to her to achieve this? Does his wife/grandma know what's going on?

Posted by: Xtreme at May 3, 2010 11:24 PM

Who Am I Rooting for Here?
---
Big fucking asteroid might do it.

Posted by: , at May 4, 2010 9:27 AM

I hate to say it, it doesn't look that bad (ducks). Oh how it hurts my soul to say about an Ashton Kutcher movie.

Posted by: JPG at May 4, 2010 10:26 AM

Seems surprisingly watchable.

Posted by: HappyGobo at May 5, 2010 1:02 AM