web counter
 

Where's The Human Centipede Doctor When You Need Him: "The Client List" TV Series Is Happening And I Hate You All

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (26)

client-list-lifetime-tv-show.jpg

Yes, The Client List is becoming a TV series, because the world is a cruel, fucked up place and you should just give up on your pathetic lives. All of you. Because I also believe you people are somehow to blame for this. Because You People — you worthless, disgusting, vomitous bastards — You People were the ones who called for a review of Lifetime’s The Client List. And You People got it, and I’ve never forgiven You People or Dustin for that. A piece of my soul withered up and disintegrated after that. And you celebrated it, without any thought to the potential repercussions. Well, here it is. The TV series. Featuring Jennifer Love Hewitt as the star, and with Cybill Shepherd returning as JLoHew’s mother.

Of course, because you’re a bunch of degenerate assholes who should be killed to spare the universe the trouble, you probably want to know what it’s about. According to TV Guide (yes, I know this news has been around for a while, but fuck you):

“…the series will turn Hewitt’s character into a single mom who enters the “spa” biz only after her husband abandons her. She will struggle to balance duties as a single mom in a conservative town and her career as a determined businesswoman who must hold together a group of fiery and unpredictable employees.”

Conveniently leaving out the prostitution part, somehow. But make no mistake, it’s gonna be about J-Lo-Hew the Whoremaster this time around. Huzzah. Here she is in a music video promo for the series.

I repeat. This is Jennifer Love Hewitt singing in a music video promo for Lifetime’s “The Client List” TV series.

And with that sentence, I can officially sink no lower. I fucking quit.

All of you can eat shit and die.









Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance

← "Arrested Development" Comeback Officially a Go | This Ain't No Donkey Semen: The All-Time Top 10 "Community" Clips On Hulu →









Comments

I love Jennifer Love Hewitt. I was sad when Ghost Whisperer was cancelled. This makes me happy. She wore some pretty sexy outfits in the movie, hopefully she will in the series too.

Posted by: sarah at January 31, 2012 11:16 AM

Ok. I actually watched that preview (not the actual Lifetime movie, heavens no.)

I think that little musical number would have been much more entertaining if the chorus boys looked like guys who'd actually be buying sex.

And...I thought the tagline was going to go for the edgier "Her business...is her body" but this is a Lifetime thing, so I shouldn't be surprised they went with a tagline we've heard a million times before.

Posted by: Sara Tonin at January 31, 2012 11:16 AM

Haha, TK, we know that Justin Rowles has pieces 3 and 7 of your soul in little jars on his mantel. The rest are with Homeland Sekurrity.

Posted by: Alabaster Salamander at January 31, 2012 11:27 AM

Somehow, I don't think we're going to see her beaten, raped and buried in a shallow grave in the premier.

Posted by: , at January 31, 2012 11:28 AM

PWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!

Posted by: admin at January 31, 2012 11:36 AM

Aww, don't be sad, TK, JLoHew will kind touch her way into your soul and make it all better!

Posted by: noodlestein at January 31, 2012 11:45 AM

If "The Client List" can be made into an active TV Series, then nothing is considered out-of-bounds.

Just imagine NBC's new fall schedule;

Sharktopus

The Activia Movement starring Jamie Lee Curtis

Naked Came the Stranger

Captain Carrot and the Zoo Crew

Everybody Poops

The Rotor Rooter Chronicles

Dianetics

L.A. Candy

ShamWow

and of course

Twilight.

Run for the hills.

Posted by: bleujayone at January 31, 2012 11:45 AM

*chants* RE-CAP, RE-CAP, RE-CAP!

Posted by: twop_fan at January 31, 2012 12:00 PM

If the guys in that video were Hewitt's employees, I would probably check that show out.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at January 31, 2012 12:11 PM

The "spa" business? Is that what we're calling it these days?

Posted by: MM at January 31, 2012 12:11 PM

What the...."Spa business"??? What a shitty cover. Hewitt doesn't look Asian at all.

Posted by: ComfortableMadness at January 31, 2012 12:39 PM

Dang. Based on the top pic, I thought the series was about Hewitt in prison (after the bust)--you know, chicks-in-prison with shiv-wielding lesbians menacing our heroine, etc.

Posted by: True_Blue at January 31, 2012 12:47 PM

Check your attitude, this is Awesome! A ridiculous prostitution series? I've been asking for this since I lost my Showtime access to Diary of a Callgirl. The shouldn't have made her a single mom though, that guilty wife bit was what completely made that silly movie for me. All that pouting and sudden coke addiction!. At the very least we should all appreciate that this keeps JLove away from any previously mentioned Law & Order SVU take overs. Now THAT was ridiculous.

Posted by: valerie at January 31, 2012 12:53 PM

What do you mean? She's always had a bust. They are It is pretty much her brest best feature, too.

Oh, wait.

Nevermind.


Posted by: BierceAmbrose at January 31, 2012 12:54 PM

It's odd to me that someone with such obvious endowments is so awkward when she's trying to be sexy. Or maybe it's just the bad singing, the complete lack of dancing ability, and general pointlessness of the whole endeavor?

Posted by: Captain Tuttle at January 31, 2012 1:00 PM

I'm just glad she finally got people to stop judging her based on her appearance.

Posted by: kushiro at January 31, 2012 1:43 PM

True_Blue: The show you described was supposed to be called The Farm, it was supposed to star Leisha Hailey and run on Showtime. They even shot a pilot, but after six seasons of the meandering L Word Showtime finally came to its senses and told Ilene Chaiken that she would be better producing a reality show than paying people to write scripted material.

Posted by: Jerry at January 31, 2012 1:58 PM

True, if the show actually featured those near-naked chorus boys on a regular basis I'd probably Tivo it for the beefcake.

Posted by: Drake at January 31, 2012 4:51 PM

So, TK's going to be reviewing this every week, right?

Posted by: Craig at January 31, 2012 5:06 PM

Ha!
What an awesomely horrible thing!
I can't WAIT to see what The Fug Girls do with this!

Posted by: Gemm at January 31, 2012 7:42 PM

"Because I also believe you people are somehow to blame for this... Well, here it is. The TV series.

So, TK. Will your recaps for this show be done in real time or...?

Posted by: greer at January 31, 2012 8:04 PM

Something tells me there will be no happy endings here.

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 31, 2012 9:54 PM

Over the weekend there must have been a marathon of awesomely bad 90's Lifetime movies on, because I managed to catch the end of Mother, May I Sleep with Danger with Tori Spelling, and the beginning of No One Would Tell with Candice Cameron and Fred Savage. Sometimes I LOVE lifetime. In the same way I love SyFy when they show Sharktopus or Mega Piranha. I can't watch this video here at work but I can't wait to see it when I get home tonight.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at February 1, 2012 8:14 AM

What's the problem TK? Is your cellar full already? Surely there's room for one more...

Posted by: cinekat at February 1, 2012 8:31 AM

"Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?" has incredible potential for a Lifetime series. Tori Spelling could fall in love with a different psycho every week, and her mom could come rescue her. We could call it "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger Again?" or "That One Chick From High School It Was Exhausting To Be Friends With."

Posted by: Craig at February 1, 2012 10:02 AM

Don't care what any of you say, I LOVE Jlove and can't wait to see the show.

Posted by: kurt at March 26, 2012 3:26 PM