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What To Expect When You're Expecting Trailer: Born Annoying

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (21)

expecting.jpg

Some day, Hollywood will learn that these massive ensemble cast movies are never any fucking good. Actually, that’s not true — Hollywood already knows — they just don’t give a shit.

Here’s the trailer for What To Expect When You’re Expecting, based very loosely on the book of the same name. The book is meant to be an aid to pregnant mothers (and fathers, I suppose), though it’s received a bit of criticism for being dependent on scare tactics and misdirection. I haven’t read it, and my wife, who is currently preggo, refuses to read it and is far more interested in pregnancy books that are more scientific in nature.

But they made a movie out of it, and it stars everyone: Anna Kendrick, Elizabeth Banks, Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Lopez, Brooklyn Decker, Chace Crawford, Dennis Quaid, Rodrigo Santoro, Matthew Morrison, Chris Rock, and Megan Mullally. It’s the New Year’s Eve of pregnancy movies, meaning it’s got a huge cast and it looks like a leaky bucket of donkey shit, and if there’s any justice in the universe, it’ll flop like a rotten fish dropped from an airplane. It’s directed by Kirk Jones (Nanny McPhee, Waking Ned Devine) and written by Shauna Cross (Whip It), two people with some talent, but it appears that they’re gonna strike out hard on this one. It’s a goddamn pregnancy abomination that plays on every sad, pathetic, shitty womens’ magazine stereotype about pregnancy that there ever was. I don’t know if these couples exist in real life, and if they do, they should never, ever breed.

Here’s the trailer. They’ll show it to expecting couples in Hell:

Also: Anna Kendrick and Elizabeth Banks, I cannot contain my disappointment in the two of you. I mean, seriously.









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Comments

Maybe Kendrick and Banks wanted to buy a boat.

Better an ensemble piece where the blame can be spread around than a big movie solely on your shoulders.

Posted by: kilmo at December 12, 2011 11:37 AM

I read this whole article and came away with only one meaningful thought:

What kind of a world do we live in, if the phrase "...leaky bucket of donkey shit..." was only recently coined. Man should have been insulting things in this manner since the dawn of the paleolithic era.

Posted by: lubeg at December 12, 2011 11:44 AM

Is Brooklyn Decker an actress now?

Posted by: maka at December 12, 2011 11:54 AM

Holy crap on a stick, Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez and Dennis Quaid and Chris Rock in the same movie?

Does every god from every religion hate me?

Posted by: OldSchool60 at December 12, 2011 11:57 AM

...TK, on a personal note, please do not read any books on pregnancy or parenting.

Been there, done that. No good will come of it. Only confusion and even more anxiety.


Posted by: OldSchool60 at December 12, 2011 12:03 PM

Anybody else wanna punch Mr. Shue in the face. I'm glad he still hasn't gotten any from Ms. Pilsbury. Wrong show/universe, my bad. His face is just sooooo smug.

Posted by: kilmo at December 12, 2011 12:06 PM

TK, I agree with OldSchool60. Just don't do it. They will make you craaaaazy...er than you already are. Yep. Also WTF with this movie? Why do we need this? It's awful. Awful awful awful.

Posted by: JenVegas at December 12, 2011 12:10 PM

Wait, is that a shirtless Alcide?

I'm there.

Posted by: Natalie at December 12, 2011 12:29 PM

TK, while I agree with OldSchool and Jen, my boy toy really enjoyed "Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads by Gary Greenberg and Jeannie Hayden ". It has chapters like "saying goodby to the breast", “why your partner may not be functioning properly”, "removing a foreign object from the vcr", and his personal favorite "rigging emergency diapers". You will never look at sox the same way again...

Posted by: karen at December 12, 2011 12:36 PM

I don't want to kill the makers of this movie so much as the Prime Minister of Malaysia.

Posted by: Jast at December 12, 2011 12:44 PM

Naked Man Hit By Streetcar

TORONTO- A hysterical, naked man stepped in front of an oncoming streetcar in the city today. Witnesses tell police the man had been watching a movie trailer on his iPad, after which he began weeping uncontrollably and tearing his clothes off repeatedly saying, 'There is no God! There is no God!" before stepping in front of the local streetcar. Luckily it was already coming to complete stop anyway as it was letting passengers off. The driver did not see the man until he turned to start back up and noticed the pale obstruction on the tracks. Despite being bumped by the streetcar, the man was able to sit down in front of the now stopped car and sing several verses of what was reported to be the childhood song "The Wheels on the Bus", before snarling "Camera Dee Ass is the Anti-Christ!"

Before police were able to arrive on the scene, he promptly collected his belongings, gave the finger to the movie theater across the street and limped away. While the man's identity has not yet been confirmed, authorities do believe he is an expatriated American and that he may be a fan of the local baseball team despite there allegedly being a Boston Red Sox cap among the discarded articles of clothing.

Police say this is a typical day for the Bloor Village area.

Posted by: bleujayone at December 12, 2011 1:09 PM

You know, I believe this may be my fault. I wished that Rodrigo Santoro would be in more things.... ANYTHING, just so I could look at his prettiness.

SORRY ABOUT THAT, YOU GUYS.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at December 12, 2011 1:11 PM

The only pregnancy book worth reading (and I am not even sure this one counts, but I read it before my son was born, so I say it does ...) is Bill Cosby's "Fatherhood". I mean ..... it's The Cos ..... nuff said.

Posted by: handy_man at December 12, 2011 1:13 PM

Maybe Kendrick and Banks wanted to buy a boat.

I believe Elizabeth Banks is married to a super-duper rich dude (bitch!! - me so jelly), so she has NO EXCUSE for this ridiculousness.

Posted by: MM at December 12, 2011 2:38 PM

This trailer is...weird.

Posted by: Candee at December 12, 2011 3:50 PM

It's a shame, because most of my friends are now in the process of respawning, and a decent movie about tiny n00bs and what it's like to be a new parent without shitty jokes or cliches would be rather nice to have.

Posted by: twig at December 12, 2011 3:52 PM

So which one of the characters insists that every food come with pickle on it?

Posted by: , at December 12, 2011 4:05 PM

The only book my husband would read was The Caveman's Guide to Pregnancy (or some such) and he only read it when he was on the can. I read a few books by Ina May Gaskin, who is a famous midwife. We went all hilly when it came to the birthin' so they were very helpful for me.

Anyway, this looks like absolute shite & I'm embarrassed for all the actors involved in it.

Posted by: Bodhi at December 12, 2011 5:55 PM

Dear TK and Madame,
Humans been having babies a long ass time. The body largely cares for itself and a mother's body does that for two. This process is exhausting and amazing and wondrous and weird. But it hums and thrums by its own measure, pulling us along.
What to expect? Everything to be fine.

Posted by: Agogagogo at December 12, 2011 6:00 PM

hilly = hippy

And yeah, humans have been doin' it & dealing with the repercussions since the beginning. You guys will be just fine

Posted by: Bodhi at December 12, 2011 6:17 PM

The trailer was awful but I did get one laugh- when the kid running with the big stick fell over. Heh, kids falling over.

Posted by: SAS at December 13, 2011 6:43 AM