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No suh! Ya Movie is Wicked Crap

Calm Ya Livva / Dustin Rowles

Trailers | December 2, 2008 | Comments (26)

Occasionally, you’ll see a film that’s pretty good, but there’s just something off about it. Like, the director couldn’t get his first choices in the starring roles, so he reached a little and picked up a few actors who were well respected but completelyfuckingwrong for the roles. That seems to be the case here, for Brian Goodman’s writing and directing debut, the crime thriller What Doesn’t Kill You.

It doesn’t look like a particularly bad movie, it’s just that Mark Ruffalo, Ethan Hawke, and Amanda Peet(e) don’t belong in it. It’s a crime movie set in South Boston. And you know: All three of the principals would get their asses kicked if they showed up in Southie without a camera crew and some security. And Ethan Hawke’s attempt at a Southie accent goes beyond laughable bangs a U-ey and drives back toward absurd. Hell, the only person who belongs in this movie is Donnie Wahlberg, and he looks out of place up against Ruffalo and Hawke. And I don’t mean to be an asshole or anything, but I used to work in Southie. There are no pretty people in Southie. Nowhere. There are a few attractive people, mind you, but not a pretty person in sight. Amanda Peet(e) should’ve stuck her head in an ashtray for about 19 years before trying to pull off a Southie Mom.


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Comments

and Amanda Peet(e)..."


aaaaaaaaaaand there's 95% of the problem, right there.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 2, 2008 4:07 PM

I fully agree with the actor assessments. But I am a sucker for these movies (anything gangster, I'm in) and I have to admit the trailer sold me.

Posted by: staylor at December 2, 2008 4:10 PM

I motherfucking hate Ethan Hawke, and have professed for years my desire to give a shiny quarter and my undying devotion to anyone who kicks him in the crotch so hard that he chokes to death on his own flaccid cock.

That is all.

Posted by: Sarina at December 2, 2008 4:15 PM

"What doesn't kill you" what?
"What doesn't kill you" WHAT?!

Tell me! I gotta know!

"What doesn't kill you" WHAT??!?!?

Damn this movie and it's not telling me things.

Posted by: JapJay at December 2, 2008 4:19 PM

I think Peet is a terrible actress, I've gotta say. And the people in Southie aren't ugly, just poor.

Posted by: samantha t at December 2, 2008 4:20 PM

"...Amanda Peet(e)..."

HA! Thanks for that, D. Though I still say I'm cool enough for an E too.

I have this tendency to just not care about movies set in Boston. I don't know what it is. I don't have anything against Boston, or its people (except for the Massholes who drive around on my roads really badly, but then, I live in Jersey, and everybody drives badly in this state, whether they're from here or just passing through).

Also, Ethan Hawke looks... god, just awful. Used hard.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 2, 2008 4:27 PM

If I hadn't read the blurb preceding the trailer, I probably would've never second-guessed any of the cast selection. I grew up in Boston and actually knew a guy that looked like Mark Ruffalo so I think he's spot on. Even Ethan Hawke, absurd accent and all, fits my memory of loser Southie to the T. Amanada Peet(e) though? Not so much.

Posted by: alex at December 2, 2008 4:38 PM

Amanda Peet(e): only plays plays her characters as...Amanda Peet(e)...she's the female equivalent of that Shia Douche dishrag.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 2, 2008 4:50 PM

I can't stop laughing at the ridiculous photo of Ethan Hawke at the top of the post. I think we should have a captioning contest for it.

Posted by: Snath at December 2, 2008 4:59 PM

::response to the amanda peet hate::

1) she's so pretty!
2.) Something's Gotta Give
3.) I wanna believe in her

Posted by: soto at December 2, 2008 4:59 PM

Peet(e), tweet, teats, ok ok, twats.

Posted by: Pookie at December 2, 2008 5:04 PM

I first saw Amanda Peet(e) in whatever that 30 Rock ripoff was, and thought she was horribly miscast as the new head of whatever. She came off acting like the newbie secretary, not the head of a TV studio. It turned me off so much, that I actually didn't watch 30 Rock because I thought it would be the same. Silly me. I caught up on 30 Rock on Netflix.

Posted by: BWeaves at December 2, 2008 5:22 PM

I motherfucking hate Ethan Hawke

Well it's all been downhill since "Mystery Date" with him, and even that character was somewhat unlikeable.

Posted by: Jay at December 2, 2008 6:43 PM

I motherfucking hate Ethan Hawke, and have professed for years my desire to give a shiny quarter and my undying devotion to anyone who kicks him in the crotch so hard that he chokes to death on his own flaccid cock.

That is all.

Posted by: Sarina at December 2, 2008 4:15 PM

Girrrl, pony up. Matter of fact, I'll do it for a nickel while wearing my husbands steel toed size 13 boots.

And I'll bet Uma Thurman would smack that bitch up for free.

Posted by: greer at December 2, 2008 7:10 PM

Um, you're not talking about Studio 60, are you BWeaves? Because that came out the same season as 30 Rock, and actually aired the month before. Plus it's Aaron Sorkin, and it's not even remotely the same kind of show.

Posted by: Snath at December 2, 2008 7:54 PM

the only good movies ethan hawke has been involved with are "before sunrise" and "before sunset".

Posted by: adam at December 2, 2008 9:41 PM

the only good movies ethan hawke has been involved with are "before sunrise" and "before sunset".

Well Adam, I never saw those movies, so this hate train's gonna keep right on a-chuggin'.

Although I will admit that I liked White Fang, but I was like 12 at the time so what the hell did I know? And also in my defence, Ethan Hawke totally played second fiddle to the wolf in that movie. That wolf was pretty.

Posted by: Sarina at December 2, 2008 9:59 PM

In the immortal words of Robert Downey Jr., the only caption for that header picture is, "Don't nevah go full retard."

Posted by: Wednesday at December 2, 2008 10:08 PM

I like Mark Ruffalo and don't particularly mind Ethan Hawke (he had me at Reality Bites. don't judge.) but that is the funniest trailer I have seen in a long time. So many clichés! So much Boston-flavored angst! I like the bleak snow scenes and the gravely voice croaking out really vague, cryptic shit like, 'Hope was just an illusion...' Yes, because that is how poor, downtrodden folks who have just gotten out of the clink talk. This would be great fodder for MST3K, no?

Posted by: K at December 3, 2008 4:16 AM

In what universe is Mark Ruffalo pretty? Does not compute.

Posted by: Raisin'Cookies at December 3, 2008 6:40 AM

What, even with the little bowtie in "Zodiac"?

Posted by: Jay at December 3, 2008 6:45 AM

Seriously, I have to say this: Ethan Hawke has looked basically the same since the early 90's. Sometimes he has facial hair but once he shaves it off he might as well be filming Gattica again. Not even Brad Pitt looks that much like the Seven (Se7en?) version of himself

Posted by: Annie_Reckson at December 3, 2008 8:29 AM

Some more Peet love - for going full frontal in The Whole Nine Yards

Posted by: Perl at December 3, 2008 8:46 AM

ooooh, I'm sorry, but being from here makes these movies (for us) a very delicate business

Boston movies need Boston actors, usually (Nicholson made up his own accent and it fit surprisingly well for Departed, but he's Jack.)

females butcher the accent almost every time. and it makes you wince...cringe even. But most actors way overdo it. its a little more nuanced.... Unless your going for a Chelsea/Somerville/Medford accent, you're probably trying too hard.

I'm willing to give these jokers a shot, though. The trailer didnt make me gag so why-the-fuck-not?

Posted by: VinKong at December 3, 2008 11:21 AM

Sarina, that was beautiful (wipes tear from eye), and I feel the exact same way about Ben Stiller!

Posted by: ph at December 3, 2008 5:07 PM

I loved Hawke in several movies like Reality Bites, Gattaca, Assault on Precinct 13, Before Sunrise and Sunset, Before the Devil Knows You're Dead... I think that he will be great in this too.

Posted by: NINA at December 10, 2008 11:00 AM