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Watch This Trailer or Jab a Pencil in Your Ear? Colin Firth, Orlando Bloom and Patricia Clarkson Will Make You Wish You Chose the Latter

By Cindy Davis | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (16)

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How can a group of actors of this calibre end up in what is likely the schlockiest trailer this year? I can’t even come up with enough bad adjectives to properly prepare you. Heck, I’ve hardly got words at all. Assembled here are Colin Firth, Orlando Bloom, Patricia Clarkson, Ellen Burstyn, Margo Martindale, Andrew McCarthy and Amber Tamblyn, yet somehow the output looks worse than any dreck Lifetime ever shat over the airwaves.

But it’s Monday, so things can hardly get worse, can they? Maybe you’ll find the awfulness amusing…



Can your eyes believe what they just saw? Are your ears bleeding? Could there be any plausible explanation for anything this craptastic? It’s like the order of the world has been turned upside down. Heck, the first IMBD commenter sounds almost intelligent and sane in his review: “I waited and waited for the plot to develop - to no avail. There seemed to be no point to this film; no in depth character development and more disappointedly, no story. Colin Firth, undoubtedly a superb actor where quintessential English characterisation (sic) is required, is appalling when cast as an American. His accent is shocking and comparable only to Dick Van Dyke’s cockney accent in Mary Poppins! An absolute waste of time.”

But just in case you’re feeling suicidal, Main Street will premiere On Demand August 5, 2011 and be released in theaters September 9th.









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Comments

What.
The.
Fuck.
Is this a spoof? A satire? Some kind of inside joke? Why in the name of all that is holy would you cast fantastic UK actors in a bad southern accent drama?
Also, I didn't think it possible to have Orlando Bloom so horribly styled as to completely kill the perennial lady boner, but MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at July 25, 2011 7:39 PM

Sweet Zombie Jesus, no. NO.

Colin Firth doesn't do ANY accent. He uses his normal speaking voice and you will NEVER let him do any other.

And Orlando Bloom sans hair and accent is just a cheap Brit version of Josh Hartnett. Yeah, we don't miss him either.

Posted by: Lexie at July 25, 2011 8:35 PM

Just looking at that incredibly strange (in its amateurishness) poster, I vote: Pencil.

Posted by: MM at July 25, 2011 8:48 PM

I love movies. Really I do. But I will never understand the casting of inappropriately accented actors. If the character is southern, cast a southerner. If the character is British, cast a Briton. When I'm watching someone who's been inappropriately cast, all I can think is A-A-A-A-C-C-C-C-E-E-E-E-N-N-N-T.

This is why True Blood gives me seizures.

Posted by: idgiepug at July 25, 2011 8:50 PM

I don't get it. What is the movie about?

Posted by: Inaho at July 25, 2011 8:58 PM

Sheeeeeeee-it.

Posted by: John at July 25, 2011 9:00 PM

Right, Lwae? If I hadn't already outgrown my teenage Orlando Bloom crush, that mustache DEFINITELY would have done it. Gross.

Colin Firth shouldn't do southern accents. Ever.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 25, 2011 9:09 PM

Orlando Bloom's "mustache" in the header photo is enough to keep me well away. Heeeell no.

Posted by: Figgy at July 25, 2011 9:13 PM

This just goes to show: Colin Firth is NOT as good of an actor as people consider him to be. I've only ever seen him play a variation of his stammering self.

Posted by: Thijs at July 26, 2011 1:54 AM

I know these words are commenly not apreciated, but just for this once:

Epic Fail?

Posted by: Magiel at July 26, 2011 3:47 AM

That's too many shitty fake southern accents in one place for me.

Posted by: Protoguy at July 26, 2011 5:11 AM

That's a Lonely Island skit gone horribly wrong.

Posted by: kirbyjay at July 26, 2011 8:16 AM

It's like Hallmark and Lifetime decided to gangbang a lesser-known American Lit novel because Catcher in the Rye was unavailable for some reason.

Posted by: duckandcover at July 26, 2011 8:18 AM

So, this movie is about a bunch of trucks that drive to a warehouse? It's like Ice Road Truckers only without the ice? Or are they trucking ice to the south and storing it in the warehouse? Since the trucks are pure white, with no logos are markings, I'm guessing they're trucking polar bears with their eyes closed? Or crack?

I live in the South. What were those accents?

Posted by: BWeaves at July 26, 2011 9:02 AM

Listen, I love Colin Firth but you all should have known since Bridget Jones and Love, Actually that he's willing to participate in the worst kind of shit when the pay check is right.

Posted by: PaddyDog at July 26, 2011 10:12 AM

I watched this trailer yesterday. Seriously, wtf? How?? Why?? Cast Colin Firth as an American from the South?!?!

Being a Texan I can tell you there are some really splendid accents (East Texas especially, probably because we are so close to Louisiana and Arkansas) and by splendid, I mean they can be quite awesome or quite atrocious. I kind of like the extremes and... well, they are fun to make fun of. So the goofiest fake Southern accent maybe should be hilariously bad. Most actors tend to overdo it quite a bit (True Blood... Tara especially).

I guess Matthew McConaughey was busy.

Posted by: MRod at July 26, 2011 3:50 PM