TK is otherwise preoccupied this morning, or else he’d be covering this trailer. So, in his stead, I think I’ll just write what I think TK would write:
Dear Harmony Korine: Fuck your mother, You sick fucking freak, what the hell is wrong with you? You’re an idiot. A goddamn stain on the sun. A waste of carbon. You call this a trailer? This isn’t a trailer. This is annoying white-trash freak porn. Go blow a goat, you fucking dink. Don’t bring your bullshit around here; I will crush your windpipe with Bea Arthur’s dick (R.I.P.), you retarded monkey.
Listen: This movie doesn’t deserve distribution (it’s opening at TIFF). It doesn’t deserve to be seen. The only reason I’m posting it here is because I hate you all. You don’t like it? Tough shit. I didn’t like it, either. But if my brain is going to bleed, then I’m going to throttle the gag reflex on your morbid curiosity until you punch the play button so your brain will bleed, too. Misery loves company, motherfuckers. And I need some fucking company.
By "otherwise occupied", do you mean you sent poor TK to watch that horrible centipede movie? You know he's going to be severely traumatized and require extra years of shock therapy, don't you? I hope you've got good insurance. Speaking of which, can I sue you? Because every now and again a flash of one of those pictures enters my mind and my whole body shudders and I think I'm severely traumatized and need shock therapy. Or at least sushi and beer.
Posted by: Cindy at September 11, 2009 10:03 AM
What is this?
Posted by: bibliophile at September 11, 2009 10:03 AM
Godammit! Now I have to kill again.
Posted by: admin at September 11, 2009 10:13 AM
What the fuck was that?
At least Human Centipede has a plot and actual actors, and wasn't filmed by a chimp.
Posted by: BWeaves at September 11, 2009 10:17 AM
There is something amputated in there. Either no hands or too many hands, no brain....hm. Sorry, I guess I started describing Mr. Ex-Gemeinderat again.
Posted by: The Gemeinderat at September 11, 2009 10:30 AM
There is no rhyme or reason for Harmony Korine's continued existence.
I AM THE LAW!
- So sayeth Judge Spenn
Posted by: JenVegas at September 11, 2009 10:36 AM
______________________
(,'s brain flatlines)
Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at September 11, 2009 10:36 AM
I'd Rather Hump Trash is actually going to be the title of the documentary I've been writing for the last few years, following the life and times of one Pamela Anderson. It starts with her early life in the family run trailer park, detailing how she would trade sexual favours like hand-jobs for cigarettes and cheap rye. A whole chapter will be dedicated to how she was discovered by Labatts by a cameraman at a BC Lions football game, which launched her modeling career. The next chapter is about the irony of her modeling career mimicking her early life: now, she would trade blow jobs for coke. From there she would go on to dating a B-list of rock stars and loser the likes of which only Courtney Love would be envious of, now trading hand jobs, blow jobs and anal for any bit of attention the media would give. The final chapters will explore her fall from popularity, flopped movie and television careers, as well as her regression back to a trailer park whore (admittedly, the 'hottest' 40-something-year-old-with-ridiculous-fake-tits in the trailer park), who was found dead riddled with drugs and strangled by her estranged lover and father of one of her 6 children.
Authors Note: although the events in the last chapter haven't 'technically' happened yet, my dealer assures me that be my books release date we've got about a 95% chance of this coming true. And in the event that something goes sideways, I've already purchased black gloves, an axe and a white Bronco.
Fuck the fuck was that? Wikipedia says this is supposed to be a "handheld video of a loser-gang cult-freak collective who do antisocial things in a non-narrative way, except for the song-and-dance numbers." From the sound of that, I should really want to see this, buuuuut no. Thanks for the disappointment, Harmony Korine! You goofy-ass named motherfucker.
Posted by: The Wandering Parakeet at September 11, 2009 10:44 AM
that video is one of the most insanely idiotic things we have ever seen. At no point in its rambling, incoherent-ness was it even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having watched it. I award it no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Posted by: gunnertec at September 11, 2009 10:55 AM
Yup, that's art.
Crappy, obnoxious art.
Posted by: Sunsneezer at September 11, 2009 11:00 AM
I'm caught in a dilemma. Who loses more pajiba-cred? gunnertec for quoting Billy Maddison, or me for recognizing it.
Sorry 'jabins, I'll never apologize for loving it. O'DOYLE RULES!!!
Posted by: Commander Strikeher at September 11, 2009 11:05 AM
Is this what thoughts look like of someone cradled in a the fetal position, rocking back and forth?
DR knows who he is. He's a dude writing as the dude disguised as another dude in a sweater vest.
Posted by: branded at September 11, 2009 11:14 AM
Harmony Korine is number one on my list of people that I would like to turn into a zombie so I can then take my nail-bat(I call it "The Lobotomizer") to his occipital lobe.
Posted by: Pinky McLadybits (aka Dangle McGee) at September 11, 2009 11:40 AM
Is it possible that this has less of a plot than yesterday's Chloe Sevigny number? Huh. I did not expect that.
I thought it looked like an Aphex Twin video, as directed by Spike Jonze.
Posted by: krebz85 at September 11, 2009 3:09 PM
dumb
Posted by: coryo at September 11, 2009 4:24 PM
Kudos on excellent use of the word "dink" by the TK stand in.
Posted by: Henry at September 11, 2009 4:46 PM
Wait...so that was done by the same guy who did this?
Posted by: Deistbrawler at September 11, 2009 6:56 PM
They're running a double feature of this and that Lying movie in hell... and the audience is full of hipsters drinking their PBR and talking about how "deep" the movies are.
Posted by: MelBivDevoe at September 11, 2009 7:16 PM
Sooo, I'm volunteering at TIFF... I guess this why they were offering us 4 for 1 ticket deals.
Posted by: kilmo at September 11, 2009 7:23 PM
Just from your reactions; this is fucking great.
Posted by: Brian at September 11, 2009 7:34 PM
The one thing art school taught me was that all graduation ceremonies ought to feature two ninjas with excellent endurance to high kick in the face every person carrying a rolled up sheet of paper out of the commencement hall.
In Canada, they give lavish grants to assholes like this waste of space.
that sucked! bring back the centipede!