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Is That You Bay, Or Just A Brilliant Disguise

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (24)



transformers3-300x200.jpg

Ah, the Transformers franchise. A brainless, but relatively entertaining first film that suffered from Shia Leboof, who may well be one of the worst over-actors in Hollywood, and some goofy-assed writing. But there was some fun to be had in it. Not so much the second, Revenge Of The Fallen, which was inexcusably and unrelentingly atrocious. Literally every second of dialogue was absolutely brutal. Dustin eviscerated it in his review, and honestly? As a sci-fi nerd who unapologetically loves a lot of really shitty movies, I didn’t think he was harsh enough. Revenge Of The Fallen was the closest I’ve come to seeing a literal shit show on screen.

Now, we’ve got Transformers: Dark Of The Moon, with a new teaser trailer and poster. The poster sucks, so let’s get it out of the way first:

poster-xlarge3.jpg

The trailer is… surprisingly effective.

Not great, but I didn’t find myself constantly rolling my eyes, likely because there was no Shia or robot peeing jokes. Honestly, it’s the awful attempts at humor that’s killing this franchise. I can almost live with cheesy plots, but the comic relief writers need to be thrown into a rusty threshing machine. The painful ethnic stereotyping needs to go too — I wanted to set him on fire after watching the wretched Stepin Fetchit/Shuck and Jive twins from Revenge Of The Fallen.

Now, I’ve heard some good things about the third entry — the boys at Collider were privy to a set visit and came away pretty damn impressed. Now, it’s a paid set visit, and they’re scarce with the details, so take that for what it’s worth. But Bay is trying to at least say the right things:

“We tried to learn from the second movie. On the second movie we got burned. We had a writers strike, we had to agree on a story in three weeks, and then we knew they were going on strike. It was a fucked scenario all the way around, it wasn’t fair to the writer, it wasn’t fair to me, it wasn’t fair to anybody. It was still an entertaining movie, but I think we failed on certain aspects. What we did with this movie is I think we have a much better script, and we got back to basics. I think there’s some really cool action on this movie, there’s some very cool conspiracy, there’s great robot stuff in this that people were missing in the second one, you’ve got great robot conflict. So I’m excited about this movie. It’s more serious. I got rid of the dorky comedy, I mean we’ve got two little characters, that’s it, but the dorkiness is not there. Dork-free Transformers. It’s much more serious. It’s still entertaining, it’s big looking.”

The “dorky comedy” news is promising. The trailer is decent. Bay has made some fun movies in the past. Should we be hopeful?

No, not really. But it’s worth arguing about in the comments, so get to it, you reprobates.

(source: Collider)










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Comments

That movie I'd watch. The movie in the trailer, I mean.

It was a fine idea at the time...

Posted by: Jay at December 9, 2010 9:10 AM

If it looks bearable, it's because most of appears to be from another movie about the moon landings. As opposed to some some crappy giant robot CGI-fest.

Incidentally, does Bay have an excuse for the appalling scripts in his other movies?

Posted by: Simon at December 9, 2010 9:13 AM

It's all smoke and mirrors. You watch a trailer like that which has a modicum of intelligence, you listen to Bay's dulcet siren song as you feel yourself drifting off into an enjoyable sci-fi experience. You're relaxed. Calm. Happy. Then BAM! Baynised right in the crusty balloon knot!

Posted by: admin at December 9, 2010 9:24 AM

Isn't this man taunted around here for a decided lack of dork?

As for Shia Dasboot, he doesn't bother me much. He's a funny guy in interviews, and yeah he runs like a girl when greasy fat men wielding cameras start closing in, and okay his hair is pretty annoying, and yes, I'll give you the fact that his acting isn't great, and I guess you could say he's kind of douchey . . .

Goddamnit.

Posted by: Kballs at December 9, 2010 9:25 AM

I was totally into this until a reality check hit me. So we stumble upon this amazing find and yet we seem to just leave it there and don't consistently go back to the moon after that? We find this, and I assume it just leaves us alone until a later date as well? I've only seen 2:29 of the movie and not even that really and my brain already hurts.

Posted by: Matt at December 9, 2010 9:27 AM

crusty balloon knot!

I find myself somewhat ashamed that I have not before encountered this particular metaphor, yet find joyously deviant glee in its precision.

Posted by: Rykker at December 9, 2010 9:36 AM

Amazing Bruce Springsteen reference! Thanks TK, you beautiful son of.

Posted by: Caspar at December 9, 2010 9:36 AM

I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell trumpet!

Posted by: superasente at December 9, 2010 9:42 AM

For the first 2 minutes of this trailer I thought this looked more like the plot proposed for that "found footage" Apollo 18.

The sad fact is that movie probably won't look anywhere as neat as this trailer. And probably won't have the budget of the trailer either.

Posted by: bleujayone at December 9, 2010 9:44 AM

No offense TK, but this looks fucking retarded. Using the moon landing for a Transformer's movie? Really?

Posted by: Zeff at December 9, 2010 9:48 AM

I'm never going to think of that scene with Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin trying to distract grandma in Apollo 13 the same way ever again.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at December 9, 2010 9:50 AM

For what it's worth, seeing that this movie is produced by Steven Spielberg (what ISN'T he producing these days??!!) made me somewhat hopeful that he reigned in Bay's stupid and atrocious and unentertainig. But I'll wait for the reviews to come in first. I refuse to be suckered into seeing this with a somewhat intriguing trailer and SP's name. Although the dramatic way they introduced SP's name was all "yes, we know the f-cktard director screwed you over sideways last time but LOOK!!!! STEPHEN SPIELBERG!! AN ACTUAL DIRECTOR!!!!"

Posted by: smijca at December 9, 2010 10:04 AM

"He's got me, Houston!....He wants cash!"

Posted by: Jay at December 9, 2010 10:05 AM

Jay?! Jay?

We've got you on our instruments! We've got you... on a tuba!

... they're not going for it, Jay. They're all obviously bastards.

Posted by: twig at December 9, 2010 10:44 AM

I think that giant robot structure and robot inside, might have been Unicron.

anyone want to back me up?

Posted by: LordNinja at December 9, 2010 11:27 AM

Uh, mostly because you guys and gals are to likely to suffer from extreme paranoia, does anyone else get the feeling that Dealer automotive shops are intentionally making small things go wrong.

The return visits with cars all less than 5 years old has been insane the past few months, and when I've gone years with older cars at the same dealers with fewer problems.

Now problems are coming out the works. It's pissing me off and I just needed to let it out.

I shared that with my friend this morning, and she says it's the Obama stickers. Evangelicals!

you don'think she's right, do you?

Posted by: Jackseppelin at December 9, 2010 11:46 AM

What the fuck?!

Posted by: Kballs at December 9, 2010 11:55 AM

Are less likely to suffer from extreme paranoia implying that I want to check that I'm not.

Sorry about the confusion. I've had my coffee now.

Posted by: Jackseppelin at December 9, 2010 12:01 PM

The confusion, Mr. Jackseppelin, if that is your real name, is what your comment has to do with this post. But maybe that's the point?

@LordNinja: I think you may be right. And Spielberg and Lucas are good friends, and Lucas has been buying up rights to dead actors' likenesses, and if that extends to voice over work, then I think we know what he's planning on doing with Orson Welles. I called it first: Orson Welles will be reprising his role as Unicron in Transformers: Dark of the Moon.

As for the trailer itself, it was pretty neat, but I kind of wish it was the trailer for the first movie, which would have then been set in the 1970s. Because, yeah, unless they have a really good explanation for why the thing on the moon went undisturbed for 40 years, it's pretty lame. I mean, sure, in the real world we haven't gone back too often, but in the real we didn't discover Transformers(R) when we went there.

Posted by: RobP at December 9, 2010 12:53 PM

I am fan for exciting to look forward with Transformers: Bark At The Moon.

Posted by: Lucas at December 9, 2010 2:36 PM

Awww, lookie.
Adventureman had a wee little lad.
Loopy-linguistics aren't quite full-on, yet, but he's just a youngling, so still learnin', probably.

Posted by: Rykker at December 9, 2010 2:55 PM

Fuck Michael Bay. Fuck him in the ass with an immersion blender (one of the giant ones they use in restaurant kitchens). Fuck Transformers, and all movies made from stupid fucking cartoon shows. (Remember Speed Racer? Scooby fucking Doo?) Fuck people who think that shooting entire movies in front of a green screen is a good idea (except for Sin City...the exception that proves the rule. BTW, I'm talking to you George Lucas....you bastard) Fuck you...Fuck you all.

Posted by: Mark M at December 9, 2010 5:28 PM

At first I thought it read:

Transformers: Dark side of The Moon

and I was like Michael Bay has some balls, though Pink Floyd should sue his ass and put a stop to this nonsense.

The I read it correctly and it lost whatever cool points it had for a movie with a : followed by some more words in its title.

Posted by: Some Guy at December 9, 2010 6:13 PM

IIRC the previews for RoTF made it look good when the movie itself was an abortion.

Bay + 3D = I'll be waiting till this hits HBO.

Posted by: the EPA at December 9, 2010 6:22 PM