By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (36)
Oh, what the hell.
Fuck all of you.
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Posted by: Paul Southworth at June 17, 2010 11:05 AM
I think that may be my brain leaking out of my ear.
Are you telling me that the smurfs movie is taking place in New York and not in smurf land? Oh dear lord.
Posted by: tamatha at June 17, 2010 11:09 AM
AUGH! MY BRAIN!
Posted by: PaleoLithchick at June 17, 2010 11:09 AM
The eyes. The horror of those eyes. NPH could sing, dance and caper around naked and this movie would still be considered a brutal form of torture.
Posted by: Mrcreosote at June 17, 2010 11:10 AM
"Video cannot be found"
Mercifully.
Posted by: , at June 17, 2010 11:13 AM
See? not everything NPH touches is gold.
I will NEVER forgive him for this, and I never thought he was all that like most of you guys did.
and ha! I can't even play this for some reason. I'll stop trying to make it work.
Posted by: figgy at June 17, 2010 11:21 AM
Everything. Is wrong.
Posted by: Nora Rocket at June 17, 2010 11:33 AM
If my kid asks to see this, I'll punch her right in the goddamned face. And this time it will hurt her WAY more than it will hurt me.*
*Kballs does not condone violence against children . . . unless they won't stop screaming . . . or they constantly speak to you in a condescending tone . . . or they hide in the clothes racks at JC Penney and give you a fucking heart attack because you can't find them for 20 minutes . . . or they steal from and/or pull a weapon on you . . . or they eat the last cinnamon crumb muffin . . .
Posted by: Kballs at June 17, 2010 11:34 AM
Fuck all of *us*?!
How 'bout fuck YOU, TK?! You're the one who put this here! In fact, I blame you for it happening at all! I don't know the whys and the wherefores of it, but I'm certain it's your fault.
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at June 17, 2010 11:38 AM
KBalls, however... KBalls I heart.
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at June 17, 2010 11:41 AM
I think it will be full of surprising revelations just like the trailer, e.g. Who else thought that Roosevelt was the Smurf on Mount Rushmore?
The Smurfs do look to be a convenient size for stomping.
Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 17, 2010 11:49 AM
NPH can tease my panther any time.
Posted by: Mrs. Skipper at June 17, 2010 11:49 AM
Why? Seriously? Unless it's so McDonald's can sell more cadmium laced glasses. I can totally understand that.
Posted by: Mr. Yuck at June 17, 2010 11:55 AM
The Smurfs is being directed by the same idiot savant that brought us:
Beverly Hills Chihuahua
Yours, Mine and Ours
Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed
Scooby-Doo
Big Momma's House
Never Been Kissed
Home Alone 3
And those are ALL of Raja Gosnell's directing credits.
The fuck were you expecting?!
Posted by: branded at June 17, 2010 12:04 PM
At trying times like these, I look to failed Broadway musicals for advice. Today's a Carrie kind of day:
Go to the cellar and pray, Hollywood, pray to Heaven for your wicked souls!
Posted by: Robert at June 17, 2010 12:19 PM
Was Gargamel trying to eat the smurfs or turn them into gold? Either way, how does he know it's worth doing?
I'd like to see a Smurf prequel where the grizzly history of Gargamel is explored and the origins of the hunt begin. We'll get to see the awful fate of poor, poor Tasty Smurf. Or Alchemical Component Smurf. Whichever.
Posted by: superasente at June 17, 2010 12:33 PM
Uh, Never Been Kissed is ADORABLE, branded. Pssh.
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at June 17, 2010 12:34 PM
wow, so I have to wait until next summer to totally ignore this stupid movie? I can't wait that long, I think I'll start ignoring it....now.
Posted by: lil_a at June 17, 2010 12:37 PM
If it's half as good as Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakqual, I'm going to blue my smurf all over the person sitting in front of me. Maybe a little on the person behind me too.
Posted by: admin at June 17, 2010 12:38 PM
I'll only go see this if Gargamel is still a horrifyingly racist Jewish caricature.
Posted by: Paul Southworth at June 17, 2010 12:53 PM
I think I will just kill myself now and save me the trouble of dying slowly as this bastard plays out.Or maybe Murder Suicide as I take out the people responsible and then myself. Yeah...Murder suicide.
Posted by: Guinness Leary at June 17, 2010 1:23 PM
Keep in mind...that was just the teaser!
Maybe Poppa Smurf's hands get tired, and he slips of the cab-ad and flies back into someone else's windshield. Ever seen what a smoosh of Smurf can do to a windshield on a hot Manhattan day? Good luck not running out of washer fluid getting that one off of there.
Posted by: PissBoy at June 17, 2010 1:27 PM
One positive this movie brings...
I can finally go to a theater now and ask women and children if they want to touch my smurf until I smurf on their faces.
Posted by: PissBoy at June 17, 2010 1:30 PM
I fucking hate everything in the world after watching that. Everything. Tone-Loc? Are you fucking kidding me? I've got better looking computer animation on my fucking cell phone. This is getting put in theaters right? ...
...
Like I said, I fucking hate everything after seeing that.
...
Still beats Gummo though.
Posted by: Skitz at June 17, 2010 1:40 PM
...on a positive note, Tone Loc is still getting mad royalties from "Wild Thang". Bless his heart.
Posted by: RestInPeace at June 17, 2010 1:41 PM
WHEN WILL PEOPLE STOP USING "WILD THING" IN MOVIE TRAILERS?!?! HOW SMURFING LONG HAS IT BEEN, SONY?! HOW LOOOOOONNNNNGGGG?!?!?!?!
*Imagine Ian McShane saying that, and it has a lot more weight*
Posted by: ChristianH at June 17, 2010 2:25 PM
This looks about as good as Avatar 2 will inevitably be, so why don't we just merge them and only have one shitty movie about blue people?
Or better yet, don't make either! Avatar 1 was enough shitty blue people for one lifetime.
Fuck.
Posted by: A-schaef at June 17, 2010 3:56 PM
1. WHERE THE FUCK IS NEIL PATRICK HARRIS?
I clicked on this post because I thought, "Oh! I do need my daily dose of NPH. May as well get it here!" And then he was nowhere in sight! What is the point of posting something so utterly inane without showcasing its ONE REDEEMING QUALITY?
2. SmurfHappens.com? Really? Really? I am a lover of bad puns, but this isn't bad. Nor is it clever. Nor does it work.
Posted by: esme at June 17, 2010 4:29 PM
No, Fuck You! All I held dear (G.I. Joe, Transformers, The Dukes of Hazard, Star Wars, etc.), everything I cherished as a child, those have been absolutely destroyed by Hollywood. Its time something I could give two shits about suffered the same fate. Good for you Smurfs!
And Hank Azaria, you EARN that Razzie, Gargamel.
Posted by: EJ at June 17, 2010 4:56 PM
"In 3-D"
Of Course.
Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at June 17, 2010 5:56 PM
"Smurf Happens" Because of course it does.
I can't do this again, people. I lived through the 80's. I watched the Smurfs. The word 'smurf' was used as a noun, verb, adjective and I think it was even a dance.
You know this god forsaken movie is going to make kajillions of dollars. And there will be smurf dolls, night lights, t-shirts, candy bars, baby bibs, golf cozies, hats, kids meals, cereals, Wii games, party masks, pajamas, backpacks,pencils, sex toys, mouse pads, phone apps and porn spoofs. I can't, people. I just can't.
Posted by: greer at June 17, 2010 6:23 PM
Smurf the smurfing mothersmurfers.
Part of my childhood just died.
Posted by: kellyo at June 17, 2010 7:06 PM
I am in hell.
Help me.
Posted by: stryker1121 at June 17, 2010 7:13 PM
You think you have it bad?
Over here thy're called "Schlümpfe".
Try putting that in your breakfast cereal and smoking it.
Posted by: cinekat at June 18, 2010 3:08 AM
Well its been good posting with all you fine folks, but it appears that the religious folks are right and the Apocalypse is here. I plan on finding a deep dark hole, stocking it with provisions and waiting this thing out. If any of you survive the horror I will try and get in touch. Remember the human race can survive.
Posted by: clancys_daddy at June 18, 2010 8:12 PM
cinekine,
We sell smurf figurines at the store I work at. (I remember my mom used to have some when I was a kid. You know, skiing smurf, and sewing smurf, and whatever hobby you're into.)
Anyway, when I get bored, sometimes I like to go through the Smurfs and attempt to pronounce their names in German and French.
It makes me giggle.
Which this movie will not do. (Also, NPH comes into the Starbucks I work at. I kinda want to go up to him and scream, "WHY?!!!!" the next time I see him.)
Posted by: Rowen at June 19, 2010 11:28 PM
Smurf this Smurfing Smurf right in the Smurfhole.