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Milla, Kicking Your Ass in 3-D

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (37)

RETease.jpg

God, this looks dumb. Perhaps not as dumb as Resident Evil: Extinction, and certainly not as dumb as the second entry, Resident Evil: Apocalypse (which — seriously — was one of the stupidest movies ever inflicted upon an unfortunate populace). I don’t know why they persist in the Title-Colon-Ominous Word trend, but it’s getting a little silly. There was no extinction in Extinction, no apocalypse in Apocalypse, and there does not appear to be anything to do with the afterlife in Afterlife.

These movies are retarded — except, as I know some of you agree — for the first one, which was actually a sharply rendered, clever and wildly entertaining bit of B-class sci-fi horror. But the latter two are just so idiotic, it’s painful to watch. They’re made all the worse by the pointless addition of the Alice-as-superhero plot. Seriously, it was cool that she was a super badass ex-government agent. There was no need for force fields and all the other stupid shit that they came up with.

Of course, this one’s in 3-D, which is always something of a tricky subject. I will say this though — at least it’s filmed using proper 3-D tech (which the certainly make a big enough fuss about in the trailer), instead of the craperiffic, piss-poor post-completion 3-D slapping on that Clash of the Titans received. I’m hoping this serves as a lesson to studios — either make a movie in 3-D, or accept that it won’t be. Don’t make the decision after the fact, because it’ll look like shit. And we’ll hate you even more.

You know what the worst thing is? Actually, I take that back — the two worst things: 1) I’m 100% certain I’m going to see this, regardless of how crappy it ends up being, and 2) based on the new trailer? It doesn’t look that bad — meaning at least it doesn’t look as bad as the last two. It’s a little bit more of a return to the look and feel of the first (decent) one. Which makes sense, since it’s being directed by the fellow who was responsible for the first entry.

Which means that, in a sick, fucked up, roundabout way, that means I’m actually interested in a movie directed by Paul W.S. Anderson. I feel… unclean.

Anyway, what do you folks think? Good? Bad? Shitty-yet-entertaining?

Oh, who gives a crap what you think.









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Comments

Um if all the world is zombies who is doing Alice's hair?

Posted by: JenVegas at April 5, 2010 5:37 PM

Alice's hair remains self-styled because she has superpowers. Duh.

(I unabashedly love Milla Jovovovovovovovich no matter how many terrible movies she makes.)

Posted by: mightygodking at April 5, 2010 5:46 PM

No, it is I who does not care what you think. I'll be there opening night ready to be filled by its glorious cheese.


Aaaaaand that sounded a LOT fucking weirder than I meant it to.

Posted by: the_wakeful at April 5, 2010 5:47 PM

apocalypse and extinction were pretty stupid, but this one looks like it may have the uroburos or whatever from RE5 so maybe it'll be decent. i personally think it would be good if they just started over and made movies based off of the actual games

Posted by: matty at April 5, 2010 5:50 PM

I will take wet, tight clothed ass-kicking Milla Jovovich and Ali Larter any day of the week and twice on Tuesdays.

I liked the second Resident Evil, but primarily because I found Sienna Guillory distractingly attractive in it.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at April 5, 2010 5:54 PM

I am one of the people who actually liked the first movie. It was visually cool and was genuinely entertaining and enjoyable. I never saw the third movie because I so disliked the second one.

This trailer DOES look kinda neat; some of the images there caught my fancy. But Ali Larter is just the worst and I was already rolling my eyes that they contrived a way to have not just one, but both ladies soaking wet, so... meh. Maybe I'll catch it on TV.

Posted by: St. Saturn at April 5, 2010 6:22 PM

I'm a sucker for a Resident Evil movie. I'll be there. GAWD I'm easy.

I actually kind of liked the third one, for at least a couple of reasons: zombie crows, and Oded Fehr. Now, granted, that sexy bitch Oded was in the second one, but even he couldn't save it from being meeehhhhhhSTUPIDmehhhhh.

Posted by: MM at April 5, 2010 6:52 PM

TK, even I am going to go see this the weekend it comes out to theaters just because I enjoy me some zombie killing.

Posted by: bignick at April 5, 2010 7:01 PM

*hurt voice*

But... but... TK, I thought you cared what we think. I thought you... cared about us. You told us you loved us!!

*dissolves into tears*

Posted by: Jelinas at April 5, 2010 7:14 PM

When the best, and apparently only, way you promote your movie in a trailer is to tout the 3D technology and namedrop another director, then I think your opus may have some issues. Yikes.

I "watched" all the other movies and didn't hate them the way I hated Twilight: New Moon. (Yes, I watched it. And alone. Leave me be.) But this seemed kind of "meh", but also kind of "meh (in a curious tone)?".

Posted by: JapJay at April 5, 2010 7:15 PM

Watching this trailer is like playing Bingo with the 'homages' to other movies. I got Blade, Matrix and Lord of the Rings.

Posted by: ScienceGeek at April 5, 2010 7:15 PM

Yeah, I'll definitely see it. I don't go into an action horror flick with high expectations, and they sometimes pleasantly surprise me, like the really effective scene where she finds the ditch full of dead Alice clones in the third movie.

Posted by: Craig at April 5, 2010 7:17 PM

A friend of mine sent me an audio clip once, one that was so pointless and stupid and that made me laugh so much that it became my 'nudge' sound on Windows Live Messenger.

The noise was a friend of the friend, possibly drunk, recorded, badly, on a mobile phone. He may have had a welsh accent and in the clip he screams 'YA'FUCKIN'RETAARDED'
Which tickled my funny bone in a way I cant explain.

Now, retard is not a nice word to use and of course has negative connotations when applied to something negative; to state that something bad is retarded is to imply that being retarded, as in, of limited physical or mental ability, is bad.
Which it's not, at least...not in the way the word is used (obviously bad in the sense of difficult and trying is inferred)
So I wont say that this film looks retarded or that I dont understand how in a world full of dead people, some one still existed to make that dudes clothes, shades, and sleek, all white lab.

I wont ask who is doing Milla's hair and how she still looks 21 and what kind of made-from-babies potion she's drinking to still look that way.
I wont even ask who they're making this for since didn't NOBODY go and see the last few?

I wont do any of those things.

Instead I'll play my audio clip on a loop, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and there and over and over is and over and over and over no over and over and over no and over and over nadine and over and over and over only and over and zuul over and over and over and over and over

Posted by: Nadine at April 5, 2010 7:31 PM

@ScienceGeek: don't forget Mission: Impossible (sunglasses).

For all the reproduction of other movies' signature shots, color me interested. As long as I have the opportunity to get suuuper fucked up beforehand.

Posted by: HappyGobo at April 5, 2010 7:36 PM

Yeah, the last two were pretty bad, but I watched them anyway.

Eh, whatever, I'd rather watch people get attacked by zombies than what Hollywood presumes to call a "romantic comedy."

I may not pay to see this, at least not at the expensive movies. I'll wait for it to hit the $1.50 theaters.

Posted by: Slash at April 5, 2010 8:06 PM

...heh...zuul...

Posted by: superasente at April 5, 2010 8:07 PM

Also, I have kind of a girl crush on Milla. I don't want to have sex with her, I would just like to hang out. If she needed help cleaning out her garage or making cookies for her kid's school or something, I'd be glad to pitch in.

That's weird, but whatever. Again.

Posted by: Slash at April 5, 2010 8:07 PM

Uhg. I end up seeing all of these movies, mostly to honor the first one, but the series HAS gotten ridiculous. To be fair, the game series followed a similar trend. The world of Resident Evil is just plum full of bullshit. Whatever though, 3D? Milla Jovovich? I'll be there (drunk).

Posted by: danny at April 5, 2010 8:25 PM

Yes the last two movies sucked, and yet whenever one of these is on I have to stop and watch. Why? two words Milla Jovovich. Excuse me I need some alone time with this trailer.

Posted by: clancys_daddy at April 5, 2010 9:05 PM

Two things struck me about this trailer.

Is the opening shot of Hollywood in ruins a metaphor for the current state of creativity (or lack thereof) coming out of that cesspit?

And, near the end, I thought I was suddenly transfered to a Matrix movie.

However, if I can sneak the bux out of the account, and the time away...

Posted by: UncleJR at April 5, 2010 9:17 PM

That. looks. Awesommmmmmme.

plus i just took my pre-bourdain bowl ripski and am feeeeling good.

bourdain is top 3 show to watch while smoking contraband. planet earth/life being number 1. now there is half of your next seriously random list.

Posted by: marcusarilius at April 5, 2010 9:26 PM

I'll see this one specifically because they had the Wesker throwing sunglasses animation in the trailer. They could only do better if they have him slick back his hair in the middle of the fight.

I hated the second and third movie. Alice is a complete Mary Sue, the Bella of the zombie world, totally unlikable and completely perfect despite being a genetic freak of science. They killed off characters left and right in the last film and I laughed when they gave her an army of SUPAH KLOUNS.

This movie's story will be as stupid as the other two. There weren't even any zombies in the trailer. I know for a fact that I am going to hate this, references to the games be damned. I'll see it anyway.

:I

Posted by: Schlegel at April 5, 2010 10:15 PM

I am going to watch the fuck out of this. I ADORED the first one, but damn near cried during the second and third because they shit-canned the whole thing that made it work, the everything-isn't-as-it-seems storyline, and lost every ounce of suspense. So I'll watch this one, and pray that it's better.

If it's not, I'll just blame TK.

Posted by: Smokin at April 5, 2010 11:35 PM

This movie is no.
Pure no.

Posted by: Shaun at April 5, 2010 11:37 PM

I love her sososososososososososo MUCH. I dunno why. I despised her at first, with her 'I'm twenty and I only read plato' phase when she was in Dazed and Confused all that long ago (I am ancient)...but then I realized that it's pretty much her, Weaver and I suppose Carrie-Anne Moss who really hold my attention when they are doing their thing...something ultra-femme/f*ck-being-femme about how they do that makes it so very much better then everyone else. I'd add Jolie, but she can't quite let go of being terriblygoodlooking. So, in conclusion, I love Leeloo and will go see this.

Posted by: replica at April 6, 2010 3:17 AM

Superasente...yeah hehe

Posted by: nadine at April 6, 2010 4:20 AM

I have a huge crush on Milla, so she could do something completely fucktarded, which she has, and still watch it just to fantasize about her beating the crap out of or making out with me. Either or. I'm game.

Posted by: dorkydragon at April 6, 2010 5:04 AM

I don't quite see why this trailer inspires any hope that this will be better than the last two. It looks a lot like the sort of mindless action seen in the Aeon Flux movie, or (though I haven't seen it yet) Ultraviolet.

It was nothing but fight scenes and single engine aircraft.

Matrixy Bullet-Time, 3D Tech demos and juggernaut cage matches does not a movie make.

What was it TK that gave you the feeling of improvement over the previous films?

Of course, it's (M for) Milla, so I'm going to be there with rubber pants on.

Posted by: DarthBrooks at April 6, 2010 7:40 AM

They're still making these?

Posted by: Steph at April 6, 2010 8:53 AM

I thought Pajiba, as a whole, liked the Resident Evil series. I know I love it, but I will admit to only loving the third one because Ashanti effectively killed her acting career by appearing in horrible fashion in a limited role in the film.

I like Alice as a superhero. It's not like the films were ever even close to faithful to the infinitely better video game series, anyway. Why not go whole hog and make it a badass sci-fi/horror/action franchise? Especially if it's going to be in 3-D. Milla Jovovich coming right into my lap in the theater...

Posted by: Robert at April 6, 2010 12:30 PM

Hmmm, APC. The trailer wins just for the choice in music.

Posted by: FabMax at April 6, 2010 12:33 PM

Resident Evil: Degeneration was pretty much the only entry that was watchable and yet no one seems to have seen it. perhaps its not "canon" because it was animated?

Posted by: idleprimate at April 6, 2010 1:10 PM

Looks kinda shittyriffic.
Good thing I already have my own Milla Jovovich movie running in my head. And it's verrrry good.

Posted by: Odnon at April 7, 2010 1:19 AM

I'm definitely going to see it, it will be the first movie that I break my "avoid movies in 3D to avoid migraines" rule. The section with the swords looks curiously like Ultraviolet, another MJ movie with no plot whatsoever. I love her.

Posted by: harlequin at April 25, 2010 3:27 PM

Wow What the F*(! what does this have to do with any of the Resident Evils. This wont be fun to watch, because this b@tch has somehow turned into Neo from the Matrix

Posted by: Pissed Of Resident Evil Game Fan at May 1, 2010 11:44 AM

After reading this and some comments I have discovered I am the only person who liked the second installment. I thought the third was mostly crap, but I love Ali Larter and Milla Jovovich so I'll take it. This movie looks like it may be the best besides the first one and I will definitely go see it in the theater. Probably not in 3D though, I still haven't jumped on that bandwagon.

Posted by: Randal at August 19, 2010 2:57 AM

Having seen all from the films inside the sequence, I can actually say this one was the worst. It lacked the intensity along with the motion on the others by a huge margin. The 3D results weren't anything to write residence about and in my opinion did absolutely nothing to enhance the visual appeal (or lack thereof) of this film.The beginning scenes in which the Tokyo HQ of your Umbrella Corporation was taken down by a bunch of Alice clones was over way too quick. Sadly, this was the finest action of this entire factor and lasted five whopping minutes. Of course, the damaging guy received away. The component about "the unique Alice" becoming turned Human again didn't honestly appear to get any effect on her besides previously appropriate afterward it occurred.From that position til the finish it had been just a handful of Matrix-style 3D slow-motion scenes that would have been completely much more outstanding at full speed. (How quite a few times are you able to watch the bullets just missing the terrible guy, even in 3D, before it gets tiresome? You get to reply that in this one!) The motion was sluggish. The story-line was gradual. The pace was sluggish. Worst of all, it had been blatantly predictable.To say that it was formulaic can be anticipated, but adding that it had been essentially dull was unexpected. The worst of it all was that there was no sense of resolution - which I suppose was in keeping while using shortage of every thing else that the earlier motion pictures acquired. No undesirable guys had been harmed inside the creating of this film. The significant harmful guy will get absent and the cliffhanger was so over-the-top and unrealistic (as if realism indicates something to these people, but, essentially, an assault of a hundred armored ospreys on two mins discover having a full tactical report? PLEASE!) you begin to not proper care.Possibly they have been relying on the 3D impact to flip what are now passe visuals into some thing unique. Didn't occur. Maybe they anticipated the audience to get in to the story line a whole lot more and care in regards to the characters. Didn't transpire. Possibly they had been relying around the franchise fan base to turn out to pull off a big hit and slacked on the tale as well as the relaxation. That appears likely.I noticed it. I will not be seeing it once more. It probably won't go into my "must have" DVD list. Following all, I blew enough on the film to buy it when it comes out and wish I experienced my cash back again.If you are a die-hard enthusiast, you may well like it. Otherwise, I think you'll be disappointed.

Posted by: Edwina Argenbright at September 26, 2010 12:06 AM