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Tooth Fairy Trailer | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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"You Can't Handle the Tooth"

Tooth Fairy: Winner of the Worst Marketing Pun of 2009 / Dustin Rowles

Trailers | October 2, 2009 | Comments (22)

A few weeks ago, we introduced the movie poster for Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s upcoming flick, The Tooth Fairy, and what had us scratching our head the most was why the Tooth Fairy was wearing ice skates.

The trailer below answers that question. But you’re going to wish it hadn’t.

The Rock, you see, is the “meanest man in hockey.” He’s a killer of dreams (probably of people, too — dude could pop your head like a grape in one of his biceps). However, after he commits a bad deed, he is sentenced to serve a week as a real-life tooth fairy.

Jiminy Fucking Christmas. Ashley Judd plays the love interest; Billy Crystal completely loses his dignity; and Julie Andrews plays the best looking 75-year-old woman you will ever see. That woman apparently doesn’t have a wrinkle on her entire face, and yet, there’s no sign of bad plastic surgery. Ridiculous.

Also ridiculous: This fucking movie.



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Comments

meh. it's no A Simple Wish.

Posted by: gp at October 2, 2009 9:42 AM

Stephen Merchant? NO!!!!! I'd rather bed Ann Coulter than see you in this dreck! Your agent must be as good as the one you played on Extras. You are such a wally.

Posted by: TSF at October 2, 2009 9:45 AM

Kirstie Alley was in a film like this, called Toothless? Tooth...something? Probably also had a horrible pun.

I dunno, I never found the Tooth Fairy all that interesting an idea, probably because they were so cheap and only left 20p under my pillow. In pennies. While arguing about who was going to put it there. Thanks parents. Sorry, Tooth Fairy.

Posted by: Carrie at October 2, 2009 9:49 AM

Hollywood Executives throwing darts at a board:

Actor? The Rock
is? The Tooth Fairy
And is also? A hockey player

Whoo, dodged a bullet there, they almost hit "deranged anal rapist."

Posted by: Kurdt at October 2, 2009 9:53 AM

or...Human Centipede: First Stage

"In the rectum, no one can hear you scream"

Posted by: laredo at October 2, 2009 9:57 AM

Couldn't he have just been a pro-wrestler?

I mean, if he HAD to be some kind of athlete, wouldn't it make more sense to cast a former pro-wrestler as a wrestler? Just not following the ice-hockey thing, other than the weak toothless-ic-hockey-player angle.

Was the Rock ever a hockey player? Will this movie bring more fans to the sport? Will this movie bring more fans to the Tooth Fairy? Is there any chance of a Tinker Bell tie-in? Would that lead to some crazy Peter Pan vs. The Rock spin off?

I would totally pay to see that.

Posted by: malikvlc at October 2, 2009 10:07 AM

Can you chew what the Rock is cooking?!

Posted by: laredo at October 2, 2009 10:16 AM

Hijinks with a dog and a cat! Nut shots! A dainty outfit on a big guy! A $25mil opening (probably)!

Curiously absent is "From the director who brought you The Santa Clause 2 & 3."

Posted by: branded at October 2, 2009 10:27 AM

Whoa! What a damned minute! There is no way in hellll a hockey player should have anything to do with the tooth fairy, unless it involved begging for a couple of new front ones. Or cross checking the little bitch into the corner. I mean really, what the fuck can you buy for a quarter these days? Nothing, that's what. She was asking for it.

Posted by: Xtreme at October 2, 2009 10:29 AM

"Billy Crystal completely loses his dignity..."

Uh... You could've taken that sentence from fifteen years ago.

Posted by: Skitz at October 2, 2009 11:39 AM

When was the last time a movie that was actually good was released in January? I mean, really, what did you expect?
Having said that, there needs to be a G or PG movie playing so the kiddies have something to watch wile the adults watch their flicks, and I think Mr. The Rock is crazy like a Fox. He knows he can't really act,and for now he has 'the pretty' going for him, so he builds a fan base in the younguns' that will tide him over later on.
Genius.
I have to admit, I did laugh like 4 times during that trailer.
Cat Away. Hee!

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 2, 2009 12:02 PM

"You can't handle the tooth"

OK. I giggled. A lot. I don't know whether it's the Rock's smile that just makes me weak all over or that I just love a really painfully stupid pun, but that cracked me up.

Posted by: figgy at October 2, 2009 1:28 PM

I laughed alot. Will definitely netflix this though. Something about Dwayne's smile. I love it!

Posted by: Me at October 2, 2009 2:56 PM

Dat ball hit dat guy in dah nutz. Hurr hurr. **rolling my eyes, brain rolling in its grave**

Posted by: JayJap at October 2, 2009 3:06 PM

The Rock. In tights. Count me in.
Also, I SO want to be Julie Andrews when I hit that age. Except I already have more wrinkles than she does. I demand to know where she finds the virgins whose blood she's drinking.

Posted by: Cuca at October 2, 2009 9:53 PM

Kindergarten. Its about the only place you can find virgins anymore.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at October 2, 2009 10:19 PM

*writes down*

kindergarten, you say?

Posted by: gp at October 2, 2009 11:55 PM

**laughs jovially**

oh GP...

Posted by: chayes at October 3, 2009 5:43 PM

what? oh yes, what i said about the.. just a little joke me and deist.. um, haha, *laughs nervously...runs away*

Posted by: gp at October 3, 2009 6:52 PM

Well, no one can accuse Dwayne Johnson of taking himself too seriously.

Posted by: Viking at October 3, 2009 10:30 PM

Really interesting, how the human centipede manages to make its way even into THIS movie's comments. I never thought it possible, but here it is again... aren't we all very disturbed??

Oh, and Cuca already remarked on the fact that The Rock+tights=yay, so I'm in, too.

Posted by: Padame at October 4, 2009 6:57 AM

I was just wondering the other day what had happened to Ashley Judd. Now I know, and I really wish I didn't.

Posted by: redhead at October 5, 2009 1:03 AM





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