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This Week In Hilariously Crappy Trailers: Which Of These Is The Least Embarrassing?

By TK | Trailers | September 10, 2012 | Comments ()


blergh2.JPG

I'll admit it: I love movie trailers. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't have the opportunity to see every movie that comes out, but I literally watch every single trailer. I find them fascinating, and the bad ones? The bad ones are sometimes the best. So here are three horror/action movie trailers that came out this week:

First, we have Hollow, yet another bland looking found footage Blair Witch ripoff. It smacks of rip-off so much that it should just preemptively start paying out settlement money. But wait! This takes place in England, so it's totally different. Blergh:

Next is The Barrens, which stars the dude from "True Blood" that isn't Alexander Skarrasragraarad. Or whatever. Anyway, it's about the Jersey Devil, which is another mysterious bugaboo that Americans invented because 300 years ago no one knew what swamp gas was. This one is about a British dude who might be seeing an evil whatchamafrig... or might be going crazy. Since he's inexplicably vacationing in The Jerz, it's probably the latter. It also stars Mia Kirshner, and I kinda want to hug her and tell her everything will be alright. The trailer makes little sense and appears to have been filmed by someone trapped in an eternal apoplectic seizure.

And finally, we come to Death Race: Inferno, the second sequel to the 2008 shitshow of a remake. Actually, the 2008 film was mildly -- if stupidly -- entertaining. There are three reasons for that: Jason Statham, Joan Allen, and Ian McShane.

Guess what three people are not in this sequel? Yeah. That pretty much tells you what you want to know. It's directed by the guy who did The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption. In related news, there's a movie called The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption, which is both hilarious and sad at the same time.

I want to be excited about it since it takes place in South Africa, but my loyalty to my homeland only goes so far. Not even Danny Trejo and Ving Rhames can save this. The trailer is the cinematic equivalent of a pool of drowned idiots.





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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Ruthie O

    Seriously? A TREE is the bad guy in Hollows? Someone, somewhere was like, "Ya know what gets too much love from society? Trees! Fuck 'em! Fuck Ferngully! I'm gonna show the world how evil trees can really be!"

  • Also had no idea that TK was a local boytjie. Don't worry, we're keeping the beer cold and the biltong fresh while you're gone.

  • Wait you're a Saffer TK.... go Bokke!!!

  • Amazing dating club for people over 50
    Please google"eldermeet"
    Have a good time!!!

  • Amazing dating club for people over 50
    Please google"eldermeet"
    Have a good time!

  • dahlia6

    My God, I would love to have the kind of boobtape that girl in the last video is sporting. Zero-gravity insanity inspired super boobs.

  • Rocabarra

    Regarding the Death Race trailer: did you see the truck!? They flipped the bitch!

  • This is going to be the THIRD Death Race movie. Seriously, how many movies can you make about cars and a race that's supposed to kill you. Isn't the point of that being NO sequels?

  • Carlito

    This is exactly why "Maim Race" didn't make it past working title status.

  • BWeaves

    I didn't play any of the trailers. I'm still staring at the still of Danny Trejo NOT looking at that most awesome cleavage. I'm a woman and I'm mesmerized.

  • Natallica

    He's way too awesome for boobs. Maybe if they spontaneously combust he MAY take a side eye look to them

  • TK

    Swapped the header pic, just for you.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    I bet they are made out of plastic.

    I also bet that Hollow is about worship of Crom Cruach.

  • Groundloop

    According to the New Oxford American Dictionary:

    "Plastic
    2 (of substances or materials) easily shaped or molded"

    That works.

  • Agreed. The cleavage should get top billing with Trejo and Raimes.

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