They're All Going to Burn: "True Blood" Teaser
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They're All Going to Burn: "True Blood" Teaser

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trailers | April 2, 2013 | Comments ()


Another year has passed so it must be time for the "True Blood" trailers to start, looking far more compelling and interesting than any of the seasons actually end up being. There's tense music, dramatic statements taken out of context, and a lot of blood and a lot of abs, sometimes at the same time. Let's just sum it up by saying that Alcide rips his shirt off for no reason (he didn't get that certificate in Taylor Lautner werewolf acting for nothing), Eric wears a funny geeky outfit, and Bill's gone full on Lady Bathory.

Here's the trailer:

The thing is that although "True Blood" has completely jumped the rails, one criticism that I wouldn't level at it is a lack of stuff happening. It's all shitballs retarded, but at least something happens, which has been a problem of a decent proportion of the dark genre shows over the last decade as they get up there in seasons. It's particularly ironic with "True Blood" since the show is based on a series of books (that it ceased having the slightest thing to do with quite some time ago) in which nothing happens in the least by later volumes. Sookie does so much laundry and runs so many plot irrelevant errands in the books that she could have been written by Robert Jordan.

I'd still rather just watch a Pam and Lafayette spin off, but HBO doesn't return my phone calls, so that project is still up in the air.

Season six of "True Blood" arrives on June 16th.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • e jerry powell

    Alcide can keep taking his shirt off until he gets it right, says I.

  • Hawkeye Fierce

    Was that Rutger Hauer?

    Oh please please please please.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    Totally agree Charlaine Harris was totally mailing it in, in the last few books. They could've done so much with this and while I hate to dis Alan Ball... it has jumped the shark... or the werewolf... maenad, werepanther, devil-baby, fairy-stripper ... it has jumped all of those things.

  • Nat Kittyface

    Years ago, when I was still keeping up with the book series, I remember reading on Harris' website that she had only plotted out about 10 books. I'm guessing the publishers were like WE WILL THROW MONEY AT YOU. PLEASE? and, well, few people would turn that shit down.

    So I am totally willing to bet that she's been sitting there for years like "....I got nothin'. We're done. ...I guess she can do another load of laundry."

  • e jerry powell


    I mean, he couldn't do any worse, right?

  • dizzylucy

    I was reading the books for a while, back when the show was still kind of entertaining, but I finished one of the later ones and thought...nothing happened in that whole book. How does that happen?

    I'm on board for a Pam and Lafayette spin off.

  • $27019454

    Laundry, hair brushing, angsting about how another girl/woman is thinner than she, wardrobe choices, feeling sorry for herself, feeling resentful of well everything, not taking responsibility for anything that goes wrong, vague, resentful religious references, hair brushing, shopping and sullenly defending her walmart shopping habits (no one ever criticizes her appearance so where this comes from is anyone guess), tanning, laundry, dishes, hairbrushing again....And this is just in the forst three books, which is where I stopped because dayum girl, you are unlikeable and boring.

    I have NO idea why I sat thru last season. Never again. No way. I mean...right? No? Right? Ugh. I hate me.

  • Dragonchild

    We drank too much and somehow you got the idea that your TV needed a "screensaver". You don't remember, but don't feel bad. I'm trying to forget how I wound up on "True Blood".

  • $27019454

    I kiiiinda remember. But I think the problem was that I had a standing date to watch it with a bunch of friends all of whom are about 15 years younger than I (what can I say, they have a DVR) and they started serving a different funked-up cocktail each week. That one week with the beer-tomato-juice mix was the worst/best. It was basically an instant coma and then Christopher Meloni was like...goop. Never again. No more of that nonsense for me this year.


  • e jerry powell

    Apparently your young friends are not cultured enough to realize that tomato juice is only for Bloody Marys.

  • Dragonchild

    Same place next week?

  • $27019454

    You bring the tomato juice! I got the beers!

  • e jerry powell


  • John G.

    What would a Pam and Lafayette spin-off look like? She's a two hundred year old lesbian vampire, He's a gay psychic chef. They see the world completely differently, but this fall, watch as these wacky characters try and run a brothel in Louisiana?

  • e jerry powell

    Maybe just a greasy spoon. Brothels are sooo passe, plus which all the human trafficking aspects of modern brothels would be a difficult sell.

  • duckandcover

    It's more like Game of Thrones premiered, so we should be expecting the void in that time slot to be filled with either True Blood or Curb Your Enthusiasm reruns until next year.

    Sookie does so much laundry and runs so many plot irrelevant errands in the books that she could have been written by Robert Jordan.


  • Green_Eggs_and_Hamster

    Not to speak ill of the dead, but It would only be RJ writting if in addition to the laundry and errands, Sookie or some other female character got spanked every 2 to 3 chapters.

  • e jerry powell

    I dunno. I wouldn't object to the spanking bits, but I wouldn't want it limited to the women.

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