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They Did An All "You People" Version of Hello, Dolly That Was Very Successful

By Brian Prisco | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (5)



michelle-rodriguez-citizen-jane.jpg

As people were clamoring to see Michelle Rodriguez punch Alamo Drafthouse wunderkind Tim League in the cojones repeatedly and violently at Fantastic Fest as part of their annual Debates, they were accosted with teaser posters for a film due out on the 70th anniversary of Citizen Kane’s release called Citizen Jane. It starred Miss Rodriguez as Charlotte Foster Jane, and was purported to be an action-movie remake of Citizen Kane where she plays an assassin hunting down the people who murdered her parents. Tagline: She’d Do Anything To Get Her Rosebud.

The teaser trailer that’s been tooling around is actually just one of the Drafthouse promos that run before their festivals — which are usually pretty ecclectically terrific. It features Rodriguez screaming and firing a machine gun in a lake of fire that appears to have come directly from Spy Kids. It’s tied in with a voiceover clip of her doing the tagline.

Fortunately, Encyclopedia /Film already did all the sleuthing for us. While there doesn’t seem to be any IMDb pages for Citizen Jane (there is a film but it’s sure as shit not this one), there is one for a film called Blacktino, which is due out in 2011. Written and directed by one of the visual effects guys for Robert Rodriguez, and starring a bunch of his crew including Danny Trejo (because, of course he is), Jeff Fahey, and my new pal Daryl Sabara. Rodriguez supposedly just joined the cast of that.

While I’m not entirely against an action-movie remake of Citizen Kane — I’ll take anything that goes that risky, who gives a damn — it smacks a little bit of Hamlet 2 viral marketing for Blacktino. Which coincidentally is a film I can thoroughly get behind. It’s a dark comedy about an overweight half-black, half-Latino nerd who only finds social acceptance among the Austin, TX drama geeks. That’s smacking directly of some Oscar Wao business right there, and frankly, I’m in. I loved the shit out of that book, and it sounds like everything I had sincerely hoped that Hamlet 2 would have been. Plus, if they’re already marketing some kind of wild ass fake movies ala “the only good parts of Tropic Thunder,” sell me tickets now.

Citizen Jane Fantastic Fest Teaser from citizenjane on Vimeo.










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Comments

The Brief Life was awesome. Favorite part was the unfolding saga of Oscar's mom. So many wonderful notes were strung in that section.

Posted by: Mr.West at September 30, 2010 12:55 PM

"That's right bitches."

Why is this NOT a movie?

Goddamn't. It seems like all the fake teaser trailers are better than the shit that is coming out.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at September 30, 2010 1:59 PM

Schwarzie's Hamlet needed to be done.

"To be...or not to be...*explosion*...NOT to be..."

All things being said, why am I suddenly a Michelle Rodriguez fan? What's going on here? I thought we were supposed to mock her for never living up to potential, and being a DUIdiot. She could've gone full Lohan. Didn't go full Lohan. Whatever it is, I'm voting yes.

Posted by: D-Day at September 30, 2010 5:57 PM

Can that really happen every time someone has a cell phone go off in a theater? Michelle Rodriguez annihilates them? Then you have dead rude people AND bonus M Rod. That's just wins all around...bitches.

Posted by: KatSings at October 1, 2010 8:30 AM

She could've gone full Lohan. Didn't go full Lohan. Whatever it is, I'm voting yes.?

I think that is it. M-Rod did the very thing we take other celebs to task for not doing: she fucked up, and then OWNED UP TO IT. She took her punishment like a (wo)man and didn't bitch and moan about how it was someone's else's fault. And she kept working.

Of course, considering the rumors floating about her, my support may be quite prurient in nature.

Posted by: Vermillion at October 1, 2010 11:27 AM