The Whiteout Trailer

Whiteout Further Demonstrates the Death of Noir

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (17)

A couple of months back, we debuted the teaser trailer for Whiteout, a Kate Beckinsale movie based a Greg Rucka graphic novel. I liked the teaser trailer quite a bit, because it suggested that the movie was little more than a small serial killer murder mystery set in Antarctica, which is hardly the ideal climate for a serial killer (everyone knows they prefer Miami). The new trailer, however, suggests much more: A big planes-crashing explosions in the snow action pic, which may or may not involve a monster or a conspiracy theory (based on the trailer).

I shouldn’t have expected anymore from Dominic Sena (Swordfish, Gone in 60 Seconds), I suppose. But for a while, it was nice to believe that they’d set a James Ellroy type mystery in Antarctica. Not so much, although — since Kate Beckinsale would otherwise be covered in layers of clothing — Sena certainly didn’t pass up the one opportunity he’d have to feature some Beckinsale skin: In the shower.

Damn it. Would it kill somebody to set a cool noir flick in Antarctica? Hell, at this point, I’d just take a cool noir flick.

Here’s the trailer:

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Comments

You know....
I am watching this secretly hoping Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley or even Keith David will show up.

Posted by: badalamenti at July 23, 2009 11:41 AM

That's all I was thinking, too.

Posted by: annoyingmouse at July 23, 2009 11:48 AM

That's all I was thinking, too.

I'm actually hoping for The Thing.

Posted by: admin at July 23, 2009 11:52 AM

At least Wilfred would drop off some nice hot Quaker Oats to fight that Antarctic chill. Then Kate would start feeling warm and cozy. What's that Kate? That shirt's too warm all of a sudden? Ha, ha, ha. Of course I don't mind if you take it off. We're all friends here. *pops champagne*

"Close your eyes,
Make a wish,
And blow out the candle lights . . ."

Posted by: Kballs at July 23, 2009 12:14 PM

I had a dream last night that I requested that Dustin be my Facebook friend, and he was playing all coy and hard-to-get about it.

I can't help but think this is some sort of message about my extreme need for acceptance on this website and lingering high-school envy for all the cool kids.

I'd much rather be having erotic dreams of acceptance involving Kate Beckinsale.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at July 23, 2009 1:31 PM

Nothin' wrong with featuring some some Beckinsale skin. Might be the best thing about the movie.

Posted by: sosumi at July 23, 2009 1:34 PM

Remember that post you had a little while back about the most indifferent movies of all time? Swordfish falls squarely into that category, aside from Halle Barry's bodacious bare breasts and the laughable absurdity of Hugh Jackman as a 'leet haXXor, as does Gone in Sixty Seconds, about which the best you can say is that it's a movie you can watch and know that you've watched a movie.

Though without nearly enough scary/hot Angelina Jolie.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at July 23, 2009 1:55 PM

What on Earth is an US Marshall doing in Antartica?

Posted by: FabMax at July 23, 2009 2:16 PM

ibid Kurt Russell. I am hoping they try to dig an alien spaceship out of the ice.

BTW, I seem to remember from the book about the researcher who developed breast cancer while in the middle of the Antarctic winter that they all got, like, 10 seconds once a week to take a hot shower. So, enjoy yours, Kate, cause the water goes icy and your nips go pop in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ...

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 23, 2009 2:51 PM

Uh oh, a September release? Proof positive that the film is 'meh' at best.

Posted by: Ginger at July 23, 2009 3:06 PM

Brick doesn't count as a cool noir flick for you?

Posted by: Christian H. at July 23, 2009 7:27 PM

Perhaps we'd like another cool noir film, Christian. Brick is not the final word.

Posted by: racahel at July 23, 2009 8:20 PM

I'd prefer a comedy/drama based on "Big Dead Place".

Posted by: oskar667 at July 23, 2009 8:26 PM

I just imagine ol' wilfred Brimley yattering on about oatmeal and 'Diabetus' then being eaten by Kate Bckinsale's breasts.

And technically, wouldn't a mystery set in the Antarctic be a Film Blanc? Just a thought.

Posted by: Odnon at July 23, 2009 8:54 PM

That better not be a hollywood shower.

Posted by: ormond at July 23, 2009 9:55 PM

ormond,
Well played, sir. Service vet I presume?

Posted by: Kballs at July 24, 2009 8:35 AM

I just hope Kate Beckinsale can find Ozymandias's lair before the squid kills millions in New York.

Posted by: TheGreasedScotsman at July 26, 2009 1:19 AM

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Whiteout Further Demonstrates the Death of Noir

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